By Chen Wen, China

In 2022, I was watering newcomers in the church. At the beginning of August, I learned that our district leaders had all been arrested by the CCP. As soon as I heard the news, I was shocked. “How have these leaders all been arrested? What will happen to the work of the church?” I then remembered that on the morning of the day of their arrest, two of the district leaders had come to my home and we had gone to water newcomers together. I had been in frequent contact with them. Would I be monitored by the CCP too? Not long after, I heard that more brothers and sisters had been arrested. Almost all the people who had been arrested had visited my home. If they couldn’t stand firm in their testimony and sold me out, then I would be in a very dangerous position. In addition, when I first came to believe in God, I had been reported, so the police had constantly been looking for me over the last few years. If I were arrested, the police would certainly not let me go lightly. I had cancer previously and had undergone an operation, leaving me in weak health. How could I withstand torture? Soon after, I received a letter. The letter mentioned that an arrested leader who had recently been released had said the police were monitoring the area where I lived, and asked me to leave home and go into hiding as quickly as possible. This constant bombardment of news left me living in fear. I hurriedly gathered my things and changed house. I thought to myself, “I had better stay at home, and I can’t stick my head out anymore.” But then I realized I was the watering team leader. Now, with people having been arrested and persecuted, the newcomers needed watering and support. The most pressing task at this time was to support these newcomers well. However, would I be tracked by the police when I went to water the newcomers? The CCP’s surveillance covers every corner. If I were arrested and couldn’t stand firm in testimony, instead turning Judas, then wouldn’t my belief over all these years have been in vain? How would I ever get a good destination like that? To avoid arrest, I asked Sister Xiaole, who had just started training to do watering duty, to gather with the newcomers.

One time, Xiaole came back after a gathering and said that one of the newcomers didn’t dare believe in God anymore, out of fear of arrest. Also, another of the newcomers worried that being arrested would affect her child’s prospects, and so didn’t dare believe anymore. When I heard this, I got really anxious. I knew that Xiaole had only believed in God for a short time and had never watered newcomers before. She wasn’t able to completely resolve some of the problems and states the newcomers had. The problems of these newcomers had to be resolved quickly by fellowship on the truth. Otherwise, they would be at risk of withdrawing from the church. However, if I went out to water the newcomers then I could be arrested at any time. I had had a major illness. How could I withstand the police’s torture? I thought of the scenes where my brothers and sisters were tortured: The police strung them up and beat them, poured boiling water on them, and gave them electric shocks, and so on. There was no despicable method they would not stoop to. Many brothers and sisters had been tortured after being arrested. Some had been left with disabilities, and some had even been beaten to death. If I were arrested and tortured to death by the police, I would lose my chance for salvation. The more I thought, the more scared I became. I thought, “Maybe it is better to send Xiaole to support the newcomers after all. She is not well-known as a believer in God.” However, when I thought this way, I felt a bit uneasy, “Xiaole has only just started training to water newcomers. She isn’t able to fellowship very clearly about newcomers’ problems. If newcomers don’t understand the truth, they are liable to withdraw, and their life will suffer a loss. Also, these newcomers have always been my responsibility. Other people don’t understand their situations. It’s most appropriate for me to go and support them. If I put them aside and pay them no heed because of my personal safety, is this not being irresponsible toward my duty?” However, I was afraid of being arrested if I went out. Stuck in this dilemma, I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me so I could safeguard the work of the church in this environment. After I prayed, I recalled a passage of God’s words: “Regardless of how ‘powerful’ Satan is, regardless of how audacious and ambitious it is, regardless of how great is its ability to inflict damage, regardless of how wide-ranging are the techniques with which it corrupts and lures man, regardless of how clever are the tricks and schemes with which it intimidates man, regardless of how changeable is the form in which it exists, it has never been able to create a single living thing, has never been able to set down laws or rules for the existence of all things, and has never been able to rule and control any object, whether animate or inanimate. Within the cosmos and the firmament, there is not a single person or object that was born from it, or exists because of it; there is not a single person or object that is ruled by it, or controlled by it. On the contrary, it not only has to live under the dominion of God, but, moreover, must submit to all of God’s orders and commands. Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God. In the eyes of God, Satan is inferior to the lilies on the mountain, to the birds flying in the air, to the fish in the sea, and to the maggots on the earth. Its role among all things is to serve all things, to serve mankind, and to serve God’s work and His plan of management. Regardless of how malicious its nature, and how evil its essence, the only thing it can do is to dutifully abide by its function: being of service to God, and providing a counterpoint to God. Such is the substance and position of Satan. Its essence is unconnected to life, unconnected to power, unconnected to authority; it is merely a plaything in God’s hands, just a machine in service to God!” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). From God’s words, I saw that no matter how rampant Satan is, it is always in God’s hands. It must listen to God’s instructions and orders. Without God’s permission, it doesn’t dare touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the ground. God’s words gave me faith that all things and events are controlled by God. Whether I would be arrested or not was up to God. Now, the problems of these newcomers required urgent resolution. I couldn’t think only of my own safety. Resolving the problems of the newcomers was vital. Next time there was a newcomers gathering, I had to go. If I really were arrested, then that would have been permitted by God. Without God’s permission, then however rampant Satan was, I would be safe. On the day of the gathering, I left early and circled around a few times before going to the gathering location. Through reading the words of God and fellowshipping about experiential understanding at the gathering, the newcomers understood the intention of God and were not as timid and scared anymore. Smiles appeared on their faces, and their states turned around. I felt happy and peaceful at heart.

In 2023, I began doing the duty of a leader in the church. On the afternoon of the 6th of July, Sister Gao Li, who was working with me, was gathering with three newcomers who were leaders and deacons when she was arrested. When I heard this news, my heart leaped into my throat. “I go to Gao Li’s house nearly every day, and often meet these three newcomers. These newcomers haven’t believed in God for a long time and have only a shallow understanding of the truth. Will they be able to withstand police persecution and stand firm in their testimony? What if they can’t withstand torture, and they turn Judas and sell me out? I am ill to start off with, and if I were arrested, how would I ever be able to withstand police torture?!” Those days, I frequently received letters telling me that Brother or Sister So-and-so whom I had been in contact with had been arrested. I felt like I could be arrested at any time, and couldn’t calm my heart down. I spent every day consumed by tension. I just wanted to find a place where I could hide away and not show my face anymore. But then I thought, I was a leader in the church, and handling the aftermath was my responsibility. In particular, Gao Li was very familiar with the houses where the books of God’s words were safeguarded. The books needed to be transferred as fast as possible. However, the environment at that time was very adverse, and surveillance was everywhere. If I was discovered by the police transferring all these books, the consequences would be too awful to think about! Not to mention that I was a leader in the church. Once the police found out I was a leader, they would certainly torture me to the point of death. As soon as I thought of the scenes where the brothers and sisters were tortured by the police, I shivered in terror. If I were beaten to death by the police I would lose my chance at salvation forever, and I would have believed in God all these years for nothing. However, if Gao Li couldn’t withstand torture and turned Judas, and the books of God’s words were not transferred in time, then they might well fall into the hands of the police. Then, I would be in dereliction of my duty. That would be a serious transgression! Transferring the books of God’s words couldn’t be delayed for a moment. That night, I prayed to God multiple times, I examined myself and saw that I was living in fear, afraid to show my face, which was not in accordance with God’s intentions, and that timidity and fear were Satan’s trickery. I thought of a passage of God’s words I had often read: “What I desire is your loyalty and submission now, your love and testimony now. Even if you do not know at this moment what testimony is or what love is, you should bring to Me your all, and turn over to Me the only treasures you have: your loyalty and submission. You should know that the testimony to My defeat of Satan lies within the loyalty and submission of man, as does the testimony to My complete conquest of man. The duty of your faith in Me is to bear witness to Me, to be loyal to Me and none other, and to be submissive to the end. Before I begin the next step of My work, how will you bear witness to Me? How will you be loyal and submissive to Me? Do you devote all your loyalty to your function, or will you simply give up? Would you rather submit to My every arrangement (even if it be death or destruction), or flee midway to avoid My chastisement?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). After reading the words of God, I understood God’s intention. God was scrutinizing me at this time to see if I could bear testimony in the face of Satan, and if I was loyal and submissive to God. Now, the environment was dangerous and the books of God’s words urgently needed to be transferred. As a leader in the church, I should unhesitatingly do this task. I thought of how the CCP is wicked, despicable, and full of schemes. I didn’t know if the brothers and sisters who were arrested would be able to stand firm through the threats and inducements of the police. I had to handle the aftermath as fast as possible. The transfer of the books couldn’t be held up for a moment. I couldn’t delay any longer. I urgently discussed how to transfer the books with the preacher, and prayed to God, entrusting the matter to Him. Under God’s protection, we smoothly transferred all of the books of God’s words safely out of there. Only then did I breathe a sigh of relief.

Later, I received another letter saying that Sister Li Jie had also been arrested, that another sister had been beaten to death three days after being arrested, and that brothers and sisters in the church were constantly being followed and arrested by the police. When I heard these items of news I started to worry again. What if I were arrested, tortured, and beaten to death? Involuntarily, my heart became somewhat timid and afraid. I thought that I couldn’t go out anymore, and should hide away at home. I realized that revealing these ideas was incorrect, and started to reflect on myself. Why did I live in timidity and fear, and want to escape as soon as a dangerous situation came upon me? I prayed to God about my state. After praying, I read the words of God: “Besides considering their own safety, what do certain antichrists also think about? … As soon as they hear about a leader who got reported to the police because the place they lived in was unsafe, or about a leader who was targeted by the great red dragon’s spies because they went out too often to do their duty and interacted with too many people, and how these people ended up getting arrested and sentenced, they immediately become frightened. They think, ‘Oh no, will I be the next one to be arrested? I must learn from this. I shouldn’t be too active. If I can avoid doing some of the church’s work, I won’t do it. If I can avoid showing my face, I won’t do it. I’ll minimize my work as much as possible, avoid going out, avoid interacting with anyone, and ensure that nobody knows I’m a leader. These days, who can afford to care about anyone else? Just staying alive is already a challenge!’ Since taking on the role of a leader, apart from carrying a bag and hiding, they don’t do any work. They live on tenterhooks, in constant fear of being caught and sentenced. Suppose that they hear someone say, ‘If you get caught, you’ll be killed! If you weren’t a leader, if you were just an ordinary believer, you might be let out after just paying a little fine, but since you’re a leader, it’s hard to say. It’s too dangerous! Some leaders or workers who got caught refused to give up any information and were beaten to death by the police.’ Once they hear about someone being beaten to death, their fear intensifies, and they become even more afraid to work. Every day, all they think about is how to avoid getting caught, how to avoid showing their faces, how to avoid being monitored, and how to avoid contact with their brothers and sisters. They rack their brains thinking about these things and completely forget about their duties. Are these loyal people? Can people like this handle any work? (No, they can’t.) People like this are just timid, and we can’t definitely label them as antichrists based solely on this manifestation, but what is the nature of this manifestation? The essence of this manifestation is that of a disbeliever. They don’t believe that God can protect people’s safety, and they certainly don’t believe that dedicating oneself to expending for God is devoting oneself to the truth, and that it is something God approves of. They don’t fear God in their hearts; they are only afraid of Satan and wicked political parties. They don’t believe in God’s existence, they don’t believe that everything is in God’s hands, and they certainly don’t believe that God will approve of a person expending everything for His sake, and for the sake of following His way, and completing His commission. They can’t see any of this. What do they believe in? They believe that if they fall into the hands of the great red dragon, they’ll meet with a bad end, that they could be sentenced or even risk losing their lives. In their hearts, they only consider their own safety and not the work of the church. Aren’t these disbelievers? (Yes, they are.) What does the Bible say? ‘He that loses his life for My sake shall find it’ (Matthew 10:39). Do they believe these words? (No, they don’t.) If they are asked to take a risk while doing their duty, they’ll wish to hide themselves away and not let anyone see them—they’ll want to be invisible. This is the extent to which they are afraid. They don’t believe that God is man’s support, that everything is in God’s hands, that if something really goes wrong or they actually get caught, it’s permitted by God, and that people should have hearts of submission. These people don’t possess these hearts, this understanding, or this preparation. Do they truly believe in God? (No, they don’t.) Isn’t the essence of this manifestation that of a disbeliever? (Yes, it is.)” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). What God exposed was exactly my state. Ever since I heard that the sister I worked with had been arrested, I lived in tension and terror. I knew that I was a leader in the church, and that when a dangerous environment came upon us, I had to protect God’s offerings and the books of the words of God as the first priority. However, I then thought about how dangerous the present environment was, and the surveillance everywhere. If I transferred so many books in this kind of environment, then as soon as I was arrested by the police, they would not let me go lightly. If I was beaten until I was disabled, or even beaten to death, then I would completely lose my chance for salvation. When I thought of these terrifying consequences, I didn’t dare transfer the books. I wanted to push the task onto the preacher. At this key juncture, I only considered my personal safety. My head was filled with my own interests, and I simply didn’t consider the interests of the church at all. I was too selfish and despicable, and lacking in humanity! Before this environment came upon us, I often fellowshipped with my brothers and sisters about how the great red dragon is only a tool to render service for God’s work, and that God uses the persecution of the great red dragon to reveal and perfect people. However, when danger came upon me, it revealed me. I lived all day long in timidity and fear. I was afraid of being tortured to death by the police. I did not have genuine belief in God. I saw that normally, everything I fellowshipped was all words and doctrines. I didn’t have the slightest bit of faith in God. I was a disbeliever God exposed!

Later, I reflected on myself. Why did I always want to push my duty onto others as soon as a dangerous environment came upon me? What nature essence caused this? In seeking, I read the words of God: “Antichrists are extremely selfish and despicable. They do not have true faith in God, much less loyalty to God; when they encounter an issue, they only protect and safeguard themselves. For them, nothing is more important than their own safety. As long as they can live and won’t get arrested, they don’t care how much harm is done to the work of the church. … Antichrists abandon the work of the church and God’s offerings, and they do not arrange for people to handle the aftermath. This is the same as permitting the great red dragon to seize God’s offerings and His chosen people. Is this not a covert betrayal of God’s offerings and His chosen people? When those who are loyal to God know clearly that an environment is dangerous, they still brave the risk of doing the work of handling the aftermath, and they keep the losses to God’s house to a minimum before they themselves withdraw. They do not give priority to their own safety. Tell Me, in this wicked country of the great red dragon, who could ensure that there is no danger at all in believing in God and doing a duty? Whatever duty one takes on, it entails some risk—yet the performance of duty is commissioned by God, and while following God, one must take on the risk of doing their duty. One should exercise wisdom, and one has need of taking measures to ensure their safety, but one should not put their personal safety first. They should consider God’s intentions, putting the work of His house first and putting the spread of the gospel first. Completing God’s commission of them is what matters most, and it comes first. Antichrists give top priority to their personal safety; they believe that nothing else has anything to do with them. They do not care when something happens to someone else, regardless of who it might be. As long as nothing bad happens to the antichrists themselves, they feel at ease. They are devoid of any loyalty, which is determined by the antichrists’ nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposed that antichrists only consider their own personal safety when in danger. They do not consider whether the interests of the house of God are damaged, and do not pay heed to the safety of their brothers and sisters. They are so selfish and despicable! When I compared the disposition that I revealed with that of an antichrist, I saw they were identical. I was living by the poison of “every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.” In dangerous environments, I considered my own interests first. A year ago, an environment emerged in our church. I was worried that I would be arrested and tortured, and so I didn’t dare go out to water newcomers. This meant that the newcomers’ problems could not be resolved in a timely manner. When the sister I was partnered with and several leaders and deacons were arrested, I urgently needed to handle the aftermath. But I was still afraid that I would be arrested and tortured, and I was afraid of being beaten to death, so I wanted to push my duty onto others. As a leader in the church, I had a responsibility to protect the interests of the church and the safety of my brothers and sisters. However, when a dangerous environment came upon me, I constantly wanted to flee the battle lines, thinking only of saving my own skin and pushing my duty onto others. Cravenly fearing death, I greedily clung to life at any cost. I cared only for my flesh. I was far too selfish and despicable. I didn’t have any loyalty to God at all. I thought of how God risks His life to personally enter the tiger’s lair in order to completely save humanity from under Satan’s power. God has been subjected to relentless pursuit by China’s ruling party, but never abandoned our salvation, instead continuing to speak and utter words to guide us. God’s love for people is so vast! People who are truly loyal to God will prioritize the interests of the house of God. Even if they have to take a risk, they will handle the aftermath well. I enjoyed the provision and shepherding of God’s words, but did not know to show consideration for God’s intentions and did not think about repaying God’s love. I truly lacked conscience and reason! I was no different to an antichrist: selfish and despicable, without a scrap of humanity. If I didn’t repent, I would incur God’s loathing and be eliminated. When I realized this, I hurriedly knelt down to pray, “Dear God, every time I encounter a dangerous environment I only think of my own safety. I do not consider the interests of the church or the safety of my brothers and sisters. I am just too selfish and despicable! My behavior is so loathsome to You! Dear God, I am not willing to live in my corrupt disposition. I am willing to rely on You to do my duty well.”

Later, I searched out passages of God’s words relating to my state of constant fear of being arrested and beaten to death. I read the words of God: “Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility. When Satan threatened and terrorized them, and, in the end, even when it made them pay the price of their lives, they did not abandon their responsibility. This is what it is to fulfill one’s duty to the utmost extent. What do I mean by this? Do I mean to have you use the same method to testify of God and to spread His gospel? You do not necessarily need to do so, but you must understand that this is your responsibility, that if God needs you to, you should accept it as something you are honor-bound to do. People today have fear and worry inside them, but what purpose do those feelings serve? If God does not need you to do this, what is the use in worrying about it? If God needs you to do this, you should not shirk this responsibility nor reject it. You should cooperate proactively and accept it without worry. No matter how one dies, they should not die before Satan, and not die in Satan’s hands. If one is going to die, they should die in God’s hands. People came from God, and to God they return—such is the reason and attitude that a created being should possess” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). From God’s words I understood God’s intentions and requirements. If a person pays with their life to bear testimony to God, this is the highest form of testimony. It is approved by God. When someone gives their life for the just cause, although the flesh dies, the spirit and soul return to God. Just as the Bible says: “He that finds his life shall lose it; and he that loses his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 10:39). Peter was nailed to the cross upside down for God and lost his fleshly life, but he bore testimony to God and gained eternal life. Also, the brothers and sisters who would rather die than turn Judas under torture by the great red dragon died in order to testify to God. This type of death is remembered by God. I constantly worried that I would be arrested by the police and beaten to death while doing my duty: This was a lack of understanding of the significance of life and death. My life is in God’s hands, and God is sovereign over it; the very breath in my lungs was given by God. I should entrust my life and death to God, and submit to God’s orchestration and arrangement. Even if I was arrested and tortured to death by the police, this would be valuable and significant if I could stand firm in my testimony to God. The Lord Jesus said: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul; but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). Satan can only harm a person’s flesh. Even if we are tortured by the CCP for believing in God, and we suffer in the flesh or are even martyred, in this we will have stood firm in testimony before God. This is approved by God. In this life, I was fortunate to accept God’s gospel of the last days, and received so much provision and guidance from God’s words. I understood the mysteries and significance of life, and was spared from Satan’s harm and tricks. I was able to live under the care and protection of the Creator. These things have been the ultimate blessing. Now, even if I had died, that would have been worthwhile: This life would not have been lived in vain. After understanding this, I was not constrained by death in the way I had been before. I was willing to pray to God, rely on God, and use my wisdom to handle the aftermath.

Later, a sister told me that the police had found out my real name. When I heard this news, I thought that I had to be even more cautious in the future. However soon after a letter came from the upper leaders, saying that some work needed to be implemented urgently, and that I was the only person able to find someone who knew about it. I thought about how the police had found out about my actual situation, and how every corner was covered by surveillance. If I went out and was arrested and beaten to death, what would happen? At this time, I realized that my state was incorrect again. I remembered the words of God: “Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). Whether I would be arrested or not was up to God. Even if I were to be arrested, that would be my time to stand firm in my testimony. Even if the police were to beat me to death, I would willingly accept and submit. I would never turn Judas and betray God. With the words of God to guide and lead me, my nervous heart calmed down, and I was not timid or scared anymore. Therefore, I disguised myself and went out and arranged things without a hitch. In that moment, my heart felt at ease and at peace. Afterward, although the environment was still very dangerous, with God’s words leading me, I did not feel timid or afraid anymore. Instead, I relied on God, and used my wisdom to complete my work, and the life of the church gradually returned to normal.

After experiencing this series of environments, I saw God’s wisdom and almightiness, and personally experienced God’s sovereignty. I also gained some understanding of my own selfish and despicable satanic nature. I learned how to pray to God and rely on God, and felt that my relationship with God had become closer. Now, the great red dragon is still arresting brothers and sisters in a frenzy, but I do not live in a state of fear of being arrested anymore. I am willing to submit to all God’s orchestration and arrangement, and do my duty well in the midst of tribulations. Thank God!