By Guang Chun, China

In July 2023, I began doing the duties of a leader in the church. In August, I arranged to meet with a brother for a gathering, but the night before the gathering, he was arrested. When I heard this news, my heart felt a bit nervous, “If the brother had come over for the gathering and the police followed him, then I would have been arrested as well. That was a close call!” I started to think, “Nowadays, the police are going crazy arresting believers in God. If I keep arranging to meet with people to fellowship about the work, then I might be arrested at any time. From now on, I will follow up on the work of the church via letters from home. This way, I’ll be at less risk of arrest.” Therefore, I canceled my plans to meet up with my brothers and sisters. Later, I was sold out by a Judas, so the police got hold of my identity information and found out that I was a leader. Immediately afterward, I received a letter from home saying that several police officers had come to my home to arrest me, holding my photograph. My father said I wasn’t at home, and the police replied, “Ask your daughter to come back and turn herself in at the police station. If she doesn’t come back, we will put out a wanted notice for her!” After I read the letter from home, my heart felt extremely heavy, “The police know that I’m a leader and they’ve gone to my home to look for me with my photograph. They will even put out a wanted notice for me! If I’m arrested by the police, they will certainly torture me to force a confession, and force me to sell out church funds and my brothers and sisters. If I don’t say anything, then if I’m not beaten to death, I’ll be beaten until I’m disabled! My health is very weak. How will I be able to endure the CCP’s torture? If I cannot stand firm in my testimony and turn Judas, then I won’t have a good outcome, and though I believe in God, I will not be saved.” I then thought about the image of my brothers and sisters being tortured after being arrested and got very scared, “It’s too dangerous to do the duty of a leader. If I were an ordinary believer, I would not have become a primary target for arrest by the CCP, and I wouldn’t have to face the risk of death.” During that time, I was often filled with worry and anxiety about this matter. I was very afraid that one day I would fall into the hands of the police, and I couldn’t calm my heart to do my duty.

One morning in September, I received a letter from a sister who had hosted me in the past. She said that after I moved out of her house, over ten police officers surrounded her home after 11 p.m. one night. She didn’t dare open the door, and so the police used a scissor lift to access the second-floor window and came straight in through the window to search the house. They searched for several hours, but left without finding anything. When I saw this message, I was struck dumb. I had been staying in that house just a month before. If I hadn’t left, I would have been arrested. As soon as I pictured a phalanx of police officers coming to arrest me, I felt scared, and felt like it was too risky to be a leader. I couldn’t help but complain, “It would be better if I wasn’t a leader. Then I wouldn’t be wanted by the police. If I’m arrested, I’m afraid I won’t survive. I’m still so young, and still haven’t obtained the truth in my belief in God. If I’m beaten to death by the police, would I not lose my chance at salvation? Won’t all the expenditures I have made over all these years of belief in God have been for nothing?” During those days, I lived in worry and fear, and wanted to get someone to take over my duty. I thought that in this way I could avoid being pursued and arrested by the CCP. However, people in the church kept getting arrested. Many leaders and workers were also arrested. If I resigned at this time, then not only would the work of the church be affected, but I would also leave a transgression behind. Thanks to my conscience, I didn’t resign, but I couldn’t summon up any energy in my heart. At the time, the church lacked leaders and workers, and some brothers and sisters were living in negativity and weakness because they feared arrest. The various items of work had basically stalled. Though I saw all these problems in the church, I had no mind to resolve them. Instead, I lived in worry all day long, afraid that one day I would fall into the hands of the police and suffer unending torment. Just when I was feeling timid and helpless, I prayed to God, “Dear God, when the police put me on the wanted list and tried to arrest me, I didn’t want to do the duty of a leader anymore. I know that doing my duty in this way shows no loyalty to You, but I am also afraid that I will be arrested. Dear God, may You enlighten and lead me so that I can submit.”

Afterward, I opened up to a sister about my state. The sister looked up two passages of God’s words for me. Almighty God says: “When people are unable to see through to, understand, accept, or submit to the environments that God orchestrates and His sovereignty, and when people face various difficulties in their daily lives, or when these difficulties exceed what normal people can bear, they subconsciously feel all kinds of worry and anxiety, and even distress. They don’t know what tomorrow will be like, or the day after, or how things will be in a few years’ time, or what their future will be like, and so they feel distressed, anxious, and worried about all manner of things. What is the context in which people feel distressed, anxious, and worried about all manner of things? It is that they don’t believe in the sovereignty of God—that is, they are unable to believe in and see through to God’s sovereignty. Even if they saw it with their own eyes, they wouldn’t understand it, or believe it. They don’t believe that God holds sovereignty over their fate, they don’t believe that their lives are in God’s hands, and so distrust arises in their hearts toward God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and then blame arises, and they are unable to submit” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “If people pursue the truth, they won’t get caught up in these difficulties and sink into the negative emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry. Conversely, if people don’t pursue the truth, these difficulties are present in them just the same, and what will the outcome be? They will entangle you so that you’re unable to escape, and if you’re not able to resolve them, they will ultimately become negative emotions that tie themselves into knots in your innermost heart; they will affect your normal life and the normal performance of your duties, and they will make you feel oppressed and unable to find release—this is the outcome they will have on you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading the words of God, I understood that I was living in anxiety and worry because I did not understand God’s sovereignty, and couldn’t submit to God’s sovereignty. When I was put on the wanted list by the police, I lived in timidity and fear, afraid that if I were arrested by the police and beaten to death, I would lose my chance at salvation. In order to preserve myself, I thought about resigning the duty of a leader. I was unwilling to submit to God’s sovereignty and did not seek God’s intention, nor did I reflect on and know myself to learn lessons. I realized that if my state continued in this way, it would be very dangerous for me. After reading these two passages of God’s words, I understood God’s intention. I had to seek the truth to resolve my own state, and could not keep living in negative emotions; this would affect my life entry and my duty. Afterward, I brought my state before God to pray, begging God to lead me as I experienced this environment.

After praying, I calmed my heart and thought back to my state during this time. I read the words of God: “Besides considering their own safety, what do certain antichrists also think about? They say, ‘Right now, our environment is unfavorable, so let’s show our faces less and spread the gospel less. That way, we’re less likely to be caught, and the church’s work won’t be destroyed. If we avoid getting caught, we won’t turn Judas, and then we’ll be able to remain in the future, won’t we?’ Aren’t there antichrists who use such excuses to mislead their brothers and sisters? Some antichrists are very afraid of death and drag out ignoble existences; they also like reputation and status, and are willing to take on leadership roles. Even though they know that, ‘The work of a leader isn’t easy to shoulder—if the great red dragon finds out that I’ve been made a leader, I’ll become famous, and I might get put on a wanted list, and as soon as I’m caught my life will be in danger,’ for the sake of enjoying the benefits of this status, they disregard these dangers. When they serve as leaders, they only care about their fleshly enjoyment, and they do not engage in actual work. Apart from engaging in a bit of correspondence with various churches, they don’t do anything else. They hide in some place and don’t meet with anyone, keeping themselves sealed away, and the brothers and sisters don’t know who their leader is—that is the degree to which they are afraid. So, isn’t it correct to say that they are leaders in name only? (Yes.) They don’t engage in any actual work as leaders; they only care about hiding themselves. When others ask them, ‘How is it being a leader?’ they will say, ‘I’m incredibly busy, and for the sake of safety, I have to keep moving house. This environment is so unsettling that I can’t focus on my work.’ They always feel like many eyes are watching them, and don’t know where’s safe to hide. Apart from wearing disguises, hiding themselves in different places, and not staying in one location, they don’t do any actual work every day. Do such leaders exist? (Yes.) What principles do they follow? These people say, ‘A crafty rabbit has three burrows. In order for a rabbit to guard against a predator’s attack, it has to prepare three burrows to hide itself in. If a person encounters danger and has to escape, but they have nowhere to hide, is that acceptable? We must learn from rabbits! God’s created animals have this survival ability, and people should learn from them.’ Since taking on leadership roles, they have come to realize this doctrine, and even believe that they have understood the truth. In reality, they are terribly frightened. As soon as they hear about a leader who got reported to the police because the place they lived in was unsafe, or about a leader who was targeted by the great red dragon’s spies because they went out too often to do their duty and interacted with too many people, and how these people ended up getting arrested and sentenced, they immediately become frightened. They think, ‘Oh no, will I be the next one to be arrested? I must learn from this. I shouldn’t be too active. If I can avoid doing some of the church’s work, I won’t do it. If I can avoid showing my face, I won’t do it. I’ll minimize my work as much as possible, avoid going out, avoid interacting with anyone, and ensure that nobody knows I’m a leader. These days, who can afford to care about anyone else? Just staying alive is already a challenge!’ Since taking on the role of a leader, apart from carrying a bag and hiding, they don’t do any work. They live on tenterhooks, in constant fear of being caught and sentenced. Suppose that they hear someone say, ‘If you get caught, you’ll be killed! If you weren’t a leader, if you were just an ordinary believer, you might be let out after just paying a little fine, but since you’re a leader, it’s hard to say. It’s too dangerous! Some leaders or workers who got caught refused to give up any information and were beaten to death by the police.’ Once they hear about someone being beaten to death, their fear intensifies, and they become even more afraid to work. Every day, all they think about is how to avoid getting caught, how to avoid showing their faces, how to avoid being monitored, and how to avoid contact with their brothers and sisters. They rack their brains thinking about these things and completely forget about their duties. Are these loyal people? Can people like this handle any work? (No, they can’t.) People like this are just timid, and we can’t definitely label them as antichrists based solely on this manifestation, but what is the nature of this manifestation? The essence of this manifestation is that of a disbeliever. They don’t believe that God can protect people’s safety, and they certainly don’t believe that dedicating oneself to expending for God is devoting oneself to the truth, and that it is something God approves of. They don’t fear God in their hearts; they are only afraid of Satan and wicked political parties. They don’t believe in God’s existence, they don’t believe that everything is in God’s hands, and they certainly don’t believe that God will approve of a person expending everything for His sake, and for the sake of following His way, and completing His commission. They can’t see any of this. What do they believe in? They believe that if they fall into the hands of the great red dragon, they’ll meet with a bad end, that they could be sentenced or even risk losing their lives. In their hearts, they only consider their own safety and not the work of the church. Aren’t these disbelievers? (Yes, they are.) What does the Bible say? ‘He that loses his life for My sake shall find it’ (Matthew 10:39). Do they believe these words? (No, they don’t.) If they are asked to take a risk while doing their duty, they’ll wish to hide themselves away and not let anyone see them—they’ll want to be invisible. This is the extent to which they are afraid. They don’t believe that God is man’s support, that everything is in God’s hands, that if something really goes wrong or they actually get caught, it’s permitted by God, and that people should have hearts of submission. These people don’t possess these hearts, this understanding, or this preparation. Do they truly believe in God? (No, they don’t.) Isn’t the essence of this manifestation that of a disbeliever? (Yes, it is.) That’s how it is. People like this are exceptionally timid, terribly frightened, and afraid of physical suffering and something bad happening to them. They become as scared as skittish birds and can’t perform their work anymore” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposes that antichrists only consider their own safety as soon as they are faced with a dangerous environment in their duties. They are not loyal to their duty and do not consider the interests of the house of God. This sort of person has no place for God in their heart, and does not believe in God’s sovereignty. They are disbelievers. After reading God’s words, I was ashamed and sad. I hadn’t realized that I was just as selfish and despicable as an antichrist. I had arranged to meet a brother for a gathering, and he was arrested the day before the gathering. That I was able to escape arrest was thanks to God’s protection. However, I didn’t thank God and do my duty properly, but only thought about how to keep myself safe while I cast the work of the church to one side. Moreover, when I found out that the police had been to my house to arrest me and were about to put me on the wanted list, and that the host family I had stayed in previously had been searched, and I saw that the CCP was mobilizing such great efforts to arrest me, I got afraid. In order to preserve myself, I didn’t even dare to do the duty of a leader. With the church suffering the CCP’s persecution and arrests, as a leader, I should have protected the interests of the church and promptly handled the aftermath work well. In addition, the results of the various items of work in the church were declining, and my brothers and sisters were living in negativity and timidity, requiring fellowship on the truth to help and support them. All this work needed to be done, but in order to avoid arrest, I schemed for my own safety and escape route at every turn; I didn’t have the heart to do my duty, and the problems in the church were not resolved promptly. As the saying goes, “True feelings are revealed in adversity.” I was able to keep to my duty in normal times when my personal interests were not affected, but now that a dangerous environment had come upon me, I had become like a cowardly turtle shrinking away inside its shell in order to protect myself. This was genuine stature. I had believed in God and read so many of God’s words, but at the critical moment, I didn’t bear any testimony of practicing the truth, and had no desire at all to protect the interests of the church. I was just as selfish and despicable as an antichrist. I felt sad and self-reproachful, and hated myself for being so selfish. I was truly unworthy of such an important duty! I silently prayed to God, “Dear God, I am too selfish! At the critical moment, I showed no loyalty at all. Dear God, may You enlighten and lead me to know myself so that I can keep to my duty in this environment.”

I remembered the words of God: “All corrupt humans live for themselves. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost—this is the summation of human nature. People believe in God for their own sake; when they forsake things and expend themselves for God, it is in order to be blessed, and when they are loyal to Him, it is still in order to be rewarded. In sum, it is all done for the purpose of being blessed, rewarded, and entering the kingdom of heaven. In society, people work for their own benefit, and in the house of God, they do a duty in order to be blessed. It is for the sake of gaining blessings that people forsake everything and can endure much suffering. There is no better evidence of man’s satanic nature. People whose dispositions have changed are different, they feel that meaning comes from living by the truth, that the basis of being human is submitting to God, fearing God and shunning evil, that accepting God’s commission is a responsibility that is perfectly natural and justified, that only people who fulfill the duties of a created being are fit to be called human—and if they are not able to love God and repay His love, they are unfit to be called human. They feel that living for oneself is empty and devoid of meaning, that people should live in order to satisfy God, to perform their duties well, and live lives of meaning, so that even when it is their time to die, they will feel content and not have the slightest regret, and that they have not lived in vain” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). From God’s words, I saw that when people only do things for their own interests, they are living by satanic poisons, and regarding “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost” as a rule of survival, only doing things that are of benefit to themselves. I was exactly this type of person. When I had started doing the duty of a leader, no dangerous environments had come upon me. I knew that by doing this duty, I would understand more truths and could lay many good deeds in store, and so I accepted it without hesitation. However, when I saw my brothers and sisters being arrested and the police pursuing me and putting me on the wanted list, I was afraid that if I were arrested by the police and beaten to death, I would lose my chance to be saved. So I started considering and scheming for my own behalf, and started to feel that I was bearing a lot of risk by doing the duty of a leader. I even complained that the church had arranged for me to do such an important duty, and wanted to leave it behind. I considered my own destination at every turn, and showed absolutely no loyalty or submission to God at all. I was too selfish! Without being revealed, I would have carried on believing that being able to forsake and expend in doing my duty was showing loyalty to God. Now I finally realized that my past expenditures were all sullied with intentions and impurities: They were to gain blessings; they were an attempt to bargain with God. This incurred God’s loathing and hatred. At this time, I understood God’s intention. Experiencing this environment of the police trying to arrest us not only helped me see the wickedness of the great red dragon clearly, but also helped me recognize the intention to obtain blessings that had been hidden for many years within my belief in God. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart for arranging this environment, and experienced that this was God’s salvation of me.

One night, I talked about my state during this time with a sister. When I mentioned being afraid of being arrested and dying, my sister fellowshipped with me about the meaning of death. I remembered a passage of God’s words, and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “How did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They were condemned, beaten, scolded, and put to death because they spread the Lord’s gospel and were rejected by the people of the world—that is how they were martyred. … Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redemption He did for all humanity allows humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility. When Satan threatened and terrorized them, and, in the end, even when it made them pay the price of their lives, they did not abandon their responsibility. This is what it is to fulfill one’s duty to the utmost extent” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). As I pondered God’s words, I understood that if a person gives up their life to stand firm in their testimony to God, even if their body perishes, their soul lives on. If a person is persecuted to death for bearing testimony to God, this is valuable and meaningful, and is approved by God. However, I believed that if the CCP persecuted me to death then I would not be able to gain salvation, and so lived in timidity and fear, not daring to give my life to do my duty well. Actually, I had no genuine submission to God, bore no testimony of practicing the truth, and God had not obtained my true heart. Even if my body lived on, I would never win God’s approval. In God’s eyes, I would already be dead, and ultimately my spirit, soul, and body would all be destroyed. In addition, I was afraid that if I died, I would not be saved by God: This was because I didn’t understand God’s righteous disposition. I thought of the disciples who followed the Lord Jesus who were persecuted by satanic regimes when preaching the gospel. Some were dismembered by five horses, some were stoned to death, and Peter was ultimately crucified upside down for God. They paid with their lives to bear a resounding testimony to God. Although on the surface their bodies died, their souls returned to God, and they won God’s approval. This is the most valuable and meaningful thing there is. After seeing through to the meaning of death, my heart felt more liberated. My life was given by God, and I had to keep to my duty. I couldn’t carry on living in such a selfish way.

One day during my devotional, I read a passage of God’s words: “Satan has never dared to transgress the authority of God, and, moreover, has always carefully listened to and obeyed the orders and specific commands of God, never daring to defy them, and, of course, not daring to freely alter any of God’s orders. Such are the limits that God has set out for Satan, and so Satan has never dared to cross these limits. Is this not the might of God’s authority? Is this not a testimony to God’s authority? Satan has a much clearer grasp than mankind of how to behave toward God, and how to view God, and so, in the spiritual realm, Satan sees the status and authority of God very clearly, and has a deep appreciation of the might of God’s authority and the principles behind the exertion of His authority. It does not dare, at all, to overlook them, nor does it dare to violate them in any way, or do anything that transgresses the authority of God, and it does not dare to challenge God’s wrath in any way. Though it is evil and arrogant in nature, Satan has never dared to cross the boundaries and limits set out for it by God. For millions of years, it has strictly abided by these boundaries, has abided by every command and order given to it by God, and has never dared to overstep the mark. Though it is malicious, Satan is much wiser than corrupt mankind; it knows the identity of the Creator, and knows its own boundaries. From Satan’s ‘submissive’ actions it can be seen that the authority and power of God are heavenly edicts which cannot be transgressed by Satan, and that it is precisely because of the uniqueness and authority of God that all things change and propagate in an orderly way, that mankind can live and multiply within the course established by God, with no person or object capable of upsetting this order, and no person or object capable of changing this law—for they all come from the hands of the Creator, and from the ordination and authority of the Creator” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). As I pondered God’s words, I understood that no matter how wicked Satan is, it is always in God’s hands. Without God’s permission or God’s order, it does not dare to do whatever it wants. For example, the CCP continuously arrests and persecutes those who believe in God and attempts to eradicate God’s churches, but actually, the CCP is also within God’s control. No matter how great its ambitions and desires, or how ingenious its methods of harming people are, the CCP cannot do anything to us without God’s permission. I thought about how during this time the CCP had determined to arrest me, but every time, they missed me narrowly. Thanks to God’s wondrous arrangements, I escaped arrest time after time. Now, I can do my duty safe and sound because of God’s authority and God’s sovereignty. Without God’s permission, no matter how hard the CCP tries to arrest me, I will never fall into their hands. It was ordained by God that I wasn’t arrested, and I was needed for the work of the church, so I had to dedicate my heart to my duty. Having gained these understandings, my worries and anxieties were much lessened. I was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and rely on God to do the work of the church well. I made a new plan for the work I had at hand. I thought about how so many leaders and workers had now been arrested, and there was a lot of aftermath work to be done. Many brothers and sisters were living in negativity and weakness, and didn’t know how to experience this environment: They needed leaders and workers to fellowship with them and support them. I had to fulfill my responsibilities. Afterward, I dedicated my heart to my duty. I worked with my brothers and sisters, and after a period of hard work, the church elected new leaders and workers and the implementation of the various items of work could continue. The states of my brothers and sisters also improved somewhat, and the work of the church slowly started to progress.

After experiencing the revelation of this environment, I saw that my outlook on believing in God was incorrect: It was to obtain blessings, it was trying to bargain with God, and I was walking the wrong path. At the same time, I also saw the wicked nature of the great red dragon clearly, and came to hate the great red dragon from the bottom of my heart. In addition, I saw that I did not have genuine faith in God: When the threat of arrest came upon me, I was afraid. My stature was too small. From now on, I am willing to rely on God to do my duty well. I could not have made these gains in a comfortable environment. I experienced that God arranging this environment for me was His true salvation of me, and I thank God from the bottom of my heart!