By Miaoxiao, China

I grew up in a poor peasant family. My parents adopted me when they were almost 40 years old. Ever since I was old enough to understand, I saw my parents working hard to earn money to support our family. My father got up before dawn to work all year round, and worked outside on hot June days to earn money to support my studies. My mother also worked very hard. When she was sick, she couldn’t bear to spend money on medical treatment; every day she would go out to the gully to cut hay to breed rabbits, saving money for my tuition. My heart ached seeing my parents’ plight, so I made up my mind to be filial to them when I grew up. When I grew up, I often reminded myself to avoid the situation where “the child wants to care for their parents, but their parents are no longer there.” I reminded myself that I absolutely couldn’t leave any regrets when it came to being filial to my parents. Later, I gave up the person I loved and chose my current husband, and had him move in with my family, in accordance with my parents’ wishes.

In 2011, my father passed away suddenly. I thought, “No matter how hard or difficult it gets, I have to be properly filial to my mother. There can be no more regrets.” I often bought nutritional supplements for my mother. In 2012, my mother preached Almighty God’s gospel of the last days to me. Six months later, I was often going out to gatherings and doing my duty. My husband implicitly and explicitly criticized my mother for preaching the gospel to me, and even mocked and ridiculed my mother in front of me. I was so angry that I berated my husband, and every time this happened, I would see my mother leave in pain and helplessness. Later, my husband’s persecution of me became more and more severe, and he even beat and scolded me. My mother also endured the verbal abuse with me, and I felt like I owed my mother so much. At the end of 2015, I was elected as a preacher. One time, I was so busy with my duties that I didn’t go home for about a week. My husband teamed up with relatives to cause trouble with my mother, and also threatened to report the leaders and workers in the church. I was forced to stop doing my duty and go home to smooth things over. After I returned home, my husband stopped working and stayed at home to watch over me. I felt a thorough aversion to this, but I didn’t dare to argue with him in front of my mother. I could only endure it, feeling really pained and repressed inside. I thought about how my husband had frequently humiliated and mocked my mother ever since I started believing in God, and I felt so distressed, it was like my heart was being crushed. I felt that not only was I not letting my mother enjoy her old age, but I was also causing her a lot of grievance and pain. As a result, I didn’t have the resolve to go out and do my duty anymore. My mother fellowshipped with me, saying that I should pray and rely on God, but I was worried that if I went out to do my duty, I would be persecuted by my husband again, and I didn’t know how many more grievances my mother would have to endure. Therefore, I stayed at home, and my state also got worse and worse. Later, God opened up a way out for me. My husband was notified by his recruiting company to go back to work, and only then was I able to go to gatherings and do my duty..

In 2016, the sister I was partnered with was arrested. We were neighbors, and so there were risks to my safety too. I discussed going away to hide with my husband, but, unbelievably, just a few days after I left home, he went to the police station and reported me for believing in God and leaving home. The police started investigating me, so I was even less able to go home. I thought about not being able to go home and see my mother in the future—how would I take care of her and be filial to her? My father had passed away, and my husband was persecuting us like this. After I left, there’s no telling how he would treat my mother. I am my mother’s only relative. She would be so miserable if I were not with her, and find it unbearable! But if I were arrested when I went home, would I be able to stand firm? My heart was racked with pain and conflict, so I prayed and begged God to lead me. One day, I thought of the words of God: “Where a person will go, what they will do, who or what they will encounter, what they will say, and what will happen to them during each day—can people predict any of these things? It may be said that people not only cannot foresee all these occurrences, but even more so, they cannot control how these things develop. In people’s daily lives, these unforeseeable events happen all the time, they are common occurrences. The occurrence of these ‘trivial affairs of daily life’ and the means and patterns of their development, are constant reminders to mankind that nothing happens at random, and that the process of each event’s development and the inevitableness of each event cannot be shifted by human will. The occurrence of every event conveys an admonition from the Creator to mankind, and it also sends the message that human beings cannot control their own fates. At the same time, it is also a rebuttal to mankind’s ambition and desire of futilely hoping to take its fate into its own hands. This rebuttal is like a powerful slap to the face that hits mankind over and over, forcing people to reflect on who exactly holds sovereignty over and controls their fate. And as their ambitions and desires are constantly dashed and shattered, people also cannot help but unconsciously conform to the arrangements of fate, and accept reality, the will of Heaven, and the Creator’s sovereignty. From the repeated occurrence of the ‘trivial affairs of daily life’ to the fates of the whole lives of all humans, there is nothing that does not reveal the Creator’s sovereignty and arrangements; there is nothing that does not send the message that ‘the Creator’s authority cannot be surpassed,’ that does not convey the immutable truth that ‘the Creator’s authority is supreme’” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). As I pondered God’s words, I realized that God is sovereign over everything that happens each day; people cannot predict or control these things themselves. I should submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. I thought about how the sister I was partnered with had been arrested by the police, how my husband reported me to the police station, and how I was being pursued by the police and couldn’t go home. This series of events was not something I could have predicted; it was all permitted by God. I had to accept this reality. I thought back on the time ever since I started to believe in God. I felt so sad in my heart when I saw my mother being persecuted and humiliated by my husband, and I didn’t want to go out and do my duty because I was afraid that my mother would be persecuted. I was also afraid that if I left, there would be no one to take care of her in her old age. When I thought this, I understood that I had been constantly trapped in family affection, and couldn’t properly pursue the truth or do my duty. With this environment coming upon me now, where I couldn’t go home, God’s intention was that I should dedicate my heart to my duty, which would be beneficial to my life growth. Moreover, I was a church leader. If I didn’t leave home, then the police would use my mother to threaten me as soon as I was arrested. Would I be able to stand firm then? If I couldn’t stand up to torture and turned Judas, betraying God, then I would be thoroughly eliminated by God. After much thought, I decided to continue doing my duty in the church. When I was away from home, every time it rained, I would think, “The ground in our yard is slippery—what if my mom falls and no one is there to help her?” During the wheat harvest season, I worried, “How will my mother harvest the crops alone? I don’t know if my husband will help her.” During Chinese New Year, I held the food prepared by the host family with tears in my eyes. “I can eat well away from home, but I don’t know if my mother is doing well at home. Will my husband scold and abuse her? During festivals, other families are reunited, but I’ve left my mother alone at home. She must be feeling desolate and lonely, and she’ll have to endure the ridicule of our relatives and friends. I owe my mother so much!” The more I thought about it, the more anguished I felt, and I lost all motivation to do my duty. I cried and prayed to God, begging Him to lead me out of this negative state.

One day during devotionals, I read the words of God: “No matter what you do, what you think, or what you plan, those things are not important. What is important is whether you can understand and truly believe that all created beings are in the hands of God. Some parents have that blessing and that destiny to be able to enjoy domestic bliss and the happiness of a large and prosperous family. This is God’s sovereignty, and a blessing God gives them. Some parents don’t have this destiny; God has not arranged this for them. They are not blessed to enjoy having a happy family, or to enjoy having their children stay by their side. This is God’s orchestration and people cannot force this. No matter what, ultimately when it comes to filial piety, people must at least have a mindset of submission. If the environment permits and you have the means to do so, then you can show your parents filial piety. If the environment does not permit and you lack the means, then do not try to force it—what is this called? (Submission.) This is called submission. How does this submission come about? What is the basis for submission? It is based on all of these things being arranged by God and ruled over by God. Though people may wish to choose, they cannot, they do not have the right to choose, and they should submit. When you feel that people should submit and that everything is orchestrated by God, don’t you feel calmer in your heart? (Yes.) Then will your conscience still feel rebuked? It will no longer feel constantly rebuked, and the idea of not having been filial to your parents will no longer dominate you. Occasionally, you may still think about it as these are some normal thoughts or instincts within humanity, and no one can avoid them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). After pondering God’s words, I understood that God has arranged a different destiny for each person, and people have no power to change anything. If God has ordained that my mother is not to enjoy the blessing of having children around her, then no matter how hard I try, I can’t change anything. I thought about how my mother and I had been together since my childhood, never being separated once. Later, because of my belief in God, I was pursued by the police and had to leave home. This was God’s arrangement and preordination. When my mother is persecuted by my husband at home, this is something that she has to experience. However, I did not understand God’s sovereignty, and constantly worried about my mother being lonely and suffering. I also lived in darkness and pain, and my duty was affected. Now I realized that since there is no opportunity to be filial to my mother, I should just let nature take its course. My mother believes in God, so even though she is away from me, she still has God, and God will lead us as we walk our paths in the future. I believed that everything was in God’s hands. When I thought this, I prayed to God silently, willing to submit. I entrusted my mother to God, that He may lead her as she experiences persecution at the hands of our family. Later, I happened to read an experiential testimony article written by my mother. I read that when I was not with her and she was weak, she prayed to God, and the brothers and sisters went to our home to fellowship about God’s words and help her. After she understood God’s intention, she slowly came out of her negativity and weakness. I was very grateful to God.

In 2022, the global pandemic broke out again. When I saw many elderly people dying from the pandemic, I began to worry again, “If my mother gets infected in the pandemic, will anyone take care of her? Will she make it through? If I were by her side, bringing her water and medicine, and fellowshipping on God’s words to encourage her, wouldn’t that lessen the pain in her heart?” How I wished I could go back and see my mother! I really wanted to tell her about my experiences in the past few years and how much I had missed her. Soon after, I fell ill, and I missed my mother even more while lying in bed. I worried that if she died, I would never see her again, and I argued with God in my heart, “Dear God, why can others be reunited with their families but I have to be separated from my mother? You know I have a different background from others. I am the only child in the family, but I can’t take care of her until she dies. If she dies alone, my conscience will forever accuse me.” I knew that it was wrong to think in this way, but I didn’t know how to experience this, so I prayed and begged God to lead me. I thought about how it was always God’s words that enlightened and led me out of my negativity and weakness each time, and how my mother also experienced God’s leadership and protection at home. We were both enjoying God’s love. God had bestowed so much on us, but I didn’t know to repay Him, and instead complained about Him. I truly was lacking in conscience! I prayed to God, willing to earnestly seek the truth to solve my own problems.

One day, I heard a reading of God’s words: “Regarding people, no matter whether your parents looked after you meticulously or took great care of you, in any case, they were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation. Regardless of the reason why they raised you, it was their responsibility—because they gave birth to you, they should take responsibility for you. Based on this, can everything that your parents did for you be considered kindness? It can’t, right? (That’s right.) Your parents fulfilling their responsibility to you doesn’t count as kindness, so if they fulfill their responsibility toward a flower or a plant, watering it and fertilizing it, does that count as kindness? (No.) That is even further from being kindness. Flowers and plants grow better outside—if they’re planted in the ground, with wind, sun, and rainwater, they thrive even more. They don’t grow or turn out as well when they’re planted in a pot indoors as they do outside! Whatever kind of family one is born into, it is ordained by God. You are a person who possesses life, and God takes responsibility for every life, enabling people to survive, and to follow the law that all creatures abide by. It’s just that as a person, you lived in the environment that your parents raised you in, so you should have grown up in that environment. That you were born in that environment is due to God’s ordination; that you were raised into adulthood by your parents is also due to God’s ordination. In any case, by raising you your parents are fulfilling a responsibility and an obligation. Raising you into an adult is their obligation and responsibility, and this cannot be called kindness. Since it cannot be called kindness, can it be said that this is something you should enjoy? (It can.) This is a kind of right that you should enjoy. You should be raised by your parents, because before you reach adulthood, the role that you play is that of a child being brought up. Therefore, your parents are just fulfilling a kind of responsibility toward you, and you are just receiving it, but you are certainly not receiving grace or kindness from them. For any living creature, bearing and looking after children, reproducing, and raising the next generation is a kind of responsibility. For example, birds, cows, sheep, and even tigers have to take care of their offspring after they reproduce. There are no living creatures that do not raise their offspring. It’s possible that there are some exceptions, but they remain unknown to us. It’s a natural phenomenon in the existence of living creatures, it’s an instinct for living creatures, and it cannot be attributed to kindness. They are just abiding by a law that the Creator set out for animals and for mankind. Therefore, your parents raising you isn’t a kind of kindness. Based on this, it can be said that your parents are not your creditors. They are fulfilling their responsibility to you. No matter how much of their heart’s blood they expend for you and how much money they spend on you, they should not ask you to recompense them, because this is their responsibility as parents. Since it is a responsibility and an obligation, it should be free, and they should not ask for compensation. By raising you, your parents were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation, and this should be unpaid, and it should not be a transaction. So, you do not need to approach your parents or handle your relationship with them according to the idea of recompensing them. If you do treat your parents, pay them back, and handle your relationship with them according to this idea, that is inhumane. At the same time, it is likely to make you restrained and bound by your fleshly feelings, and it will be hard for you to emerge from these entanglements, to the extent that you might even lose your way. Your parents are not your creditors, so you have no obligation to realize all of their expectations. You have no obligation to foot the bill for their expectations. They can have their own expectations, but you must make your own choices. God has set out a life path for you, He has arranged a destiny for you, and these things have nothing whatsoever to do with your parents. … If your circumstances allow you to fulfill a bit of your responsibility to them, then do so. If your environment and your objective circumstances do not permit you to fulfill your obligation toward them, then you don’t need to give it too much thought, and you shouldn’t think that you are indebted to them, because your parents are not your creditors. No matter if you show filial piety to your parents, or fulfill your responsibility to them, you are just assuming the perspective of a child and fulfilling a bit of your responsibility to the people who once birthed and raised you. But you certainly cannot do this from the perspective of recompensing them, or from the perspective of ‘Your parents are your benefactors, and you must recompense them, you must repay their kindness’” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After listening to God’s words, I suddenly understood that I had considered my parents’ raising of me to be a debt of kindness. I felt like I had to pay it back, no matter when, but this view simply is not in accordance with the truth at all. In fact, it is the responsibility and obligation of parents to raise their children. It is absolutely not a kindness at all. Just like animals raising their offspring, it is a natural instinct, and also a law of survival that God has established for all things. Since God created man, He would arrange a suitable family environment for them. Take me for example. My biological mother died when I had just been born, and then I was adopted by foster parents. On the surface, it seemed like it was my parents who took care of me and raised me up, but actually, my life comes from God. The reason I have survived over all these years is that God is watching over and protecting me. I remember when I was a kid, my leg was caught by a big fan that was used to winnow wheat, but I was not left disabled. Before the high school entrance examination, I rode my bike to see the examination room, and got trapped between two cars and almost got hit. My mother wasn’t with me at the time, but nothing happened to me. I thought of my biological mother again. She sent me into this world and then passed away, and that my current parents were able to raise me was down to God’s preordination and orchestration. The One I should be thanking is God. From birth to now I have always enjoyed God’s care, protection, and all that God has provided. I am even able to be graced by God, following Him, doing my duty, and enjoying the once-in-a-millennium opportunity to be saved by God. However, I didn’t realize that I should properly do my duty to repay God’s love, but instead only thought about repaying my parents for their kindness in raising me. Even when it came to choosing my duty, I always weighed it up based on the precondition of whether I could be filial to my mother. When I did my duty away from home, my state was constantly disturbed. I was so muddled! I was affected by the fallacious ideas instilled in me by Satan, such as “Parental love is as deep as the sea,” and “An unfilial person is lower than a beast,” and I blindly wanted to foolishly repay this kindness. How utterly idiotic! When I understood this, I felt much more liberated. As I was gradually letting go of my concern for my mother, I received a letter from my daughter. It said that she had started to do a duty in the church, and that my mother was healthy, regularly gathering and reading the words of God at home. At that moment, I felt so touched and self-reproachful that I couldn’t even describe the feeling. In my heart, I prayed to God, “Dear God, I thank You! I see that everything You have arranged for me is so good, and I am really unworthy of receiving such great love and mercy from You. I hate myself for not having enough faith in You. Dear God, I owe You the most. From now on, I will certainly settle my heart to properly do my duty, and not make You anxious or worried anymore.”

Later, I read more of God’s words, and my state of feeling indebted to my mother was completely resolved. God says: “Some people forsake their families because they believe in God and perform their duties. They become famous because of this and the government frequently searches their house, harasses their parents, and even threatens their parents to hand them over. All their neighbors talk about them, saying, ‘This person has no conscience. They don’t care for their elderly parents. Not only are they unfilial, but they also cause so much trouble for their parents. They are an unfilial child!’ Are any of these words in line with the truth? (No.) But aren’t all these words considered right in the eyes of the nonbelievers? Among nonbelievers, they think this is the most legitimate and reasonable way of looking at it, and that it is in line with human ethics, and in accordance with the standards of self-conduct. No matter how much content is included in these standards, such as how to show filial respect to parents, how to take care of them in their old age and arrange their funerals, or how much to repay them, and regardless of whether these standards accord with the truth or not, in the eyes of nonbelievers, they are positive things, they are positive energy, they are right, and they are considered irreproachable within all groups of people. Among nonbelievers, these are the standards for people to live by, and you have to do these things to be a good person who is up to standard in their hearts. Before you believed in God and understood the truth, didn’t you also firmly believe that conducting yourself in such a way meant that you were a good person? (Yes.) Moreover, you also used these things to evaluate yourself and restrain yourself, and you required yourself to be this kind of person. … However, after you listened to God’s words and His sermons, your viewpoint began to change, and you understood that you have to forsake everything to perform your duty as a created being, and that God requires people to conduct themselves this way. Before you were certain that performing your duty as a created being was the truth, you thought you should be filial to your parents, but you also felt you should perform your duty as a created being, and you felt conflicted inside. Through the continuous watering and shepherding of God’s words, you gradually came to understand the truth, and it was then that you realized that performing your duty as a created being is perfectly natural and justified. Up until this day, many people have been able to accept the truth and completely abandon the standards of self-conduct from man’s traditional notions and imaginings. When you completely let go of these things, you are no longer constrained by words of judgment and condemnation from nonbelievers when you follow God and perform your duty as a created being, and you could cast them off easily” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). “Right now, because God is working, and because He is expressing the truth to tell people the truth of all these facts, and to enable them to understand the truth, after you come to understand the truth, these fallacious ideas and views will no longer burden you, and you will no longer use them as a guide for how you handle your relationship with your parents. At this point, your life will become more relaxed. Living a relaxed life does not mean that you will not know what your responsibilities and obligations are—you will still know these things. It just depends on which perspective and methods you choose to approach your responsibilities and obligations with. One path is to take the route of feelings, and to deal with these things based on emotional means, and the methods, ideas, and views that Satan guides man toward. The other path is to deal with these things based on the words that God has taught man. … If you abide by an aspect of the truth principles or an idea and view that is correct and comes from God, your life will become very relaxed. Neither public opinion, nor the awareness of your conscience, nor the burden of your feelings will impede how you handle your relationship with your parents anymore; instead, these truth principles will enable you to face and handle this relationship in a correct and rational way. If you act according to the truth principles that God has given man, even if people criticize you behind your back, you will still feel peace and stability and be unaffected in the depths of your heart. At the very least, you will not berate yourself for being an uncaring ingrate or feel the accusation of your conscience anymore in the depths of your heart. This is because you will know that all of your actions are carried out in accordance with the methods that God has taught you, and that you are listening to and submitting to God’s words, and following His way. Listening to God’s words and following His way is the sense of conscience that people ought to possess most of all. You will only be a true person when you can do these things. If you have not accomplished these things, then you are an uncaring ingrate” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). I had always felt that I owed my mother because my perspective on things had not changed. When I didn’t believe in God, I accepted Satan’s traditional ideas like “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else,” and “An unfilial person is lower than a beast.” I believed that as a person living in the world, I should regard filial piety to my parents as the most important principle in my self-conduct, and that if I couldn’t achieve this, I would not be worthy of being called a human being. For this reason, when it came to marriage, I obeyed my parents’ wishes and even had my husband move in with my family to take care of my parents with me. After I started to believe in God, I still lived by these views. When I saw my mother being persecuted by my husband, I felt that as a daughter, I hadn’t enabled my mother to enjoy happiness with me, but instead made her suffer on my account. I felt that I had let her down. Later, because my husband persecuted me and made trouble, I stayed at home to safeguard the environment. When I saw my mother suffer a lot because of me, I felt even more self-reproachful and didn’t want to do my duties any longer. These traditional ideas were like invisible ropes that bound me tightly, making me compromise again and again regarding my duty. They became a stumbling block in my pursuit of life growth. In particular, when the pandemic was spreading, I was worried that my mother would be infected and I wouldn’t be able to take care of her in her sickbed, so I felt indebted to her. I even complained about God for not giving me an opportunity to be filial to my mother. Only now did I see clearly that things instilled in me by Satan such as “Filial piety is a virtue to be held above all else,” and “An unfilial person is lower than a beast” not only caused me to lose heart in pursuing the truth even though I knew about it, but also made me rebel against God and resist God. Satan is truly utterly wicked, despicable, and sinister, and I had been really harmed by it. Actually, the real culprits that prevented me from accompanying my mother on the path of belief in God were the Chinese Communist Party, and Satan the devil! Believers in God leave home to do duties not because we don’t want our families, or because we are cruel, but because that wicked CCP doesn’t permit us to follow the true God and walk the right path. It spreads baseless rumors to discredit the church, causing nonbelieving family members to persecute and obstruct us. But I was muddled and had no discernment, and I could not penetrate Satan’s wicked essence; I even complained that God’s arrangements were not appropriate. I really couldn’t tell right from wrong! I could no longer be bound and misled by these traditional ideas, and had to treat my mother according to God’s words. My mother and I are both created beings, and we can both believe in God and follow God, and live to do the duties of created beings well. This is already an enormous exaltation and grace that God has given us. No matter whether we can meet again in this life or not, I only wish to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements and first of all satisfy God and do my duty well. When I understood all this, I completely let go of my worries and indebtedness toward my mother. Sometimes when I think of my mother, I think of God’s words: “The amount an individual must suffer and the distance they must walk on their path is ordained by God, and no one can really help anyone else” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (6)). Then, I pray to God silently, entrust my mother to God, and calm my heart to do my duty.

Through this experience, it was the exposure of God’s words that let me see clearly the bondage and harm that traditional culture had subjected me to, helped me gradually let go of my worries and indebtedness toward my mother, and gave me liberation in my heart. Thank God!