By Yang Rui, China

In January 2021, I was elected as a preacher. After three months or so, I was unable to do the work competently due to poor work capability and was reassigned to be a church leader. I was very sad at that time, “I’ve been reassigned; how will my brothers and sisters look at me if they find out? Will they think that I don’t pursue the truth and don’t have any work capability? Will they look down on me? If I can’t do the work of a church leader well and am dismissed, then my good image in their hearts would be completely destroyed.” After I thought this, I simply couldn’t motivate myself. Afterward, when I did my duty, I lied and disguised myself to protect my image in the minds of others.

In May, the upper leaders came to follow up on the various items of work in the church. They found some words of God that expose false leaders who don’t do real work, and fellowshipped about them with us. I thought to myself, “Why are the leaders showing us the words of God on this topic? Do they know that I haven’t been doing real work in this period, and is this a warning to me that if I carry on working badly I’ll be dismissed? Recently I was demoted because of my poor work capability. If I’m dismissed again, my brothers and sisters will definitely say that I’m really incompetent. How utterly embarrassing that would be! It won’t do. I cannot let my brothers and sisters look down on me. I have to work hard and achieve some results.” During that time, I often attended gatherings with my groups and fellowshipped with them. When I saw that my brothers and sisters had difficulties in preaching the gospel, I would try to resolve them immediately, but after fellowshipping several times, there were no clear results. The leaders sent a letter to find out about the gospel work. I wanted to report these issues to the leaders, but then I thought about how they were all old problems which still hadn’t been solved. If I reported them, would the leaders say that I lacked work capability and couldn’t solve real problems, and dismiss me? Wouldn’t I end up utterly losing face? Therefore, contrary to what I was thinking, I said, “I have not found any problems or deviations yet, but I will report them if I find any later.” After replying, my heart was very uneasy, “Am I not lying and cheating? But if I tell the truth, the leaders will know that I can’t solve problems and can’t do real work. They will definitely dismiss me.” Therefore, I didn’t reflect on myself.

In July, the church sent us three cleansing documents. The sister I was partnered with reminded me to read them promptly, but I didn’t take it seriously. One month later, Sister Zhang Yu came to our church to check on the cleansing documents. I worried that if Zhang Yu found out that these documents had been delayed so long because I hadn’t checked them on time, she would say that I was obstructing the cleansing work, and that I was a false leader. After a while, Zhang Yu asked me whether these documents had been submitted. I felt very guilty, “If I tell the truth that I delayed them, Zhang Yu will definitely say that I hindered the cleansing work. If this is reported to the upper leaders and then I am dismissed, that would be so embarrassing!” I dissembled and said, “Some leaders and deacons have not signed off on the cleansing.” Zhang Yu said, “The cleansing work is extremely important. You need to hurry up and get them to sign without any delay.” My face was burning, and I said awkwardly, “OK.” Although Zhang Yu didn’t say anything else, my heart was restless for a long time, and I was reproached in my heart, “It was clearly my fault for not checking the cleansing documents promptly, but I shoved the responsibility onto others. Am I not distorting the facts and lying?” I was worried that my lie would be exposed, and I felt uneasy and nervous. I was also very distressed: Why was it so difficult to tell the truth?

Afterward I was as busy as usual, but when it came to doing my duty, I was just rushing around like a headless chicken. I couldn’t find any problems and none of the items of work bore any results. Later, an upper leader came to a gathering to find out about the work. I answered every one of her questions with extreme caution, and also confirmed my answers with my partner, who was sitting next to me, because I couldn’t answer some questions due to not having a grasp of the details of some tasks. When the leader asked me how my state was, I dissembled, and the leader pruned me directly, “I’ve discovered that you aren’t doing real work. When you report the work, you consistently report the good news and cover up the bad news so that others cannot understand what is really going on with the work. The church has arranged for you to cease doing duties so you can reflect on yourself.” When I heard the leader point out my problems, I felt so utterly humiliated that I wanted to find a hole to crawl into.

After being dismissed, I lost all my strength and realized that my state was very bad. So I came before God to pray, that He may enlighten and guide me to understand my corrupt essence. One day, I read the words of God: “Antichrists often use the approach of lying to the Above and hiding things from those below them to avoid being pruned by the Above. … If some problems appear in the church’s work, antichrists know that they’ll definitely be pruned, or even dismissed when the Above finds out about the issues, so they withhold the problems, and do not report them to the Above. They don’t care at all about what impact or harm those problems will bring upon the work of God’s house if they aren’t resolved; they are indifferent to whatever losses the work of God’s house will suffer. They don’t think about what course of action will benefit the work of God’s house or satisfy God, they only consider their own reputation and status, how the Above will view and treat them, and how to safeguard their reputation and status so that they won’t be affected. This is the way that antichrists view things and think about problems, and it completely represents their disposition. Therefore, antichrists will absolutely not truthfully report the problems that exist within the church, or that arise in their work. No matter what work they do, no matter what difficulties they face, or if they encounter situations that they don’t know how to handle, or where they don’t know what choice to make, while carrying out that work, they’ll cover it up and hide it, afraid that the Above will say that their caliber is too poor, or find about their real situation, or prune them because they did not handle and resolve those difficulties or situations promptly. Antichrists disregard the interests of God’s house and the work of the church in order to avoid being pruned by the Above. They do not hesitate to sacrifice the work and interests of the church to preserve their status and livelihood, and to ensure that the Above has a good impression of them. They don’t care about delaying or impacting the progress of the church’s work, and they care even less about the life entry of God’s chosen people. Regardless of what difficulties the brothers and sisters encounter, or what problems exist in terms of their life entry, antichrists cannot resolve them, and they won’t seek from the Above” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes that antichrists always want to create a perfect image in people’s hearts, and are terrified of others discovering their deficiencies and shortcomings. In order to protect their face and status, and prevent others from seeing through them, they cover themselves up, disguise themselves, and lie at every turn to deceive and hoodwink people, not caring in the slightest whether the work of the house of God is harmed. They are extremely selfish, despicable, crooked and deceitful. When I compared my own behavior with the various ways that antichrists behave, image after image appeared in my mind. I worried that if I spoke to the leaders about my actual difficulties and the problems I had found in the work, the leaders would say that I had poor caliber and wasn’t up to the work, look down on me, or even dismiss me. Then, I would be totally disgraced. Therefore, I covered myself up and didn’t say a word about the deviations and problems in the work. I thought that this way the leaders wouldn’t discover my problems. When the leaders asked about the deviations and problems in the gospel work, I should have responded honestly, but I deliberately concealed the deviations and problems in order to protect my own face and status. When Zhang Yu asked whether the cleansing documents had been submitted, I thought that if I said honestly that I had delayed them, then when the upper leaders found out, I would risk dismissal, and my good image in the minds of others would be completely destroyed. Therefore, I distorted the facts and put the blame on others. I realized how deceitful I was! I had lied, deceived, and used illusions to hoodwink and mislead people, tricking them into giving me their trust and goodwill. My actions were no different from those of antichrists— I truly was too wicked and despicable! I believed that I was smart, and that I could get away with lying and cheating in this way. But God scrutinizes everything, and saw my deceitful intentions and the tricks I played with perfect clarity, condemning all of it. If I did not repent and continued to be so crooked and deceitful, in the end I would only be eliminated and punished.

Later, I read the words of God: “When people engage in deceit, what intentions does this come from? What aim are they trying to achieve? Without exception, it is to achieve fame, gain, and status; in a nutshell, it is for the sake of their own interests. And what lies at the root of the pursuit of self-interest? It is that people see their own interests as being more important than everything else. They engage in deceit in order to benefit themselves, and their deceitful disposition is thereby revealed. How should this problem be resolved? First you must discern and know what interests are, what they bring to people exactly, and what the consequences of pursuing them are. If you can’t figure this out, then forsaking them will be easier said than done. If people don’t understand the truth, then nothing is harder for them to give up than their own interests. That’s because their life philosophies are ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ and ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food.’ Clearly, they live for their own interests. People think that without their own interests—that if they were to lose their interests—they wouldn’t be able to survive. It’s as if their survival is inseparable from their own interests, so most people are blind to all but their own interests. They see their own interests as higher than anything else, they live for their own interests, and getting them to give up their own interests is like asking them to give up their own lives. So, what should be done in such circumstances? People must accept the truth. Only when they understand the truth can they see through to the essence of their own interests; only then can they begin to relinquish and rebel against them, and be able to endure the pain of letting go of that which they love so much. And when you can do this and forsake your own interests, you will feel more at ease and more at peace in your heart, and in so doing you will have overcome the flesh. If you cling to your interests and refuse to give them up, and if you are not in the least bit accepting of the truth, in your heart, you may say, ‘What’s wrong with trying to benefit myself and refusing to suffer any losses? God hasn’t punished me, and what can people do to me?’ No one can do anything to you, but with this faith in God, you will ultimately fail to gain the truth and life. This will be a huge loss for you—you will not be able to attain salvation. Is there any greater regret? This is what ultimately comes from pursuing your own interests. If people only pursue fame, gain, and status—if they only pursue their own interests—then they will never gain the truth and life, and ultimately, they will be the ones who suffer a loss” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). From God’s words I understood that I always act deceitfully because I consider my own face and status at every turn. I had been conditioned by satanic poisons ever since I was a child, like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” and “A lie told ten thousand times becomes the truth.” These satanic laws had become the principles governing my self-conduct and led me to lie and cheat time after time for the sake of my own face and status. When I clearly had found deviations and problems in the work and didn’t know how to solve them, I lied to the leaders, saying that I hadn’t discovered any problems. When it was clearly me who had delayed the cleansing work, I distorted the facts and put the blame on others. I saw that I had been lying and cheating against my conscience to protect my face and status. I really was too selfish and vile! I thought of what the Bible says: “You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. … When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it” (John 8:44). Only the devil always lies and never speaks a single word of truth: The essence of the devil is telling lies. God requires us to be honest people and to say things as they are, but I lied and cheated time after time to protect my own face and status. I believed in God but did not practice the truth, instead living by satanic laws of survival, trying to trick God, and resisting God. If I didn’t repent, I would ultimately only be punished by God. I prostrated myself before God and prayed, “Dear God, I have seen that my nature is too deceitful, and that I am a living Satan without a shred of integrity or dignity. I truly incur Your loathing. I don’t want to resist You anymore. I am willing to practice the truth, be an honest person, and live out a true human likeness.”

I then read more of God’s words: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading the words of God, I found a path of practice. To solve the problem of lying, you have to be an honest person, be able to open up about and lay bare any corruption or deficiencies instead of covering them up, and seek fellowship with your brothers and sisters if you have any difficulties, learning from each other’s strengths to make up for weaknesses. Doing your duty in this way can achieve good results, is beneficial to your life entry, and also beneficial to the work of the church. In addition, I also understood that the house of God dismisses people according to principles. Nobody will be arbitrarily dismissed due to their deficiencies or their deviations; instead, dismissal is weighed up based on whether they pursue the truth and whether they do real work. They will only be dismissed if they don’t pursue the truth and don’t do real work. If their stature is small and their caliber is poor, and they are really not up to the task, then they will be reassigned to other duties based on their stature and caliber. It’s just like when I was reassigned from being a preacher to being a church leader. I was only reassigned because my work capability was poor and I couldn’t shoulder the work. These arrangements consider the work of the church, and are also beneficial to my life entry. However, I couldn’t see through things, speculated, and misunderstood. I truly had no conscience! I thought about how I used to live for face and status, lying to my brothers and sisters and tricking them while I thought that I was being smart. I believed that by covering up the truth with lies, I would be able to preserve my status. I didn’t realize that God scrutinizes people’s innermost hearts. Because of my deceit and trickery, the work was delayed, and I was also tormented by living in the bondage of my corrupt disposition, losing my integrity and dignity, and leading an exhausting life. In the future, I must live by God’s words, and consciously expose my own corruption, no longer protecting my face and status.

In July 2022, I was elected as a leader in the church again. Once, the upper leaders wrote a letter to ask why the progress of the cleansing work was so slow. I thought to myself, “If I say that progress was delayed because I don’t have a good grasp of the principles of discerning people, will the leaders look down on me?” At this time, I thought about the damage I had caused to the work through my deceit, in order to protect my face and status, and I told the leaders the truth. The leaders found some relevant principles related to my difficulties, and transferred a sister to help me so that I had some paths to follow as I did the cleansing work. After this experience, I understood that life is less exhausting when you speak truthfully and don’t live by deceitful disposition, and my heart was much more liberated. As God said: “When you speak, you go in so many circles, you expend so much thought, and live in such a tiring way, all to protect your own reputation and pride! Is God pleased by people who act this way? God detests deceitful people above all. If you want to be free of Satan’s influence and achieve salvation, then you must accept the truth. You must first start by becoming an honest person. Be frank, tell the truth, do not be constrained by your feelings, cast off your pretense and trickery, and speak and handle matters with principles—this is an easy and happy way to live, and you will be able to live before God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth Can One Cast Off the Shackles of a Corrupt Disposition).