By Xin Jing, China

In June 2015, I went to a church to serve as a gospel deacon. At the time Li Jie was in charge of watering newcomers, and because of the needs of our duties, we worked together quite often. As well as being roughly the same age, we led similar lives and had similar personalities. Most importantly, both our husbands opposed our faith because of the CCP’s repression of believers. We had similar experiences and a lot of language in common, so we got along particularly well. At that time, I had just arrived at that church and was not familiar with the other brothers and sisters, and I was also facing a lot of challenges in doing my duty. Li Jie was very enthusiastic in fellowshiping with me and helping me, and I often helped her with any problems in her life. Gradually we started sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings with one another and we built a real rapport.

Later on, I was elected as a church leader and we weren’t in contact as often as before. A few months later, quite a few brothers and sisters spoke to me about Li Jie. They said she was really arrogant, and when others had problems, she not only failed to help them patiently, but also scolded and belittled them. Because of this, everyone felt constrained by her. The supervisor pointed this out to her, but she refused to accept it and answered back rudely. She was so disruptive that gatherings could not make any progress. When the brothers and sisters fellowshiped with her she remained adamant and shifted the blame onto others. Her fellowshiping of the truth was unclear and newcomers didn’t understand her, and sometimes she spoke negatively. In those two months she hadn’t been doing well watering newcomers. When I heard of this situation, I realized that Li Jie was no longer suited to watering work. My co-workers suggested dismissing her, saying the work of the church would be delayed if she stayed on. I felt bad on hearing this, as she had helped me so much and we were such good friends. What would she think of me, I thought, if I agreed to her dismissal? Would she say I was heartless? Moreover, she had a strong sense of self-respect and would be devastated to be dismissed. Thinking all this over, I didn’t have the heart to dismiss her. So I made the excuse that Li Jie hadn’t been doing well in her duty recently, but it wasn’t entirely her fault. The newcomers she watered had many religious notions and were slow to learn, so her poor results were excusable. Also, she worked hard and put in long hours. It would take time to find a suitable replacement if we dismissed her, so it was better to keep her on for now. The co-workers were hesitant when they heard what I said, but then everyone reluctantly agreed to let her continue to do her duty for the time being while at the same time looking for a replacement as quickly as possible. This was a relief, but I was still somewhat ill at ease, thinking that even though she hadn’t been dismissed for now, it would have to be done when a suitable replacement was found. Maybe if I gave some extra help her performance could improve and she wouldn’t have to be dismissed. So, that night I went straight to Li Jie’s house after my evening gathering, talked to her about the reasons why her performance was ineffective, and mentioned some problems in her duty. But she had no self-awareness and constantly argued. I was pretty upset to see her behave that way. I fellowshiped with her again many times after that to help her improve the results in her duty, but her performance never improved, which worried me a lot. A while later, I was contacted several times by a superior leader checking in on the matter of dismissing Li Jie. I just fobbed her off by saying that I hadn’t found a suitable replacement. Later, Li Jie privately got in touch—quite possibly under police observation—with a sister she’d been advised against contacting due to security concerns, after which I had no choice but to stop her from performing her duty.

The church later put me in charge of gospel work, and I immediately thought of Li Jie. She was sitting at home, miserable and without a duty to do. She’d been very fond of preaching the gospel, so it seemed like a great opportunity. I raised the idea in a co-worker meeting. I said, “Li Jie used to preach the gospel for a long time; it’s her forte. She knows she made mistakes and regrets them very much. Let’s give her the opportunity to preach the gospel.” Having heard this several co-workers agreed. To my surprise, before long the brothers and sisters told me that Li Jie was prejudiced against the gospel deacon and at gatherings she spread the word that the deacon had undermined her in the past. She kept going on about it. This led to the brothers and sisters being prejudiced against and ostracizing the gospel deacon. Li Jie also contradicted and contended with the deacon when she was carrying out her work, and some of the sisters took Li Jie’s side. This meant that the gospel deacon couldn’t do her job, which seriously disrupted the gospel work. I was astonished to hear that. The deacon had long since apologized to Li Jie about what happened in the past. Moreover I had fellowshiped with her, telling her to know herself and to learn from the experience rather than being critical of it. I never expected that she’d still hold a grudge, though. Her behavior was already really disruptive within the church. If she wouldn’t repent and things went on like this, she’d need to be isolated and self-reflect. The more I thought about it, the more I worried about her. Later I fellowshiped with her a number of times. She said the right things to my face, but kept acting the same as before in gatherings. Some other deacons also fellowshiped with her and helped her, but she had no self-awareness and was not willing to change.

Before long the superior leader learned about Li Jie’s behavior. She said that Li Jie was disrupting the work of the church, wouldn’t repent after repeated fellowships, and was a bad influence. In accordance with the principles, she had to be dismissed from her duty, and then cleared out from the church if she still didn’t repent. My heart sank when I heard this. I thought about how Li Jie had left home, given up work and suffered so much. It would be a real shame if she had to be cleared out. She’d helped me so much when I had encountered problems in the past, and I was the person she was closest to in the church. If I didn’t stand up now and speak on her behalf, and she found out about it, would she say that I was utterly heartless? How could I face her again if she really were cleared out? She would certainly resent me, and would feel really hurt. Thinking about this I said to my co-workers: “Li Jie does have some problems, but she has been performing her duties in the church all the time and was effective in preaching the gospel, so maybe dealing with her this way is too harsh. Should we give her another chance and help her more, and maybe she will understand and change?” Then a co-worker said to me very seriously, “Sister, you’re acting without principles and you’re getting caught up in your feelings. Li Jie was reasonably effective in preaching the gospel in the past, and she has worked hard and suffered a lot, but she doesn’t accept the truth. She hates the truth, and she’s not playing a positive role in the church. She’s already seriously disrupted the work of the church. You can’t always shield her based on your feelings. Look at yourself; is this not so?” When she said this, I realized I really hadn’t been following the principles with Li Jie, but I was still torn. I still wanted to give her another chance. On my way home, I suddenly felt dizzy, as if the world was spinning, and I was afraid to open my eyes. I couldn’t even walk. I realized it was probably God disciplining me. I silently prayed to God. Just then, some of God’s words came clearly to my mind. God says: “When people offend God, it might not be because of one event or one thing they said, but rather because of an attitude they hold and a state they are in. This is a very frightening thing” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VII). Thinking on these words from God put fear in my heart. I knew I might have offended God in some way. I began to self-reflect and realized that I had just kept stubbornly sticking up for Li Jie. I knew she played no good role in the church yet I indulged her disruption. When the superior leader and my co-workers suggested stopping her duty, I spoke up for her time and again and did nothing to protect the work of the church. I really deserved to be disciplined. Thinking on this, I hurriedly prayed to God, saying that I was willing to reflect on myself in this matter. After praying, barely able to support myself, I staggered home.

I read a passage of God’s words when I got home. God says: “Some people are extremely sentimental. Every day, in all that they say, and in all of the ways they behave toward others, they live by their feelings. They feel affection for this person and that person, and they spend their days engaged in the niceties of affection. In everything they encounter, they live in the realm of feelings. … You could say that feelings are this person’s fatal flaw. They are constrained by their feelings in all matters, they are incapable of practicing the truth or acting according to principle, and they are often prone to rebel against God. Feelings are their greatest weakness, their fatal flaw, and their feelings are entirely able to bring them to ruin and destroy them. People who are overly sentimental are incapable of putting the truth into practice or submitting to God. They are preoccupied with the flesh and they are foolish and muddleheaded. It is that sort of person’s nature to be very sentimental, and they live by their feelings” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). I was really moved when I read this and my tears flowed uncontrollably. Only then did I realize that I really was being guided by feelings in this matter. When involved with Li Jie’s case, I spoke up based on my feelings, always concerned for her feelings and taking her side just because she had helped me and we had a good relationship. I couldn’t handle matters fairly and justly according to principles. Actually, I knew that she wasn’t doing well in her duty, that she was disruptive, that letting her continue was more hindrance than help, and that she should have been replaced immediately. But because of our good relationship, I spoke up based on my feelings, finding all sorts of reasons and excuses to convince my co-workers not to replace her. I even wanted to help her improve her performance so she could keep her duty. If not for our good relationship, I wouldn’t have done everything I could to speak up for her. Had it been any other brother or sister I would have handled the matter according to principles. I finally saw that feelings were my Achilles’ heel, that I’d been following my feelings in word and action, shielding Li Jie at every turn with no regard for the truth principles. I fundamentally did not consider the work or interests of the church. I was so selfish and despicable!

I read a couple more passages of God’s words that gave me a greater insight into what was acting on feelings. Almighty God says: “What issues relate to feelings? First is how you evaluate your own family members, and how you approach the things they do. ‘The things they do’ here naturally include when they disrupt and disturb the church’s work, when they pass judgment on people behind their backs, when they engage in some of the practices of disbelievers, and so on. Can you approach these things impartially? When it is necessary for you to write an evaluation of your family members, can you do so objectively and impartially, putting your own feelings aside? This relates to how you approach your family members. Furthermore, do you harbor feelings toward those who you get along with or who previously helped you? Are you able to view their actions and comportment in an objective, impartial, and accurate way? If they disrupt and disturb the work of the church, will you be able to promptly report or expose them after you find out about it? Also, do you harbor feelings toward those who are relatively close to you, or who share similar interests with you? Do you possess an impartial and objective evaluation, definition, and way of dealing with their actions and behavior? Suppose that these people, who you have a sentimental connection with, are handled by the church according to the principles, and the outcome of this isn’t in line with your own notions—how would you approach this? Would you be able to obey? Would you secretly continue to be entangled with them, and would you be misled by them and even incited by them to make excuses for them, justify them, and defend them? Would you come to the aid of and take a bullet for those who have helped you, while disregarding the truth principles and ignoring the interests of God’s house? Aren’t these various issues to do with feelings? Some people say, ‘Don’t feelings only relate to relatives and family members? Isn’t the scope of feelings just your parents, brothers and sisters, and other family members?’ No, feelings include a wide scope of people. Forget about impartially evaluating their own family members—some people aren’t even capable of evaluating their good friends and buddies impartially, and they twist the facts when they speak about these people. For example, if their buddy doesn’t attend to his proper work and always engages in crooked and wicked practices in his duty, they will describe him as quite playful, and say that his humanity is immature and not yet stable. Aren’t there feelings within these words? This is speaking words that are laden with feelings. If someone who has no connection to them doesn’t attend to their proper work and engages in crooked and wicked practices, they will have harsher things to say about them, and may even condemn them. Is this not a manifestation of speaking and acting based on feelings? Are people who live by their feelings impartial? Are they upstanding? (No.) What is wrong with people who speak according to their feelings? Why can’t they treat others fairly? Why can’t they speak based on the truth principles? People who are double-tongued and never base their words on facts are wicked. Not being impartial when one speaks, always speaking according to one’s feelings and for one’s own sake, and not according to the truth principles, not thinking of the work of God’s house, and just protecting one’s personal feelings, fame, gain, and status—this is the character of antichrists. This is how antichrists speak; everything they say is wicked, disturbing, and disruptive. People who live among the preferences and interests of the flesh live among their feelings. People who live by their feelings are those who do not accept or practice the truth at all” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). “I do not give people the opportunity to express their feelings, for I am without fleshly feelings, and have grown to detest the feelings of people to an extreme degree. It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become an ‘other’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he seizes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he calls Me unfair and unjust, and says that I am heedless of man’s feelings in My handling of things. Do I also have kin upon earth? Who has ever, like Me, worked day and night, without thought for food or sleep, for the sake of My entire management plan? How could man be comparable to God? How could man be compatible with God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 28). Reading the word of God gave me more clarity on what it means to act based on feelings, and I saw that God hates people’s feelings. Acting on feelings can lead us to violate the truth principles, do evil, and resist God. As a church leader, I wasn’t practicing the truth or treating people fairly and in accordance with principles. Instead, I was safeguarding a personal relationship based on my feelings, not replacing someone who should have been replaced, using the work of the church to do favors and protecting my own image at detriment to the interests of the church. This harmed the lives of the brothers and sisters and brought nothing but disruption to the work of the church. I was biting the hand that feeds me—I was being a traitor. Wasn’t that a case of humiliating and resisting God? I was filled with remorse when I realized these things, and hurriedly prayed to God and repented. Later at a gathering, I opened up and fellowshiped about how I had acted on feelings on Li Jie’s matter. Also, based on her behavior, I removed her from her duty and asked her to self-reflect.

Six months or so went by, and Li Jie, far from reflecting and becoming aware of her evil behavior, was still insisting she’d been wronged and that the leaders and deacons hadn’t been fair. Behind their backs, she accused them of going out of their way to punish her. A sister I was partnered with fellowshiped on the truth with her and dissected her behavior, but she remained defiant and was full of excuses. Li Jie even stopped talking with the sister, directly turning her back on her in protest. She was spreading negativity among others, talking about how much she’d suffered without any blessings in return while the undeserving were blessed. Some of those she was in contact with were misled, took her side, and defended her. All these things made me think of a passage of God’s words: “Those who give vent to their poisonous, malicious talk within the church, who spread rumors, foment disharmony, and form cliques among the brothers and sisters—they should have been expelled from the church. Yet because now is a different era of God’s work, these people are restricted, for they are decidedly to be eliminated. All who have been corrupted by Satan have corrupt dispositions. Some have nothing more than corrupt dispositions, while others are different: Not only do they have corrupt satanic dispositions, but their nature is also extremely malicious. Not only do their words and actions reveal their corrupt, satanic dispositions; these people are, moreover, the genuine devils and Satans. Their behavior disrupts and disturbs God’s work, it disturbs the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry, and it damages the normal life of the church. Sooner or later, these wolves in sheep’s clothing must be cleansed away; an unsparing attitude, an attitude of rejection, should be adopted toward these lackeys of Satan. Only this is standing on the side of God, and those who fail to do so are wallowing in the mire with Satan” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). Reading God’s words I was more discerning of Li Jie. She absolutely did not accept the truth, often spread negativity within the church, was disruptive to church life, and wasn’t playing a positive role. She was a bad apple and created an unpleasant atmosphere in the church. After being pruned and removed from her duty, she remained defiant, tried to find fault with leaders and workers, and judged and attacked them. That kind of truth-hating, vindictive, aggressive, evil person can never be saved, even if they stay on in the church. They will only do evil and disrupt the church’s work, like a fox in a vineyard, stealing grapes and trampling over the vineyard. Only by cleansing evil people away can the work of the church proceed undisturbed, and the church life of the brothers and sisters carry on as normal. God is righteous and holy. Those saved by God all have good humanity and love the truth; God does not save evil people. The nature of evil people is that they are averse to the truth and hate the truth, and won’t truly repent no matter how many chances they are given. While those who love the truth may reveal corrupt dispositions, cause some disruption and be somewhat judgmental, they can reflect on themselves afterward, repent and change. The church gave Li Jie plenty of chances before, but she never repented. In fact, she intensified her attacks on the leaders and deacons and her disruption of church life. She was an evildoer by nature essence. She had to be cleared out based on the church’s principles. As a church leader, I knew I’d have to fellowship with the brothers and sisters to expose her evildoing and sign the paperwork for clearing her out. However, when I thought about this I still felt reluctant. I was worried it would be the end for her if she really were cleared out from the church. I prayed to God as soon as I had these thoughts and asked Him to guide me to overcome the constraints of my feelings.

In my seeking, I read a passage of God’s words: “Who is Satan, who are demons, and who are God’s enemies if not resisters who do not believe in God? Are they not those people who are rebellious against God? Are they not those who claim to have faith, yet who lack truth? Are they not those who merely seek to obtain blessings while being unable to bear witness for God? You still mingle with those demons today and treat them with conscience and love, but in this case are you not extending good intentions toward Satan? Are you not in league with demons? If people have made it to this point and are still unable to distinguish between good and evil, and continue to blindly be loving and merciful without any desire to seek God’s intentions or being able in any way to take God’s intentions as their own, then their endings will be all the more wretched. Anyone who does not believe in the God in the flesh is an enemy of God. If you can bear conscience and love toward an enemy, do you not lack a sense of justice? If you are compatible with those which I detest and with which I disagree, and still bear love or personal feelings toward them, then are you not rebellious? Are you not intentionally resisting God? Does such a person possess truth? If people bear conscience toward enemies, love for demons, and mercy for Satan, then are they not intentionally disrupting God’s work?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). I felt very guilty when I read God’s words. I was well aware that Li Jie was a troublemaker who disrupted the work of the church and would never repent, and that she was an evildoer who was averse to the truth and hated the truth by her nature, but I still shielded and protected her, always wanting to keep her within the church. It meant I was enabling an evil person to disrupt the work of the church, standing on Satan’s side and becoming the enemy of God. I was living by the satanic philosophy of “Man is not inanimate; how can he be free from emotions?” I’d always thought that personal relationships come first, and that this was the only way to be humane, to be a good person. I thought anything else was heartless and I’d be rejected by others. But that was ludicrous! Such philosophies for worldly dealings appear to be right, and they fit with human notions, but they go against the truth and the principles. Being emotionally attached and loving toward everyone else is foolish and misguided, and it’s completely unprincipled. God asks us to treat others with the truth principles, to be loving with the brothers and sisters, and to be conscientious with God. He asks that we reject evildoers, disbelievers, demons, and Satans. Isn’t it foolish and misguided to be emotionally attached to those kinds of people? Attachment of that kind lacks discernment and principle—it stems from foolishness. It doesn’t just lead us astray, but it can also lead us to follow an evildoer and harm the church’s work. We can’t just get lost in our feelings. We must have discernment concerning who we show love to and who we have to reject. We have to be principled in our emotional attachments. I saw I was living by satanic philosophies, and that it was so foolish and undignified. I clearly knew Li Jie wouldn’t accept the truth, that she was a truth-hating evildoer disturbing the church’s work, and that she needed to be cleared out. But I was ruled by feelings. I shielded her over and over. It was painful and exhausting for me, with no respite, but most importantly I wasn’t practicing the truths I clearly knew. I was ignoring my conscience, acting against principles, and indulging an evildoer’s disruption of the church’s work. I was fighting against and betraying God! I was enjoying God’s grace and salvation, but betraying Him, protecting Satan and shielding an evildoer. I truly lacked conscience and humanity! It finally became clear to me that being ruled by feelings is to betray God and the truth. Then I thought of how, for so many years, God had been doing so much work in me and had paid such a great price. I hadn’t given Him anything in return, and instead was standing on Satan’s side against Him. I was filled with remorse and guilt when I thought about it that way.

I read a passage of God’s words in my devotionals after that: “By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man. … During the Age of Grace, the Lord Jesus said, ‘Who is My mother? And who are My brothers?’ ‘For whoever shall follow the will of My Father which is in heaven, the same is My brother, and sister, and mother.’ These words already existed back in the Age of Grace, and now God’s words are even more clear: ‘Love what God loves, and hate what God hates.’ These words cut straight to the point, yet people are often unable to grasp their true meaning” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). God’s word helped clarify for me the principle of practice, “Love what God loves, and hate what God hates.” Only those who truly believe in God, pursue the truth, and are devoted in their duty are brothers and sisters, and it is to them that we should show affection. Those who do not accept the truth at all and consistently disrupt the work of the church, hate the truth and hate God by their nature, and they are all evil people, disbelievers, demons, and Satans. They are to be hated and rejected. Only treating people this way is principled and accords with God’s intention. Later, in gatherings, I fellowshiped with the brothers and sisters on what an evil person is and how to discern an evil person, and I revealed all of Li Jie’s evil behaviors. I also fellowshiped on the relevant principles for clearing out and expelling someone from the church, and once the brothers and sisters understood the truth, they exposed Li Jie’s evildoing as well. Eventually she was cleared out from the church.

If it hadn’t been for what God exposed and the judgment and revelation of His words, I would have continued to live by Satan’s philosophies. I would have been blindly affectionate and compassionate toward others, unable to tell good from evil or right from wrong, and standing on Satan’s side and resisting God without realizing it. It was God’s words that enabled me to see clearly the danger and consequences of relying on personal feelings in my actions, and helped me to avoid being constrained by feelings and to treat people according to the truth principles. I am grateful to God from the bottom of my heart for His love and salvation.