By Xu Juan, China

I was born into a farming family and we weren’t very well off. When I was 5, my dad abandoned us to start a new family. My mom raised me and my three siblings all on her own. We relied on one another, and life was very hard. Back then, my siblings and I didn’t have great health, and we were often sick, especially me, as I was the weakest. Even a slight chill would give me a cold, cough, and a high fever, and my mom often carried me to see a doctor. Sometimes, I’d cough so much at night that I couldn’t sleep, and my mom would stay by my side until I fell asleep before lying down to rest herself. Whatever good food we had, my mom wouldn’t eat but would save it for me instead, and she worked tirelessly each day, working odd jobs to scrape together money for our schooling. Seeing just how much my mom had sacrificed for us, I thought to myself, “I can’t be lacking in conscience. When I grow up, I must honor my mom and repay her kindness.” When I grew up and earned some money, I would often buy clothes and other items for my mom to honor her. I felt it hadn’t been easy for her to raise us, and so I should repay her well. One day in 2008, I received a call from my brother saying my mom had been hospitalized after a car accident. I immediately asked my boss for leave to take care of my mom at the hospital, and I only returned to work after she had mostly recovered.

A few years later, my mom and I accepted God’s work of the last days. Six months later, I was arrested for preaching the gospel. After I was released, I left home to do my duty so that I could avoid police surveillance and pursuit. One time, I received a letter from a sister, saying that my older brother had been arguing with my mom every day because I hadn’t returned home. He’d even posted about my mom and me believing in God online, and the police had come to my house several times to arrest me. After reading the letter, I felt very upset. Ever since I was a child, my mom had given so much for me, yet I wasn’t honoring her and had even made her endure my brother’s anger to protect me. I felt deeply indebted to my mom, and I broke down in tears. Sometimes, I would think, “She’s getting older every year, and my brother keeps arguing with her and making her upset. What if one day my mom gets seriously ill and becomes bedbound?” Thinking about these things would make me feel upset for a while, and I’d feel like I was lacking in conscience and an unfilial daughter. I often felt disturbed, and I found myself unable to calm down to do my duty. I realized that I was wallowing in affections, so I ate and drank some of God’s words, and my state improved somewhat.

One day in May 2021, I received a letter from home. It said that my mom had breast cancer and urgently needed money for hospitalization and surgery, and that after the surgery, she would also need 4 rounds of chemotherapy and 17 sessions of radiotherapy. My sisters-in-law said that if I didn’t go home, they wouldn’t contribute a single penny or take care of my mom. After reading the letter, tears began running down my face, and I thought, “How could my mom have gotten such a serious illness? Could it be because she worked too hard at home? If I don’t go home and she doesn’t get treatment in time, and something bad happens, wouldn’t that be my fault?” I thought about how my mom had worked so hard to take care of me and raise me into adulthood. Now that she had cancer, if I didn’t go home to care for her at this critical moment, wouldn’t that be disgracefully unfilial of me and show me to be truly lacking in conscience? Furthermore, if I didn’t go home, what would my relatives and neighbors say about me? They’d be sure to call me an ungrateful wretch, and say things like, “Your mom raised you, and now you don’t even care for her? Don’t you have any conscience?” I also thought about how serious my mom’s condition was. What if I didn’t go home, her illness wasn’t treated in time, and she died? Then I’d never see her again. I felt extremely sad and wished I could just fly to her side right away. But I’d once been arrested by the police and sold out by my brother, so what would I do if I went home and got arrested? Besides, I couldn’t just abandon my duty to go home! Sometimes when I saw brothers and sisters around me who could go home to visit their parents, I couldn’t help but complain to myself, “Why did God allow the CCP to arrest me? If there were no danger, wouldn’t I also be able to go home to care for my mom? If I hadn’t left home to do my duty, the CCP wouldn’t be hunting me, and I’d be able to go home right now.” I was so disturbed by this matter that I couldn’t focus on my duty. I knew that if my state didn’t change, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my duty, so I poured out my state before God, praying for God to lead me out of my affections. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “That the amount an individual must suffer and the distance they must walk on their path is ordained by God, and that no one can really help anyone else” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (6)). Reflecting on God’s words, my heart felt a bit brighter. My mom’s severe illness had been permitted by God, and this was suffering she was meant to endure. Even if I went home, I wouldn’t be able to take on her suffering for her, and I had to view my mom’s illness correctly. If God had predestined that my mom’s lifespan had reached its end, then going home wouldn’t change anything. If God hadn’t permitted her to die, then no matter how serious her illness became, she wouldn’t die. I thought about an experiential testimony article I had read before. In it, an elderly sister was diagnosed with cancer. She received all the treatments, but her condition didn’t improve at all, and the hospital even issued a critical condition notice. Her children and relatives all thought she wouldn’t make it, but unexpectedly, after the sister prayed, relied on God, and entrusted her life and death to Him, she actually ended up surviving. This sister’s experience inspired me, and I saw I had to entrust my mom into God’s hands. Realizing this, I felt a bit calmer inside. Some time later, I received a letter from my mom, saying that while she was sick, my two elder cousins-in-law and my sister-in-law had taken turns caring for her at the hospital. She also said she had undergone surgery and that she was recovering well. She told me not to worry about her and that I should do my duty properly. Learning this, I was deeply moved, and tears welled up in my eyes. My heart was full of gratitude to God.

I reflected often after this. I’d known that I should have been fulfilling the duty of a created being, but why couldn’t I let go of the matter of not being able to honor my mom and always felt a sense of guilt toward her? I even considered giving up my duty and betraying God. It wasn’t until later, when I read a passage of God’s words, that I gained some understanding of my problem. Almighty God says: “Due to the conditioning of Chinese traditional culture, in Chinese people’s traditional notions they believe that one must observe filial piety toward their parents. Whoever does not observe filial piety is an unfilial child. These ideas have been instilled in people since childhood, and they are taught in practically every household, as well as in every school and in society at large. When a person’s head has been filled with such stuff, they think, ‘Filial piety is more important than anything. If I weren’t to observe it, I wouldn’t be a good person—I’d be an unfilial child and I’d be denounced by society. I’d be a person who lacks conscience.’ Is this view correct? People have seen so many truths expressed by God—has God demanded that one show filial piety toward their parents? Is this one of the truths that believers in God must understand? No, it is not. God has only fellowshipped on some principles. By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. … Satan uses this kind of traditional culture and notions of morality to bind your thoughts, your mind, and your heart, leaving you unable to accept God’s words; you have been possessed by these things of Satan, and rendered incapable of accepting God’s words. When you want to practice God’s words, these things cause disturbance within you, cause you to oppose the truth and God’s requirements, and make you powerless to rid yourself of the yoke of traditional culture. After struggling for a while, you compromise: You prefer to believe traditional notions of morality are correct and in line with the truth, and so you reject or forsake God’s words. You do not accept God’s words as the truth and you think nothing of being saved, feeling that you still live in this world, and can only survive by relying on these people. Unable to endure society’s recrimination, you would rather choose to give up the truth and God’s words, abandoning yourself to traditional notions of morality and the influence of Satan, preferring to offend God and not practice the truth. Is man not pitiful? Do they not have need of God’s salvation? Some people have believed in God for many years, but still have no insight into the matter of filial piety. They really do not understand the truth. They can never break through this barrier of worldly relationships; they do not have the courage, nor the confidence, let alone the determination, so they cannot love and obey God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). Reflecting on God’s words, I realized that Satan uses the education one receives in school and the influence of one’s family to deeply instill traditional ideas such as “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else,” and “Do not travel far while your parents yet live” into us. I believed showing filial piety to one’s parents to be of utmost importance, and that not being filial to one’s parents meant a person was ungrateful, lacking in humanity, and was condemned by one’s conscience. I lived by these traditional ideas, and I thought that as I grew up, my mom had made the most sacrifices for my sake compared to others, that I had to repay her for her nurturing care, and that if I didn’t repay her, I’d be unfilial and lacking in conscience and humanity. Especially after my mom was diagnosed with cancer, in my heart, I just couldn’t put her aside. I felt that since my mom had cared for me meticulously when I was sick as a child, now that she was sick, I should stay by her side and care for her with the same level of attention, otherwise, my mom would have raised me in vain. So I wanted to rush to her side and take her to the hospital for treatment. Since I couldn’t go home to care for my mom as I was being hunted by the police, I began to complain about why I had to be hunted by the police and I even regretted having left to do my duty. These incorrect states were caused by my being bound by Satan’s ideas and views, and if I didn’t resolve them, I was at risk of betraying God at any time.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and I learned how to correctly view my mother’s nurturing care. Almighty God says: “Let’s talk about how ‘Your parents are not your creditors’ should be interpreted. Your parents are not your creditors—isn’t this a fact? (It is.) Since it is a fact, it’s proper for us to explain the matters contained within it. Let’s look at the matter of your parents giving birth to you. Who was it that chose for them to give birth to you: you or your parents? Who chose whom? If you look at this from God’s perspective, the answer is: neither of you. Neither you nor your parents chose for them to give birth to you. If you look at the root of this matter, this was ordained by God. We’ll put this topic to one side for now, as this matter is easy for people to understand. From your perspective, you were passively born to your parents, without having any choice in the matter. From the perspective of your parents, they gave birth to you through their own independent will, right? In other words, putting aside God’s ordination, when it comes to the matter of giving birth to you, it was your parents who had all the power. They chose to give birth to you, and they called all the shots. You did not choose for them to give birth to you, you were passively born to them, and you didn’t have any choice in the matter. So, since your parents had all the power, and they chose to give birth to you, they have an obligation and a responsibility to bring you up, to raise you into an adult, to supply you with an education, with food, clothes, and money—this is their responsibility and obligation, and it is what they ought to do. Whereas you were always passive during the period that they were raising you, you didn’t have the right to choose—you had to be raised by them. Because you were young, you didn’t have the capacity to raise yourself, you had no choice but to be passively brought up by your parents. You were raised in the way that your parents chose, if they gave you nice food and drinks, then you ate and drank nice food and drinks. If your parents provided you with a living environment where you survived off chaff and wild plants, then you survived off chaff and wild plants. In any case, when you were being raised, you were passive, and your parents were fulfilling their responsibility. It’s the same as your parents caring for a flower. Since they want to care for a flower, they should fertilize it, water it, and make sure that it gets sunlight. So, regarding people, no matter whether your parents looked after you meticulously or took great care of you, in any case, they were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation. Regardless of the reason why they raised you, it was their responsibility—because they gave birth to you, they should take responsibility for you. Based on this, can everything that your parents did for you be considered kindness? It can’t, right? (That’s right.) … In any case, by raising you your parents are fulfilling a responsibility and an obligation. Raising you into an adult is their obligation and responsibility, and this cannot be called kindness. If it cannot be called kindness, then is it not something that you ought to enjoy? (It is.) This is a kind of right that you should enjoy. You should be raised by your parents, because before you reach adulthood, the role that you play is that of a child being brought up. Therefore, your parents are just fulfilling a kind of responsibility toward you, and you are just receiving it, but you are certainly not receiving grace or kindness from them. For any living creature, bearing and looking after children, reproducing, and raising the next generation is a kind of responsibility. For example, birds, cows, sheep, and even tigers have to take care of their offspring after they reproduce. There are no living creatures that do not raise their offspring. It’s possible that there are some exceptions, but there are not many of them. It’s a natural phenomenon in the existence of living creatures, it’s an instinct for living creatures, and it cannot be attributed to kindness. They are just abiding by a law that the Creator set out for animals and for mankind. Therefore, your parents raising you isn’t a kind of kindness. Based on this, it can be said that your parents are not your creditors. They are fulfilling their responsibility to you. No matter how much effort and money they spend on you, they should not ask you to recompense them, because this is their responsibility as parents. Since it is a responsibility and an obligation, it should be free, and they should not ask for compensation. By raising you, your parents were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation, and this should be unpaid, and it should not be a transaction. So, you do not need to approach your parents or handle your relationship with them according to the idea of recompensing them. If you do treat your parents, pay them back, and handle your relationship with them according to this idea, that is inhumane. At the same time, it is likely to make you restrained and bound by your fleshly feelings, and it will be hard for you to emerge from these entanglements, to the extent that you might even lose your way” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). From God’s words, I came to realize that my feelings of indebtedness toward my mom and inability to do my duty with peace of mind were because I was viewing my mom as my creditor. I believed that I had to repay whatever she had given to me in full, so I always felt this debt of kindness, and whenever I failed to care for my mom, I felt indebted to her. Especially now that my mom had cancer, I thought that if my mom passed away, I would never be able to fully repay her kindness in my lifetime. In reality, my mom being kind to me and caring for me was her fulfilling her responsibility and duty as a mother. By giving birth to me, she was obligated to raise me to adulthood, and this didn’t count as a kindness. Just like animals must care for their offspring after giving birth, this is an instinct of theirs and part of God’s predestination. Similarly, if you keep cats or dogs at home, as their owner, you are responsible for their food, drink, and daily needs. These aren’t acts of kindness, just the fulfillment of responsibility. Also, my life comes from God, and it is God who gave me this breath of life, and who watches over and protects me to this day. I recalled that I was nearly hit by cars on a few occasions, but under God’s protection, I always came out unscathed. Another time, my boyfriend after my divorce wouldn’t let me care for my child, and when I refused to listen to him, he tried to strangle me to death. As he did, I kept calling out to God, and I managed to push him aside and finally get out of danger. I thought of God’s words: “Once God has chosen a family for you, He then chooses the date on which you will be born. Then, God watches as you are born and come crying into the world. He watches your birth, watches as you utter your first words, watches as you stumble and toddle your first steps as you learn how to walk. First you take one step and then you take another—and now you can run, jump, talk, and express your feelings…. As people grow up, Satan’s gaze is fixed on every one of them, like a tiger eyeing its prey. But in doing His work, God has never been subject to any limitations arising from people, events or things, of space or time; He does what He should and what He must. In the process of growing up, you may encounter many things that are not to your liking, such as illness and frustration. But as you walk this path, your life and your future are strictly under God’s care. God gives you a genuine guarantee to last all your life, for He is right there beside you, guarding you and looking after you” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). Through personal experiences, I have further affirmed God’s words in my heart. From birth until now, it has truly been God secretly protecting me. God has paid the price of His heart’s blood for me, yet I failed to be grateful to Him, and instead, I wallowed in my feelings of guilt toward my mom, and I didn’t have loyalty in my duty, which affected the progress of the work. All of this stemmed from my inability to view my mom’s nurturing care correctly.

During my devotionals, I read another passage of God’s words: “Most people choose to leave home to perform their duties in part because of the overarching objective circumstances, which necessitate them leaving their parents; they cannot stay by their parents’ side to take care of them and accompany them. It’s not that they willingly choose to leave their parents; this is the objective reason. For another thing, subjectively speaking, you go out to perform your duties not because you wanted to leave your parents and escape your responsibilities, but because of God’s calling. In order to cooperate with God’s work, accept His calling, and perform the duties of a created being, you had no choice but to leave your parents; you could not stay by their side to accompany them and take care of them. You didn’t leave them to avoid responsibilities, right? Leaving them to avoid your responsibilities and having to leave them to answer God’s calling and perform your duties—aren’t these of two different natures? (Yes.) In your heart, you do have emotional attachments and thoughts for your parents; your feelings are not empty. If objective circumstances allow, and you are able to stay by their side while also performing your duties, then you would be willing to stay by their side, regularly taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities. But because of objective circumstances, you must leave them; you cannot remain at their side. It’s not that you don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities as their child, but that you can’t. Isn’t this different in nature? (Yes.) If you left home to avoid being filial and fulfilling your responsibilities, that is unfilial and lacks humanity. Your parents raised you, but you can’t wait to spread your wings and quickly go off on your own. You don’t want to see your parents, and you don’t pay any regard when you hear about some difficulty they’ve encountered. Even if you have the means to help, you don’t; you just pretend not to hear and let others say whatever they want about you—you simply don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities. This is being unfilial. But is this the case now? (No.) Many people have left their counties, cities, provinces, or even their countries to perform their duties; they are already far away from their hometowns. Furthermore, it’s not convenient for them to stay in touch with their families for various reasons. Occasionally, they inquire about their parents’ current situation from people who came from the same hometown and feel relieved when they hear that their parents are still healthy and getting by okay. In fact, you are not unfilial; you haven’t reached the point of lacking humanity, where you don’t even want to care about your parents or fulfill your responsibilities toward them. It’s because of various objective reasons that you have to make this choice, so you’re not unfilial” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). Reflecting on God’s words, I came to understand that no one comes into the world to live for their parents, that everyone has their own mission to complete, and that as a created being, I have duties that I must do. The last few years of me doing my duty away from home had been me fulfilling responsibilities and doing my duties as a created being, and this was perfectly natural and justified. Additionally, due to the circumstances, I had to leave my home and my mom because I was being hunted by the police. This is not me being unfilial. However, I always believed that not being able to care for my mom while she was ill meant I was lacking in humanity and unfilial. But this perspective of mine wasn’t aligned with the truth. Being truly lacking in humanity and unfilial is when a person has the means to care for their parents, but refuses to do so, neglecting them entirely, or even seeing them as burdens. This is shirking responsibility and truly being lacking in humanity and disgracefully unfilial. Reflecting on my own behavior, I saw that when circumstances allowed in the past, I took care of my mom attentively after her car accident, and I was also considerate of and caring toward her when I was home, and was doing my responsibilities as a daughter. Now my mom had cancer and I couldn’t return home because the police were still hunting me. If I risked returning, I might have been arrested, in which case, not only would I have been unable to care for my mom, but I would have also lost the opportunity to do my duty. Realizing this, I no longer felt guilty about not being able to care for my mom.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “If you hadn’t left your home to perform your duty elsewhere, and you had stayed by your parent’s side, could you have prevented them from getting sick? (No.) Can you control whether your parents live or die? Can you control whether they are rich or poor? (No.) Whatever illness your parents get, it won’t be because they were so exhausted from raising you, or because they missed you; they especially won’t contract any of those major, serious, and possibly fatal illnesses because of you. That is their fate, and it has nothing to do with you. No matter how filial you are, the most you can achieve is to reduce their fleshly suffering and burdens a little, but as for when they get sick, what illness they contract, when they die, and where they die—do these things have anything to do with you? No, they don’t” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). Reflecting on God’s words, I gained some understanding of His sovereignty. Even if I hadn’t left home to do my duty and I’d stayed with my mom to take care of her, I couldn’t have guaranteed that she wouldn’t get sick. How much suffering or what setbacks each person must experience is beyond human control, and a person’s fate is entirely in God’s hands. For instance, my mom is in her 60s now, and it’s normal to have health issues at this age. Even if I were to go home and care for her, dote on her, and prepare good food for her, it would at most provide her with some spiritual comfort, but I wouldn’t have been able to shoulder any of the pain of her illness for her. I thought about how some children are particularly filial toward their parents, bringing them to live with them at home and caring for them attentively, yet their parents still fall ill. This shows that parents won’t necessarily stay healthy just because their children are around, nor will having children by their side ensure their recovery from illness. These matters are entirely determined by God’s sovereignty and predestination. For example, when my mom was diagnosed with cancer this time, it seemed severe and it was uncertain whether this could be cured, and my sisters-in-law even harshly said that if I didn’t return home, they wouldn’t pay for my mom’s treatment. Yet in the end, it was my younger brother’s wife and two older cousins-in-law who contributed money and took turns caring for my mom in the hospital. Not only did my mom’s condition not worsen, but she also recovered very well. This showed me that people truly cannot control their own fate, and that this is all in God’s hands. I had to let go of my worries about my mom and entrust her to God.

One day in November 2023, I received a letter from my mom. It said, “Your brother bought me a new house, and I’m helping take care of his child while doing my duty. I’m also in good health so you should do your duty with peace of mind.” Just reading these few short words from my mom brought me to tears of joy. I never expected her to keep on living so well even without me by her side caring for her, and that she was even doing her duty. This strengthened my resolve, and I knew that no matter whether or not I could return home or see my mom again, I could no longer feel guilty about not being able to care for her, and I decided to calm my heart to fulfill my duty. This is the goal I should spend my life pursuing.

Through these experiences, I saw how deeply I was bound by traditional ideas of filial piety toward my parents, and that whenever unfavorable circumstances arose, these ideas hindered me from practicing the truth and doing my duty. It was the guidance of God’s words that allowed me to gain discernment toward these traditional ideas, to stop being influenced and constrained by them, and to be able to settle my heart in my duty. These were results achieved by God’s words. Thank God!