By Cheng Na, China

My former husband divorced me because I can’t get pregnant. Later, I found my current husband. At the time, he had two young sons. I thought, “If I maintain this marriage well, then I will have people to rely on in my old age.” So, I cared for these two boys as if they were my own. I also took care of my blind mother-in-law. My husband and I built a vegetable polytunnel and planted cash crops. I did all the work that men do. I would set off for the market before it got light and stay up into the night to sell vegetables and earn money for the family. My efforts were rewarded: My husband showed care and consideration for me, and the children kept calling me “mom.” This gave me hope that as long as I took good care of my family, I would have people to rely on in my old age. I didn’t ask for anything else. I never expected that a decade later I would suddenly get a cerebral thrombosis. I was paralyzed in bed, and couldn’t look after myself. My husband racked his brains to think of ways to help me treat my illness. When I was in the hospital, he took care of me very considerately. However, no matter what treatment I tried, my illness could not be cured. I felt really miserable. I couldn’t do anything by myself, and it seemed that I would have to rely on my husband to take care of me in the future. He would be my support for the rest of my life. After a while, I started to have misgivings, “Although my husband is being very good to me now, if I never get better from my illness, then after a long time, won’t he come to dislike me, and not want me anymore? The children aren’t my biological children, after all. I don’t have a single relative by my side. Who will I rely on when I get old?” I was constantly worried about this matter, and I even lost the courage to live on.

Just when I was in pain and helpless, in 2013 I accepted Almighty God’s salvation of the last days. Through reading the words of God, I understood some truth, and realized that my destiny is in God’s hands, and that God is the only One I can rely on. I felt so much more liberated and happy in my heart. I no longer cried in distress over these matters. Slowly, my illness improved, and I was able to take care of myself again. I was filled with gratitude to God. My husband saw that my illness was much improved, so he supported my belief in God. Later, my husband came to know that believing in God in China could lead to arrest and imprisonment, and he also believed the baseless rumors spread by the CCP. He was afraid that I might be arrested for my belief in God and that it would affect his sons’ work and his grandsons’ prospects, and so he started to prevent me from believing in God. He also joined together with his sons and relatives to persecute me and make me abandon my belief in God. I thought to myself, “If I don’t obey my husband and persist in believing in God, then I’ll offend my husband and sons. Will I still have a good life in the future?” So I didn’t dare go to gatherings or do my duty anymore. I just wholeheartedly wanted to maintain this family. When my husband saw that I wasn’t going to gatherings, his attitude toward me improved a lot. However, I lost my church life and could not fellowship about God’s words with my brothers and sisters. My heart felt empty. I was in extreme torment. A few days later, a leader came to help and support me, and fellowshipped with me about God’s intention to save people. I felt God’s love, and started to attend gatherings again in secret. However, the good times didn’t last. At the end of the year, my husband returned home from his job and discovered that I still believed in God. He roped in my younger brother and sister to subject me to a criticism meeting to force me to abandon my belief in God. When he saw I wouldn’t compromise, he left home, taking all the cash and bank passbooks with him. I was weak and sickly, left unattended alone at home. I also didn’t have any money to live on. At that time, I genuinely felt that I could not carry on living. I felt extremely sad and conflicted. If I continued believing, once my husband divorced me, then I wouldn’t have any family. I was getting older, and my health was poor. How could I live on my own? Who would look after me in my old age? But if I stopped believing in God, that would be betraying God, and I would lose any chance to be saved. Later, a sister came to help and support me. I understood that when family persecution came upon me, I should rely on God and stand firm in my testimony to God. After that, I read some more words of God, and I didn’t feel as sad anymore. I thought to myself, “No matter what, I can’t leave God.” My husband came back a few days later, but I still insisted on going to gatherings. I just sneaked out every time and didn’t dare let my husband know.

In the spring of 2016, the leaders wanted me to do text-based duty. Inside, I was both happy and worried. Allowing me to do such an important duty was God’s grace to me, and was God lifting me up. I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to train, but I also had misgivings: To do text-based duty, sometimes I would have to leave home for a few days. If my husband happened to come back and find out, and then he took the opportunity to get rid of me, what would I do? Would I be left homeless? How would I live out the rest of my days? When I thought about this, I declined the duty. However, afterward, I frequently felt self-reproach in my heart. I felt that having the opportunity to do text-based duty would allow me to be able to equip myself with more truth. However, I hadn’t cherished this opportunity and turned it down. I was being willingly bound and constrained by my husband. Was I not demeaning myself?

In August 2023, a church leader talked to me, “Now, many brothers and sisters have been arrested, and it’s hard to find host families. Can you host a sister to live in your house?” I thought to myself, “My husband works in another city. He only comes home when there are things to do around the house. I’m usually the only one at home. I can’t do other duties because of my health, but it won’t be a problem to host one sister. The sister will be able to do her duty when she moves in, and I will be able to prepare good deeds too.” But then I thought about it again, “What will I do when my husband comes back and sees her? My husband opposes my belief in God to start off with, and mentions divorce at the drop of a hat. If this matter makes my husband so dissatisfied with me that he doesn’t want me anymore, is it worth it? Without a marriage or family, who can I count on to look after me in my old age? Where could I go if I have no family and no job?” I remembered how in the past my husband had forced me to abandon my belief in God, and I felt worried and afraid. But then I thought about how the sister was being hunted by the CCP and couldn’t find a suitable host family, and my home was relatively safe. So, I agreed.

I didn’t expect that only three or four days after my sister moved in, my husband would come back. I felt really troubled inside, “What should I say to my husband? Will he look for trouble? What will we do if he gets angry and throws me and my sister out? Besides, the environment is tense now. If my sister doesn’t have a suitable place to live and she is arrested, what then? Then, not only would I fail to prepare good deeds but I would end up doing evil instead.” Then I thought again, “In the past, I had declined my duty, and I owe God a lot. Now, I have read a lot of God’s words, and I understand some truth. If I don’t do my duty, am I still worthy of being a human? I cannot continue to shirk my duty.” Then, I prayed to God urgently in my heart, asking Him to open up a way out for me. Afterward, I used my wisdom and told my husband that I’d only asked the sister to stay for a few days. Hearing this, my husband didn’t say anything. He even asked me to call her out to have dinner. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my heart. In order to maintain this family, I meticulously waited on my husband. I made his favorite meals in different ways, afraid of making him unhappy. A couple of days after my husband came back, I caught a cold from him. I was feverish, had a cough, and my whole body was aching and weak. Even though I was ill, I still wanted to serve my husband well. I was worried that as time went on, he wouldn’t let me host my sister. I watched his expression at every turn. When he was happy, I would be nicer to my sister, but when he was unhappy, I felt nervous and uneasy. I was afraid if I incurred his anger he would throw me out. My heart was filled with distress, anxiety, and worry. In addition, I was seriously ill at the time. So I regretted doing this duty, and even hoped that my sister would move out quickly. I grew impatient with my sister, and didn’t host her as warmly as before. Later, my sister also got ill. I felt really bad, and felt like I had let her down.

One day, the leader wrote a letter to me, showing me some passages of God’s words relating to my state of being constrained by my husband. This was what one of the passages said: “God has given you marriage, given you a partner, and given you a different living environment. Within this kind of living environment and situation, He makes your partner share and face everything together with you, so that you can live more freely and easily, while at the same time allowing you to appreciate a different stage of life. However, God hasn’t sold you out to marriage. What do I mean by this? I mean that God hasn’t taken your life, your fate, your mission, the path you follow in life, the direction you choose in life, and the kind of faith you have and given it all to your partner to determine for you. He hasn’t said that the kind of fate, pursuits, life path, and outlook on life a woman has must be decided by her husband, or that the kind of fate, pursuits, outlook on life, and life a man has must be decided by his wife. God has never said such things and has not ordained things in this way. You see, did God say any such thing when He established marriage for mankind? (No.) God has never said that the pursuit of marital happiness is a woman’s or a man’s mission in life, and that you must maintain the happiness of your marriage well in order for your life’s mission to be accomplished and for you to successfully conduct yourself as a created being—God has never said any such thing” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). From God’s words I understood that every person’s destiny in their life, and their marriage, is ordained by God. God ordains marriage for people so that husband and wife can look after each other, help and support each other, and share all things. In this way, their lives are more relaxed and at ease. However, God doesn’t ask people to sell themselves out to marriage. Neither does God ask us to treat maintaining our marriage as our mission in life. People have the right to choose what path they should take and what kind of faith they should have. It is not the case that their other half gets to decide about everything. But in order to have a content marriage and a happy family, I sold myself out to marriage. I was a willing slave to my husband, working hard without complaint. I did all the work in the household; I also did all the work that men did. When I got home, I had to serve my husband well. After I started believing in God, in order to manage my marriage well and have someone to rely on in my old age, I didn’t dare go to gatherings, let alone leave home to do my duty. When I did hosting duty, I was worried that my husband would get impatient when he saw my sister at home, and not want me or care about me anymore. I felt constrained because of this. Although I reluctantly hosted my sister, I constantly watched my husband’s expression before acting. When I saw he was happy, I was nicer to my sister, but when he was unhappy, I felt nervous and uneasy. I even regretted hosting my sister, and hoped that she would move out quickly so I wouldn’t have to suffer like this. In order to please my husband, I was constrained by him at every turn. I simply was unable to do my duty well at all. Thinking back to when I was ill, at the time of my greatest pain and helplessness, it was God who arranged for a sister to preach the gospel to me, and it was only the supply and guidance of God’s words that gave me the courage to live on. When I was negative and weak, God also arranged for a sister to come and help and support me on multiple occasions. This helped me to gradually become stronger. I should do the duty of a created being well, and repay God’s grace in saving me. That’s the correct thing to do. God’s words gave me faith and courage. I was willing to give everything to God. It was my right to believe in God, and my husband had no right to interfere. My mission was to do my duty well, and this was what I should do. When I had understood this, I said to my sister, “Don’t worry. Just live in my house without any concerns. No matter what my husband does to me, I will not be constrained by him. Even if he divorces me, I will still host you.”

One evening just after ten, my coughing startled my husband and woke him up. He got angry at me, and said a lot of harsh words. I was afraid my sister would hear and feel constrained, so I didn’t dare retort. In my heart, I prayed urgently to God. Not long after, the phone rang. My husband’s boss told him that he had to go back to work the next day. I was very happy. I knew that this was God opening up a way out for me. Later, because my husband would come back sometimes, my sister felt constrained living here, so the church found another host home, and my sister moved out a few days later. I felt very self-reproachful, and felt like I had let my sister down. I thought about how when my sister was here, I was constantly constrained by my husband and only focused on caring for my husband well. The only thing I considered was how to maintain my marriage and family. I didn’t put my heart into my duty. Now, I had even lost my duty. Later, I pondered, “Why am I constrained by my husband at every turn? What is the root cause of the problem?” I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten and lead me so I would be able to reflect on and understand myself, and learn lessons. In my seeking, I read a passage of God’s words: “Once they’re married, some people are prepared to devote all they can do to their married life, and they prepare to strive, struggle, and work hard for their marriage. Some desperately earn money and suffer and, of course, even more entrust their life’s happiness to their partner. They believe that whether they will be happy and joyful in life depends on what their partner is like, whether they’re a good person; whether their personality and interests match their own; whether they are someone who can bring home the bacon and run a family; whether they are someone who can ensure the basic necessities for them in the future, and provide them with a happy, stable, wonderful family; and whether they are someone who can comfort them when they encounter any pain, tribulation, failure or setback. … In such living conditions as these, the husband and wife seldom try to discern what kind of person their partner is, living entirely in their feelings for their partner, and using their feelings to care for their partner, tolerate them, handle all their faults, flaws, and pursuits, even to the point of responding to their every beck and call. For example, a woman’s husband says, ‘Your gatherings go on for too long. Just go for half an hour and then come home.’ She replies, ‘I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, next time she goes to a gathering for half an hour and then returns home, and her husband now says, ‘That’s more like it. Next time, just go and show your face and then come back.’ She says, ‘Oh, so that’s how much you miss me! Okay then, I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, she doesn’t disappoint him the next time she goes to a gathering, and comes home after ten minutes or so. Her husband is very pleased and happy, and says, ‘That’s better!’ … To get your partner to feel pleased with you and agree to your occasional reading of God’s words or attending a gathering, you get up very early every day to make breakfast, tidy the house, clean up, feed the chickens, feed the dog, and do all sorts of exhausting tasks—even those normally done by men. In order to satisfy your husband, you work tirelessly like an old maidservant. Before he comes home, you shine his leather shoes and arrange his slippers, and after he gets home, you hurry to brush the dust off him and help him remove his coat and hang it up, asking, ‘It’s so hot today. Are you hot? Are you thirsty? What would you like to eat today? Something sour or something spicy? Do you need to change clothes? Take those clothes off and I’ll wash them for you.’ You’re like an old maidservant or a slave, already having exceeded the scope of responsibilities you should fulfill within the framework of marriage. You are at your husband’s beck and call, and you regard him as your lord. In such a family as this, there is an obvious difference in status among the two spouses: One is a slave, the other is the master; one is servile and humble, the other looks fierce and commanding; one bows and scrapes, the other is swollen by arrogance. Clearly, the status of the two people within the framework of marriage is unequal. Why is this? Isn’t this slave demeaning herself? (Yes.) The slave is demeaning herself. You’ve failed to uphold the responsibility toward marriage that God has ordained for humankind, and you’ve gone too far. Your husband fulfills no responsibility and does nothing, and yet you would still wait at the beck and call of a spouse like this and submit to his authority, willingly becoming his slave and his old maidservant to serve him and do everything for him—what kind of person are you? Just who exactly is your Lord? Why don’t you practice in this way for God? God has ordained that your partner provides for your life; this is something he should do, you don’t owe him anything. You do what you ought to do and fulfill the responsibilities and obligations you ought to fulfill—does he? Does he do what he ought to do? In a marriage, it’s not that whoever is the formidable one is the lord, and whoever can work hard and do the most should be the slave. In a marriage, both people should fulfill their responsibilities to each other and accompany each other. Both people have a responsibility toward each other, and both people have obligations to fulfill and things to do within the framework of marriage. You should act according to your role; whichever one your role is, you should do what you ought to do in that role. If you don’t, then you are without normal humanity. In colloquial terms, you’re not worth a dime. Then if someone’s not worth a dime and yet you can still be at their beck and call and willingly be their slave, that is utterly foolish and makes you worthless. What’s wrong with believing in God? Is your belief in God an act of evil? Is there a problem with reading God’s words? These are all upright and honorable things to do. What does it demonstrate when the government persecutes people who believe in God? It demonstrates that humankind is so evil, and it represents evil forces and Satan. It does not represent the truth or God. Therefore, believing in God doesn’t mean that you’re below others or inferior to others. On the contrary, your belief in God makes you nobler than worldly people, your pursuit of the truth makes you honorable in the eyes of God, and He regards you as the apple of His eye. And yet you demean yourself and unstintingly become your spouse’s slave just to fawn on the other person in your marriage. Why don’t you act like this when performing the duty of a created being? Why can’t you manage that? Isn’t this an expression of human lowliness? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words pierced my heart like a sharp sword. What they exposed was precisely my state. Ever since my husband and I got married, in order to manage this marriage well, and give myself a stable home to rely on in my old age, I did everything I could to please him. I was willing to do any job, no matter how dirty or exhausting. I racked my brains to help him build a polytunnel and plant cash crops for money. I painstakingly raised two children. I bore all the hard work uncomplainingly. I attended to my blind mother-in-law around the clock. I willingly served as the maidservant of their entire family. As long as my husband and sons were satisfied, I willingly and gladly bore any amount of suffering or exhaustion. After I started to believe in God, my husband was taken in by the baseless rumors of the CCP government and strongly opposed my belief in God. In order to maintain a good marriage and family, I was cautious, servile, and humble in front of him in every regard: I willingly served as a slave to the family. I didn’t dare do my duty because I was constrained and bound by my husband. Even when I went to gatherings, I always wanted to get back early so I could make dinner and serve my husband well. And even more so, I didn’t dare to leave home to do my duty. I was just afraid that my husband would divorce me, and that I’d have nobody to look after me in my old age. I even felt constrained when doing hosting duty, which was well within my capabilities. I was being deeply controlled by the satanic poisons of “In one’s old age, one should have someone to rely on” and “Raise children to support you in old age,” and was living without the slightest shred of dignity. Actually, God ordains marriage for people so that two people can accompany each other, take care of each other and support each other. It is not that my husband is so formidable that he’s my lord and master, and that I have to obey him in everything and act with one eye on his expression. In this family, I just need to be able to fulfill my responsibilities as a wife and that’s it. I have my own mission in addition to this, which is to do the duty of a created being well. I could no longer be servile and humble and be a slave to my husband and children. I must cherish the opportunity that God had given me to do my duty well.

Later, I read the words of God: “Since the creation of the world, I have begun to predestine and select this group of people—namely, you of today. Your temperament, caliber, appearance, and stature, your family into which you were born, your job, and your marriage—you in your entirety, even including the color of your hair and your skin, and your time of birth—were all arranged by My hands. I arranged by hand even the things you do and the people you meet every single day, not to mention the fact that bringing you into My presence today was actually done by My arrangement. Do not throw yourself into disorder; you should proceed calmly. What I allow you to enjoy today is a share that you deserve, and it has been predestined by Me since the world’s creation” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 74). After reading the words of God, I understood that it is God’s grace that I can live in the last days and accept God’s work. It is also God who has ordained that I cannot have children, and behind it there is God’s intention. The traditional ideas of “Raise children to support you in old age” and “Be a good wife and loving mother” were very strong in my heart. If I had had my own children, then I would have wholeheartedly planned and considered for my children and my family. I would have put all my time and effort into my husband and my children, willingly giving everything for them. I would have treated maintaining my marriage and family and taking good care of my children as my mission in this life. In that case, I wouldn’t have come to believe in God. God set up this environment so I would experience sufferings, which forced me to come before God, rely on God, and gave me the chance to hear God’s voice, pursue the truth, and receive God’s salvation. This was a blessing from God. In the past, I hadn’t understood God’s intention and had complained that I had a bad destiny. Now, I understood God’s painstaking intention in saving me, and understood that God caused me to be born in the last days, not to just have children but to come before God and do the duty of a created being. This was my responsibility and mission.

I continued to read the words of God. God says: “God has arranged your current spouse for you, and you can live together with them. If God changed His mood and arranged someone else for you, you could still live just as well, and so your current spouse is not your one and only, nor are they your destination. Only God is the One to whom your destination is entrusted, and only God is the One to whom the destination of mankind is entrusted. You can still survive and live if you leave your parents, and of course you can still live just as well if you leave your partner. Your parents aren’t your destination, nor is your partner” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). After reading the words of God, I understood that people’s destinies are in the hands of the Creator. However much my husband showed consideration for me and cared for me, he could not control my destiny. Only God is the One to whom my destination is entrusted. Only God is the One I can truly depend on. When I had cerebral thrombosis, my husband tried everything he could to treat me, but it didn’t have any effect. However he cared for me, he couldn’t remove my illness. After I started believing in God, I put my illness into God’s hands, and stopped thinking about whether it would get better or not. Slowly, my illness improved, and I was able to take care of myself again. Was all this not God’s sovereignty and orchestration? Then look at many of the brothers and sisters in the church. They have let go of their marriages and families to do their duties and spread God’s gospel. They live in the care and protection of God, and do not worry about food or clothing. Instead, their lives are relaxed, happy, free, and liberated. Just as the Lord Jesus said: “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much better than they?” (Matthew 6:26). The fowls of the air that God created don’t sow or reap, but God feeds them, let alone mankind, who was created by God. I was afraid that if I lost my marriage, family, and husband then I wouldn’t have anyone to rely on and nobody would look after me in my old age. So, I was often constrained by my husband and didn’t dare to go to gatherings, let alone do my duty. I had too little faith in God. Now I had some understanding of God’s sovereignty, and had the faith to walk forward in reliance on God. My husband didn’t believe in God and persecuted me. He was resisting God, and I could not continue to obey him in everything and be his slave. Not long after, some brothers and sisters in the church were arrested. The leader wrote to me and asked if I could host two sisters to live in my house. Without thinking too much about it, I wrote back directly and said, “I can.” I started doing hosting duty again. This time, I was no longer afraid that my husband would see, and I wasn’t afraid that my husband would divorce me. I felt very liberated in my heart. One day, my husband called and said he was coming back. My sisters said they wanted to go out and hide, but I calmly said, “There’s no need. Although he is opposed to my belief in God, he wouldn’t go as far as to call the police.” When my husband came home and saw my sisters here, he didn’t say anything. After two days, my husband got angry and shouted at me over a trivial matter, “You believers in God are not allowed here from now on. If you come here again, I’ll throw you out!” I thought about how in the past, I was afraid of offending my husband and obeyed him in everything, and how I lost my duty and lived without integrity or dignity. Now, I understood the truth and had confidence in my heart. I said, “Me believing in God is not illegal and is not a crime. I also have a share of this home. You don’t get to have the final word.” When he heard what I said, he stormed out angrily. I was no longer afraid that he would ignore me or divorce me. I even thought that it would be better if he didn’t come back: Without his obstructions, I would be freer to do my duty, and I wouldn’t need to be his slave anymore. Later, my husband didn’t say anything when my sisters stayed at my house. Sometimes, when other sisters came around, he would even invite them to stay for dinner. I saw that when I had set my heart right, my husband’s attitude changed as well. Later, my relationship with my husband also improved somewhat. I did all that I could to fulfill my responsibility for my family, and when I needed to go to a gathering, I went. In my heart, I was no longer constrained by him. By treating marriage and family in accordance with God’s words, our life is not tiring, and it is also dignified.

After this experience, I understood that I could not rely on my husband, sons, or any relatives. How I will suffer in the rest of my days is not something I can control; God is sovereign over everything and arranges everything. God is the only One I can rely on. Now, I can break free from the constraints and ties of marriage and fulfill a bit of the duty of a created being. These are the results that God’s words have had on me. Thank God for my salvation!