By Qiu Yan, China

I grew up in the countryside, and my parents didn’t get much of an education, so they had no choice but to toil in the fields from dawn to dusk. My father often told me, “In our family, only your uncle made something of himself by studying hard and becoming a senior official in the city. I didn’t study hard when I was young, so now I can only make a living from farming. You must study hard in the future—don’t end up with no prospects like me.” When I saw my uncle return to the village in a fancy car, and everyone sang his praises and looked at him with admiration, I was incredibly envious. Then I looked at the indifference the villagers treated my dad with, and I realized that only by studying can a person get ahead and be respected wherever they go. I resolved that I had to study hard so that I could distinguish myself in the future, and gain the admiration of others. I studied hard, putting in several times the effort of others, but I didn’t do well in the high school entrance exam and only got into a regular vocational school. What was even more unexpected was that when I graduated, the government implemented layoffs, downsizing, and efficiency-driven policies, and I was essentially laid off before I had even officially started work. It felt as though the sky had collapsed on me, and I had no hope of standing out in life anymore. After I got married, my husband worked as a manual laborer due to his average education level, and our quality of life was mediocre. Looking at my relatives and friends, I saw that those with education and degrees lived glamorous, superior lives, and frequented upscale places. Viewing myself alongside this, I felt even more strongly that without a high level of education, one can’t succeed in this society, and that my life would always be this way. So I felt that in the future, I had to educate my child well and help them earn a high-level degree, so they could bring honor to our family. That way, I too could gain glory.

When my daughter was four years old, I accepted God’s work of the last days. At that time, I attended gatherings twice a week, and the rest of the time, I’d be with my daughter reviewing English flashcards, reciting classic poems, and teaching her basic addition and subtraction. I wanted her to develop a love for learning from a young age. When she was in third grade, I started tutoring her in English and math, hoping her grades would surpass those of her peers so that in the future, she could get into a good university, find a good job, and live a life of glory and success. I would often tell my daughter to study hard so that she could stand out in the future. She’d look at me in confusion every time, seeming to only half-understand, but she’d reluctantly go along with what I asked of her. Sometimes when I saw her getting tired of studying, I would patiently explain why she needed to study, and that only with good grades could she have a good future and job opportunities. Seeing the helpless look on her face, I thought to myself, “It’s the responsibility and obligation of parents to educate their child well. She may not understand me now, but when she grows up, she’ll understand my painstaking intentions.”

In fifth grade, my daughter’s math grades were very poor. Although her teacher explained things patiently, her classmates helped tutor her, and she tried hard to do the exercises herself, her exam results were still always unsatisfactory. Sometimes she would even fail. Seeing this, I became extremely anxious and sternly told my daughter, “Without good grades, you won’t get into your ideal school and you’ll amount to nothing. In the eyes of others, you’ll be a nobody and your whole life will be a failure. You’ve got to find a way to quickly improve your math scores no matter what it takes. If not, I won’t let you off easily.” My daughter looked at me timidly, too afraid to speak, her face pale with fear. Seeing her like that, I softened a bit—she was trying hard, and her poor math grades weren’t because she refused to learn. I wondered if I had gone too far. But then I thought, “If I’m not strict now, she might not have good job opportunities later. I’d rather she hate me now than have no future.” After asking around, I found a teacher with many years of experience to tutor my daughter. When it was time for her tutoring, I set aside my work and listened in as well. I noted down the parts my daughter didn’t understand, and when we got home, I’d have her go over them again. When she still couldn’t do them, I’d get angry and loudly lecture her, saying, “Do you think you’ll get into a key high school if you keep being like this?” My daughter recoiled in fear, tears of hurt welling up in her eyes. My heart softened, and I thought, “Maybe I should just let things take their course—she can learn however much she can. What if all this pressure ends up making her depressed?” But then I immediately thought, “Easing up on her education now will directly affect her future. I have to fulfill my responsibility as a parent.” So I kept pushing my daughter to study. My daughter was introverted to begin with, and under the pressure I applied, her self-esteem dropped even further. She was often startled awake by nightmares, her grades declined even further, and the relationship between us grew increasingly distant. Seeing this made me very anxious. On one hand, I was worried that her poor grades would affect her future, but on the other hand, I also felt heartbroken for her and felt guilty for pressuring her so much. These conflicting emotions were all tangled together, and I didn’t know what to do. I kept wondering, “Is treating my daughter like this love? If it is, shouldn’t it make her feel free and at ease? But I can clearly feel she has become more miserable and her self-esteem has declined. Not only have her grades not improved—they’ve declined even further, and she keeps getting startled awake by nightmares now. Could the way I’m educating my child be wrong?” I didn’t know what to do, so I kept praying, asking God to guide me to understand my problems.

One day, I read God’s words, and I gained some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “In fact, no matter how grand man’s aspirations are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to every person throughout their life, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very mild method, a method that’s very much in line with people’s notions, and that isn’t very aggressive, to cause people to unknowingly accept its means and laws of survival, develop life goals and life directions, and come to possess life aspirations. No matter how high-sounding people’s descriptions of their life aspirations may be, these aspirations always revolve around fame and gain. Everything that any great or famous person—or, in fact, any person—chases throughout their life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they have the capital to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think that once they have fame and gain, they have the capital to seek pleasure and to engage in wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which they desire, people happily and unknowingly hand over their bodies, hearts, and even all that they have, including their prospects and fates, to Satan. They do so without reservation, without even a moment’s doubt, and without ever knowing to reclaim everything that they once had. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have given themselves over to Satan and become loyal to it in this way? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into this quagmire, and are unable to free themselves” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). God’s words helped me understand that for so many years, I had actually been living completely under Satan’s deception. I recalled how, from childhood, I had been indoctrinated by my parents, and I had taken “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” and “Stand out above the rest, and bring honor to your ancestors” as the goals of my pursuit. In order to stand out, I worked several times harder than others when I was a student, only to fail my high school entrance exam and later be unable to find a good job. Thus, I began to give up on myself and I lost confidence in life. After my daughter was born, I placed all my hopes on her. To cultivate her interest in studying, I began instilling knowledge in her from a young age, and as a result, she lost the joy of childhood. When she started school and I saw that her math grades were poor, I forced her to take tutoring to improve her grades, and when she didn’t improve, I got angry and scolded her. I wasn’t understanding or compassionate toward her at all. Because I kept putting pressure on her, her young heart became burdened with enormous stress, and we became ever more distant from one another. Outwardly, it looked like I was doing all this for her own good, but in truth, I was forcing my own unfulfilled dreams onto her, making her realize them on my behalf, and treating her as a tool to make me stand out. I was truly lacking in humanity! Realizing all this, I felt deeply remorseful. I didn’t want to keep being fooled and harmed by Satan.

I continued to seek, and I read God’s words: “No matter how dissatisfied one is with one’s birth, maturation, or marriage, everyone who has gone through these things knows that one cannot choose where and when they were born, what they look like, who their parents are, and who their spouse is, but can only accept the will of Heaven. Yet when it comes time for people to raise the next generation, they project all the desires they failed to realize in the first half of their lives onto their descendants, hoping that their offspring will make up for all the disappointments of the first half of their own lives. … People know that they are lacking in ability and have amounted to nothing in this life, that they will not have another chance or another hope to stand out from the crowd, and that they have no choice but to accept their fates. And so they project all their hopes, their unrealized desires and aspirations, onto the next generation, hoping that their offspring can help them achieve their dreams and realize their desires; that their daughters and sons will bring glory to the family name, gain prominent status, or become rich or famous. In short, they want to see their children soar to great heights. People’s plans and fantasies are perfect; do they not know that the number of children they have, their children’s appearance, abilities, and so forth, are not for them to decide, much less that their children’s fates are not in their hands? Humans are not the masters of their own fates, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to manipulate those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “What occupation one engages in, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one has in life does not come down to their parents, their talents, or their efforts and ambitions—it comes down to the Creator’s preordination” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). God’s words exposed my true state. I had indeed placed my unfulfilled desires onto my daughter, hoping she could stand out and realize my desires. So I tried everything I could to control her destiny through my own efforts. In fact, every person’s destiny is in God’s hands, but I didn’t know God’s sovereignty. I lived by the fallacious ideas of “Knowledge can change your fate” and “A person’s destiny is in their own hands,” and I always wanted to control my daughter’s future. I thought of all the laborers around me who had knowledge, yet their destiny hadn’t changed because of it. I was a prime example. I always tried to change my destiny through knowledge, but after graduation I was immediately laid off, and I didn’t even have the chance to be employed or use what I had studied. I saw that a person’s destiny is not in their own hands, and yet I delusionally tried to control my daughter’s destiny. I was so arrogant and ignorant, and I truly overestimated myself! My daughter’s destiny and career are preordained by God, and these aren’t things that can be changed through human effort or studying. I thought of my husband’s friend who, despite only having a primary school education, managed to open several chain stores all over the country, and many college graduates seek jobs there. This stark contrast made me see even more clearly that knowledge cannot change a person’s destiny, and that I should let my child’s studies take their natural course. After that, I no longer forced my daughter to study according to my demands, and I also stopped enrolling her in cram classes. Instead, I entrusted everything about her into God’s hands. I also preached the gospel to my daughter. Whenever she had time, she would gather with brothers and sisters her age, and her mental state kept improving.

Later, I read God’s latest words, and I saw my problems more clearly. I also came to understand what responsibilities parents should actually fulfill toward their children. Almighty God says: “Within the subjective consciousness of parents, they have all kinds of presumptions, plans, and determinations about their children’s futures, and as a result, they develop these expectations. Driven by these expectations, parents demand that their children study various skills, such as acting, dance, painting, and so on, thinking that after their children become talented individuals, it will be easier for them to rise above others rather than live beneath them, to become high-ranking officials rather than low-level subordinates, to become managers, executives, and CEOs, to work in Fortune Global 500 companies, and so on. These are all the subjective ideas of parents. … These parents are placing expectations on their children entirely according to their own preferences and desires. Isn’t this subjective? (Yes.) Saying it’s subjective is putting it nicely—what is it really? What is another interpretation of this subjectivity? Is it not selfishness? Isn’t it coercion? (It is.) You like a certain occupation, you would like to be an official, to get rich, to be glamorous and successful in society, so you make your children also seek to be such a person and walk such a path. But it’s hard to say whether they will be able to do that job in the future, or whether that job really suits them. And what exactly is their destiny, then? How will God hold sovereignty over them and make arrangements for them? Do you know these things? Some people say: ‘I don’t care about those things. As long as it’s something that I, as a parent, like, then it’s fine. Since I like it, I place expectations of this sort on them.’ Isn’t that too selfish? (It is.) To put it nicely, it’s very subjective, it’s only listening to oneself, but what is it, in reality? It is very selfish! These parents don’t consider their children’s caliber or talents, and they don’t care about the arrangements that God has for each person’s destiny and life. They don’t consider these things, they just force their own preferences and plans onto their children out of wishful thinking. Some people say: ‘If I don’t make these arrangements, their future will be impacted. They are young and naive, and by the time they understand, it will all be too late. As a parent, I have to worry about my children and arrange everything for them. This is a parent’s responsibility!’ There’s nothing wrong with this statement, but if your plans and arrangements are not what your children need, but things you impose on them, then that’s not appropriate. … Even if their parents teach them from a young age, ‘You should hold something back when interacting with people,’ they will only take it as a kind of doctrine. They will only truly be able to act based on their parents’ advice when they have truly understood it. When they do not understand their parents’ advice, no matter how their parents try to teach them, it will still just be a kind of doctrine to them. Therefore, when some parents think, ‘This society is too competitive, and people live under too much pressure; if I don’t step up the pace of my children’s education from a young age and make them acquire solid knowledge, then they will have to suffer pain and hardship in the future,’ is this idea tenable? (No.) You are making your children bear this pressure early on so that they might endure less of that hardship in the future, making them bear this pressure starting at an age where they still don’t understand anything. Is it really the case that they will amount to something because they’ve endured this pressure? If they fail to acquire any proper skills or knowledge, won’t it all be useless? Making them bear pressure from a young age is not beneficial to their physical and mental health. If it brings some illnesses and consequences, is that not harming them? Are you really doing this for their own good? It’s not necessarily a bad thing that they don’t understand. At least they can live a few years in a comfortable, simple, and happy way. If, from a young age, they could see through these things and began to bear these pressures, it would not necessarily be a good thing for them” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). After reading God’s words, I realized how narrow and selfish my love for my daughter had been. In order to achieve my own goal of standing out, I unilaterally imposed my views onto her, made plans for her future without considering her abilities or caliber, and used forceful methods to make her study, applying pressure and constraints. When I saw that her grades were not improving, I screamed at her like I’d lost my mind, making her more and more withdrawn and depriving her of freedom and space. Everything that I did was restraining and binding her. I loved fame and gain, and I always wanted to stand out, so when my own desires couldn’t be realized, I placed them on my daughter, forcing her to fulfill my desires, and putting excessive pressure on her to study. I never put myself in her shoes to consider what she liked or was good at. Even when I saw her becoming more and more introverted and feeling more and more inferior because of my pressure, I still insisted that she meet my expectations, causing her to live in constant pain. I was truly cruel and selfish! My daughter was still young, at an age when she wanted to have fun, yet I had forcibly instilled satanic philosophies and laws in her, forcing her to bear pressures and pain that she should not have had to bear. What I did to my daughter wasn’t love at all, but a form of psychological harm. If I truly loved my daughter and took responsibility for her, I should have educated her according to her interests and abilities, correctly guiding her instead of imposing my own desires on her. Reflecting on my actions, I felt deeply regretful, and I realized that I had no humanity. I could no longer impose these inappropriate expectations on her.

From then on, through reading God’s words, I understood the responsibility that I, as a mother, should fulfill. Almighty God says: “Through dissecting the essence of parents’ expectations for their children, we can see that these expectations are selfish, that they go against humanity, and that they have nothing to do with the responsibilities of parents. When parents impose all sorts of expectations and requirements on their children, they place a great deal of extra pressure on them—this is not them fulfilling their responsibilities. So, what are the responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill? At least, they should teach their children to be honest people who speak the truth and do things in an honest manner, and teach them to be kindhearted and not to do bad things, guiding them in a positive direction. These are their most basic responsibilities. In addition, they should guide their children in studying practical knowledge and skills, and so on, based on their caliber and conditions. If parents believe in God and understand the truth, they should get their children to read God’s words and accept the truth, so they come to know the Creator, and understand that people are created by God and that God exists in this universe; they should lead their children in praying to God and eating and drinking the words of God so that they can understand some truths, so that after they grow up they will be able to believe in God, follow God, and do the duty of a created being rather than chasing worldly trends, getting trapped within various complicated interpersonal relationships, and being enticed, corrupted, and devastated by the various evil trends of this world. These are really the responsibilities that parents should fulfill. The responsibilities they should fulfill are to, in their role as parents, provide their children with positive guidance and appropriate assistance before they reach adulthood, as well as to promptly care for them in their physical lives with regard to daily necessities. If their children become sick, parents should get them treatment whenever necessary; they should not, for fear of delaying their children’s schoolwork, make them continue to go to school and forgo treatment. When their children need to recuperate, they must be allowed to recuperate, and when they need to rest, they must be allowed to rest. Ensuring their children’s health is a must; if the children fall behind in their schoolwork, the parents can find a way to make up for it afterward. These are the responsibilities that parents should fulfill. In one respect, they must help their children to acquire solid knowledge; in another respect, they must guide and educate their children so that they walk the right path, and ensure their mental health so that they are not influenced by the unhealthy trends and evil practices of society. At the same time, they must also get their children to make a point of exercising appropriately in order to ensure their physical health. These are the things that parents ought to do, rather than forcibly imposing any unrealistic expectations or requirements on their children. Parents must fulfill their responsibilities when it comes to both the things their children need for their spirits and the things that they need in their physical lives. They should tell them some common knowledge, like that they should eat warm foods and not cold foods, that when the weather is cold they should dress warmly to avoid catching a chill or getting a cold, helping them learn to take care of their own health. In addition, when some childish, immature ideas about their futures, or some extreme thoughts, arise in their children’s young minds, parents must provide them with correct guidance as soon as they discover this, correcting those childish fantasies and extreme things so that their children can embark on the right path in life. This is fulfilling their responsibilities. Fulfilling their responsibilities means, in one respect, caring for their children’s lives, and in another respect, guiding and correcting their children’s thoughts, and giving them the correct guidance regarding their thoughts and views” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). “As their children grow up, the responsibilities and obligations that parents should fulfill are to guide and help their children toward the correct direction in life, not to put pressure or shackles on them, burdening them, and much less to interfere with their children’s choices or impose their own hopes on them. Instead, while their children are growing up, parents should provide appropriate help based on their children’s caliber, preferences, and pursuits. Regardless of what their children’s personalities and caliber are like, parents should lead them onto the right path in life. Parents should help their children to make up for what they lack, and learn to lead and guide their children to develop in a positive direction. When their children are misled and disturbed by some erroneous things from societal trends, parents should promptly provide spiritual guidance and behavioral instruction and correction. As for whether their children are willing to study, how well they study, how much interest they have in learning knowledge and skills, and what they can do when they grow up, these should be tailored to their natural endowments and preferences, and the inclination of their interests, thus allowing them to grow up healthily, freely, and strongly during the process of their upbringing. This is the responsibility that parents should fulfill. Moreover, this is the attitude parents should have toward their children’s growth, studies, and career, rather than forcing their own wishes, ambitions, preferences, and desires on their children for them to realize” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). From God’s words, I learned that a parent’s responsibility is to guide their children to learn normally based on their caliber and strengths, to offer positive and active guidance when problems arise during their growth, to discipline them when they do something wrong, and to teach them to discern between positive and negative things. As for the child’s future life, the kind of person they will become or the career they will pursue are all within God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and parents should accept and submit to God’s sovereignty. Once I had ascertained my responsibility, I knew how to educate my daughter. When my daughter wasn’t busy with school, we read God’s words and listened to hymns together. When she had problems in her studies, I calmly taught her and also told her not to feel pressured. Unexpectedly, my daughter’s grades improved slightly. Later, I saw that my daughter loved to paint, so I enrolled her in a painting class. She developed her own hobbies, and her mental state improved as well. My daughter and I also became closer and closer.

One day after school, on the way home from picking my daughter up, I saw a mother shouting at her daughter, criticizing her for her poor grades. The little girl was trembling in fear. At that moment, my daughter quietly whispered in my ear, “Mom, thanks to God’s salvation, I no longer suffer. You used to be just as harsh with me, but you’re not like that anymore, and you’ve become a good mom.” Hearing her say this, I felt a warmth in my heart, and I almost cried. My heart was filled with gratitude to God. It was God’s words that made me realize that human destiny is in His hands. Even more so, it was God’s words that showed me what the true responsibility of parents is toward their children. I no longer forced my daughter to study, and this made me a good mom in her eyes. I whispered softly to my daughter, “We should both thank God for His salvation.”

My daughter is now studying in a nursing school, and though we sometimes discuss future employment issues, my heart is at peace, and I believe that everything is in God’s hands. No matter what my child’s employment situation may be, I am willing to submit to God’s arrangements. This transformation and these gains were all due to the guidance of God’s words. Thank God!