By Qingtian, China

My family wasn’t too well-off. When I was very young, my father worked away from home to earn money to put my younger brother and me through school. He lived frugally and didn’t rest even when he was sick. At my young and naive age, I felt my dad suffered a lot to raise us, so I resolved to be filial to my father when I grew up. Even though I was young, I helped my parents with chores as much as I could, doing laundry, cooking, and looking after my brother, and our neighbors praised me, saying, “What a sensible and hardworking young lady!” When I grew up, I kept only a little pocket money each month and gave the rest of my earnings to my parents, and I also often bought clothes, food, and other necessities for my parents. Sometimes my dad would wear the new clothes I bought him and he’d happily tell relatives and neighbors, “Look, see what my daughter bought for me!” Seeing my parents so happy made me feel joyful too.

In 2009, I found God and eventually took on a duty in the church. At that time, the place where I was doing my duty was close to home, so I could visit my parents often. By 2013, the CCP’s police force found out about my faith and came to my house to arrest me, after which I couldn’t go home. In November 2017, I learned my dad had been in a car accident and fractured his wrist. Having heard this, I just couldn’t sit still, and I wanted to go home to see my dad. I also heard that the driver who hit him refused to take responsibility, and that they’d have to go to court. I was very worried, thinking, “My brother isn’t home, and my mom has to care for my dad while handling all these things. Is she going to be able to handle it? If I were home, I could help take care of my dad, but even though such a major incident has occurred, I can’t share in their burden.” I felt a great sense of debt toward them, and I really wanted to go home and take care of my dad, but I was afraid of being arrested, so I didn’t dare to just go back without consideration. But I thought, “If I don’t visit my dad in the hospital, won’t my relatives and friends scold me for lacking humanity and conscience?” I was very troubled and all I wanted to do was go back home. So I worked overtime to finish my tasks, and on the 29th of the twelfth lunar month, I risked going home.

By the time I got home, my dad had already been discharged from the hospital, and when I saw my dad recovering well, I finally felt at ease. My dad was very happy when he saw me, but not long after, his face clouded with worry because just a few hours earlier, the police had called my dad, asking him to return to our hometown to question him about my faith. Facing the harassment of the police, our family felt very repressed and helpless. After my dad left, my mom told me that the police station had been calling home several times a year to inquire about my whereabouts, and that they often went to my grandparents’ house and harassed them. She also told me that every New Year and holiday, the police would ask if I’d come home. Hearing this from my mom made me feel really angry. I hadn’t expected the police to have been looking for me for all these years ever since I left home, and that they’d even harass my parents at New Year. But at the same time, I was afraid the police would come to arrest me at home, and in the two days I spent at home, I was on edge the entire time. I wanted to wait for my dad to come back so I could see him again, but by the third day, he still hadn’t come back. I felt very uneasy, and I thought that the longer I stayed at home, the greater the danger became, so I left quickly. When I got back to where I was doing my duty, I kept thinking about what had happened at home and I couldn’t calm down. I thought, “Other people’s children go home to see their parents during the New Year, and they bring them some nutritious products, and chat with them about family matters and have a heart-to-heart talk, but I barely get to visit home and I can’t spend much time with my parents. On top of that, the police keep harassing them because of me. I don’t even know how the police will treat my dad when he goes back.” I felt really sad. Although I was doing my duty, whenever I thought about my parents, I felt disturbed.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words, and my state improved a little. Almighty God says: “Some parents have that blessing and that destiny to be able to enjoy domestic bliss and the happiness of a large and prosperous family. This is God’s sovereignty, and a blessing God gives them. Some parents don’t have this destiny; God has not arranged this for them. They are not blessed to enjoy having a happy family, or to enjoy having their children stay by their side. This is God’s orchestration and people cannot force this. No matter what, ultimately when it comes to filial piety, people must at least have a mindset of submission. If the environment permits and you have the means to do so, then you can show your parents filial piety. If the environment does not permit and you lack the means, then do not try to force it—what is this called? (Submission.) This is called submission. How does this submission come about? What is the basis for submission? It is based on all of these things being arranged by God and ruled over by God. Though people may wish to choose, they cannot, they do not have the right to choose, and they should submit. When you feel that people should submit and that everything is orchestrated by God, don’t you feel calmer in your heart? (Yes.) Then will your conscience still feel rebuked? It will no longer feel constantly rebuked, and the idea of not having been filial to your parents will no longer dominate you. Occasionally, you may still think about it as these are some normal thoughts or instincts within humanity, and no one can avoid them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). After reading God’s words, I understood that how much blessing parents enjoy from their children in this life, and the suffering they endure for their children, are all ordained by God. Some parents have their children accompany them throughout life and enjoy family happiness, while others do not have such a life. All of these things contain God’s sovereignty and arrangements. When my father had his car accident, initially, the driver at fault refused to take responsibility, but unexpectedly, a passing journalist exposed the traffic accident. Later, my mother met a lawyer in the hospital who volunteered to help with the lawsuit, and the matter was resolved smoothly. This allowed me to realize that what parents experience in their lives, the number of blessings they enjoy and the amount of suffering they endure have already been predetermined by God. These things have nothing to do with whether children are by their parents’ side, and I should view things based on God’s words, entrust my parents into God’s hands, submit to God’s sovereignty, and fulfill my duty. This is the wise choice. I also thought about how, apart from providing some emotional comfort to my parents during this visit, there was nothing else I could do for them. Conversely, if I got arrested at home, not only would I be unable to do my duty, but it would also bring harm upon my life, and seeing me get arrested would make my parents even more distressed and sorrowful. In the future, I had to pray and seek God more when things happened, and not act based on feelings anymore.

One day in August 2023, I received a letter from my younger brother, saying that my father had developed coronary heart disease two years prior, and that he was constantly afraid that one day he might pass away suddenly without seeing me again. He also mentioned that our father had become depressed, as he’d always suspected that I had been arrested and tortured by the police, and he often dreamed about bad things happening to me. He often told the family that he missed me, crying as he said this. As I read the letter, my mind went blank. I couldn’t believe that the person described in the letter was my father. I thought, “My dad’s always been healthy. How could he suddenly have coronary heart disease and depression? Whenever my dad mentions me, he cries and keeps saying how much he misses me. Has his illness been caused by his worrying about me? Did his constant fear for me cause his depression?” My heart was breaking and tears welled up in my eyes. I thought about how my parents had painstakingly raised me, and about how hard it had been for them. Not only was I not taking care of them, but I’d also caused them to be harassed by the CCP. They were worrying about me and living in fear, and my dad had even developed depression. Relatives and friends would be sure to scold me, calling me ungrateful and lacking in conscience. My conscience felt deeply condemned. I also thought that severe coronary heart disease could be life-threatening. This disease really can’t handle emotional agitation, and with my dad always worrying about me and his mood being poor, his life could be at risk at any moment! If he stayed depressed like this, would he lose his sanity? I didn’t dare think about it any further. Tears started rolling down my face uncontrollably, and I felt an unbearable sense of heartache. I even thought, “If I hadn’t been chosen as a leader all that time ago, I wouldn’t have had to go out and gather frequently nor would I have ended up being monitored and hunted by the police. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have had to leave home, and when my parents got sick, I could have stayed by their side to care for them, and my dad wouldn’t have become depressed from worrying about me and missing me.” Over the next couple of days, I wallowed in my guilt toward my parents, my state was terrible, and I didn’t have the heart to do my duty. Sometimes, a thought would pop into my head, “If I went home and let my dad see that I’m fine, maybe his mood would improve, and he’d recover faster.” Thinking about these things threw me into disarray. In my suffering, I came before God to pray, “God, I know that such things happen with Your permission, and that I should seek Your intention, but I’m constrained by feelings and constantly worry about my parents. I’m in great pain. Please guide me to seek the truth and break free from the constraints of feelings.”

Later, I read God’s words: “If you hadn’t left your home to perform your duty elsewhere, and you had stayed by your parent’s side, could you have prevented them from getting sick? (No.) Can you control whether your parents live or die? Can you control whether they are rich or poor? (No.) Whatever illness your parents get, it won’t be because they were so exhausted from raising you, or because they missed you; they especially won’t contract any of those major, serious, and possibly fatal illnesses because of you. That is their fate, and it has nothing to do with you. No matter how filial you are, the most you can achieve is to reduce their fleshly suffering and burdens a little, but as for when they get sick, what illness they contract, when they die, and where they die—do these things have anything to do with you? No, they don’t. If you’re filial, if you’re not an uncaring ingrate, and you spend all day with them, watching over them, will they not get sick? Will they not die? If they’re going to get sick, won’t they get sick anyway? If they’re going to die, won’t they die anyway? Isn’t that right?” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). “You always think that everything your parents have endured and faced is related to you, and that you should share those burdens; you always put the blame onto yourself, always thinking that these things have something to do with you, always wanting to get involved. Is this idea right? (No.) Why? … People being born, growing old, getting sick, dying, and encountering various great and small matters in life are very normal occurrences. If you are an adult, then you should have a mature way of thinking, and you should approach this matter calmly and correctly: ‘My parents are ill. Some people say that it’s because they missed me so much, is that possible? They definitely missed me—how could a person not miss their own child? I missed them too, so why didn’t I get sick?’ Does any person get sick because they miss their children? That’s not the case. So, what is going on when your parents encounter these significant matters? It can only be said that God has orchestrated this kind of matter in their lives. It has been orchestrated by God’s hand—you cannot focus on objective reasons and causes—your parents were supposed to encounter this matter when they reached this age, they were supposed to be struck with this illness. Could they have avoided it if you had been there? If God had not arranged for them to fall ill as part of their fates, then nothing would have happened to them, even if you hadn’t been with them. If they were destined to encounter this kind of great misfortune in their lives, what effect could you have had if you’d been by their side? They still wouldn’t have been able to avoid it, right? (Right.) Think about those people who don’t believe in God—aren’t their families all together, year after year? When those parents encounter great misfortune, the members of their extended family and their children are all with them, right? When parents fall ill, or when their illnesses worsen, is it because their children left them? That’s not the case, it is fated to happen. It’s just that, as their child, because you have this blood tie with your parents, you will feel upset when you hear that they are sick, while other people won’t feel anything. This is very normal. However, your parents encountering this kind of great misfortune doesn’t mean that you need to analyze and investigate, or ponder on how to get rid of it or resolve it. Your parents are adults; they have encountered this more than a few times in society. If God arranges an environment to rid them of this matter, then, sooner or later, it will vanish completely. If this matter is a life hurdle for them, and they must experience it, then it is up to God how long they must experience it for. It is something that they must experience, and they cannot avoid it. If you wish to single-handedly resolve this matter, to analyze and investigate the source, causes, and consequences of this matter, that is a foolish thought. It is of no use, and it is superfluous” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). God has made it clear how to treat the matter of parents being sick. How a person’s fate unfolds, whether they will fall ill, at what age they will get sick, what kind of illness they will get, whether they will die from it, how long their lifespan will be, and so on—these have all been predestined by God. No person can intervene in or change these things. On the surface, it seemed like my dad got sick because he missed me, but in reality, God had predestined that he’d experience this obstacle at this stage of his life. It was wholly irrational for me to take all the responsibility for my dad’s illness upon myself, and this wasn’t in line with facts. I thought about how my cousins lived with their parents and took care of them, but my aunt developed high blood pressure and asthma a few years ago, and my uncle also contracted a serious illness. This showed that even if children stay by their parents’ side, it doesn’t change anything. Furthermore, people are merely flesh and blood, and because humans eat the grains of the earth, they will inevitably fall ill at some point. My dad was in his sixties, and at this age, his physical functions were deteriorating, and his immune system was weakening, so it was normal for him to develop illnesses that commonly afflict middle-aged and elderly people. Many elderly people suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. When I was home, I saw my dad smoking and drinking heavily, and his daily routine was irregular. I tried various ways to help him quit smoking and drinking, and I encouraged him to eat foods beneficial to his health, but he never listened to my advice. If I couldn’t even change my dad’s unhealthy habits, how could I expect to do anything about his illness? Also, there was a sister around me whose parents developed diabetes and high blood pressure. This sister was a doctor, and when her parents became sick, she gave them the best medicine and expensive health supplements, and she spared no expense in finding the best nursing home for them. She visited her parents almost every day, and she took care of absolutely all their needs, from food to their daily routines, but her mother still had to have her legs amputated due to complications from diabetes, and her father developed Alzheimer’s disease. I also knew an elderly sister whose children weren’t around. She was almost eighty years old, but she was still very healthy, and her health check-ups showed normal results every time. I saw that how much everyone has to go through in their lives, and whether they experience the torment of illness, all depend on God’s predestination, and that no one can change this. Parents will not enjoy more blessings or avoid illness just because their children are around to take care of them, nor will they suffer more or endure more illness because their children are not around to care for them. From these facts, I saw that everyone’s life, from their birth, aging, illnesses, and death, is predetermined, and that regarding my dad’s illness, even if I stayed by his side, I’d not be able to change anything. Understanding these things, my heart felt much lighter.

One day, I watched an experiential testimony video, and there was a passage of God’s words in it that was very helpful to me. Almighty God says: “There is a saying in the world of nonbelievers: ‘Crows repay their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneel to receive milk from their mothers.’ There’s also this saying: ‘An unfilial person is lower than a beast.’How grandiose these sayings sound! Actually, the phenomena that the first saying mentions, crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers, really do exist, these are facts. However, they are simply phenomena within the animal world. They are merely a kind of law that God has established for various living creatures, and by which all kinds of living creatures, including humans, abide. The fact that all kinds of living creatures abide by this law further demonstrates that all living creatures are created by God. No living creature can break this law, and no living creature can transcend it. Even relatively ferocious carnivores like lions and tigers nurture their offspring and do not bite them before they reach adulthood. This is an animal instinct. No matter which species they are, whether they are ferocious or kind and gentle, all animals possess this instinct. All kinds of creatures, including humans, can only continue to multiply and survive by abiding by this instinct and this law. If they didn’t abide by this law, or didn’t have this law and this instinct, they wouldn’t be able to multiply and survive. The biological chain wouldn’t exist, and neither would this world. Isn’t that true? (Yes.) Crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers demonstrates precisely that the animal world abides by this kind of law. All kinds of living creatures have this instinct. Once offspring are born, they are cared for and nurtured by the females or males of the species until they become adults. All kinds of living creatures are able to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations to their offspring, conscientiously and dutifully raising the next generation. This should be even more the case for humans. Humans are called higher animals by mankind—if they cannot abide by this law, and lack this instinct, then humans are lower than animals, aren’t they? Therefore, no matter how much your parents nurtured you while they were raising you, and how much they fulfilled their responsibility to you, they were only doing what they ought to within the scope of the abilities of a created human—it was their instinct. … All kinds of living creatures and animals possess these instincts and laws, and they abide by them very well, carrying them out to perfection. This is something that no person can destroy. There are also some special animals, like tigers and lions. When these animals reach adulthood, they leave their parents, and some males even become rivals, biting, contending, and fighting as necessary. This is normal, it is a law. They are not governed by their feelings, and they do not live amid their feelings like people do, saying: ‘I have to repay their kindness, I have to recompense them—I have to obey my parents. If I don’t show filial piety to them, other people will condemn me, berate me, and criticize me behind my back. I couldn’t bear that!’ Such things are not said in the animal world. Why do people say such things? Because in society and within groups of people, there are various incorrect ideas and consensuses. After people have been influenced, corroded, and rotted by these things, different ways of interpreting and dealing with the parent-child relationship arise within them, and they ultimately treat their parents as their creditors—creditors that they will never be able to repay their whole lives. There are even some people who feel guilty for their whole lives after their parents die, and think themselves unworthy of their parents’ kindness, because of one thing they did that didn’t make their parents happy or didn’t go the way their parents wanted it to. Tell Me, is this not excessive? People live amid their feelings, so they can only be encroached upon and disturbed by various ideas stemming from these feelings” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After reading God’s words, I finally understood that the idea that “Crows repay their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneel to receive milk from their mothers” shows the instinct given to all creatures by God. Various animals do not have the ability to survive independently when they are young, and they need their parents’ care in order to survive. This is a law of survival that allows all creatures to reproduce and thrive. Humans are the same, parents raising their children is an instinct, and in doing this, they are fulfilling their responsibility and obligation as parents, and not doing their children a kindness. I thought my parents raised me with great effort and hardship, and in particular, when I saw my dad working hard to earn money to support the family and put me through school, living frugally, and not even resting when he was sick, I treated the price my dad paid and the suffering he endured to raise me as kindness, and this remained etched into my heart. I thought that when I grew up, I would be filial to him, otherwise, I would be utterly lacking in conscience. On top of that, I was influenced by ideas like “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else,” and “An unfilial person is lower than a beast,” and I regarded being filial to my parents as the most important thing. When I heard that my dad had been in a car accident, I risked being arrested to go see him. When I learned that my dad had contracted coronary heart disease and depression, I felt that this illness was because of the harassment from the CCP that I had brought upon him and because of his fear and worry for me. I felt deeply guilty as a result, and I even regretted initially taking on a leadership duty. Though thanks to prayer, I didn’t abandon my duty and go home, my thoughts weren’t on my duty at all, and I began to just go through the motions of my duty. Now I understood that the traditional ideas that Satan instills in people are misleading and corrupting, and that they cause people to live in feelings, betray God, distance themselves from God, ultimately losing their chance at God’s salvation.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “God ordained that your parents would raise you, enabling you to grow into an adult, not so that you would spend your life repaying them. You have responsibilities and obligations that you must fulfill in this life, a path that you must take, and you have your own life. In this life, you should not put all of your energy into repaying your parents’ kindness. This is just something that accompanies you in your life and on your life path. In terms of humanity and emotional relationships, it is something that is unavoidable. But as for what kind of relationship you and your parents are fated to have, whether you will be able to live together for the rest of your life, or whether you will be separated, and are not linked together by fate, this depends on God’s orchestrations and arrangements. If God has orchestrated and arranged that you will be in a different place to your parents during this life, that you will be very far away from them, and unable to live together often, then fulfilling your responsibilities to them is, to you, just a kind of aspiration. If God has arranged for you to live very close to your parents in this life, and to be able to stay by their side, then fulfilling a bit of your responsibilities to your parents, and showing them some filial piety are things that you should do in this life—there is nothing that can be criticized about this. But if you are in a different place from your parents, and you do not have the chance or the right circumstances to show them filial piety, then you do not need to regard this as a shameful thing. You should not feel ashamed to face your parents because you are unable to show them filial piety, it is just that your circumstances don’t allow it. As a child, you should understand that your parents are not your creditors. There are many things that you must do in this life, and these are all things that a created being ought to do, that have been entrusted to you by the Lord of creation, and they have nothing to do with you repaying your parents’ kindness. Showing filial piety to your parents, repaying them, returning their kindness—these things have nothing to do with your mission in life. It can also be said that it is not necessary for you to show filial piety to your parents, to repay them, or to fulfill any of your responsibilities to them. To put it plainly, you can do a bit of this and fulfill a bit of your responsibilities when your circumstances allow; when they do not, you do not need to insist upon doing so. If you cannot fulfill your responsibility to show filial piety to your parents, this is not a terrible thing, it just goes against your conscience, human morality, and human notions a little. But at the very least, it does not go against the truth, and God will not condemn you for it. When you understand the truth, your conscience will not feel rebuked on account of this” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After reading God’s words, I understood that I should not treat being filial as my life’s mission. In matters concerning my parents, I should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and if I have the opportunity to be with my parents, I should do my best to care for them and fulfill my responsibilities as a child. But if I don’t have such an opportunity, I should focus on doing my duties with peace of mind. The reason I couldn’t care for my parents wasn’t because I was unwilling to fulfill my responsibility as a child, but because I was being hunted by the CCP and couldn’t return home, and I didn’t need to feel guilty or condemned for this. God predestined my birth in the last days and brought me before Him, and I have enjoyed the watering and provision of so many of God’s words. Now is a critical moment for the expansion of the kingdom gospel, and I should dedicate my heart to the gospel work, fulfill my duty, and repay God’s love. If I only seek to be filial, and I abandon my responsibility and mission as a created being, I would be letting down God’s provision, care, and protection for me, and that would be truly lacking in conscience and humanity. By reading God’s words, I came to understand the relationship between parents and children, I no longer felt bound or constrained by Satan’s traditional ideas, I felt liberated inside, and I became able to focus on doing my duty with peace of mind. I thank God from the bottom of my heart!