By Qiao Xin, China

In May 2024, I trained in writing sermons in the church. At first, I faced some difficulties, feeling that because my understanding of the truth was shallow, I wouldn’t be able to write it well. The sister I was cooperating with fellowshipped with me and encouraged me, and she also shared some good ways with me. Later, when writing a sermon, I sought the relevant truths; once I had completely figured the truths out, I pondered how to write the sermon, and I quickly finished it. I was very happy and grateful for God’s guidance. Two days later, the supervisor wrote to me, saying that my sermon had been selected, and that I had good caliber and some ideas. I was both surprised and happy. I’d just started training, and the first sermon I’d written had been selected. Some of the sisters around me had written several sermons, but none of theirs had been selected, so I felt I must be really special. A few days later, I accidentally read a letter the supervisor had written to the leaders. The letter said, “Qiao Xin is quite proactive in writing sermons and is someone with ideas and caliber, and we are preparing to cultivate her.” Although it wasn’t much, I felt like I had become the focus of everyone’s attention, and that I was different from other brothers and sisters. I thought about how last year, I had written several articles in the space of a week, and was soon noticed by the supervisor. The supervisor said I had a talent for writing and assigned me to do text-based duty. Now, after just starting to train in writing sermons, I’d been noticed again by another supervisor. I thought to myself, “I can get attention wherever I go. It seems I really do have caliber and a talent for writing!” After this, I felt that I was different from others. I thought, “I have to train diligently, and make each sermon better than the last, so that I can write sermons that are up to standard in the shortest time. That way, everyone will be sure to think more highly of me and praise me even more.” Later, I was very proactive in writing sermons, and I wrote two sermons in succession, which I submitted to the supervisor. The supervisor also often wrote letters to encourage me, and between the lines, I could tell the supervisor cared about and valued me. I felt very happy inside, and I lived with a sense of self-admiration.

Not long after, I received written feedback on the sermon I wrote. I opened the file, and saw that a lot of issues had been marked by the leaders—some areas of fellowship were unclear, and others strayed off-topic…. I was deeply discouraged and felt despondent. I thought, “Logically, since I have a talent for writing, my sermons should improve each time, and I should have obvious progress, so why have I regressed instead? What will the leaders think of me? Will they think they misjudged me, and that I don’t have this kind of caliber after all?” The more I thought about it, the more negative I became, and I no longer had the heart to ponder the issues raised by the leaders. I realized my state was wrong, so I looked for God’s words to read, and I saw this passage: “People should not think of themselves as being very perfect, very distinguished, very noble, or very distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to be superior to themselves, or to be better than themselves—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never allowing others’ strengths to surpass or exceed their own—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to have better thoughts, suggestions, and views than themselves, and, when they discover that others are better than themselves, becoming negative, not wishing to speak, feeling distressed and dejected, and becoming upset—all of this is caused by an arrogant disposition. An arrogant disposition can make you unable to accept others’ corrections due to being protective of your pride, unable to confront your shortcomings, and unable to accept your own failures and mistakes. More than that, when someone is better than you, it can cause hatred and jealousy to emerge in your heart, and you can feel constrained, and even not wish to do your duty and become perfunctory in doing it. An arrogant disposition can cause these behaviors and practices to emerge in you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Self-Conduct). After reading God’s words, I realized that my pursuit of perfection and standing out from others, as well as my refusal to accept the leaders’ guidance on my issues were due to me being controlled by an arrogant disposition. When I heard that the sermons I had written had been selected and that the supervisor said I had caliber, I became conceited, and I thought of myself as no ordinary person, but as a person with caliber and a talent for writing. I started requiring myself to make sure that my sermons were better than others, and I felt that they shouldn’t have so many problems, as only then would I be worthy of the title of having a talent for writing. So whenever I faced setbacks, I became negative and couldn’t view myself properly. In reality, having issues in one’s written sermons is very normal, and it’s impossible to know and be able to do everything when starting this duty, and not make any mistakes at all. Such demands on myself were unrealistic. Furthermore, the leaders pointed out my problems to help me discover my shortcomings, learn to make up for them and grow, but when I faced setbacks, I became negative and couldn’t face my shortcomings correctly. I regarded myself too highly and I was truly arrogant! After thinking about this, I became willing to accept the leaders’ guidance and help, and to focus on seeking and pondering relevant truth principles while writing my sermons to prevent these deviations and mistakes from happening again.

After that, I quieted my heart and studied relevant principles, and I was able to understand some things during my study. But when it came to writing, I was still having some difficulties, and I felt that writing a sermon that was up to standard wasn’t easy. As time ticked away, I found that I still had no ideas, and I started to feel discouraged, thinking to myself, “What if I can’t write a good sermon? How will the leaders view me? Will they say, ‘It turns out that Qiao Xin’s caliber is really poor, and she also doesn’t understand the truth’?” Thinking of this, I became worried, and when I studied again, my mind wandered, and I kept feeling sleepy. At night, when I tried to sleep, I couldn’t help sighing, and I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I really wanted to write a good sermon quickly so that I could show it to everyone, and thereby restore my image. But the more I thought about writing it well, the more pressure I felt. The next morning, I woke up feeling drained, and my head began to hurt. I pondered all day but I still couldn’t come up with any ideas, and it felt like a heavy stone was pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. The sister I was cooperating with wanted to study the principles together with me, but I didn’t feel like it.

Later, I opened up to her about the state I’d had over the past couple of days, and she read me a passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “Satan uses fame and gain to control people’s thoughts, making them think of nothing but these two things, and getting them to struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation and bear heavy burdens for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and make every judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan places invisible shackles upon people, and, with these shackles upon them, they have neither the ability nor the courage to break free. Unknowingly, they bear these shackles as they trudge ahead step by step, with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind strays from God and betrays Him, and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its insidious motives not utterly hateful? Maybe today you still cannot see through to Satan’s insidious motives because you think that without fame and gain, life would have no meaning, and people would no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, and their futures would become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan places upon man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles brought to you by Satan. When you wish to free yourself from all these things that Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan, and you will truly hate all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will you have a real love and yearning for God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). After listening to God’s words, my heart suddenly felt brighter. I realized that the feeling of repression in my heart these past few days was due to my being constrained and bound by fame, gain, and status. At first, the supervisor said that I had good caliber and the sermons I wrote were pretty good. I then began to admire myself, feeling that I had a special talent for writing, and so I put in more effort to write sermons, hoping to gain others’ praise and admiration. However, when lots of issues were pointed out in the two sermons I’d written, I worried that others would look down on me, and no longer think of me as someone with caliber and talent, so I couldn’t calm down to ponder the issues pointed out by the leaders, nor did I study the principles or seek the truth to make up for my shortcomings. I just wanted to quickly write a good sermon to restore my image. However, the more anxious I became, the fewer ideas I had, and the more clouded my thoughts became, and after a whole day of work, I still made no progress. I remembered that when I first started writing sermons, though there were many difficulties, I had a pure heart that relied on God. I genuinely studied and sought relevant words of God to ponder, and God enlightened and guided me, and so when I wrote, I had some ideas. But now, all I thought about was my pride and status, and my thoughts of trying to preserve a good image in others’ eyes caused me to be unable to eat or sleep, made me feel dizzy and lightheaded, and caused me to be unable to focus on writing the sermon. My heart was completely controlled by fame and gain. If I didn’t turn this state around, I’d just continue living in darkness and unbearable pain, and over time, I would lose the work of the Holy Spirit or even lose this duty. I then prayed to God, “God, I don’t want to live in a state of pursuing reputation and status, but I don’t know how to resolve it. Please enlighten and guide me, so that I can step out of this wrong state and do my duty well.”

The next morning, my sister read me a few passages of God’s words, and one of the passages helped me a lot. Almighty God says: “Everyone knows that being arrogant is bad, but as soon as people achieve some results in their duty, they naturally become arrogant, they get too big for their britches, and think that they have succeeded in their belief in God. So why do people get too big for their britches when they achieve some results in their duty? One part of it is due to people being too arrogant and vain. Are there other reasons? (It is because people do not realize that it is God who leads them to achieve these results. They think they deserve all the credit, and that they possess capital, so they get too big for their britches. In fact, without the truth and without the work of the Holy Spirit, people are unable to do anything, but they cannot see this clearly.) This statement is correct, and it’s also central to the issue. If people do not experience God’s work and cannot gain the truth, they always think themselves capable of anything. So if they possess some capital, they become arrogant and get too big for their britches. Are you able to sense the guidance of God and the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit in the course of doing your duty? (Yes.) If you are able to sense the work of the Holy Spirit, yet still get too big for your britches, and think you are possessed of reality, then what is going on here? (When our performance of our duty has borne some fruit, we think that half the credit belongs to God, and half belongs to us. We magnify our cooperation to an unlimited extent, thinking that nothing is more important than our cooperation, and that God’s enlightenment would not be possible without it.) So why does God enlighten you? Can God enlighten other people as well? (Yes.) When God enlightens someone, it is by the grace of God. And what is that little bit of cooperation on your part? Is it something you are due credit for, or is it your duty and responsibility? (It is our duty and responsibility.) When you recognize that it is your duty and responsibility, then you have the right mindset, and will not think of trying to take credit for it. If you always think, ‘This is my contribution. Would God’s enlightenment be possible without my cooperation? This task requires man’s cooperation; our cooperation accounts for the bulk of the accomplishment,’ then you are wrong. How can you cooperate if the Holy Spirit has not enlightened you, and if no one has fellowshipped on the truth principles to you? If you do not know what God requires, and you do not know the path of practice, then even if you want to submit to God and cooperate, you won’t know how. Will this ‘cooperation’ of yours not be just empty words, then? If you do not truly cooperate, and are only acting according to your own ideas, then can the duty you do be up to standard? Absolutely not. This indicates an issue. What is the issue? No matter what duty a person does, whether they achieve results, do their duty up to standard, and gain God’s approval depends on God’s work. Even if you perform your responsibilities and duty, if God does not work, or enlighten and guide you, and you don’t know your path, your direction, or your goals, what will ultimately come of this? After toiling for all that time, you will not have done your duty properly, nor will you have gained the truth and life—it will all have been in vain. Therefore, doing your duty in a way that’s up to standard, edifying your brothers and sisters, and obtaining God’s approval all depends on God! People can only do those things that they are capable of, that they ought to do, and that are within their inherent capabilities—nothing more. Ultimately then, achieving results in your duties depends on the guidance of God’s words and the enlightenment and leadership of the Holy Spirit; only then can you understand the truth, and complete God’s commission according to the path that God has given you and the principles He has set. This is God’s grace and blessing, and if people cannot see this, they are blind. Regardless of what kind of work the house of God does, what is the intended result? One part of it is to bear witness to God and propagate God’s gospel, while another part of it is to edify and bring benefit to brothers and sisters. The work of the house of God is intended to achieve results in both areas. In the house of God, no matter what duty you do, can you achieve results without God’s guidance? Absolutely not. It can be said that without God’s guidance, what you do is essentially useless, and definitely cannot achieve any results” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Self-Conduct). After reading God’s words, I realized that I couldn’t take off the label of “having a special talent for writing” because I attributed all the effectiveness of writing sermons to myself, and I thought it was only through my good caliber, my talent for writing, and the effort I made, as well as the price I paid in pondering, that these results had come about. In reality, I often struggled during the writing, and it was by praying to God and pondering relevant truths and receiving God’s enlightenment and guidance that I gained a bit of inspiration. However, afterward, when others said a few words of praise and encouragement, I became conceited, thinking that all this was my own achievement, and I even put the label of “having good caliber and a talent for writing” on myself, and I failed to see myself for what I really was. In reality, whether a duty can be done well or not depends, in part, on understanding the principles of the duty and the relevant truths, and most importantly, receiving God’s enlightenment and guidance. There are times when we don’t have ideas, and by praying to God, seeking His guidance, and contemplating His words, we unknowingly come to understand some truths and gain some light and ideas, and only then can the sermons we write achieve good results. This is not because of our own abilities. I thought about how over the last few days, I’d been living for fame and status, unable to receive God’s enlightenment and guidance. Even though I’d put effort into writing, my mind was like mush, without any ideas, and I was being an utter fool. I truly realized that the good results in my duties came from God’s enlightenment and guidance, and that I had nothing to boast about. Yet I’d shamelessly attributed all the credit to myself. This was truly shameful! Although I had written several sermons, I had only grasped a small part of the process in how to write them. Actually, I didn’t have a grasp of many principles, and was not clear on the truths in many aspects; sometimes I’d even struggle to grasp the key points when writing sermons. Although I had studied the relevant principles, when applying them practically, I was lacking a lot, and I still needed corrections and help from others. But I thought of myself as exceptional, as if I were floating on air, and I was truly ignorant of my own limitations. The more I thought about it, the more ashamed I felt, wanting to hide my face, and I just wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground.

Afterward, I thought about how the main reason that I had not been able to write those two sermons well was that I had just started training and still didn’t grasp some principles, so I studied the principles with my sisters, and I used the two sermons as examples for everyone to analyze and discuss. Everyone offered suggestions, and after that, when I revised the sermons again, I had a direction. Whenever I didn’t understand something, I prayed to God, and I sought the truth and pondered, and I passed along one of the sermons after I had completed revising it. However, when revising the other one, I still had difficulty. I wasn’t clear on the truth and felt a bit troubled. I was also afraid that my writing would be stale and dry, and I wondered what the leaders would think of me after I submitted it. Would they say that my caliber is inadequate? I didn’t dare to seek help from the brothers and sisters, but I had no way forward, and I felt a lot of pressure in my heart. At that moment, I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked for it to read. God says: “When God requires that people fulfill their duty, He is not asking them to complete a certain number of tasks or accomplish any great endeavors, nor to achieve any groundbreaking feats. What God wants is for people to be able to do all they can in a down-to-earth way, and live by His words. God does not need you to be great or noble, or bring about any miracles, nor does He want to see any pleasant surprises in you. He does not need such things. All God needs is for you to practice according to His words in a down-to-earth manner. After you have understood God’s words, act upon them and carry them out, or after you have heard God’s words, remember them well, and when the time comes to practice, do so according to God’s words. Let them become your life, your realities, and what you live out. Thus, God will be satisfied. You always pursue greatness, nobility, and status; you always pursue being superior to others. How does God feel when He sees this? He loathes it, and He will distance Himself from you. The more you pursue greatness and nobility, and seek to be a cut above the rest, to rise above the crowd, to be exceptional, and to be outstanding, the more aversion God feels toward you. If you do not reflect on yourself and repent, then God will loathe you and reject you. You absolutely must not be someone that God feels aversion toward; you must be a person that God loves. So, how can you become a person that God loves? Accept the truth obediently, take your proper place as a created being, act based on God’s words with your feet on the ground, perform your duty properly, be an honest person, and live out human likeness. This is enough, and this will satisfy God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). After reading God’s words, I understood that God’s requirements for people are not high, and that He doesn’t ask people to achieve great results. So long as people can be obedient and submit, and do their duty well with their feet on the ground according to God’s requirements, God will be satisfied. But I always wanted to stand out and to write good sermons to gain the praise and approval of others. This was controlled by my ambition and desire. This was a corrupt disposition. I thought of the first administrative decree that God’s chosen people must obey, which says: “Man should not magnify himself, nor exalt himself. He should worship and exalt God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). I always pursued fame, gain, and status, wanting to be praised and esteemed by others and to have a place in their hearts. This is something God despises. Living in this state makes it impossible for me to do my duty well, and it may even hinder the work. I had to quickly turn around my wrong perspective behind my pursuit. Although I still lacked many things in writing sermons, I was willing to quiet my heart before God to seek the truth and do my best to cooperate. I would write as much as I understood, and I’d regard each issue that arose in the writing of sermons as an opportunity to make up for my shortcomings. I believed that through gradually training this way, I would surely make progress. When I thought of this, I felt much more relieved.

The next time I wrote sermons, I’d first write what I understood, and for things I didn’t understand, I would seek and ponder, or communicate with my brothers and sisters, and once I was clear about the truth, I would continue writing. This way, the effectiveness of the sermons I wrote was much better. Not long after, the leaders sent over some good sermons for us to study and draw from. Those sermons were not only fresh and bright, but the fellowship of the truths was really practical and clear. In comparison, I realized that my sermons were just full of words and doctrines, and that the truth wasn’t fellowshipped clearly. At that moment, I saw how much I lacked. Compared to my brothers and sisters, I was so far behind! When they wrote about their thoughts and gains, they not only didn’t boast, but instead said they lacked many things, and that being able to write a sermon that was up to standard wasn’t due to their own caliber, nor because they understood the truth, but rather through receiving the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment by prayer, seeking, and the pondering of relevant truths. Seeing this, I felt deeply ashamed. I thought about how I had just started writing sermons, and with just a superficial understanding, I thought I was above average. I even put upon myself the label of having a special talent for writing that I couldn’t take off. I was really overestimating myself and lacked any self-awareness!

Now, when seeing the suggestions from the leaders again, I am able to treat them correctly, and if there is something I don’t understand or can’t do, I can take the initiative to seek, and the quality of my sermons has improved compared to before. I know in my heart that the progress I’ve made is thanks to God’s enlightenment and guidance. Through this experience, I have gained some understanding of my corrupt disposition, and I’ve made some gains in my life entry. I’ve also seen that my understanding of the truth is truly shallow, and that I should focus on the truth principles and do my duty in a steadfast way. If it weren’t for this revelation, I would have continued living in a state of admiring myself, and I wouldn’t have made any progress in my duty. This failure and setback have brought me great gains, and I thank God from the bottom of my heart!