By Lu Yao, China

When I was a child, I often heard my father say, “Your second uncle is not filial and doesn’t support your grandfather. It was your mother and I who supported your grandfather. The purpose of raising children is for them to take care of you in old age. In the future, you have to take care of us and see us through to the end of our lives!” When I grew up, I took care of my parents until they died. I also hoped that my daughter would be able to take care of me in my old age. Once my daughter learned to speak, I asked her, “Who will you spend your money on when you grow up?” My daughter said, “When I grow up, I will earn loads and loads of money to spend on Mommy and Daddy.” I said happily, “My dear daughter, your mother has not raised you in vain!” My daughter is very smart. She can learn anything quickly and is always ranked among the top students in her exams. I was very happy and thought to myself, “My daughter is so smart, and she will definitely have a bright future. Even if I have no money, I have to support her education, so that she will find a good job after she graduates from college. Then she will have no problem caring for us in our old age.”

In April 2003, I was arrested for believing in God and preaching the gospel and was detained for 25 days. In order to avoid being arrested by the police again, I left home in November to do my duties in another place. I was very conflicted at the time, “My daughter will take the college entrance examination in six months. If I leave at this time, will my daughter’s studies be affected? If it affects her college entrance examination and hinders her prospects, will she end up hating me? Will she disown me as her mother? I only have one daughter, and if she no longer wants me as her mother, who will I rely on when I’m old? But if I don’t leave, and I am arrested again, my daughter will definitely be implicated and her future will be utterly ruined. I will also be sentenced, and then I won’t be able to do my duties.” After much thought, I still decided to leave home. Because the police kept looking for me, I didn’t dare go home.

As I got older, my energy and physical strength had started to decline, and my blood pressure was on the high side. My eyesight became blurry, and I developed tinnitus and hearing loss. My heart also started pounding whenever I did physical work, so I had to lie down and rest for a while. I thought to myself, “Am I getting old now? Who will take care of me in my old age?” At this time, I missed my daughter very much, and thought, “I’m still expecting to rely on her in my old age!” In 2021, I went back to my older sister’s home to preach the gospel and learned that my daughter was working away from home, and was very filial to her aunts. I thought that she would definitely be nice to me in that case, and I really looked forward to seeing my daughter someday. At the end of August the following year, I was preaching the gospel away from home when my sister wrote to say that my daughter had come back for a few days. I rushed back to my sister’s house overnight, but my daughter didn’t want to see me. I felt awful, but I could understand my daughter’s feelings. After all, I hadn’t taken care of her for seventeen years, so it was normal for her to be angry. Later, when I saw my daughter, I was so happy that I wanted to hug her, but she sat far away from me, and disappointment chilled my heart. After a while, I said to her, “I’ve been worrying about you all these years. I was afraid that the police would arrest me and you would be implicated, so I didn’t dare go home. You have suffered all these years.” She said bitterly, “I didn’t suffer. I’m an adult now. I’m not suffering!” After saying this, she turned her head and left after staying for less than half an hour. I was utterly disappointed, “I worked so hard to raise you and took so much care of you. After you went to school, in order to help you learn a skill and have a good future, I spent the last three thousand yuan our family had to buy you an electronic keyboard. I shed so much heart’s blood for you, but now you’ve disowned me? I really raised you in vain!” I thought, “My household registration has been canceled by the Chinese Communist government, my husband has divorced me, and my daughter has disowned me. I’m sixty years old now, and my health is getting worse every year. What should I do when I get old? Who will look after me when I get sick? Who will take care of me in my old age and see me off?” At night, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep. When I thought about how my daughter didn’t even call me “Mom,” I realized there was no hope of relying on her to take care of me in my old age. I felt so miserable it was like my heart was being crushed. I was in a terrible daze during those days, didn’t have the motivation to do my duty, and just went through the motions when I was preaching the gospel.

In February 2023, I heard that Sister Sun Jing had fallen ill, but her husband had looked after her very carefully and attentively. I thought to myself, “When my sister is sick, her husband takes care of her. What should I do if I get sick? My daughter has disowned me, and if I end up being unable to move, it would be so embarrassing for my church sisters to look after me. I can’t be a burden on my brothers and sisters! Besides, I live alone, so if something happened to me, no one would know. What if I couldn’t get to the hospital in time and ended up dying at home?” I couldn’t help but fret and worry about not having anyone to take care of me in my old age and send me off. One day during my devotionals, I read God’s words, and gained some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “As a parent, is it a mistake to pin a bit of hope on your children, hoping that they’ll be dutiful to you and able to support you when they grow up? It’s not a mistake, and it’s not asking too much. So what is the problem here? This woman constantly wanted to rely on her children to live a good life, to depend on them for the latter half of her life, and she always expected to derive enjoyment from them. What is the mistaken view at play here? Why did she have this idea? What was the source of this view she held? People always harbor extravagant hopes for a certain way of life and a certain standard of living. That is to say, before people know how God has preordained their lives or what their destiny is, they already plan out their standard of living: They must be happy, experience peace and joy their whole life, be wealthy and of eminent standing, and have people who can help them and on whom they can rely. They have already planned out their own path in life, their life goals, the finishing line of their life, and all other such things. … Given that she constantly had this wish and these plans, did she have God in her heart? (No.) So, in a certain sense, what caused the pain that came from all her struggling? (It was caused by her wish.) That’s true. And how did her wish come about? (By her not believing in God’s sovereignty or in His orchestrations and arrangements.) That’s right. She didn’t understand how people’s destiny comes about, nor did she understand how God’s sovereignty works. This is the root of the problem” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (2)). What God exposed was exactly my state. I was just a bit over forty when I left home to do my duty, and because I was young and strong at that time I didn’t think about what I would do when I got old. Now that I am older, my health is getting worse year by year, and a lot of worries about the future bubbled up. I was worried that if I fell ill and couldn’t look after myself, there would be no one to take care of me—what would I do? My household registration was canceled during the years I was away from home, and my husband divorced me. I originally thought that because my daughter was very filial to her aunts, she would surely be kind to me. But I didn’t expect my daughter to disown me and for there to be no hope at all of her taking care of me in my old age. I saw that I could not rely on my daughter, and so I worried that I would have nobody to take care of me if I got sick in the future, and that I would die at home and nobody would take any notice. In particular, when I heard that Sun Jing was ill and her husband was taking care of her, I felt even more lonely and pitiful, and when I thought about how I didn’t have anyone to rely on in my life in the future, I felt sad and miserable. I said that God was sovereign over everything, but in reality, I didn’t have any understanding of God’s sovereignty and there was no place for God in my heart. I was always thinking about how to arrange a way out for myself, and even regarded my daughter as my support. I had no faith in God. This state would be very dangerous if I didn’t resolve it.

Later, I pondered, “Why do I care so much about whether there is someone to take care of me in my old age and be there when I pass away? What is the problem?” I read God’s words: “Some people cling to a rotten and outdated notion, saying, ‘It actually doesn’t matter whether people have children to be filial to them and care for them in their old age, but at the very least, when they die there must be someone to initiate the mourning rites so that it looks decent to others. Otherwise, if they die at home and nobody realizes, people will mock, and that would be too pathetic!’ So what if no one knows? When a person dies, they don’t know anything anymore. When their body dies, their soul immediately leaves it. No matter where the body is or what it looks like after death, isn’t it dead anyway? Even if it is carried out in a coffin at a grand funeral, the body will still rot once it’s in the ground, won’t it? People think, ‘Having children by your side to put you in a coffin, to dress you in burial clothes, to put on makeup, and to arrange a grand funeral is a glorious thing. If you die without anyone arranging a funeral for you or giving you a proper send-off, it’s like your whole life has had no proper conclusion.’ Is this idea correct? (No, it isn’t.) Nowadays, young people don’t pay much attention to these things, but there are still people in remote areas and older people with little insight who believe that children must take care of their parents in old age and give them a proper send-off when they pass away. This thought and viewpoint is deeply implanted in their hearts, and no matter how you fellowship about the truth, they do not accept it—what is the final consequence of this? The consequence is that they are deeply harmed by it. This tumor has long been hidden inside them, and they will be poisoned by it. When they dig it out and remove it, they will no longer be poisoned by it, and their lives will be free. Any wrong actions are led by absurd thoughts and viewpoints. For example, there are people who are afraid of rotting in their house after they die, so they are always thinking, ‘I have to raise a son. When my son grows up, I can’t let him go very far away. What if he’s not by my side when I die? Not having someone who will take care of me in old age or give me a proper send-off when I pass away would be one of my greatest regrets in life! If I had someone to do this for me, then my life would not be lived in vain. It would be a perfect life. No matter what, I cannot be the subject of mockery.’ Isn’t this a rotten way of thinking? (Yes, it is.) It is stale and degenerate, attaching too much importance to the physical body! In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left. Only if you have gained the truth and attained salvation while alive can you live forever. If you haven’t gained the truth, then when your body dies and decays, there will be nothing left; no matter how filial your children are to you, you won’t be able to enjoy it. When a person dies and their children bury them in a coffin, can that old body feel anything? Can it perceive anything? (No, it cannot.) It has no perception at all. But in life, people attach great importance to this matter, demanding a lot from their children in terms of whether they can give them a proper send-off when they pass away—which is foolish, isn’t it? … if you pursue the truth, as parents, you should first let go of the traditional, rotten, and degenerate thoughts and viewpoints concerning whether children are filial, care for you in old age, and give you a proper send-off when you pass away, and approach this matter correctly. If your children truly are filial to you, then accept it properly. But if your children don’t have the conditions or energy to be filial to you, or don’t plan to be filial to you, and they can’t take care of you by your side in your old age or give you a proper send-off when you pass away, then you don’t need to demand it or feel sad. Everything is in God’s hands. Birth has its time, death has its place, and God has ordained where people are born and where they die” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). What God’s word exposed was exactly my state. I always worried that no one would take care of me when I got old or be there when I passed away, and about what would happen if I died and no one found out, my body rotting away at home. When I thought this, I became negative and weak, and lived in distress and anxiety. In fact, the time of my birth, the time of my death, and the place of my death have all been preordained by God. Whether my daughter can be there at the end of my days depends on God’s sovereignty and arrangement. I was living in worry and distress because I cherished my flesh too much, and I couldn’t penetrate what the flesh dying actually signifies. God says: “In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left.” When the flesh dies, it has no consciousness. Even if someone sees you off and buries you in a coffin, won’t your flesh still rot away? So what if your children are there to see you off to the grave? Would you be aware of it? Yet I thought of this matter as being very important. Wasn’t this too foolish? In fact, if people do not obtain the truth, then even if they have a grand funeral, their souls cannot be saved, and they will even go to hell. God says: “Only if you have gained the truth and attained salvation while alive can you live forever.” Only by obtaining the truth, casting off our satanic corrupt dispositions, and doing the duties of a created being well can we gain eternal life and receive salvation, being brought by God to a wonderful destination.

I read another passage of God’s words, and gained some understanding of God’s sovereignty. My distress and anxiety was also alleviated somewhat. Almighty God says: “How much of a bond there is between parents and their children, how much they can receive in return from their children, whether they can rely on their children to take care of them in their old age—in plain terms, this is all predestined and preordained by God. It’s not like everything plays out exactly how people wish in their own heads. Of course, everyone imagines things very nicely and wants to gain some benefits from their children. But why have you never considered whether that is written in your destiny? How long the bond between you and your children will last is crucial. Whether each job you do in this life will have a connection with your children, whether your children will be among those involved when you experience a major event—all of these depend on God’s preordination. Without God’s preordination, then however hard you work, it will be of no use. When you have raised your children into adulthood, your responsibility will have been fulfilled, and your children will leave naturally at the time they should leave. This is something that people need to see through. If you can’t see through this matter, you will always have personal desires, and always have personal demands, and accept various types of thoughts and viewpoints to achieve your aims. What will happen in the end? You’ll only wake up on your deathbed, and realize that you have done a lot of stupid things in your lifetime, and that you have acted solely by notions and imaginings, and been too foolish and ignorant; it simply does not accord with the real situation or with God’s preordinations” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words are very clear. Whether my daughter is filial and whether she can take care of me in my old age and be there for me at the end depends on whether I have that destiny or not. If God has not preordained my daughter to do so, then no matter how wonderful my imaginings of that are, it will all be in vain. Even if my daughter promised to do so, because she works and lives thousands of miles away, she may not be able to be by my side when I get sick and die anyway. I couldn’t see through this, and lived in misery because my daughter ignored me and there was no hope of her taking care of me in my old age and being there in my final moments. I had been fooling myself, and wasting my time on nonsense. I remembered that there was an old lady in our neighboring village. When she was in her eighties, she could no longer take care of herself, but none of her three sons looked after her. The old lady starved to death, and no one was there to see her off. I also thought of an older sister whose daughter went to live abroad and never came back. Now the older sister and her husband are both in their seventies. Whenever they fall sick, their nephew drives them to the hospital for checkups, and they still live a pretty good life. Each person’s life is preordained and arranged by God. I must entrust everything to do with me to God and submit to His orchestrations. I should no longer worry about my old age.

I continued to seek, and read more of God’s words: “Raising children is a human instinct, and is also a responsibility and obligation of human beings. Parents should not require their children to be filial to them, nor should they have children only so they have someone to support them in their old age. People’s goal in raising children is itself improper, so when their children are unfilial, they will say ridiculous things such as, ‘Don’t raise children, whatever you do.’ Since the goal is impure, the thoughts and viewpoints they develop are also incorrect. So, don’t they need to be corrected and let go of? (Yes.) How should one correct and let go of them? What kind of goal is a pure one to have? What kind of thought and viewpoint is correct? In other words, what is the correct way to handle one’s relationship with their children? First of all, raising children is your own choice: You willingly brought them into the world and raised them, and they were passive in being born. Apart from the responsibility given to humans by God to produce offspring, and apart from God’s ordination, for those who are parents, their subjective reason and starting point is that they are willing to give birth to their children. Since you are willing to bear children, then you should nurture them into adults, enabling them to live independently. You have already gained much and benefited greatly from raising them. First of all, you have enjoyed a joyful time living together with your children, and you’ve also enjoyed the process of raising them. Although this process has had its joys and hardships, more often you experienced the happiness of accompanying your children and being accompanied by them. This is also a process of experiencing life. You have enjoyed these things, and you’ve gained a lot already from your children, isn’t that right? Children bring happiness and companionship to their parents, and parents, through the price they pay and the time and energy they expend in raising their children, get to watch these small lives gradually grow into adults. Starting as clueless young lives that don’t know anything at all, their children gradually learn to think, learn to speak, gain the ability to put words together, the ability to learn and differentiate various types of knowledge, and the ability to have conversations and communicate with them and view matters from an equal stance. For parents, undergoing this process is the happiest thing, and cannot be replaced by any other event or person. Parents have already gained much enjoyment and understanding from their children in the process of raising them, which is a great comfort and gain to them. As for whether your children will be filial to you, whether you can rely on them for anything, and what you can obtain from them, these things depend on whether you are destined to live together, and this is down to God’s preordination. In another respect, the kind of environment your children live in, their living conditions, whether they have the conditions to take care of you, whether they are financially comfortable, and whether they can provide you with material enjoyment and assistance, also depend on God’s preordination. Moreover, as parents, whether you can enjoy the material things, money, or emotional comfort that your children give you also depends on God’s preordination” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). “Let’s put talking from the perspective of children aside for now, but speak instead only from the perspective of parents. Parents should not demand that their children be filial, and take care of them and support them in their later years—there is no need for this. In one respect, it is an attitude that parents should have toward their children, and in another, it is the dignity that parents should possess. Of course, there is also a more important aspect: It is the principle that the created beings who are parents should abide by in treating their children. If your children are filial and willing to take care of you, you don’t need to refuse them; if they are unwilling to do so, you don’t need to moan and groan all day long, feeling uncomfortable or resentful in your heart, or hold grudges against your children. You should take responsibility and bear the burden for your own life and survival so far as you are able, and you should not pass it off to others, especially your children. You should proactively and correctly face a life without the company or help of your children by your side, and even if you are apart from your children, you should still be able to face whatever life brings you on your own” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words are very clear. It is a human instinct and a human responsibility and obligation for parents to raise their children. Parents choose to give birth to their children, and no matter how much suffering it takes or how much of a cost they pay to raise them, this is just what they should do. However, I had been influenced by the traditional notion that you should “raise children to care for you in old age,” and demanded that my daughter take care of me in my old age and be there for me when I pass away. I believed it to be perfectly natural and justified that since I had raised her when she was young, she had to take care of me when I got old. This view is not in line with the truth. Raising my daughter was my responsibility and obligation. It is simply what I should have done. However, I used the price I paid for raising my daughter as a bargaining chip to get her to care for me in my old age. When my desires were not fulfilled, I became angry and upset. I really was too selfish and vile! Actually, though we are mother and daughter, before God we are both created beings, and have equal status. My daughter is not my slave, and it was unreasonable of me to ask her to care for me in my old age. I had already received what was due to me from raising my daughter. From the time my daughter was born to the time she could call us mom and dad, and then to the time she grew to adulthood, she brought a lot of joy to our family. In the process of raising my daughter, my thinking matured and I gained a lot of life experience. These are the rewards of raising a daughter. I can’t be angry if my daughter doesn’t want to take care of me in the future. I have to take responsibility for my own life to the extent that I am able to, and not rely on my daughter, instead submitting to God’s orchestration and arrangements. When I understood this, I felt much more relieved.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words, which brightened my heart and gave me a path to follow. Almighty God says: “When you feel the most suffering and sadness, who can truly comfort your heart? Who can truly resolve your difficulties? (God can.) Only God can truly resolve people’s difficulties. If you are sick, and your children are by your side, serving you, and waiting on you, you will feel quite happy, but in time your children will get fed up and no one will be willing to wait on you. In times like those you will feel truly lonely! You think you have no partner by your side now, but is that truly the case? It’s actually not, since God is always by your side! God does not leave people. He is the One they can rely on and find shelter in at all times, and their only confidant. So, regardless of the difficulties and suffering that befall you, and regardless of the things that make you feel aggrieved or matters that make you negative and weak, you must come before God and pray at once, and His words will give you comfort, and resolve your difficulties and your various problems. In an environment like this, your loneliness will become the basic condition for experiencing God’s words and gaining the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God is mankind’s support at all times. When we are in pain, weak, or encounter difficulties and hardships, it is God who is always with us. God uses words to enlighten and lead us, and solve our problems, helping us get through difficult times. I had had vertigo since I was young, and this illness had tortured me for more than 30 years. Every time I got sick, I had to lie down for two days. Even if my daughter had been filial, she would only be able to help me with food and drink; she would not be able to resolve my pain, and would be even less able to suffer on my behalf. After I started to believe in God, my sickness was cured without me noticing, and I was no longer tortured by illness. It was God who took away my illness. I have been away from home doing my duty for almost 20 years now, and I have always been in good health. In 2022, even when the pandemic was serious and many people were infected, I never caught Covid. I don’t have any serious illnesses right now, and, though I do get some common illnesses from time to time, I get better just by using some folk remedies. I experienced how God has been protecting me through all these years, and how only God is my support. When I understood this, I was no longer distressed and anxious about not having anyone to care for me in my old age and send me off, and my heart was much more liberated. I devoted myself to preaching the gospel, and gradually achieved some results. Thank God for His leadership!