By Breanna, Italy

Feb 21, 2024, Sunny

Today the supervisor of the text-based work suddenly sent me a message: These days, why don’t you find some time to write a script? Then we can see if you can train to do scriptwriting duties. When I saw this message, I felt unbounded excitement. Writing is my hobby. If I could do scriptwriting duties in the church, I would achieve my dream to be an author. Moreover, scriptwriters are all people with depth and ideas, who can win the esteem of their brothers and sisters. Now that I have the opportunity to do scriptwriting duties, I must cherish it and grab hold of it.

Feb 24, 2024, Cloudy

It’s foggy and hazy outside. I was resting a cheek in one hand and constantly moving the mouse around with the other, while I stared intently at the computer screen. However, my thoughts were thousands of miles away. I gave my test script to the supervisor a day ago, and I didn’t know when the reply would come. Suddenly, a notification sounded. It was a voice message sent by the supervisor: I’ve read your test script. There are still quite a few deficiencies. For now, maybe you could train to screen articles first. This was not the result I wanted. In my notions, I believe that the task of screening articles doesn’t have any technical content, and by doing this task rather than scriptwriting, I’m less able to showcase my talents and be valued by others. However, no matter what, it is still a text-related duty. Conflicted and torn, I accepted it.

March 6, 2024, Sunny

Faced with many accumulated articles, although I’ve been reading them, I’ve been constantly turning over what the supervisor said in my mind. Does she have any plan to get me to write scripts at all? Did she think that because I haven’t done text-based duties for a long time, she asked me to screen articles first so I could use this chance to equip myself with the truth? I then remembered the good times, back when I was writing scripts. Although doing that duty was tiring, every day was very fulfilling. With the leader’s guidance, I made quick progress in my professional skills, and often communicated about and discussed problems with the leader and directors. Everyone really esteemed me. But now, I can only do the dry and unsung work of screening articles. When brothers and sisters I know ask me what duty I’m doing, I don’t even know how to talk about it with them. I feel that although I am doing text-based duties, I’m only doing a bit of tinkering around the edges: It doesn’t feel like what I’m doing is worthy of the name at all. I don’t know when I will have the chance to write scripts. The more I thought, the more negative I got, and I couldn’t carry on reading the articles I had in hand anymore. I then searched for God’s words to read. God says: “For all who perform a duty, no matter how profound or shallow their understanding of the truth is, the simplest way to practice entering into the truth reality is to think of the interests of God’s house in everything, and to let go of one’s selfish desires, personal intents, motives, pride, and status. Put the interests of God’s house first—this is the least one should do. If a person who performs a duty cannot even do this much, then how can they be said to be performing their duty? That is not performing one’s duty. You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you. Do you not feel that this becomes a little easier when you divide it into two steps and make some compromises? If you practice like this for a while, you will come to feel that satisfying God is not such a difficult thing. Furthermore, you should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out. Gradually, your desire to satisfy your own interests will lessen” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). After reading these words of God, I was full of self-reproach. I came before God in tears to pray, “Dear God, I am too lacking in conscience, and I am utterly selfish and despicable. That the church gave me the chance to do text-based duties at all was You exalting me, but I remained insatiable, constantly considering my own face and status. On the outside, I want to improve my professional skills and get better training, but the intentions lying behind this are all about my own reputation and status. All I consider is whether my own duty is important or not, whether it gives me a chance to take the limelight or not, and whether I can use it to win the esteem of others. When my desires were not satisfied, I felt resistant and became negative, and even became unwilling to do this duty. I see that I am utterly selfish and despicable! I have not done text-based duties for some time, and don’t have a grasp of many principles. Neither do I have a clear understanding of the truth. If I had actually been asked to go and write scripts, then I would not have been up to the job. The appropriate arrangement was for me to train to screen articles first, but I still felt resistant about it. I was so totally lacking in sense! Dear God, I have been too rebellious. I no longer wish to consider my own interests. I am willing to submit to the church’s arrangements, and do my current duty well.” After I prayed, I felt much more relaxed, and my heart was not disturbed or constrained by this matter anymore. When I next came to read the articles, I was able to calm my heart.

March 19, 2024, Cloudy

I have been doing text-based duties for nearly a month now, and have been able to spot a few problems in the articles I’ve read. Some of the articles I’ve screened and selected have been made into videos. I’m very happy, and have faith that I can do this duty well. I remember that a couple of days ago, the supervisor said, “Now, the church is short of scriptwriters. If you are interested, you can practice writing scripts.” These words left a great impression on me. It looks like there is still hope for me to write scripts. Although my caliber is average, as long as I equip myself with plenty of the truth, I will gradually improve. Because of this, I’ve been really looking forward to every team study session. In this way, I can learn more principles and improve my professional skills. After a long time, it’s possible I may even be promoted to write scripts. Today was a team study day. Like usual, I got up early, but before the study session started, the supervisor said to me, “You can attend if you want according to your own schedule, but it’s fine if you don’t.” Suddenly, I felt a bit awkward. Why had she not required me to study? Had she not mentioned to me about training in writing scripts? It looked like the supervisor didn’t plan to cultivate me after all. After a time, two other sisters who wrote scripts had something come up. The supervisor said, “We don’t have everyone here today. Let’s just study it tomorrow.” I forced myself to remain calm as I responded, “OK.” After getting offline, I was in a daze for an age. I felt like my dream of having a chance to write scripts had been utterly shattered. Did the supervisor think that I am not worthy of cultivation, and my caliber is not up to writing scripts? Why is it that it didn’t really matter whether I attended the team study session or not? My mood today has been very low. I cannot find energy in whatever I do, and my efficiency in doing my duty has been extremely low. Usually, I can read a dozen or so articles in a day, but today I only read a handful. My thinking also felt very muddled, and I didn’t want to put in the effort to ponder problems I couldn’t see through. I just wanted to cry. My tears flowed down uncontrollably. In my heart, I said to God, “Dear God, I want to train in how to write scripts, and contribute my bit. However much I have to suffer, it is all fine. Why am I never promoted? Dear God. I don’t understand Your intention.…”

March 20, 2024, Sunny

The dawn chorus outside my window woke me from my dreams. As usual, I turned on my phone and read the words of God. Almighty God says: “What are your principles for conducting yourselves? You should conduct yourselves according to your station, find the right place for you, and perform the duty that you ought to; only this is someone with reason. By way of example, there are people who are adept at certain professional skills and have a grasp of principles, and they should take on the responsibility and make the final checks in that area; there are people who can provide ideas and insights, inspiring others and helping them to perform their duties better—then they should provide ideas. If you can find the right place for you and work in harmony with your brothers and sisters, you will be fulfilling your duty—this is what it means to conduct yourself according to your station. Originally, you may only be able to provide some ideas, but if you try to offer something else, and you end up trying very hard to do so, yet are still unable; and then, when others provide those things, you are uncomfortable, and do not wish to listen, and your heart is pained and constrained, and you complain about God and say God is unrighteous—then this is ambition. What disposition is it that engenders ambition in a person? An arrogant disposition engenders ambition. These states can certainly arise in you at any time, and if you do not seek the truth to resolve them, and have no life entry, and cannot change in this regard, then the level of qualification and purity with which you perform your duties will be low, and the results will also not be very good. This is not performing your duty satisfactorily and means that God has not attained glory from you. God has given every person different talents and gifts. Some people have talents in two or three areas, some have talent in one area, and some have no talents at all—if you can approach these matters correctly, then you have reason. A person with reason will be able to find their place, conduct themselves according to their stations and perform their duties well. A person who can never find their place is a person who always has ambition. They always pursue status and gain. They are never satisfied with what they have. To get more gain, they try to take as much as they can; they always hope to satisfy their extravagant desires. They think that if they have gifts and are of a good caliber, they should enjoy more of God’s grace, and that having some extravagant desires is not a mistake. Does this kind of person have reason? Is it not shameless to always have extravagant desires? People who have a conscience and reason can feel that it is shameless. People who understand the truth will not do these foolish things. If you hope to fulfill your duty loyally so as to repay God’s love, this is not an extravagant desire. This is in line with the conscience and reason of normal humanity. This makes God happy. If you truly wish to perform your duty well, you must first find the right station for you, and then do what you can with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength, and do your very best. This is up to standard, and such performance of duty has a measure of purity. This is what a real created being should do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). As I read God’s words, I felt that God was by my side, soothing me. My heart felt warm. God tells us the principles for our self-conduct: find our place, conduct ourselves according to our station, and give full play to the talents that we have. Some people who have good professional skills and a solid grasp of principle should make sure to handle the final checks well; and those who cannot make the final checks can provide ideas or suggestions, and work with their brothers and sisters to complete their duties together. In this way, God will be satisfied. I reflected on myself. The church arranged for me to screen articles. One aspect of this is due to what is needed in the work, and another aspect of this is based on my caliber and stature. But I constantly had wild ambitions. Even though my caliber is blatantly not good enough to write scripts, I still complained about God for not giving me that opportunity. I was truly so arrogant! I constantly wanted to put myself on display, and constantly wanted to be a woman with literary talent, esteemed by others. As soon as this desire could not be fulfilled and I had no platform on which to display my talents, I became negative and slacked off. I didn’t even feel like reading articles, and I didn’t want to put effort into pondering problems I couldn’t see through. This hindered the progress of screening articles. I saw that I had brought my wild ambition into doing my duty. I was not satisfied in my place: The grass seemed greener on the other side, and I couldn’t even put my heart into doing my own basic work. I constantly wanted to do a duty that was beyond my capabilities. If I’m always this impractical, then I won’t even be able to do the duty of screening articles well, to say nothing of writing scripts. I realized that my state was too dangerous. If I do not resolve it quickly, I will be revealed and eliminated at any time!

March 24, 2024, Cloudy

I know that reputation and status is my fatal weakness, but I have never worked hard to solve this issue. This time, I looked up words of God that expose how antichrists pursue reputation and status. I read these words of God. “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; that is why they consider things this way. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less things which are external to them that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue. Why are they always thinking about such things? After reading the words of God, after hearing sermons, do they really not understand all this, are they really not able to discern all this? Are the words of God and the truth really not able to change their notions, ideas, and opinions? That is not the case at all. The problem lies in them, it is wholly because they do not love the truth, because, in their hearts, they are averse to the truth, and as a result, they are utterly unreceptive to the truth—which is determined by their nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God said that to antichrists, cherishing reputation and status is what is in their bones and in their blood. In everything they do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, and how to act so that people follow and esteem them. As soon as they cannot obtain reputation and status, it is as if their very life has been stolen away, and they feel like there is no meaning to life anymore. My pursuit has been the same as that of an antichrist.I thought back to a female poet who I worshiped when I was at school. I thought that there were not many talented female poets in ancient times, and thought that the rarer something is, the more readily admired it is. I wanted to achieve something in the future too. I didn’t want to be some minor, nameless figure. I treated the laws of survival infused into me by Satan, like “Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” as wise axioms. When I was at school, I studied hard so I could get on the class committee. After school, when other classmates had gone home, I stayed in the classroom to supervise some of my classmates as they completed their homework. In the end, I was valued by the teacher. Actually, my grades were not the best in the class, but in order to make myself stand out from my classmates, I constantly showed off in front of the teacher instead of getting on with my studies diligently and learning the various subjects. In the end, although I got onto the class committee, it was just an empty title. However, I still never got tired of the enjoyment of the halo that status brought me. After I started to believe in God, although I realized that pursuing reputation and status was wrong, and that God does not look at how high or low a person’s status is, only whether they pursue the truth or not, in my heart, I still couldn’t let go of my thirst for reputation and status, and I cared a lot about whether my duty was valued and esteemed by others. If it was an inconspicuous duty, I would be in great anguish and wouldn’t be able to get interested in anything I did. It’s just like the way in which God had already exalted me to do these text-based duties but I felt that screening articles wasn’t as valuable as writing scripts, and so in my heart I looked down on this duty and constantly wanted to go and write scripts. From a casual remark made by the supervisor, I sensed that the supervisor didn’t seem to have any intention of cultivating me, and I fell into extreme anguish. I didn’t have any energy to do anything. My efficiency in screening articles also declined, affecting the progress of article submission. I saw that I had been bound too tightly by Satan’s thoughts and views. Actually, we need to understand some truths and grasp some principles to screen articles. If not, we wouldn’t be able to weigh up which articles are valuable and edifying. If I could have calmed my heart and earnestly pondered the truths that each article touches on, then after a time I would have gained a lot. However, I didn’t realize how much of a favor had been shown to me. I didn’t seek the truth principles that I should enter into in this duty in order to strive to make progress. Instead, I misunderstood God and complained that God hadn’t given me an opportunity to train. I was too impervious to reason! Without focusing on pursuing the truth, then even if I had actually been allowed to write scripts and my pride had been satisfied, I wouldn’t have been able to write good ones because I didn’t have any truth reality.

Through reflection, I realized that actually, I only wanted to write scripts in order to achieve my personal aspirations and goals. I had treated doing my duty as a springboard to achieving my aspirations. I read the words of God. “In the world, it is considered proper to pursue the realization of one’s own ideals. Regardless of what ideals you pursue, it’s fine as long as they’re legal and don’t cross any moral boundaries. Nobody questions anything, and you don’t get caught up in matters of right or wrong. You pursue whatever you may personally prefer, and if you get it, if you reach your goal, then you are successful; but if you miss, if you fail, that is your own affair. However, when you enter God’s house, a special place, regardless of what ideals and desires you carry with you, you should let go of all of them. Why is that? The pursuit of ideals and desires, regardless of what you pursue specifically—let’s just talk about the pursuit itself—its course of action and the path it takes all revolve around egoism, self-interest, status, and reputation. These things are all what it revolves around. In other words, when people pursue the realization of their ideals, the only beneficiary is themselves. Is it just for a person to pursue the realization of their ideals for the sake of status, reputation, vanity, and physical interests? (No, it is not.) For the sake of personal and private ideals, thoughts, and desires, the methods and approaches they adopt are all self-centered and focused on personal gain. If we measure them against the truth, they are neither just nor legitimate. People should let go of them, isn’t that certain? (Yes, it is.) … The church, God’s house, is a place where God’s will is carried out, His word proclaimed, He is borne witness to, and His chosen people receive cleansing and salvation. It is such a place. In a place like this, is there any task or project, no matter what it may be, that aligns with the fulfillment of personal ideals and desires? There is no work or project serving the purpose of fulfilling personal ideals and desires, nor does any aspect of these exist for the realization of personal ideals and desires. Therefore, should personal ideals and desires exist in God’s house? (They should not.) They should not, because personal ideals and desires are in conflict with any work that God wishes to do in the church. Personal ideals and desires contradict any work that is done in the church. They contradict the truth, deviate from God’s will, from the proclamation of His words, from bearing witness to Him, and from the work of cleansing and salvation for God’s chosen people. Regardless of one’s ideals, as long as they are personal ideals and desires, they will hinder people from following God’s will, and affect or hinder the proclamation of His words and bearing witness to Him. Of course, as long as they are personal ideals and desires, they cannot allow people to receive cleansing and salvation. It is not just a matter of contradiction between the two sides, they run fundamentally counter to each other. While pursuing your own ideals and desires, you obstruct the carrying out of God’s will, the work of proclaiming His words and bearing witness to Him, as well as people’s and of course your own salvation. In short, no matter what people’s ideals are, they are not to follow God’s will and cannot achieve the actual result of absolute submission to God. When people pursue their ideals and desires, their ultimate purpose is not to understand the truth, or understand how to comport themselves, how to satisfy God’s intentions, and how to perform their duties well and fulfill their role as created beings. It is not for people to have true fear of and submission to God. On the contrary, the more one’s ideals and desires are realized, the farther one drifts from God and the closer one gets to Satan. Similarly, the more one pursues their ideals and achieves them, the more rebellious against God one’s heart becomes, the farther one moves away from God, and in the end, when one is able to fulfill their ideals as they wish and realize and satisfy their desires, they grow more disdainful of God, His sovereignty, and everything about Him. They may even walk the path of denying, resisting, and standing in opposition to God. This is the final outcome” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God’s words gave me an understanding of the incorrect pursuit hidden within my heart. I had treated the house of God and the church as a place to realize my personal aspirations, and treated the various duties in the church like they were different professions in the world. I liked text-based work, and felt that I could manifest my value in this work. I also felt that people who wrote literature had greater depth and more ideas, and people valued and paid attention to them. My starting point, my wellspring in doing my duty was wrong: It was to stand out from the crowd, and not to pursue the truth or gain the truth. Although I’ve been doing the duty of screening articles, I’ve seldom sought principles or equipped myself with the truth in my duty, to improve my efficiency in reading articles and my ability to judge problems. Instead, I’ve just been waiting to be promoted. When the supervisor said that what we were studying was unrelated to my current duty, I thought that the supervisor had no plans at all to cultivate me, so I vented the dissatisfaction in my heart through negativity and slacking off. Was I not being totally unreasonable? I realized that it is selfish to pursue our own aspirations: It cannot have any effect in pushing our duty forward, and will even hinder the work of the church. Actually, my caliber is average, and my language skills are rather lacking. Most importantly, I don’t fully understand many truths, and simply am not up to the job of writing scripts. It was appropriate to arrange for me to screen articles. The church allowed me to train in text-based duties. However, I was not content in my station, and even misunderstood God. I truly was absolutely lacking in reason! Just as God says: “Regardless of one’s ideals, as long as they are personal ideals and desires, they will hinder people from following God’s will, and affect or hinder the proclamation of His words and bearing witness to Him. Of course, as long as they are personal ideals and desires, they cannot allow people to receive cleansing and salvation.” Now, my heart feels much brighter, and I understand why God asks people to let go of their aspirations. Actually, the church is a place where God’s will is carried out. It is a place where people can pursue the truth, be cleansed, and attain salvation. However, the path I walked on was running counter to God’s intention. During this period, I pondered on how to achieve my aspirations every day and became very sensitive. Even a casual word that someone else said would affect my state as I did my duty, and my heart and mind were restless all day long. Although I never dared to voice any complaints about God, I tussled with God in my heart, and my relationship with God was extremely distant. This was actually a type of silent opposition. I was resisting God and rebelling against God! I constantly pursued the realization of my own aspirations. This is the outlook of a nonbeliever. If I had continued on this path, then not only would my own dispositions never be able to change, but I would have brought disruption and disturbance to the work of the church. So what I was doing was not preparing good deeds: It was accumulating evil deeds. When I realized this, I was willing from the depths of my heart to let go of my extravagant desires and strive to do my current duty well and satisfy God.

April 2, 2024, Sunny

Today, I found a path to letting go of reputation and status in a passage of God’s words. I read the words of God: “So, what are the duties and responsibilities of a created being? God’s word clearly lays out the duties, obligations, and responsibilities of created beings, doesn’t it? From today onward, you are a genuine member of God’s house, that is to say, you acknowledge yourself as one of the created beings of God. Consequently, from today, you should reconsider your life plans. You should no longer pursue but should let go of the ideals, desires, and goals you previously set for your life. Instead, you should change your identity and perspective in order to plan the life goals and direction that a created being should have. First and foremost, your goals and direction should not be to become a leader, or to lead or excel in any industry, or to become a renowned figure who carries out a certain task or masters a particular skill. Your goal should be to accept your duty from God, that is, to know what work you should be doing now, at this moment, and to understand what duty you need to perform. You need to ask what God requires of you and what duty has been arranged for you in His house. You should understand and gain clarity on the principles that should be understood, laid hold of, and followed regarding that duty. If you can’t remember them, you can write them down on paper or record them on your computer. Take the time to review them and ponder over them. As a member of created beings, your primary life goal should be to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. This is the most fundamental life goal you should have. Second and more specific is how to fulfill your duty as a created being and be a qualified created being. Of course, any goals or directions related to your reputation, status, vanity, future, and so on should be relinquished” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God’s words brightened my heart. I am a created being and should fulfill my duties according to my place. I should let go of my own aspirations and desires, and submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. No matter whether the duty the church arranges for me today is one I like or not, or whether it is one I think is important or trivial, as long as it comes from God, I should accept it with perfect compliance. Now I am responsible for screening articles, so I should select the good articles according to principles, and put effort into the problems I cannot see through to achieve good results in this task.

April 3, 2024, Sunny

Recently, a new sister has joined our team. She’s training to write scripts. My heart felt troubled again. Hadn’t the supervisor said that there was no lack of scriptwriters? Why did she find a new one instead of promoting me? Am I really that bad? I realized that I was once again being affected by reputation and status, and hurriedly prayed in my heart. No matter who is promoted, what I have to do now is to keep to my duty and not be disturbed by this. Afterward, I put time and effort into seeking principles relating to how to select good articles, and how to weigh up whether the understanding in an article was practical. I discussed anything I couldn’t see through with my sisters, and did my duty with a positive attitude. I no longer pursued status. Gradually, my heart grew much calmer, and I was able to put more of my thoughts into my duty. I was also able to feel God’s leadership in doing my duty. Thank God!