By Chen Ming, China

From a young age, my parents taught me that in my relationships with others, I should choose my words according to the situation, not mention problems with others even if I spotted them, consider the feelings of others when I spoke, and be an empathetic and approachable person. They taught me that in this way, I wouldn’t create trouble for myself, and other people would like me, and it was the only way to get a foothold in society. At the time, I felt like this made sense, and that I should conduct myself in this way, and so there were rarely any quarrels or disputes in my relationships with others. Even if I saw any problems with the other person, I didn’t point them out. After I started to believe in God, I still conducted my relationships with others in this way, and rarely pointed out or exposed any problems I saw with my brothers and sisters. This was particularly the case in my dealings with the sister I was partnered with. Even though I clearly saw problems in the way she did her duty and wanted to point them out for her, each time the words reached my lips, I would swallow them back again. I was constantly worried that if I pointed out her problems and she didn’t accept this, she would give me an unhappy look and form prejudices against me. Later, through the words of God, I finally gained some discernment of the traditional cultural idea of “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.”

In October 2021, I was partnered with Sister Liu Lin, and we were responsible for the work of the church. After a time, I saw that she didn’t bear a burden in the way she treated her duty. She was responsible for the gospel work, but didn’t follow up on it or supervise it, and when the leaders inquired about the work, she wouldn’t submit a report. I asked her why she didn’t submit the report, and she said she wasn’t feeling well. When I saw that Liu Lin was being like this, I wanted to point out that her attitude to her duty was very disrespectful and showed no sense of responsibility. But as soon as the words reached my lips, I swallowed them again. I thought to myself, “It’s better not to say anything. If she doesn’t accept it and gives me an unhappy look, then it will be very awkward to get along with her in the future.” So I didn’t say anything more, thinking that maybe when her health was a bit better, she would put her heart into her work. At the time, Liu Lin said that her cervical vertebrae hurt, so I performed “gua sha” scraping on her, asked her to pay attention to exercise, and also said some words of encouragement. However, I didn’t point out the problems in the way she was doing her duty. One day, three months later, a preacher fellowshipped with us about some detailed tasks relating to preaching the gospel. Afterward, I asked Liu Lin if she had fellowshipped with her brothers and sisters about this and implemented it. She said, “I just mentioned it in passing.” I was furious inside, and wanted to prune her, “You are so irresponsible. Is this not delaying the work?” But as soon as the words reached my lips, I swallowed them again. I thought to myself, “If I prune her in front of everyone, she will lose face. Might she develop a prejudice against me? Will she say that I deliberately embarrassed her in front of our brothers and sisters? It’s better not to say anything.” So I went to implement the work, and didn’t fellowship with her or point out her problems afterward.

At the end of June 2022, some sermons urgently needed checking. Zhang Ting had worked on this before, and so I asked Liu Lin to fellowship with her. In the evening, I asked Liu Lin if she had fellowshipped in detail with Zhang Ting about the principles, but, with an unhappy look on her face, she said impatiently, “She understands it all already—there’s no need to talk about it in all that detail!” I wanted to remind her, “If you don’t fellowship in detail, and Zhang Ting then happens to be unclear on the principles, won’t this delay the work?” But as soon as the words reached my lips, I swallowed them again. I thought, “She looked really upset when I asked her about it just then. If I point out her deficiencies again then she will get even more angry. How will we get along with each other in the future?” So I didn’t point out her problems, and just said quietly that she needed to turn things around in the future. Later, because of Zhang Ting’s failure to grasp the principles, the work had to be redone, and something that should have been completed in a day was delayed for over ten days. The upper leaders sent a letter to say that we weren’t bearing a burden in doing our duty and our work was inefficient. I felt self-reproach in my heart. This delay was related to me. I had seen that Liu Lin was doing her duty irresponsibly, but I never exposed her problems in order to protect our relationship. This delayed the work. During that time, my heart was very repressed and full of pain. As soon as I calmed down, I thought, “What lessons does God want me to learn from these things He has arranged?” I prayed to God, “Dear God, I have seen that the sister I am partnered with does not bear a burden in doing her duty and has delayed the work, but I don’t dare to point out her problems because I’m afraid that she will give me an unhappy look. Dear God, may You enlighten and lead me so I am able to learn lessons from this matter.”

One day, I watched an experiential testimony video. The sister’s testimony and the words of God quoted in it gave me some understanding of myself. God says: “Practicing the truth is not about saying empty words or shouting slogans. Rather it is about how, no matter what people encounter in life, as long as it involves the principles of human conduct, their perspectives on things, or the matter of performing their duties, they are faced with making a choice, and they should seek the truth, search for a basis and principles in God’s words, and then find a path of practice. Those who can practice in this way are people who pursue the truth. To be able to pursue the truth in this way no matter how great the difficulties one encounters is to walk the path of Peter, the path of pursuing the truth. For example: What principle should be followed when it comes to interacting with others? Perhaps your original viewpoint is that ‘Harmony is a treasure; forbearance is brilliance,’ and that you should keep on everyone’s good side, avoid causing others to lose face, and offend no one, thereby achieving good relations with others. Constricted by this viewpoint, you keep silent when you witness others doing bad things or violating the principles. You would rather that the work of the church suffers losses than offend anyone. You seek to stay on everyone’s good side, no matter who they are. You think only about human sentiments and saving face when you speak, and you always speak nice-sounding words to please others. Even if you discover that someone has problems, you choose to tolerate them, and just talk about them behind their back, but to their face you keep the peace and maintain your relationship. What do you think of such conduct? Is it not that of a people pleaser? Is it not pretty slippery? It violates the principles of human conduct. Is it not lowly to conduct yourself in such a manner? Those who act like this are not good people, this is not a noble way to conduct oneself. No matter how much you have suffered, and no matter how many prices you have paid, if you conduct yourself without principles, then you have failed in this respect, and your conduct will not be recognized, remembered, or accepted before God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Perform One’s Duty Well, One Must at Least Be Possessed of a Conscience and Reason). The words of God are clear as a mirror. Practicing the truth is conducting oneself and acting in accordance with the truth principles, without heed to personal feelings or fear of offending people. I did not conduct my relationships with others in accordance with the truth principles. I constantly relied on personal feelings, was scared of offending people, and protected my interpersonal relationships. I saw that as a leader, Liu Lin didn’t care about her work at all. As her co-worker, I should have pointed out her problems in doing her duty, but I was afraid that our relationship would become awkward if she didn’t accept it, and it would be hard for us to get along in the future. In order to preserve our friendly relationship, I encouraged her with some wishy-washy words to show her that I was empathetic and considerate. On the surface, I didn’t quarrel or fight with Liu Lin, and sought to stay on her good side; I just mouthed pleasant-sounding words to maintain the fleshly relationship with her, but the work of the church was damaged. Was there any humanity at all in my actions? I was too selfish and too deceitful! I thought about how God loves honest people and loathes slippery and deceitful people pleasers. By conducting myself in this way, was I not incurring God’s loathing? I thought about how duty is a commission given by God to mankind, and how I should protect the interests of the house of God. When I saw that the way Liu Lin did things was bad for the work, I should have pointed it out and helped her and not been afraid of this or that.

One day, during a gathering, we ate and drank a passage of God’s words that gave me some understanding of my problems. Almighty God says: “There is a tenet in philosophies for worldly dealings that says, ‘Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship.’ It means that in order to preserve a friendly relationship, one must keep silent about their friend’s problems, even if they see them clearly—that they should abide by the principles of not striking people in the face or calling out their shortcomings. They are to deceive each other, hide from each other, engage in intrigue with each other; and though they know with crystal clarity what sort of person the other is, they do not say it outright, but employ cunning methods to preserve their friendly relationship. Why would one want to preserve such relationships? It is about not wanting to make enemies in this society, within one’s group, which would mean subjecting oneself often to dangerous situations. Knowing someone will become your enemy and harm you after you have called out their shortcomings or hurt them, and not wishing to put yourself in such a situation, you employ the tenet of philosophies for worldly dealings that runs, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ In light of this, if two people are in such a relationship, do they count as true friends? (No.) They are not true friends, much less each other’s confidant. So, what sort of relationship is this, exactly? Is it not a fundamental social relationship? (It is.) In such social relationships, people cannot offer their feelings, nor have deep exchanges, nor speak about whatever they wish. They cannot say out loud what is in their heart, or the problems they see in the other, or words that would benefit the other. Instead, they pick nice things to say, to keep the other’s favor. They dare not speak the truth or uphold the principles, lest it give rise to animosity toward them in others. When no one is threatening to someone, does that person not live in relative ease and peace? Is this not people’s goal in promoting the saying, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’? (It is.) Clearly, this is a cunning, deceptive way of existence with an element of defensiveness, whose goal is self-preservation. People who live like this have no confidants, no close friends with whom they can say whatever they like. They are defensive with each other, mutually exploiting and outmaneuvering one another, each taking what they need from the relationship. Is this not so? At its root, the goal of ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ is to keep from offending others and making enemies, to protect oneself by not causing hurt to anyone. It is a technique and method one adopts to keep themselves from being hurt. Looking at these several facets of its essence, is the demand of people’s moral conduct ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ a noble one? Is it a positive one? (No.) Then, what does it teach people? That you must not offend or hurt anyone, otherwise, you are the one who will end up getting hurt; and also, that you should not trust anyone. If you hurt any one of your good friends, the friendship will quietly start to change: They will go from being your good, close friend to a stranger or an enemy. What problems can it resolve, teaching people to act so? Even if, by acting in this way, you do not make enemies and even lose a few, will this make people admire and approve of you, and always keep you as a friend? Does this fully achieve the standard for moral conduct? At the very best, this is no more than a philosophy for worldly dealings. Can abiding by this statement and practice be considered good moral conduct? Not at all” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). What God’s words exposed was precisely my true state. I had always been extremely considerate and empathetic in my relationships with others. If I noticed any problems with the other person, I wouldn’t point them out, afraid of damaging our relationship. In particular, when I was doing duties in partnership with Liu Lin, I saw that her attitude to her duty was very disrespectful and this had delayed the work of the church. I wanted to point out her problems, but when I saw she was unhappy, it felt like my throat was being squeezed shut, and I couldn’t say a word, afraid that I would damage our relationship. I was relying on satanic paths for survival, such as “You’re good, I’m good, everyone is good,” “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” and “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” and had become especially slippery and deceitful. I considered my own interests and protected my relationships with others at every turn. I had been this way ever since I was a child: I wouldn’t point problems with others out frankly when I noticed them. I thought that this was being considerate, and an indication of good humanity. However, those who truly have good humanity have a sense of loyalty and responsibility to their duty. They have an honest heart toward both other people and God, can protect the interests of the house of God, and can fellowship, help, point out, and expose when they see others doing things in violation of the truth principles, so people can promptly understand and turn around. I had previously believed that not mentioning problems with others when I noticed them was helping them save face, showing them consideration, and having good humanity. This view of mine was wrong. On the surface, these traditional cultural ideas align with humanity and morality, but in essence, they incite people to scheme and play tricks, making people become more and more slippery and deceitful. If I continued always living by these traditional cultural ideas, my corrupt dispositions would never change, and I would never live out normal humanity.

In seeking, I read more of God’s words: “Is the phrase ‘call out’ in the saying ‘if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ good or bad? Does the phrase ‘call out’ have a level on which it refers to people’s being revealed or exposed within the words of God? (It does not.) From My understanding of the phrase ‘call out’ as it exists in human language, it does not mean that. Its essence is one of a somewhat malicious form of exposure; it means to reveal people’s problems and deficiencies, or some things and behaviors unknown to others, or some intrigue, ideas, or views operating in the background. This is the meaning of the phrase ‘call out’ in the saying ‘if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ If two people get along well and are confidants, with no barriers between them, and they each hope to be of benefit and assistance to the other, then it would be best for them to sit together and lay out each other’s problems in openness and sincerity. This is proper, and it is not calling out others’ shortcomings. If you discover another person’s problems but see that they are not yet able to accept your advice, then simply do not say anything, so as to avoid quarrel or conflict. If you want to help them, you can seek their opinion and first ask them, ‘I see that you have a bit of a problem, and I hope to give you some advice. I don’t know if you’ll be able to accept it. If you will, I’ll tell you. If you won’t, I’ll keep it to myself for now and not say anything.’ If they say, ‘I trust you. Whatever you have to say won’t be out of bounds; I can accept it,’ that means that you have been granted permission, and you can then communicate their problems to them, one by one. Not only will they completely accept what you say, but also benefit from it, and the two of you will still be able to maintain a normal relationship. Is that not treating each other with sincerity? (It is.) This is the correct method for interacting with others; it is not calling out others’ shortcomings. What does it mean not to ‘call out others’ shortcomings,’ as the saying in question goes? It means not to speak of others’ deficiencies, not to speak of their most taboo problems, not to expose the essence of their problems, and not to be so blatant in calling it out. It means just to make some surface-level remarks, to say things that are commonly said by all, to say things that the person themselves is already able to perceive, and not to reveal mistakes the person has made previously or sensitive issues. What does it benefit the person if you act in this way? Perhaps you will not have offended them or made an enemy of them, but what you have done in no way helps or benefits them. Therefore, the phrase ‘don’t call out others’ shortcomings’ itself is evasive and a form of trickery that does not allow sincerity in people’s treatment of each other. One could say that to act in this way is to harbor evil intentions; it is not the correct way of interacting with others. Nonbelievers even see ‘if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ as something a person of noble morals should do. It is clearly a deceitful manner of interacting with others, which people adopt to protect themselves; it is not at all a proper mode of interaction. Not calling out others’ shortcomings itself is insincere, and in calling out others’ shortcomings, there may be an ulterior intent” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). After reading the words of God, I understood what calling people out is, and how not to call people out but help people instead. Calling people out involves personal intentions and scheming; it is aimed at embarrassing the other person or wanting to compete for personal gain. The problems and deficiencies of the other person are magnified without limit, and they are belittled and condemned so that ultimately the aim of gaining benefits for oneself is realized. However, pointing out and exposing people’s problems is aimed at helping them. If we discover a serious problem with someone else that they don’t recognize themselves, lovingly pointing it out, fellowshipping, exposing, and dissecting it in accordance with their stature is not calling them out, but helping them. It is what people with normal humanity should do. I saw that Liu Lin didn’t bear a burden in her duty and wanted to point this out, but felt that if I did this I would be calling her out. This view of mine was fallacious. If I belittled her and embarrassed her with intent, so that her brothers and sisters had a negative opinion of her and I made myself look like I was bearing a burden, that would be calling her out. But in fact, I didn’t have these intentions. I only wanted to protect the work of the church and help her, so it was not calling her out.

Later, I saw Liu Lin. When I was about to point out her problems, I was still hesitant at heart and worried that she would give me an unhappy look, so I constantly called on God in my heart to lead me to practice the truth. At this time, I remembered a passage of God’s words I had read before, and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “If you have the motivations and perspective of a people pleaser, then, in all matters, you will be incapable of practicing the truth and abiding by principle, and you will always fail and fall down. If you do not awaken and do not ever seek the truth, then you are a disbeliever, and you will never gain the truth and life. What, then, should you do? When faced with such things, you must pray to God and call out to Him, begging for salvation and asking that He give you more faith and strength and enable you to abide by the principles, do what you should do, handle things according to the principles, stand firm in the position you should stand in, protect the interests of God’s house, and prevent any harm from coming to the work of God’s house. If you are able to rebel against your self-interests, your pride, and your standpoint of a people pleaser, and if you do what you should do with an honest, undivided heart, then you will have defeated Satan and gained this aspect of the truth. If you always persist in living by the philosophy of Satan, protecting your relationships with others, never practicing the truth, and not daring to abide by the principles, then will you be able to practice the truth in other matters? You will still have no faith or strength. If you are never able to seek or accept the truth, then will such faith in God allow you to obtain the truth? (No.) And if you cannot obtain the truth, can you be saved? You cannot. If you always live by the philosophy of Satan, utterly devoid of the truth reality, then you can never be saved” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words gave me strength. I could no longer be a people pleaser. I absolutely had to practice the truth. No matter whether Liu Lin gave me an unhappy look or not, I had to point out her problems and protect the interests of the church, satisfying God. I plucked up the courage to point out her problems. When Liu Lin heard this, although she was a bit unhappy, she also acknowledged her own problems.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “What is cooperation? You have to be able to discuss things with each other, and express your views and opinions; you must complement and supervise each other, and seek from each other, make inquiries of each other, and prompt each other. That’s what it is to cooperate in harmony. Say, for instance, you handled something according to your own will, and someone said, ‘You did it wrong, entirely against the principles. Why did you handle it however you wanted, without seeking the truth?’ To this, you say, ‘That’s right—I’m glad you alerted me! If you hadn’t, it would have spelled disaster!’ That’s what prompting each other is. What is it, then, to supervise each other? Everyone has a corrupt disposition, and may be perfunctory in doing their duty, safeguarding only their own status and pride, not the interests of God’s house. Such states are there in every person. If you learn that someone has a problem, you should take the initiative to fellowship with them, reminding them to do their duty according to the principles, while letting it stand as a warning to yourself. That’s mutual supervision. What function does mutual supervision serve? It’s meant to safeguard the interests of God’s house, and also to keep people from taking the wrong road” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). From God’s words I understood that when cooperating in doing our duty, we should supervise each other, and if we find our partner doing things in a way that violates principles, we should point it out and fellowship and help them. This is doing duty in accordance with the truth principles. It can help people understand the truth and, even more, protects the work of the church. At the same time, as leaders or workers, we must treat our brothers and sisters in accordance with the truth principles. For those who have not believed in God for long and have small stature, we should lovingly fellowship to help them if we discover them revealing corrupt dispositions or doing things in violation of principles. As for those who have believed in God for many years and understand principles, but are irresponsible toward their work, this should be pointed out and exposed. If they do not show the slightest repentance after it has been pointed out and exposed multiple times, then they should be dismissed in accordance with principles. Later, I saw that Liu Lin’s attitude to doing her duty still hadn’t turned around, and so after I discussed it with another partner of mine, we reported her behavior to the upper leaders. The upper leaders dismissed Liu Lin.

Afterward, when I saw problems in the way that brothers and sisters did their duty, I no longer only considered my own face and protected my relationship with them. I could point their problems out and help them in accordance with their stature. By practicing in this way, my brothers and sisters benefited and my heart was at ease. I experienced that if you practice in accordance with God’s words and the truth principles, your heart will be calm and at peace. Thank God for His guidance!