By Lin Jing, China

In August 2001, a sister testified to me that God had become flesh a second time to express the truth and do His work of judgment, purifying and transforming mankind’s corrupt disposition, and ultimately bringing people into the wonderful kingdom. I was very excited after hearing this. Following a period of investigation, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. After that, I actively attended gatherings and did my duties. Later, I was elected as a leader in the church. At that time, my husband often tried to stop me from believing in God and doing my duty, but I was not constrained and never held up my duties. I bustled about in the church all day long. During the day, I attended gatherings, fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters to solve difficulties in their life entry. In the evening, I supported negative and weak brothers and sisters. My husband hadn’t made much money before, but unexpectedly, during that time he had a good income and it didn’t take long for our family to amass some savings. I was so happy. I thought to myself, “I have God’s grace and blessing in doing my duty now, and I will also be able to enter the kingdom in the future. I must do my duty properly in the future, and God will not treat me unfairly; He will bless my family’s life to make it better and better.” However, just as I was making my plans like this, something unexpected happened.

After some time, my husband kept complaining of lower back pain, so he went to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said my husband had a herniated disc and bone spurs on his spine, and that if the condition got serious, it would compress his nerves and cause paralysis. He was also told not to work anymore and that he needed urgent treatment. I was shocked when I heard this. I thought to myself, “We owe a lot of money on our newly-built house, and the doors and windows haven’t been installed yet. Our daughter is in university and needs money too. I am very busy as a church leader and have no time to earn money. Only our 14-year-old son is learning decoration, but he is young and still an apprentice, earning very little money every month. How will we cover the family’s living expenses in the future?” I felt a little concerned. However, when I thought about how busy I was with doing my duty in the church all day, I thought that God would not ignore the difficulties in my family, and that my husband’s illness might be cured after a period of recuperation. When I thought this, the worries in my heart lessened a lot.

More than a year passed in the blink of an eye. My husband continuously applied medicated plasters for treatment, but his illness still didn’t get any better, and the doctors also didn’t have any effective treatment methods. I was very anxious in my heart. I couldn’t help but think, “When will my husband’s illness get better? If I were not so busy with doing my duty, I could earn some money to support the family. But I am busy with church work all day and have no time to earn any money. Why doesn’t God protect my family? Why isn’t my husband’s illness getting better? With all these difficulties at home in front of me, how can I dedicate my heart completely to my duty?” The more I thought about it, the more upset I felt. My heart felt like it was burning with anxiety. Sometimes, I really couldn’t bear it anymore and would cry in secret. I knew I shouldn’t complain about God, but I just couldn’t control my emotions and lived amid pain and torment all day long. In particular, when I saw that the husband of the sister I was cooperating with was very good at making money, and that she lived a comfortable life and was not constrained by money, I felt it was unfair. I thought, “I am more active in doing my duties than she is, so why is my family in this state? Why does God grace them but not me? Does God dislike me? God doesn’t bless my family even though I pay a price and expend myself like this, so why should I continue to be so active?” However, then I thought, “Is God testing me? If I continue to actively do my duties, God may bless my family when He sees my devotion. If I do my duty in a perfunctory manner, what will I do if God ignores me in the future?” Therefore, I told myself that I couldn’t be perfunctory and that I had to do my duty properly. I carried on being busy all day long doing my duty. However, after a while, my husband’s condition had not improved, and my family’s problems had still not been resolved. My heart was even more confused and distressed, and I felt like there was no way out. My heart felt as bitter as gall. At a gathering, I mentioned my difficulties at home. Distress covering my face, I complained, “You all seem to be in heaven, but I feel like I’m being tormented so much that I’m in hell.” My sister pruned me sternly, saying, “Aren’t you complaining that God is not righteous?” My sister’s words shocked me to my heart. Was I not complaining about God? I remembered the words of God: “Each complaint you make leaves a stain, and that is a sin that cannot be washed away!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Believing in God, Gaining the Truth Is the Most Crucial Thing). Realizing the seriousness of the problem, I quickly lowered my head and stopped talking. When I got home, I knelt and sobbed in prayer, “God, I know I shouldn’t complain when difficulties come upon my family, but I don’t know what Your intention is or how to experience this. God, may You enlighten and lead me so I can know Your work and understand Your intention.”

One day, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of God’s intentions. Almighty God says: “For all people, refinement is excruciating, and very difficult to accept—yet it is during refinement that God reveals His righteous disposition to man, and makes known His requirements for man, and provides more enlightenment and more practical pruning. Through the comparison between the facts and the truth, man gains a greater knowledge of himself and the truth, and a greater understanding of God’s intentions, thus allowing man to have a truer and purer love for God. Such are God’s aims in carrying out the work of refinement. All the work that God does in man has its own aims and significance; God does not do meaningless work, nor does He do work that is without benefit to man. Refinement does not mean removing people from before God, nor does it mean destroying them in hell. Rather, it means changing man’s disposition during refinement, changing his intentions, his old views, changing his love for God, and changing the entire way he lives. Refinement is a practical test of man, and a form of practical training, and only during refinement can his love serve its inherent function” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Refinement Can Man Possess True Love). As I pondered God’s words, my heart brightened. No matter what environments God arranges for you, His aim is not to eliminate you, but to cleanse and transform your corrupt disposition, and help you understand His disposition and His work. When you know God, you can submit to His work. I then realized that God’s intention behind my husband being troubled by his back injury for so long was to have me seek the truth and learn lessons from it, so that my corrupt disposition could be cleansed and transformed. I thought back to when I first accepted God’s new work. I knew that in the last days, God does His work of judgment and purification, but I still pursued obtaining grace and blessings like in the Age of Grace, wanting God to heal my husband’s illness. When it still didn’t improve, I complained about God and lived in negativity and misunderstanding. I had brought all this suffering upon myself. It was all caused by my lack of understanding of God’s work, and because I was walking the wrong path in my belief in God. When I understood this, the pain in my heart abated a lot.

Later, I thought of God’s exposure of people treating Him as a Swiss Army knife and a cornucopia, so I looked up that passage of God’s words to read. God says: “Since the people of today do not possess the same humanity as Job, what of their nature essence, and their attitude toward God? Do they fear God? Do they shun evil? Those who do not fear God or shun evil can only be summed up with three words: ‘enemies of God.’ You often say these three words, but you have never known their real meaning. The words ‘enemies of God’ have a substantive side to them: They are not saying that God sees man as the enemy, but that man sees God as the enemy. First, when people begin to believe in God, which of them does not have their own aims, motivations, and ambitions? Even though one part of them believes in the existence of God and has seen the existence of God, their belief in God still contains those motivations, and their ultimate aim in believing in God is to receive blessings and the things they want from Him. In people’s life experiences, they often think to themselves: ‘I’ve given up my family and career for God, and what has He given me? I must add it up, and confirm it—have I received any blessings recently? I’ve expended a lot during this time, I’ve run and run, and have suffered much—has God given me any promises in return for my performance during this time? Has He remembered my good deeds? What will my outcome be? Can I receive blessings? …’ At heart, every person makes such calculations frequently and continually, harboring motivations, ambitions, and a transactional mentality as they solicit things from God. This is to say, in his heart man is constantly testing God, constantly devising plans about God, constantly ‘arguing the case’ for his own outcome with God, and trying to extract a statement from God and see whether or not God will give him what he wants. At the same time as pursuing God, man does not treat God as God. Man has always tried to make deals with God, ceaselessly soliciting things from Him, and even pressing Him at every step, trying to take a mile after being given an inch. At the same time as trying to make deals with God, man also argues with Him, and there are even people who, when trials come to them or they find themselves in certain situations, often become weak, negative and slack in their work, and full of complaints about God. From the time when man first began to believe in God, he has considered God to be a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife, and he has considered himself to be God’s greatest creditor, as if soliciting blessings and promises from God were his inherent right and obligation, while protecting, caring for, and providing for man were the responsibilities that God should fulfill. Such is the basic apprehension of the three words ‘belief in God’ of all those who believe in God, and such is their deepest understanding of the concept of belief in God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). “You hope that your faith in God will not entail any difficulties or tribulations, or the slightest suffering. You always pursue those things that are worthless, and you attach no value to life, instead putting your own extravagant thoughts before the truth. You are so worthless! You live like a pig—what difference is there between you, and pigs and dogs? Are those who do not pursue the truth, and instead love the flesh, not all beasts? Are those dead ones without spirits not all walking corpses? How many words have been spoken among you? Has only a little work been done among you? How much have I provided among you? So why have you not gained it? What do you have to complain about? Is it not the case that you have gained nothing because you are too in love with the flesh? And is it not because your thoughts are too extravagant? Is it not because you are too stupid?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). The exposure of God’s words pierced me to the heart. After coming to believe in God, I had enjoyed much of God’s grace and blessings, and was extremely motivated in doing my duty. I believed that as long as I did my duty properly, God would bestow abundant grace upon me, protect me from disasters and misfortunes, and keep my family safe and sound. I had been doing my duty with these incorrect intentions. To begin with, when my husband developed a herniated disc and the doctor said that if it got serious, he would be paralyzed, I believed that as long as I did my duties actively, God wouldn’t treat me unfairly and it wouldn’t take long for my husband’s illness to be cured. Therefore, my enthusiasm for doing my duties remained undiminished. However, when my husband still did not get better and my family faced financial difficulties, while the brothers and sisters around me enjoyed a superior and comfortable life, I felt it was unfair and complained that God did not bless me, and I was no longer as active in doing my duty as before. Later, I became worried that God was testing whether I was loyal to Him, and that if I was perfunctory toward my duty, I would not receive God’s grace and blessings, and so I had no choice but to continue doing my duty. After some time, my husband’s condition still hadn’t improved, and the difficulties in my life hadn’t been resolved. In my heart, I complained about God even more, and even vented my dissatisfaction with God in front of my sisters, complaining that God was not being righteous to me. The ugliness of my attempt to bargain with God was completely exposed, and I had been utterly revealed! During the years my husband was ill, I had not sought the truth. Instead, I constantly lived in negativity, complaining about and misunderstanding God. Even though I was doing my duty, I was only trying to bargain with God in exchange for His blessings, treating Him as a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife. In the past, I had thought that I was quite active in doing my duties. I never neglected my duties even when my husband was ill, and I achieved some results in my work. As a result, I labeled myself as a person who was “loyal to God” and who “truly believed in Him.” I was utterly lacking in self-awareness! Those who are loyal to God are those who do their duty well with all their heart and mind, and do not complain at all whether God blesses them or not. Take Job as an example. Whether God gave or took away, Job was able to submit to God and always praise His name. However God treated him, Job had no demands of his own. This is what it truly means to be a person who is loyal to God. I believed in God and did my duty in order to gain benefits from God. I had no loyalty or sincerity at all. I was just an opportunist. My belief in God and following of God was false, and only my demand for grace and blessings was genuine. I valued these material things above all else, and constantly demanded grace and blessings from God. I was not a person who truly believed in God at all, and was really incurring His loathing and disgust. If God had not revealed me in this way, I would never have seen my true self clearly.

Then I reflected on myself: Why is it that when good things happen, I can praise God, but when my husband fell ill and we encountered financial difficulties, I complained about God? I read these words of God: “For many years, the thoughts that people have relied upon for their survival have been corroding their hearts to the point that they have become treacherous, cowardly, and despicable. Not only do they not possess willpower or resolve, but they have also become greedy, arrogant, and willful. They utterly lack the resolve to transcend the self, and even more so, the slightest bit of courage to shake off the constraints of these dark influences. People’s thoughts and lives are so rotten that their perspectives behind believing in God are still unbearably hideous, and are even downright offensive to the ear. People are all cowardly, powerless, despicable, and fragile. They do not loathe the forces of darkness, and they do not feel love for the light and the truth; instead, they do their utmost to expel them” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Why Are You Unwilling to Be a Foil?). “Those who were born in the most deeply corrupted of all lands are even more ignorant of what God is, or what it means to believe in God. The more corrupted people are, the less they know the existence of God, and the poorer their reason and insight are. The root cause of man’s opposition and rebelliousness against God is his corruption by Satan. Because of Satan’s corruption, man’s conscience has grown numb, he is morally corrupt, his thoughts are degenerate, and he has a backward mental outlook. Before he was corrupted by Satan, man originally submitted to God and submitted to His words after hearing them. He was originally of sound reason and conscience, and of normal humanity. After man was corrupted by Satan, his original reason, conscience, and humanity all grew numb and were spoiled by Satan. Thus, he has lost his submission and love toward God. Man’s reason has become abnormal, his disposition has become the same as that of a beast, and his rebelliousness against God is ever increasing and growing more grievous. Yet man still neither knows nor understands this, and merely opposes and rebels persistently. The revelations of man’s disposition are the expressions of his reason, insight, and conscience. Because his reason and insight are unsound, and his conscience has grown supremely numb, his disposition is rebellious against God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Remain Unchanged in Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). As I pondered God’s words, I understood that it is Satan who has corrupted and corroded people’s minds. This world is filled with various satanic rules of survival, such as “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Profit comes first,” and “Never take the short end of the stick.” Everyone lives by these satanic philosophies, becoming selfish and despicable and completely disregarding conscience. In everything they do, they think about whether it is beneficial to them first of all. If it is beneficial, they will do it; if not, they will not do it. I had also been deeply corrupted by these satanic thoughts and ideas. When I saw that I had God’s care and protection from believing in Him and doing my duty, and my family’s life seemed to be improving, I believed that these were blessings from God that I had obtained because I had been devoted in doing my duty, and as long as I continued to actively do my duty in this way, I would also be able to receive salvation and enter the kingdom in the future. When my husband fell ill and my family ran into financial difficulties, I misunderstood God and complained about Him, and was perfunctory in doing my duty. The facts revealed that I didn’t have any sincerity at all in doing my duty. All I was doing was trying to deceive God and devise plans against Him, vainly trying to trick blessings out of God by doing my duty. God Himself became flesh and expresses the truth in order to save us. He dedicates all His heart’s blood to us, and never considers His own interests. The essence of God is faithful; it is selfless, beautiful, and good. In contrast, there were bargains, demands, and deceptions hidden within the little bit of duty I did, and I simply did not treat God as God at all. I was a selfish and despicable person who had lost all humanity and reason. If these things hadn’t come upon me, I would never have clearly seen what I truly was. Only then did I understand that my husband’s illness and my family’s financial difficulties were not God intentionally making things hard for me. Instead, the intent was to make me see my own selfish and despicable ugly face clearly, awaken my heart, and show me how to conduct myself. This was God’s great salvation of me, with His love within it, but I had been too blind to understand His intention, and I constantly misunderstood and complained about Him. When I understood this, I was filled with regret, and hated myself. I then became willing to repent to God and submit to His orchestrations and arrangements regardless of whether there were any improvements in my husband’s illness or our family life.

As I continued seeking, I came across another passage of God’s words: “Job did not try to make deals with God, he made no demands of God, and did not solicit anything from God. His praising of God’s name was because of the great power and authority of God in holding sovereignty over all things, and it was not dependent on whether he gained blessings or received adversity. He believed that regardless of whether people receive from God blessings or adversity, God’s great power and authority will not change, and thus, regardless of a person’s circumstances, God’s name should be praised. That man is blessed by God is because of God’s sovereignty, and when adversity comes upon man, so, too, it is because of God’s sovereignty. God’s great power and authority hold sovereignty over and arrange everything about man; the vagaries of man’s fortune are the manifestation of God’s great power and authority, and no matter what perspective you view it from, God’s name should be praised. This is what Job experienced and came to know during the years of his life. All of Job’s thoughts and actions reached the ears of God and arrived before God, and were valued by God. God cherished this knowledge of Job, and treasured Job for having such a heart. This heart awaited God’s command always, and in all places, and no matter what the time or place it welcomed whatever happened to him. Job made no demands of God. What he required of himself was to wait for, accept, face, and submit to all of the arrangements that came from God; Job believed this to be his duty, and it was precisely what was wanted by God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). When Job lost all his sheep and cattle and all his wealth, although he was in mental anguish, he was rational. He did not jump to conclusions when he did not understand God’s intention, and never uttered a word of complaint or rebellion against God. He knew that God is the one and only true God, who created everything and who is sovereign over all things and that whether God gives or takes away, His name should always be praised and extolled. Job was able to accept from God and submit to all the environments God set up. In contrast, when I looked at myself, I saw that when God bestowed graces and blessings upon me, I praised His name in joy, but when my husband fell ill and my family encountered financial difficulties, I didn’t pray to seek and grasp His intention. Instead, I wanted to use doing my duty to try to win God’s trust deceptively, and get Him to help resolve the difficulties of my family. When what God did was not in accordance with my wishes, I complained that He was not being righteous toward me. I showed no genuine submission to God at all. There was really a whole world of difference between Job and me. My humanity was too poor!

Later, I read more of God’s words and came to understand how believing in God and doing my duty relate to receiving blessings or suffering misfortune. God says: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or meets with woe. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and he should perform it without seeking recompense, and without conditions or excuses. Only this can be called performing one’s duty. Receiving blessings refers to the blessings a person enjoys when they are made perfect after experiencing judgment. Meeting with woe refers to the punishment a person receives when their disposition does not change after they have passed through chastisement and judgment—that is, when they are not made perfect. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or meet with woe, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not perform your duty for the sake of receiving blessings, and you should not refuse to perform your duty for fear of meeting with woe. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he does not perform his duty, then this is his rebelliousness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). From God’s words, I understood that human life is bestowed by God, and everything that man enjoys is provided by God. People should do their duties unconditionally. This is perfectly natural and justified. People should not propose conditions or demands; still less should they merely do their duties in order to receive blessings and grace. That is the most unreasonable thing they could do. Just like how parents suffer great hardships to raise their children, children should support their parents. If people only support their parents when they see they are to receive an inheritance, and drive their parents away when they don’t have any assets, these people are rebellious children; they are beasts. They have no humanity. Doing my duty is my heaven-sent vocation as a created being, and I should not bring any intentions or purposes into it. Regardless of whether God blesses me or not, I should unconditionally fulfill my duty. Moreover, my husband tried to stop me from believing in God. It was his own fault that his illness hadn’t healed. He didn’t deserve sympathy. My husband was someone who resisted God, and yet I asked God to heal his illness and even complained about God. This was totally unreasonable, and incurred God’s disgust and loathing. In the future, no matter whether my husband recovered from his illness or not, I was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, set my attitude straight, and do my duty well with all my heart and mind. Once I had understood this, I was no longer so bitter. I then thought of what the Bible says: “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much better than they?” (Matthew 6:26). God said that the fowls of the air neither sow nor reap, yet He feeds even them, to say nothing of humans. God does not want me to prepare or plan for future events, but wants me to let nature take its course. I should be content with just having enough food and clothing. Although our family had financial difficulties, we could still make ends meet, and I was willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, no longer suffering distress and anxiety for tomorrow.

Later, the uncle of my husband’s friend came to our area on vacation. He taught my husband about medicated plasters and methods for treating back and leg pain, and also treated him for free. After a while, my husband got much better, and he also opened a clinic in the market to treat back and leg pain, earning some money to supplement the family income. After experiencing these things, my husband stopped trying so hard to prevent me from believing in God. Afterward, my husband’s illness recurred several times, but I no longer complained about God because of my husband’s illness. I know that whatever God orchestrates is good, and I should submit to God and do my duty well. That I was able to change in this way is the result of the leadership of God’s words. Thank God!