By Song Zhi, China

In October 2019, I was arrested by the police at a gathering and sentenced to two and a half years in prison. At the time, I was nineteen. When my sentence had been served and I was released, my mother came to pick me up. We hadn’t seen each other for several years, and when I saw that my mother looked much more haggard and her hair was much whiter than before, I felt so sad that I couldn’t express it in word. Sitting on the train, I thought about how ever since I was a child, my parents had loved me dearly and never let me suffer. I was the only child in the family, and they always thought of me first. In particular, when I was sick or injured, they were even more nervous than I was. I remember when I was fourteen, I broke my leg while climbing a mountain. My parents took turns taking care of me in the hospital, and though my father did not have many days off, he used what few days of vacation he had to spend time with me. Seeing him lying exhausted on the visitors’ bed, I felt heartbroken. I blamed myself for being a troublemaker and causing them trouble. After I started to believe in God, I left home to do my duty. Although my parents were reluctant to see me go, they still supported me, and even gave me financial help. In particular, when I was arrested that time, my parents were worried sick, and I knew that they had spent the past two and a half years in torment and extreme worry. I felt so indebted to them. I thought about how I had never done anything for my parents in all my years of growing. Instead, I’ve made them worry about me at every turn. In particular, when I saw my mother sleeping soundly on the train, I knew that she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep ever since I was arrested. I felt very self-reproachful, and felt like I had not fulfilled my responsibilities as a child. Now that I had grown up, I should earn money to support them and not make them worry about me anymore. After returning home, I planned to find a job and earn money quickly to compensate them materially. When my parents found out about my idea, they didn’t support me going to work. They wanted me to believe in God properly and have more time to read God’s words and do my duty. The better they treated me, the more indebted I felt. As soon as I thought about how I was still being supported by my parents at my age, my determination to go to work hardened. Later, for various reasons, coupled with the pandemic, I didn’t find a job, but my heart constantly felt indebted to my parents and I constantly thought about how to repay them. My mother had hepatitis B and was very weak; my father had severe back pain, diabetes, and heart disease, and his health was not as good as before. So I helped them do the laundry and did some work within my abilities, and I also performed “gua sha”^[a] scraping on my father and bought him some medicated plasters. Not long after the pandemic lockdowns were lifted, the police found me and asked me to sign the “Three Statements” to deny and betray God, and threatened that if I didn’t sign, they would keep coming after me. They also asked me to be ready to report to the police station at any time. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t stay at home any longer.

A few months later, I went to another area to do my duty. My heart was filled with reluctance at being separated from my parents again, “After I leave now, I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back again. My parents are getting older and their health is getting worse. I am the only child in the family. When I’m not around, there’s no one to take care of them. What if something happens to them? People often say that raising children is a way to prepare for old age, but I have not fulfilled any of my filial duties at all, so my parents have really raised me in vain.” When I thought about this, I felt a wrenching pain in my heart. Although I was doing my duty, I constantly missed my parents. Sometimes I even wanted to go home and do my duty there so that I could be with them. I knew that the police were still looking for me and I couldn’t go back, but when I thought of my parents in poor health, I couldn’t calm my heart or dedicate my heart to my duty. Later, the supervisor found out about my state, and found me a passage of God’s words: “If your parents do not try to hinder your belief in God, and they are also believers, and they really support and encourage you to perform your duty loyally and complete God’s commission, then your relationship with your parents is not a fleshly relationship between relatives, in the regular sense of the word, and it is a relationship between brothers and sisters of the church. In that case, aside from interacting with them as fellow brothers and sisters of the church, you must also fulfill a few of your filial responsibilities to them. You must show them a bit of extra concern. As long as it does not affect the performance of your duty, that is, so long as your heart is not constrained by them, you can call your parents to ask them how they are doing and to show a bit of concern for them, you can help them to resolve a few difficulties and handle some of their life problems, and you can even help them to resolve some of the difficulties they have in terms of their life entry—you can do all of these things. In other words, if your parents do not obstruct your belief in God, you should maintain this relationship with them, and you should fulfill your responsibilities to them. And why should you show concern for them, take care of them, and ask them how they are doing? Because you are their child and you have this relationship with them, you have another kind of responsibility, and because of this responsibility, you must ask after them a little more and provide them with more substantive assistance. So long as it does not affect the performance of your duty, and so long as your parents do not hinder or disturb your faith in God and your performance of your duty, and they do not hold you back either, then it is natural and fitting for you to fulfill your responsibilities to them, and you must do this to the extent where your conscience does not reproach you—this is the lowest standard that you must meet. If you cannot honor your parents at home due to the impact and hindrance of your circumstances, then you do not have to hold to this rule. You should put yourself at the mercy of God’s orchestrations and submit to His arrangements, and you do not need to insist on honoring your parents. Does God condemn this? God does not condemn this; He does not force people to do this. What are we fellowshipping on now? We are fellowshipping about how people should practice when honoring their parents conflicts with the performance of their duty; we are fellowshipping on principles of practice and the truth. You have a responsibility to honor your parents, and if circumstances allow, you can fulfill this responsibility, but you should not be constrained by your feelings. For example, if one of your parents falls ill and has to go to the hospital, and there is no one to take care of them, and you are too busy with your duty to return home, what should you do? At times like these, you cannot be constrained by your feelings. You should give the matter over to prayer, entrust it to God, and put it at the mercy of God’s orchestrations. That is the kind of attitude that you should have. … When you encounter this kind of situation, if it does not cause delays to your duty or impact your loyal performance of your duty, you may do some things that you are able to in order to show filial piety to your parents, and you can fulfill the responsibilities that you are capable of fulfilling. In sum, this is what people ought to do and are capable of doing within the scope of humanity. If you get trapped by your feelings, and this holds up the performance of your duty, then that completely contravenes God’s intentions. God never required you to do that, God only demands that you fulfill your responsibilities to your parents, that is all. That is what it means to have filial piety” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (4)). After reading the words of God, I knew how to practice. My parents both believe in God, and when the environment permits and without hindering my duties, I can help them with housework and take care of them in their daily lives. I can chat with them and fellowship about God’s words, helping them with their life entry. If the environment does not permit it, I should put my duty first, because as a created being, completing God’s commission and doing my duty well is the most important thing. When I understood this, I was willing to entrust my parents to God’s hands and do my own duty well first.

Once, a leader came to a gathering and told me that I absolutely mustn’t go home. He said that seven or eight policemen went to my house to force my mother to reveal my whereabouts, and they also said that my case was being handled by the provincial department and they had decided it was imperative to catch me. Even my nonbelieving relatives and friends had been questioned by the police. I knew that if the police couldn’t find me, they would continue to interrogate my parents constantly, and I felt very guilty. Struggling to hold back my tears, I kept blaming myself, “I have caused trouble for my parents. If it weren’t for me, my parents wouldn’t have to endure all this hardship. Now that I’m away from home, the police can’t find me, so they are interrogating and harassing my parents. These police officers are like venomous snakes. Once they have targeted someone, they will never loosen their bite. Will my parents ever know a peaceful life again? As a child, I have never brought any blessings to my parents. All I have done is to burden them. It would have been better for them never to have raised me!” But I also knew that this environment had come upon me with God’s permission, and I should not complain. Therefore, I prayed silently to God, asking Him to protect my heart. I thought of the movie Reaping Joy Amid Suffering. The protagonist was facing paralysis due to back pain, and suffered a lot of pain, both of the flesh and of the spirit. However, after her experience, she gained some understanding of herself and she made progress in her life. I realized that God’s good intentions are hidden behind seemingly bad things, and I was willing to submit and learn lessons.

Afterward, I read the words of God: “Perhaps you all remember these words: ‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.’ You have all heard these words before, yet none of you understood their true meaning. Today, you are profoundly aware of their true significance. These words shall be fulfilled by God during the last days, and they shall be fulfilled in those who have been brutally persecuted by the great red dragon in the land where it lies coiled. The great red dragon persecutes God and is the enemy of God, and so, in this land, people are subjected to humiliation and persecution because of their belief in God, and these words are fulfilled in you, this group of people, as a result. Because it is embarked upon in a land that opposes God, all of God’s work faces tremendous obstacles, and many of His words cannot be accomplished right away; thus, people are refined as a result of God’s words, which is also part of suffering. It is tremendously difficult for God to carry out His work in the land of the great red dragon—but it is through this difficulty that God does one stage of His work, making manifest His wisdom and His wondrous deeds, and using this opportunity to make this group of people complete. It is through people’s suffering, through their caliber, and through all the satanic dispositions of the people of this filthy land that God does His work of purification and conquest, so that, from this, He may gain glory, and so that He may gain those who will bear witness to His deeds. Such is the entire significance of all the sacrifices that God has made for this group of people” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). After pondering God’s words, I understood that in the last days, God uses the great red dragon’s arrests and persecution to render service to perfect God’s chosen people, allowing people to see the ugly face of the CCP clearly and recognize its wicked essence that is hostile to God so that they can follow God even more resolutely. At the same time, God also perfects people’s faith through this environment, letting them see that God is sovereign over everything, understand God’s authority and stop being afraid of Satan so that they can learn lessons from tribulation and obtain the truth. My parents were persecuted with God’s permission, but this was also an opportunity given by God for them to experience God’s work and bear testimony to God. However, I couldn’t see past the end of my nose, and couldn’t see through things, so I constantly considered things from the perspective of the flesh, worrying about whether my parents would suffer and even putting all the blame on myself. I believed that I had dragged my parents into this, and felt indebted to them and guilty as a result, as if my parents wouldn’t have been persecuted if I hadn’t been arrested. This was very irrational. The great red dragon has a wicked nature, and arrests and persecutes believers in God as if it were crazed. Even if I had not been arrested, my parents would still be persecuted by the CCP for believing in God. Many years ago, when I was still young, my parents took me into hiding in many different places to avoid arrest for believing in God, and we didn’t go back to our own home for many years. We didn’t lead a stable life at all. Now that my parents were being harassed and persecuted by the police again, I should hate the great red dragon, and do my duty well to humiliate it. Afterward, I wrote a letter to my parents and fellowshipped God’s intentions and my understanding of experiencing this environment in order to encourage them. Later, I received a reply from my parents. They said that they were timid and afraid when faced with repeated harassment from the police, but through eating and drinking words relating to God’s authority, they found out that Satan is just a plaything in God’s hands, and the police can do nothing without God’s permission. This gave them the faith and courage to face it, and even to dare to refute the baseless rumors and fallacies of the police. When I saw what my parents had gained, I was deeply moved. My parents didn’t have me to keep them company, but their lives were even better with the leadership of God’s words, and I saw that my worries were completely groundless. When I thought about this, I was no longer so concerned about my parents.

Once, I read the words of God: “By raising you your parents are fulfilling a responsibility and an obligation. Raising you into an adult is their obligation and responsibility, and this cannot be called kindness. If it cannot be called kindness, then is it not something that you ought to enjoy? (It is.) This is a kind of right that you should enjoy. You should be raised by your parents, because before you reach adulthood, the role that you play is that of a child being brought up. Therefore, your parents are just fulfilling a kind of responsibility toward you, and you are just receiving it, but you are certainly not receiving grace or kindness from them. For any living creature, bearing and looking after children, reproducing, and raising the next generation is a kind of responsibility. For example, birds, cows, sheep, and even tigers have to take care of their offspring after they reproduce. There are no living creatures that do not raise their offspring. It’s possible that there are some exceptions, but there are not many of them. It’s a natural phenomenon in the existence of living creatures, it’s an instinct for living creatures, and it cannot be attributed to kindness. They are just abiding by a law that the Creator set out for animals and for mankind. Therefore, your parents raising you isn’t a kind of kindness. Based on this, it can be said that your parents are not your creditors. They are fulfilling their responsibility to you. No matter how much effort and money they spend on you, they should not ask you to recompense them, because this is their responsibility as parents. Since it is a responsibility and an obligation, it should be free, and they should not ask for compensation. By raising you, your parents were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation, and this should be unpaid, and it should not be a transaction. So, you do not need to approach your parents or handle your relationship with them according to the idea of recompensing them. If you do treat your parents, pay them back, and handle your relationship with them according to this idea, that is inhumane. At the same time, it is likely to make you restrained and bound by your fleshly feelings, and it will be hard for you to emerge from these entanglements, to the extent that you might even lose your way. Your parents are not your creditors, so you have no obligation to realize all of their expectations. You have no obligation to foot the bill for their expectations. That is to say, they can have their own expectations. You have your own choices, and the life path and destiny that God has set out for you, which have nothing to do with your parents” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After reading the words of God, I understood that my parents giving birth to me, raising me, and providing for my life was a responsibility that they ought to fulfill. It was not kindness and does not need to be repaid. Just like the birds in the animal kingdom: When a mother bird gives birth to her chicks, she feeds them and risks her life to catch food to raise her chicks. When the young birds are in danger, the mother bird will desperately protect them, protecting her children even if she herself gets injured. The mother birds’ care and love for their young birds originates purely from instinct. The same is true for humans raising their offspring. From the moment my parents gave birth to me, they had the responsibility to raise me and the obligation to care for me. When they raised me, they were fulfilling their responsibility, and I don’t owe them anything or need to repay anything. I had been influenced and conditioned by traditional cultural ideas such as “Raise children to care for you in old age,” and “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else.” I regarded my parents’ care for me as a kindness, and believed that I should repay them for paying a price and expending themselves for me, so much so I was desperate to sacrifice the rest of my life for that. I was well aware that I had not eaten or drunk God’s words or done my duty in the detention center for more than two years, my life entry had fallen far behind, so now, I should read God’s words and do my duty properly. But when I thought of my parents worrying about me and suffering, I just wanted to work and earn money to compensate them with a good material life. If it hadn’t been for the pandemic, I would have gone to work and earn money. Later, I left home to do my duty, but I was still thinking about how to repay my parents. All my thoughts were bound by the idea of repaying gratitude as if the rest of my life could only be lived to repay my parents’ kindness. I am a created being. My breath was given by God, and it was God who protected me as I grew into adulthood. In the last days, God also graced me to come before Him so I could enjoy the provision of His words. God has paid such a huge price for me, and I should do my duty well to satisfy God. Although my parents took great care of me, I would not be alive today without God’s protection. It’s just like when I climbed a mountain when I was fourteen. If it hadn’t been for God’s protection, I would have fallen to the bottom of the mountain and died. I am most indebted to God, not my parents. I shouldn’t live in order to repay my parents’ kindness, but should do my duty well to satisfy God. When I understood this, I was able to treat the love and care my parents have given me correctly.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “First of all, most people choose to leave home to perform their duties in part because of the overarching objective circumstances, which necessitate them leaving their parents; they cannot stay by their parents’ side to take care of them and accompany them. It’s not that they willingly choose to leave their parents; this is the objective reason. For another thing, subjectively speaking, you go out to perform your duties not because you wanted to leave your parents and escape your responsibilities, but because of God’s calling. In order to cooperate with God’s work, accept His calling, and perform the duties of a created being, you had no choice but to leave your parents; you could not stay by their side to accompany them and take care of them. You didn’t leave them to avoid responsibilities, right? Leaving them to avoid your responsibilities and having to leave them to answer God’s calling and perform your duties—aren’t these of two different natures? (Yes.) In your heart, you do have emotional attachments and thoughts for your parents; your feelings are not empty. If objective circumstances allow, and you are able to stay by their side while also performing your duties, then you would be willing to stay by their side, regularly taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities. But because of objective circumstances, you must leave them; you cannot remain at their side. It’s not that you don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities as their child, but that you can’t. Isn’t this different in nature? (Yes.) If you left home to avoid being filial and fulfilling your responsibilities, that is unfilial and lacks humanity. Your parents raised you, but you can’t wait to spread your wings and quickly go off on your own. You don’t want to see your parents, and you don’t pay any regard when you hear about some difficulty they’ve encountered. Even if you have the means to help, you don’t; you just pretend not to hear and let others say whatever they want about you—you simply don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities. This is being unfilial. But is this the case now? (No.) Many people have left their counties, cities, provinces, or even their countries to perform their duties; they are already far away from their hometowns. Furthermore, it’s not convenient for them to stay in touch with their families for various reasons. Occasionally, they inquire about their parents’ current situation from people who came from the same hometown and feel relieved when they hear that their parents are still healthy and getting by okay. In fact, you are not unfilial; you haven’t reached the point of lacking humanity, where you don’t even want to care about your parents or fulfill your responsibilities toward them. It’s because of various objective reasons that you have to make this choice, so you’re not unfilial. These are the two reasons. And there’s one more, too: If your parents are not the type of people who particularly persecute you or obstruct your belief in God, if they support your belief in God, or if they are brothers and sisters who believe in God like you, members of God’s house themselves, then which of you doesn’t silently pray to God when thinking about your parents deep down? Which of you doesn’t entrust your parents—along with their health, safety, and all their life’s needs—to God’s hands? Entrusting your parents to God’s hands is the best way to show filial respect to them. You don’t hope they face all kinds of difficulties in their lives, and you don’t hope they live a bad life, eat poorly, or suffer poor health. Deep down in your heart, you certainly hope that God will protect them and keep them safe. If they are believers in God, you hope that they can perform their own duties and you also hope they can stand firm in their testimony. This is fulfilling one’s human responsibilities; people can only achieve this much with their own humanity. Moreover, what’s most important is that after years of believing in God and listening to so many truths, at the very least people have this little bit of understanding and comprehension: Man’s fate is determined by Heaven, man lives in the hands of God, and having God’s care and protection is far more important than the concerns, filial piety, or companionship of one’s children. Don’t you feel relieved that your parents are under God’s care and protection? You don’t need to worry about them. … in any case, people should not feel guilty or have a burdened conscience because they could not fulfill their responsibilities toward their parents due to being affected by objective circumstances. These issues, and others like them, should not become troubles in people’s life of belief in God; they should be let go. When it comes to these topics related to fulfilling responsibilities toward one’s parents, people should have these accurate understandings and should no longer feel constrained” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). God’s words helped my spirit achieve liberation, and I understood what true unfilial behavior is. When children clearly have the conditions to take care of their parents but only care about their own enjoyment, evading their responsibilities and ignoring their parents, that is a lack of conscience. It is unfilial. But my inability to take care of my parents is not me evading my responsibilities, nor does it mean I don’t want to honor them. It is because I cannot return home because of the CCP’s persecution. Besides, my parents also believe in God and their greatest expectation of me is not that I will provide for their old age or look after them for the rest of their lives, but that I will believe in God and do my duty properly, and walk the right path in life. Because of this, I don’t need to feel guilty, and doing my duty well is the greatest comfort I could ever give my parents. At the same time, I also found in God’s words a path of practice, which is to put my parents in God’s hands and let God lead them, because my companionship and care are just superficial concern, and do not have any actual effect. It’s just like when my dad had back pain. The most I could do was give him a “gua sha” scraping and buy him some medicated plasters. But when he had angina, my hands were tied helplessly, and I could only stand there and do nothing, unable to relieve his pain at all. Whether I am with my parents or not, they will get sick when they should get sick, and stay healthy when they should stay healthy. Nothing will change just because I am there with them. So entrusting them to God’s hands is the wisest choice. Although my parents are suffering from some illnesses now, they are together, and can look after each other and fellowship about God’s words with each other, so their spirits are joyful. This is something that no care or material enjoyment can replace, and I feel relieved to entrust them to God.

In the past, I was harmed and bound by satanic poisons and regarded my parents as my creditors, constantly feeling guilty because I couldn’t take care of them. Now God’s words have released the shackles of my spirit, so that I am no longer bound by kindnesses. I thank God from the bottom of my heart. I haven’t been able to contact my parents for a long time now, and I don’t know how they are doing. However, when I think about how God will lead them as they walk down their next road, my heart feels much more at ease, and I am willing to devote my time and energy to my duty. Thank God!

Footnotes:

a. “Gua sha” is a traditional Chinese healing practice that involves scraping the skin with a smooth-edged tool to improve circulation and relieve muscle tension. It is often used to reduce pain, inflammation, and promote overall well-being.