By Zhong Zhen, China

I had an unhappy marriage in the past. After the divorce, life bringing up my daughters on my own was very hard. Later, I got together with a colleague from our school. After we married, he was very good to me and my daughters, and I didn’t need to worry about anything at home. I was very grateful to him. Although my life was stable, there was always an inexplicable void deep in my heart. In August 2012, my cousin preached Almighty God’s gospel of the last days to me. I started to read the words of God and gather with my cousin on weekends. From God’s words I understood that man was created by God. Our ancestors Adam and Eve were seduced by Satan and betrayed God, causing mankind to live in sin. All the wickedness and fornication in the world is the result of Satan’s corruption. I also found out that God has always been saving mankind. In the Age of Grace, God became flesh and was crucified to become a sin offering for humanity. In the last days, God has become flesh again to express the truth and do His work of judgment and purification, solving the root causes of human sin, thoroughly cleansing and saving people, and bringing people to a wonderful destination. Once I had understood this, I had answers to many of the puzzles in my life and in the world, the insomnia that had plagued me for years cleared up without me realizing it, and the feelings of fear and loneliness in my heart also disappeared. I felt as if I had been taken from an empty and hopeless wilderness to a bright and warm place. My heart felt peaceful and at ease. I also understood that nobody but God can give people the truth or bring peace to people’s hearts. As a created being I must believe in God, worship God, and pursue to gain the truth. Otherwise, life is empty and meaningless. When my husband saw how my spirits had brightened ever since I started believing in God, he supported my faith.

In December 2012, my husband read the baseless rumors on the internet spread by the CCP to slander and condemn The Church of Almighty God. Afraid that I would be arrested, he started trying to stop me believing in God. He wouldn’t let me read the words of God, and wouldn’t let my cousin come and gather with me. At that time, I was also worried that I would be caught and imprisoned if I believed in God, but my cousin fellowshipped with me about how the true way has always been persecuted since ancient times. In the Bible, I also read how the Lord Jesus and His disciples suffered persecution, and saw how Satan reigns in this world. It is too wicked and dark, and does not allow positive things to exist. By believing in God and following God, I am walking the right path in life, and I must not give it up even if I am persecuted. I told my husband about everything I had understood, but he simply would not listen. I had to secretly read the words of God and attend gatherings when he wasn’t at home. In April 2013, my lumbar spondylosis worsened. I couldn’t sit or stand—I could only lie flat. My husband helped me apply to my employer for several months’ leave. With God’s protection, my illness was virtually healed once I had applied a few medicated plasters. Afterward, I started to take advantage of my leave to preach the gospel, but it wasn’t long before my husband noticed. He would take advantage of his lunch break to come home and see if I was there or not. If I came home a bit later and saw his car parked downstairs, my heart would fly into a panic straight away. Over the several years we had been married, he had always taken good care of me, but when I didn’t do what he said over my faith in God, I felt like I’d let him down, and when he was berating me and shouting at me, I just had to endure it. As I went to more and more gatherings, I understood that God is the source of human life. That each person can live is because of God’s provision, care, and protection. It is perfectly natural and justified for people to believe in God and do duties. It is the most just thing. I felt more and more that I had chosen the right path in following God. My heart gained strength, and I was less afraid of my husband losing his temper. Sometimes, I would even argue with him rationally. Once, he pointed at me in a rage, shouting, “Now you don’t listen to anything I say! I told you that the state doesn’t allow you to believe, but you didn’t listen. Do you really think you won’t survive if you don’t believe in God?” I said, “Now, this world is so wicked and dark. Just look at our school—there’s fakery happening all day long. I’ve had enough of it! That God came to express the truth and save people is a wonderful thing. Without belief in God, I don’t think there’s any meaning in life!” He looked at me and said, “I know that it’s not a bad thing to believe in God, but the Communist Party doesn’t care about that. If you carry on believing, you are likely to be arrested. When that happens, you’ll lose your job and you’ll have to suffer in jail. Why do you bother? Just stop believing already!” As soon as I heard this, I realized that my husband was frightened because he had a deep knowledge of the methods of the Communist Party, and so he was trying to stop me. Actually, I was also worried about being arrested and thrown in jail, and even the possibility of being beaten to death by the police. There are just too many incidents in which the CCP government has treated human life with complete disdain. Later, I thought of what the Lord Jesus had said: “He that finds his life shall lose it: and he that loses his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39). My heart felt extremely bright. Human life is very short. There is absolutely no meaning in scrambling about every day for the flesh and to make a living. By believing in God and following God, you can obtain eternal life—this is so precious! If I don’t dare to believe in God out of fear of being arrested, then I will never obtain eternal life. No matter what, I cannot give up believing in God. However, my husband insisted that he would not allow me to believe. I worried to myself, “We have been married for almost six years, and he has always taken care of this family and been considerate of me. We’ve worked hard together to buy a house and a car. We can see our lives getting better and better. My colleagues all say that I finally have a good family. I also think that this family is where I belong in this life, and from the depths of my heart, I love leading this stable and peaceful life. But if my husband is set on not letting me believe in God, what should I do? Can I still continue to follow God?” As these questions entangled me, I constantly prayed to God, begging Him to lead me on.

During a gathering, I told my brothers and sisters about my concerns, and they read these words of God with me: “You must suffer hardship for the truth, you must give yourself to the truth, you must endure humiliation for the truth, and to gain more of the truth you must undergo more suffering. This is what you should do. You must not throw away the truth for the sake of a peaceful family life, and you must not lose a lifetime of dignity and integrity for the sake of momentary enjoyment. You should pursue all that is beautiful and good, and you should pursue a path in life that is more meaningful. If you lead such a vulgar life, and do not pursue any objectives, do you not waste your life? What can you gain from such a life? You should forsake all enjoyments of the flesh for the sake of one truth, and should not throw away all truths for the sake of a little enjoyment. People like this have no integrity or dignity; there is no meaning to their existence!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). After reading God’s words, I gradually gained strength in my heart. I came before God by God’s grace, and, having seen all these truths that God has expressed, it is reasonable that I should pursue them well. Even if it means suffering, it is worth it. Though a harmonious family is very important to me, pursuing the truth is the most meaningful thing. Before I had read the words of God, I didn’t know where I came from or what I was living for. I didn’t know why this world was so wicked and dark, and I lived every day in the darkness, getting through my days in difficulty. Life was so painful! Now, with great difficulty, I have managed to find the true way and see the light. I have understood many mysteries of life from God’s words, and found what the value of living is. If I abandon the truth for the sake of a harmonious family, then wouldn’t living like this be empty, and totally lacking in meaning? I read more of God’s words: “Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). God’s words made me understand that the love between husband and wife is built on a foundation of personal interests. I thought about it—why was my husband good to me before? It was because I looked OK, and I didn’t like managing money, giving him financial control over the family. I met his standards for the ideal wife quite well, which satisfied him. However, when I developed my own belief and life pursuit, which were not tolerated in this country, he started to feel that I was not beneficial for him, and he would never be nice to me again. Meanwhile, I was reluctant to leave my husband because he was considerate of me and took care of me, and I didn’t have to worry about many things at home. People are all selfish, and husband and wife also use each other. How can there be any true affection? I cannot abandon God’s salvation of me for this scrap of marital feelings. Afterward, I continued to insist on attending gatherings and doing my duty.

One day in June 2013, I was just making dinner after coming back from preaching the gospel. When my husband got home, his face was very gloomy, but I ignored him. After dinner, I went to my room to tell Bible stories to my two daughters. They were listening happily when my husband suddenly stood in the doorway and berated me. My daughters were so scared they didn’t dare say a thing, and I hurriedly said something to comfort them. After I finished speaking, I went out for a walk. I didn’t expect that my husband would follow me. When we got to a corner not far from our building, he grabbed my arm and threw me down onto the steps next to me. A burst of pain coursed through my arm, and I slowly got up and started walking home, not saying a word. He again grabbed my arm and tugged it violently, sending me to the ground again. He pointed at my nose and castigated me, “Why do you have to believe in god? How can there be a god? Where is your god when I’m treating you like this? Why doesn’t he protect you?” I realized that he was impervious to reason. I thought to myself, “You don’t believe in God—what do you know? You want to beat me to make me doubt God and deny God. Your intentions are truly vile!” He said again, “Whatever I say, you just don’t listen—you just get more obsessed the more you believe. Now you’re even going around preaching the gospel everywhere. Our brother-in-law said, if you don’t listen to reason, I should beat you hard. We don’t believe we can’t straighten you out! So tell me, do you still believe or not?” When he saw I didn’t even squeak, he walked behind me and kicked me square in the lower back. My lower back hurt so much it pierced me to the heart, and my tears started flowing immediately. However, my husband still showed absolutely no mercy. As he kicked me, he said, “I will never let you believe! I’ll kick you until you’re paralyzed! Even if I have to care for you, I won’t let you believe in god!” When I heard him say this, I felt a chill in my heart. Before, I had always felt that my husband’s humanity was pretty good, and he had always been pretty considerate of me. I never expected that he would believe the CCP’s baseless rumors and fallacies, try and stop me believing in God, and even try and kick me until I was paralyzed! He was just too vicious! Next, he said, “If you are on your own at home, you’re likely to go to gatherings. I’ll simply send you away. People like you don’t even deserve to live in my nice house. Get up!” As he spoke, he dragged me up, shoved me into the car, and took me to my mother’s house. I didn’t expect that my mother would very much support my belief in God. I preached the gospel to her, and she also accepted God’s work of the last days. However, my younger brother constantly spoke up on behalf of my husband. He also tried to persuade me, “Sis, there are times in this world when you are simply helpless. You need to be more realistic. Rest here for a few days and then go back home and have a good life.” What my brother said made me fall into deep contemplation, “You have to face the reality of the world. I’m nearly forty. I’ve struggled half my life to get the life I have now. In everything other than things to do with my belief in God, my husband is very good to me. It’s only because of my belief in God that he seems to have changed into a different person. Looking at the way he’s being, if I persist in believing in God, he is very likely to divorce me. Then I’ll lose this family on which I depend for my survival. What am I going to do with my life after that? Do I have to go back to a life of looking after my children, alone and helpless?” I was scared of leading that kind of life, but also didn’t want to abandon my belief in God. I sunk into a dilemma. I thought to myself, “Maybe I just step back for a while. What if I don’t go to gatherings or do my duty, and just secretly read God’s words at home for a while? But that won’t work. What should I do?”

During those few days, I constantly prayed to God, and constantly listened to the hymn of God’s words “The Most Meaningful Life”: “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. … Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. … You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)). The more I listened to this hymn, the more strength I had in my heart. I had a clear direction about the path in life I should choose. Believing in God and worshiping God is perfectly natural and justified. If you want to live out a meaningful life, you must expend yourself for God, not be obstructed by any people, events, or things, and endure all suffering in order to do your duty well and satisfy God. Just like Job: His property and children were gone, but he still worshiped God and praised God’s name. And then there’s Peter: He left everything behind to follow the Lord and expended his whole life for the Lord. In the end, he achieved loving God to the extreme and submitting to God unto death, living out a meaningful life. Matthew, the tax collector, was the same. As soon as the Lord Jesus called, he followed the Lord without the slightest hesitation. Their faith in God is so enviable! Although I was willing to follow God, I still couldn’t let go of my family. I was not willing to endure suffering and leave everything behind. Compared to those saints, I felt truly ashamed! Now, the right path in life had been laid out before me. I could not be weak anymore: I absolutely could not abandon this chance to follow God and obtain the truth and life! At the time, I had been elected to be a leader in the church, and was busy doing my duty every day. Not long afterward, my husband took me back home. At the time, it was the summer holidays and so he didn’t need to go to work. He spent every day watching me. He wouldn’t let me read the words of God, go to gatherings, or do my duty. Every day, I could only do housework and look after the children with him. Unable to obtain the provision of God’s words, I was like a fish out of water, my heart in extreme pain and agony. One day, I remembered these words of God: “Believers and nonbelievers are not compatible; rather, they are opposed to one another” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). This is indeed the case. My husband didn’t believe in God and resolutely refused to let me believe. Every day, he watched me like he was guarding a prisoner. He was not a husband—he was clearly my enemy! When I really couldn’t stand it anymore, I said to him, “You haven’t just beaten me, you also don’t give me any freedom. I can’t live like this anymore. Let’s just get divorced and go our own ways. It’s easier for both of us that way.” But he said, “I was wrong to hit you. I apologize. However you want me to make it up to you, it’s all OK. The only thing is, we cannot get divorced. You are a good person. It was very hard for us to get this family. Why would we get divorced? I’m watching you for your own good. After a while, you’ll forget about believing in God and everything will be OK. If you’re feeling cooped up, why don’t I take you out for a walk?” When I heard him say this, I knew that he was hiding his iron fist in a velvet glove, trying to hold me here and gradually take me further away from God. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to keep believing in God, but was reluctant to let go of this family and my husband. I prayed to God, begging Him to keep my heart from leaving Him at any time, and begged Him to open up a path for me, so that I could return to the church and do my duty.

One day, it was time for a gathering. I cleverly said to my husband that we should go out for a cycle. I got him to ride the bike, while I rode the electric scooter. He agreed. When we were halfway there, I accelerated and left him far behind. I also circled around several times before I arrived at the gathering place. I finally, after all this difficulty, managed to attend a gathering. When I got home in the evening, my husband was especially enraged. He said, “You are getting bolder and bolder. How dare you leave me behind and go to a gathering. If you have the guts, don’t come back!” I said, “Did you leave me with any choice? I don’t have any freedom at all. You watch me like I’m a prisoner. If you carry on like this, the two of us have no future together.” Unexpectedly, after this he watched me even more strictly than ever. When school started, he made me go to work with him, and during the weekend, he would follow my every step as long as he wasn’t working overtime. I could not attend gatherings or do my duty, and felt like I was living in hell. I couldn’t stop my tears flowing down, and couldn’t help asking myself: What kind of world is this? Why are people not allowed to believe in God and walk on the right path? Later, I read these words of God: “In a dark society such as this, where the demons are merciless and inhumane, how could the king of devils, who kills people without batting an eye, tolerate the existence of a God who is lovely, kind, and also holy? How could it applaud and cheer the arrival of God? These lackeys! They repay kindness with hate, they began treating God as an enemy long ago, they abuse God, they are savage in the extreme, they have not the slightest regard for God, they plunder and pillage, they have lost all conscience, they go against all conscience, and they tempt the innocent into senselessness. Forefathers of the ancient? Beloved leaders? They all oppose God! Their meddling has left all beneath heaven in a state of darkness and chaos! Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). God’s words woke me from my dream, and gave me a clearer view of the wicked essence of the CCP’s resistance to God. I had received the Communist Party’s education for all these years, and had always admired the Party very much. Even when I saw the wickedness and darkness in society, I didn’t believe that it was caused by the Party’s rule. I believed that though the CCP dictatorship had some problems, it was basically quite wise. I only now understood that the CCP is an atheist party. It enjoys a stolen reputation won through tricking the world, falsely stipulating in the constitution that Chinese citizens enjoy freedom of religion, but in fact it simply does not permit Chinese people to believe in God. It not only tricks the Chinese people, it tricks the entire world. In order to maintain the dictatorial rule of the regime, it wantonly spreads baseless rumors in the online media which slander The Church of Almighty God, and uses various means to indiscriminately arrest Christians. This resulted in my husband being misled, and hindering and persecuting me in various different ways. In all of this, the black hand of the Communist Party is making mischief. Not only does it not want people to believe in God and be saved, it wants people to follow it down to hell and be punished. This is its wicked purpose. If I hadn’t come before God, I would never have seen its true colors clearly.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “‘Love,’ as it is called, refers to an affection that is pure and without blemish, where you use your heart to love, to feel, and to be thoughtful. In love there are no conditions, no barriers, and no distance. In love there is no suspicion, no deceit, and no cunning. In love there is no trade and nothing impure. If you love, then you will not deceive, complain, betray, rebel, exact, or seek to gain something or to gain a certain amount. If you love, then you will gladly dedicate yourself, will gladly suffer hardship, you will be compatible with Me, you will forsake all that you have for Me, you will give up your family, your future, your youth, and your marriage. If not, your love would not be love at all, but deceit and betrayal!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Many Are Called, but Few Are Chosen). The words of God profoundly moved my heart. This type of love, pure and without blemish, is so attractive to people, and also made me feel particularly ashamed. I thought about how in the Age of Grace, God became flesh and came from heaven to earth, being crucified for our sake and shedding every drop of His precious blood to redeem mankind. In the last days, God has once again become flesh and come to earth to provide humanity with the truths they need to receive salvation. Not only does He have to endure the pursuit and persecution of the great red dragon and the condemnation and blasphemy of the religious world, He also has to endure the rebelliousness and misunderstandings of us believers. God silently expresses the truth to provide for and lead people, awaiting the time when people’s consciences will awaken. God’s love is so real! Everything God does is for the sake of mankind! Today God gave me the opportunity to be a leader, and I must fulfill my duty to repay God’s love.

Later, my husband saw that he couldn’t stop me, and said, “I think I can see it clearly now. Nobody can stop you believing in God. In that case, you just go ahead and believe. I don’t care anymore. But you can only believe at home—you can’t go out, and you can’t let other people come to our home. If you agree, then we can continue living together, but if you disagree, then we’ll have to get divorced.” When I heard what he said, I realized he still wouldn’t let me go out. I knew that he was just trying to stabilize me temporarily, and then slowly make me lose my relationship with the church and with my brothers and sisters, so that in the end, I wouldn’t be able to carry on believing. I could not fall into his trap. So I said firmly, “If you genuinely agree with me believing in God, then don’t restrict me from associating with my brothers and sisters, and don’t restrict me from going to gatherings or doing my duty. It’s not up to you how I believe.” Anxiously, he said, “If you believe your way, then sooner or later you’ll be arrested. Once you’re arrested, I’ll be implicated and I won’t have any prospects. If you want to be like this, we have to get divorced!” He spoke everything that was on his mind. I was taken aback for a moment. He was not worried about me being arrested and suffering as a result. He was worried that his own prospects might be affected. This being the case, I respected his decision. I said, “Fine. I agree to a divorce. When will we go and do it?” He was stunned too, and asked me, “Have you thought this through? You really won’t regret it in the future?” I said, “Everyone can make their own choices, and everyone has their own path to walk. I will not regret it!” Just like that, we went to undergo the divorce proceedings. When we left the Civil Affairs Bureau and sat back in the car, I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted. However, he cried, and said, “This divorce has been the saddest event of my life. I really didn’t want to divorce you, but you insisted on choosing to believe in God, so I didn’t have any option....” I saw the two lines of tears trickling down his face, and sighed silently. I thought to myself, “You don’t believe in God, so you don’t understand. All of this was caused by the Communist Party. It resists God, persecutes those who follow God, and spreads baseless rumors, using family members to stop people from following God. You cannot see through the wickedness of the Communist Party, and insist on choosing to work as an official in the Communist Party system and pursue your career. How could we walk together?” The car continued on, but I knew that we would eventually part ways and go in different directions.

From then on, I was finally able to believe in God and do my duty freely, without constraints. I am very thankful to God’s leadership for helping me to break free from the snare of marriage and family, step by step.