By Wang Yan, China

Since I could remember, I often heard elders talk about how lucky such and such a person was, as their children were filial. When they were sick, their children were at their bedside caring for them, and in their old age, they were given a dignified burial, and it seemed like they lived a worthwhile life. This belief of “Raise children to care for you in old age” took root deep in my heart. When my parents got sick, my siblings and I took turns taking care of them, and after our parents passed away, we buried them with dignity. I believed that our parents hadn’t raised us in vain, and I thought to myself, “Isn’t the point of a person raising children to have someone to care for them till death and arrange their funeral?” In our village, there was a lonely elderly woman. Her husband and son had both passed away, leaving her living alone and helpless. In her old age, no one cared for her when she was ill, and no one sorted out her funeral after she died. Her life seemed miserable to me. After getting married, I had a son. When my son was fifteen, my husband passed away. My husband’s death was a huge blow to me. All the hardships of life, people’s bullying, and the rumors made me almost lose the courage to go on. But then I’d think of my son, and I resolved to raise him no matter how hard life was, and I hoped that in the future he would care for me till death and arrange my funeral. Later, I developed heart disease and felt unwell whenever I worked. My son knew to care for me, and when I was ill, he expressed concern, which comforted me. I felt I hadn’t raised him in vain. Later, I found my current husband.

In 2008, I accepted God’s work of the last days. A year later, I began doing my duty in the church. Every now and then, I would go home to take care of my son. I would cook him his favorite food, help with household chores, and give him some pocket money. I tried to meet his needs as best as I could. In 2012, since my son needed a political background check to join the army, the police in our village came to investigate my faith, so I left home to hide away elsewhere. Two months later, I heard that my husband had been arrested for preaching the gospel. After that, I didn’t dare to return home or contact my son.

By 2017, I often felt weak and had palpitations, so I wanted to go back home for medical treatment. But it wasn’t safe for me back home, so I stayed at my older sister’s and asked her to contact my son. It’d been five years since I last saw him, so I was very excited when I saw my son. We talked about what had happened over the past few years. My son told me he had gotten married. He wanted to take me home and have his wife go with me to see a doctor. He also said that they had a house set aside for me to live in when I got older. I was very happy to hear that. I thought about how I hadn’t seen my son in years and hadn’t taken care of him, but that he was still thinking about my future in old age, and I felt that I could still rely on my son. But the next evening, my son came to see me after work, looking downcast, and said, “Mom, my wife doesn’t acknowledge you. She feels uncomfortable with the fact that you haven’t been home all these years. We got into a big fight, and she said it was either her or you. Since she’s taken care of me in difficult times, I chose her.” I felt like I’d been struck by lightning. I’d regarded my son as my lifeline for all these years. I’d worked hard to raise him, hoping he would care for me till death and arrange my funeral. But now, he’d chosen his wife over me and wouldn’t let me into his home. Hadn’t all my effort in raising him been in vain? I couldn’t accept this reality for quite a while and shed a lot of tears.

After my son left, I continued living at my sister’s house, and my condition worsened due to the emotional blow. My husband wasn’t by my side, and now I couldn’t count on my son either. People say that parents raise their children to care for them in old age, but I had no one to depend on. I felt really sad and distressed. I looked on at my sister’s family happily gathering together, laughing and chatting warmly, and I felt like having a son was no different from not having one, that I’d become a lonely old woman. No one would take care of me when I got sick, and no one would arrange my funeral when I died. I felt like my life was a complete failure. I believed in God, so how was it that nonbelievers were living better lives than mine? The more I thought about it, the sadder I became, and I spent my days feeling depressed and unmotivated. One day, some time later, my son suddenly came to see me. He said he was involved in a lawsuit and wanted to borrow some money from us. I thought about how I hadn’t taken good care of him these past few years, and that now he was in trouble, and as a mother, I should help him through this difficult time. So, I asked my husband to give him some money. My son said that he would bring his wife and daughter to meet us later. After the Spring Festival, my son really did bring his little daughter to see me. I thought that although my daughter-in-law still didn’t accept me, at least my son and granddaughter would be with me to take care of me when I got older, and that they’d care for me till my death and arrange my funeral. I was overjoyed and felt hopeful about having people to count on in my later years.

Just before the 2024 Spring Festival, my cousin was arrested and sold me out. To avoid the police monitoring and arresting me, I went to another place to do my duty, and I didn’t dare go home for the Spring Festival. When the day came that my son was supposed to visit me, I couldn’t calm my heart. I thought about how my son and I had just restored our relationship over the past two years, and then I had left again. Would he be angry with me and never speak to me again? Wouldn’t I lose my son again? When I thought about facing the future alone, I felt heartbroken and restless, and I couldn’t eat or sleep well. Although I kept doing my duty, my heart wasn’t in it. I had no desire to follow up on church work either. I prayed to God many times, asking Him to lead me out of my negative state.

Later, I pondered, “Why was I so distressed and pained about not seeing my son? What was the root cause of this?” One day, I read God’s words: “In addition to having these expectations for adult children, parents also have a requirement for their own children that is common among all parents in the world, which is that they hope they can be filial children and treat their parents well. Of course, some specific ethnic groups and regions have more specific requirements for their children. For example, in addition to being filial to their parents, they also need to care for their parents till death and arrange their funerals, live with their parents after reaching adulthood, and take responsibility for their parents’ livelihoods. This is the last aspect of parental expectations toward their offspring that we will discuss now—demanding that their children be filial and take care of them in their old age. Is this not the original intention of all parents in having children, as well as a basic requirement for their children? (Yes, it is.) … When their children are still very young, the parents already start setting demands and are always testing them, asking: ‘When you grow up, will you support mommy and daddy?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Will you support daddy’s parents?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Will you support mommy’s parents?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Who do you like the best?’ ‘I like mommy best.’ Then dad gets jealous, ‘What about daddy?’ ‘I like daddy best.’ Mom gets jealous, ‘Who do you really like the best?’ ‘Mommy and daddy.’ Then both parents are satisfied. They strive for their children to be filial starting when they have just barely learned to speak, and they hope that their children will treat them well when they grow up. Although these young children cannot express themselves clearly and don’t understand much, parents still want to hear a promise in their children’s answers. At the same time, they also want to see their own future in their children and hope the children they are raising will not be ungrateful, but filial children who will take responsibility for them, and even more so, on whom they will be able to rely, and who will support them in their old age. Although they have been asking these questions since their children were young, they are not simple questions. They are completely requirements and hopes arising from the depths of these parents’ hearts, very real requirements and very real hopes. So, as soon as their children start to gain an understanding of things, parents hope that they can show concern when their parents are sick, accompany them at their bedside and take care of them, even if it’s just pouring water for them to drink. Although they can’t do much, they can’t provide financial or more practical help, at least their children should display this much filial piety. Parents want to be able to see this filial piety while their children are young, and verify it from time to time. For example, when the parents are not feeling well or are tired from work, they look to see if their children know to bring them drinks, to bring their shoes, to wash their clothes, or to make them a simple meal, even if it’s just scrambled eggs with rice, or if they’ll ask their parents, ‘Are you tired? If you are, let me make you something to eat.’ Some parents go out during holidays and deliberately do not come back at mealtimes to prepare food, just to see if their children have grown up and become sensible, if they know to cook for them, if they know to be filial and considerate, if they can share in their hardships, or if they are heartless ingrates, if they raised them for nothing. While their children are growing up, and even during adulthood, their parents are constantly testing them and prying into this matter, and at the same time, they are constantly making demands of their children, ‘You shouldn’t be such heartless ingrates. Why did we, your parents, even raise you? It was so that you’d take care of us when we got old. Did we raise you for nothing? You should not defy us. It wasn’t easy for us to raise you. It was hard work. You should be considerate and know these things.’ Especially during the so-called rebellious phase, that is, the transition from adolescence to adulthood, some children are not very sensible or discerning, and they often defy their parents and cause trouble. Their parents cry, make a scene, and nag them, saying, ‘You don’t know how much we suffered to look after you when you were young! We didn’t expect you to grow up like this, not at all filial, ignorant of how to share the burden of household chores or our hardships. You don’t know how difficult all this is for us. You are not filial, you are defiant, you are not a good person!’ Besides getting angry at their children for being disobedient or exhibiting radical behavior in their studies or in daily life, another reason for their anger is that they cannot see their own future in their children, or they see that their children will not be filial in the future, that they are neither considerate nor do they feel sorry for their parents, that they don’t hold their parents in their hearts, or more precisely, that they don’t know to go and be filial to their parents. So, in the eyes of their parents, they cannot place their hopes in such children: They may be ungrateful or defiant, and their parents are heartbroken, feeling that the investments and expenses they made for the sake of their children were in vain, that they made a bad deal, it wasn’t worth it, and they regret it, feeling sad, distressed, and in anguish” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God exposes that parents have expectations of their children, specifically that they expect their children to care for them till their death and arrange their funerals. When their children fail to meet these expectations, they feel pained and disappointed, and they think they raised their children in vain. That’s exactly my state. I had these expectations of my son when he was very young. I hoped that he would attend to me when I was sick, and I expected that when I became old and immobile in the future, he would support me and take care of my daily life, and that after I passed, he would arrange my funeral. When my son grew up, due to the CCP’s persecution, I didn’t dare to return home for several years. After I returned, I heard that my son had kept a house for me and that I could return to live there in my old age. I was very happy, and I thought that my son was still filial and reliable. But when he chose his wife over me, I felt heartbroken and disappointed. I thought my son was unreliable, and that I’d raised him in vain. When my son brought my granddaughter to visit me, I felt comforted. But when I couldn’t meet him again because I needed to avoid being arrested by the CCP, I worried that my son wouldn’t acknowledge me anymore, and my hopes of relying on him to care for me in my old age were shattered. I fell into pain once again, and couldn’t focus on following up on church work. But now I understood that the root of my pain was that I had been controlled by the idea of “Raise children to care for you in old age,” and could not submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

I then read more of God’s words: “Regarding the matter of expecting their children to be filial to them, in one respect, parents must know that everything is orchestrated by God and depends on God’s ordination. In another, people have to be reasonable, and by giving birth to their children parents are inherently experiencing something special in life. They have already gained a lot from their children and come to appreciate the sorrows and joys of parenting. This process is a rich experience in their lives, and of course it is also a memorable one. It compensates for the shortcomings and ignorance that exist in their humanity. As parents, they have already gained what they ought to gain out of raising their children. If they are not content with this and demand that their children serve them as attendants or slaves, and expect their children to repay them for raising them by showing their parents filial piety, taking care of them in their old age, sending them off in burial, placing them in a coffin, keeping their body from rotting in the house, weeping bitterly for them when they pass, going into mourning and grieving them for three years, etc., letting their children use these to pay back their debt, then it becomes unreasonable and inhumane. You see, in terms of how God teaches people to treat their parents, He only requires them to be filial to their parents, and does not at all require that children support their parents until death. God does not give people this responsibility and obligation—He never said anything like this. God only advises children to be filial to their parents. Showing filial piety to parents is a general statement with a broad scope. Speaking about it in specific terms today, it means fulfilling your responsibilities within your ability and conditions—that’s enough. It’s that simple, that is the only requirement for children. So, how should parents understand this? God does not demand that ‘Children must be filial to their parents, take care of them in their old age, and send them off.’ Therefore, those who are parents should let go of their selfishness and not expect everything about their children to revolve around them just because they gave birth to them. If children do not revolve around their parents and do not consider them the center of their lives, then it isn’t right for parents to constantly scold them, plague their conscience, and say things like ‘You are ungrateful, unfilial, and disobedient, and even after raising you for so long I still can’t rely on you,’ always scolding their children like this and putting burdens on them. Demanding that one’s children be filial and accompany them, take care of them in old age and bury them, and constantly think about them wherever they go, is an inherently wrong course of action and inhumane thought and idea. This kind of thinking may exist to a greater or lesser degree in different countries or among different ethnic groups, but looking at traditional Chinese culture, Chinese people particularly emphasize filial piety. From ancient times to the present, this has always been discussed and emphasized as a part of people’s humanity and a standard for measuring whether someone is good or bad. Of course, in society, there is also a common practice and public opinion that if children are not filial, their parents will also feel ashamed, and the children will feel unable to bear this mark on their reputation. Under the influence of various factors, parents are also deeply poisoned by this traditional thinking, demanding without thinking or discernment that their children be filial” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). By reading God’s words, I came to understand that the idea of “Raise children to care for you in old age” is wrong. As parents, raising children is our responsibility and obligation. We shouldn’t treat this as a transaction with our children. Since we chose to give birth to them, we have the responsibility to take care of them. Just like animals taking care of their offspring. They carefully take care of them until they can survive on their own. This is all part of the instincts that God has given them. All animals follow this law, so that all living things can multiply and continue. Humans are no exception. I thought about how I’d raised my son, and I saw it was a process that had enriched my life experience. From his first words, to his first steps, to his going to school and his helping me with chores, all of it brought me a sense of responsibility as a mother. It also allowed my humanity to mature. Raising our children is our responsibility and obligation as parents, not a kindness. But because I’d taken on the traditional notion of “Raise children to care for you in old age,” I used my raising him as a bargaining chip to try and make a transaction with him, thinking that since I’d raised him, he should run about and attend to me when I got old or sick, and that when I died, he should give me a grand funeral. My raising him was all to satisfy my fleshly interests. God only requires that people fulfill their responsibilities toward their parents according to their actual situations. There is no requirement for children to care for their parents in old age or for them to arrange their funeral. But I held onto the traditional notions of “Raise children to care for you in old age,” and “I raise my son when he’s young, and he cares for me when I’m old,” and so I demanded that my son take full responsibility for my life. Was this not being completely unreasonable and utterly selfish and despicable? Every time I saw that I couldn’t rely on my son, I felt heartbroken and disappointed, and that there was no hope in life. I even complained about God, thinking that despite believing in Him, my life was worse than those who didn’t believe. I was constantly worried about my future and couldn’t focus on my duties. I saw that the traditional cultural idea of “Raise children to care for you in old age” had been harming and binding me, making me unable to see right from wrong. This idea is utterly absurd!

I then read more of God’s words: “In fact, just from the act of bearing and raising children, you have already gained a lot from them. As for whether your children will be filial to you, whether you can rely on them before you die, and what you can obtain from them, these things depend on whether you are destined to live together, and it’s up to God’s ordination. In another respect, what kind of environment your children live in, their living conditions, whether they have the conditions to be able to take care of you, whether they are financially comfortable, and whether they have extra money to provide you with material enjoyment and assistance, also depends on God’s ordination. Moreover, subjectively as parents, whether you have the fate to enjoy the material things, money, or emotional comfort that your children give you also depends on God’s ordination. Isn’t that so? (Yes.) These are not things that can be solicited by humans. You see, some children are not liked by their parents, and their parents are not willing to live with them, but God has ordained for them to live with their parents, so they are unable to travel far away or leave their parents. They are stuck with their parents for their entire lives—you couldn’t drive them away if you tried. Some children, on the other hand, have parents who are very willing to be with them; they are inseparable, always missing each other, but for various reasons, they are unable to reside in the same city as their parents, or even in the same country. It is difficult for them to see each other’s faces and talk to one another; even though communication methods have become so developed, and video chat is a possibility, it is still different from living together day in and day out. Their children for whatever reason go abroad, work or live in another place after getting married, and so on, and they are separated from their parents by a long, long distance. It is not easy to meet up even once, and making a phone or video call depends on the time. Because of the time difference or other inconveniences, they are unable to communicate with their parents very often. What are these major aspects related to? Aren’t they all related to God’s ordination? (Yes.) It is not something that can be decided by the subjective wishes of either parent or child; most of all, it depends on God’s ordination. In another respect, parents worry about whether they can rely on their children in the future. What do you want to rely on them for? To bring tea and pour water? What kind of dependence is that? Can’t you do that yourself? If you are healthy and able to move and take care of yourself, to do everything on your own, isn’t that great? Why do you have to rely on others to serve you? Is it really happiness to enjoy your children’s care and companionship, as well as them serving you both at the dinner table and away from it? Not necessarily. If you are unable to move, and they really do have to serve you both at table and away from it, does that constitute happiness for you? If you were given a choice, would you choose to be healthy and not need your children’s care, or would you choose to be paralyzed in bed with your children by your side? Which one would you choose? (To be healthy.) It’s so much better to be healthy. Whether you live to be 80, 90, or even 100 years old, you can keep taking care of yourself. This is a good quality of life. Although you may grow old, your wits may become slow, you may have a bad memory, eat less, do things more slowly and not as well, and going out is not as convenient, it’s still great that you’re able to take care of your own basic needs. It’s enough to occasionally receive a phone call from your children to say hello or have them come home and stay with you during the holidays. Why demand any more from them? You’re always relying on your children; will you only be happy when they become your slaves? Isn’t it selfish for you to think that way?” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). After reading God’s words, I suddenly saw the light. Whether a person can enjoy the care and attention of their children in life, or how much material or emotional comfort they can get from their children, all depends on God’s ordination. It’s not something that happens just because we want it to. Take my older brother, for example. He has five children, but when he was sick, not a single one was there to care for him. In the end, it was my husband who took care of him until he passed away. Looking back, I hadn’t been in good health while doing my duty over the past few years. I’d had several heart attacks, and each time, it was God who protected me and saved me from danger. Once, I felt a sudden chest pain, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. I felt dizzy, I couldn’t move at all, and I thought I might die. I prayed to God in my heart, “God, my life is in Your hands. Even if I die here today, I’m willing to submit to Your sovereignty.” Just then, the younger brother from the host family returned from out of town. He was a doctor and did some acupressure on me, and after a while, I didn’t feel so bad. I saw how God arranged people, events, and things around me to help me, and I knew that this was God’s wondrous protection. Thinking about it, even in times when my son was by my side while I was sick, I still suffered just as much, and if God wanted to take my life, my son would have been powerless even if he was there. My fate is in God’s hands, and my health is also under God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Also, I must bear responsibility for my own life, I shouldn’t rely on my son for everything, and I should handle life independently without him. That’s the sense of reason that parents should have. After realizing this, my heart felt much brighter.

I read more of God’s words, and I gained some insight into the absurdity of demanding a grand funeral and begetting children just to have them send us off. Almighty God says: “People think, ‘Having children by your side to put you in a coffin, to wear burial clothes for you, to put on makeup, and to arrange a grand funeral is a glorious thing. If you die without anyone arranging a funeral for you or sending you off, it’s like your whole life has had no proper conclusion.’ Is this idea correct? (No, it isn’t.) Nowadays, young people don’t pay much attention to these things, but there are still people in remote areas and older people with little insight who have the thought and viewpoint deeply planted in their heart that children must take care of their parents in old age and send them off. No matter how you fellowship about the truth, they do not accept it—what is the final consequence of this? The consequence is that they suffer greatly. This tumor has long been hidden inside of them, and they will be poisoned by it. When they dig it out and remove it, they will no longer be poisoned by it, and their lives will be free. Any wrong actions are caused by wrong thoughts. If they are afraid of dying and rotting in their house, they will always be thinking, ‘I have to raise a son. When my son grows up, I can’t let him go very far away. What if he’s not by my side when I die? Not having someone who will take care of me in old age or send me off would be my greatest regret in life! If I have someone to do this for me, then my life would not have been lived in vain. It would be a perfect life. No matter what, I cannot be the subject of ridicule by my neighbors.’ Isn’t this a rotten ideology? (Yes, it is.) It is narrow-minded and degenerate, attaching too much importance to the physical body! In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left. Only if people have gained the truth while alive, when they are saved, then they will live forever. If you haven’t gained the truth, then when your body dies and decays, there will be nothing left; no matter how filial your children are to you, you won’t be able to enjoy it. When a person dies and their children bury them in a coffin, can that old body feel anything? Can it perceive anything? (No, it cannot.) It has no perception at all. But in life, people attach great importance to this matter, demanding a lot from their children in whether they can send them off—which is foolish, isn’t it? (Yes, it is.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words are very clear. After one’s death, his soul leaves. His body retains no sign of life and decays in just a few days. Even if his children and grandchildren wear mourning clothes and no matter how grand the funeral is, his body has already had no perception, and he won’t know anything. It’s so foolish to demand a grand funeral after death! However, I took this matter very seriously, and when my son chose his wife over me, I was worried that one day I might die from a serious illness, and that if no one were to bury me, my life would end imperfect and miserable. These thoughts of mine were truly absurd! In fact, in the last days, God expresses the truth, aiming to work the truth into people, and only by pursuing the truth can people live a meaningful and valuable life. God determines a person’s outcome by whether they possess the truth. Only by obtaining the truth and living according to God’s words can one receive eternal life and be brought into a beautiful destination. If a person hasn’t pursued the truth or prepared good deeds during their lifetime, then no matter how grand their funeral is, their soul will go to hell. In my faith, I should think about how to pursue the truth, about how to pursue change in my disposition, and about how to do the duty of a created being well. Only once a person has gained God’s approval can they live a life that is filled with value and meaning. As God said: “In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left. Only if people have gained the truth while alive, when they are saved, then they will live forever.” I am a believer in God, and if I pursue glory after death and rely on these things to live, that would make me a fool and a disbeliever. How my son treats me is all in God’s ordination. Even if he doesn’t care for me till my death and arrange my funeral, I should still submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. This is the reason I should have. We are in a critical moment for the expansion of God’s gospel, and what I should do is cherish the time I have right now, do my duty in a down-to-earth manner, equip myself with more truth and bear witness to God, and contribute my part to the expansion of the kingdom gospel. Now that I’ve come to understand these things, I have the correct goal and direction in life, I feel free and liberated in my heart, and I’m no longer affected in my duty.