By Jiayu, China

One day in April 2024, I received a letter from the upper leaders. The letter mentioned that several sisters had raised some issues about me. They said that I hadn’t arranged any gatherings for them, and that I was slow in following up on work and replying to letters, and would delay work. After reading the issues they reported, I couldn’t calm down for a long time, and I kept trying to argue back and justify myself with excuses like, “There are objective reasons behind these things. These sisters temporarily stopped going to gatherings because the gathering place was unsafe. I told them to quickly find a house in which to gather, but they never replied. As for the other few brothers and sisters, they have risks to their safety, so I haven’t arranged gatherings for them for the time being. It’s no fault of mine that they couldn’t gather, so why is everyone placing the blame on me? During this period in which they haven’t had gatherings, I’ve been writing letters to ask about their states and fellowship with them. I haven’t been ignoring them. They say I’m slow in following up on work and replying to letters, but this is because of the CCP’s persecution and arrests. The brothers and sisters haven’t been able to meet as frequently as before, so of course they haven’t been receiving letters as quickly as before. This too is out of my hands. They’re all asking too much of me. I follow up on all kinds of work every day, and I also have to write letters to respond to brothers’ and sisters’ questions. Sometimes I’m so busy that I end up working until two in the morning. How can I not be doing actual work by suffering and paying a price like this?” At the time, I just couldn’t accept it. The next day, the upper leaders asked the brothers and sisters to write evaluations of me. I guessed that the leaders thought I wasn’t doing actual work and were going to dismiss me. When I thought about the price I’d paid and about how I’d expended myself, I couldn’t help but inwardly argue back and justify myself, thinking, “A false leader doesn’t do any actual work at all, but I’ve always been working, putting in the hours, and paying such a great price. What else do you want me to do?” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became. I realized something was wrong with my state, so I prayed to God, “God, I couldn’t submit to this situation today. I don’t know what lesson I should learn, and I don’t understand Your intention. Please enlighten and guide me.”

After that, I read a passage of God’s words. “How should one judge if a leader is fulfilling the responsibilities of leaders and workers, or if they are a false leader? At the most basic level, one must look at whether they are capable of doing real work, at whether or not they have this caliber. Then, one should look at whether they have the burden to do this work well. Ignore how nice the things they say sound and how much they seem to understand the doctrines, and ignore how talented and gifted they are when they handle external matters—these things are not important. What is most crucial is whether they are able to properly carry out the most fundamental items of work of the church, whether they can solve problems using the truth, and whether they can lead people into the truth reality. This is the most fundamental and essential work. If they are incapable of doing these items of real work, then no matter how good their caliber is, how talented they are, or how much they can endure hardship and pay a price, they are still a false leader. Some people say, ‘Forget that they don’t do any real work now. They have good caliber and they’re capable. If they train for a while, they are bound to be able to do real work. Besides, they haven’t done anything bad and they haven’t done evil or caused disruptions or disturbances—how can You say that they are a false leader?’ How can we explain this? It doesn’t matter how talented you are, what level of caliber and education you possess, how many slogans you can shout, or how many words and doctrines are in your grasp; regardless of how busy you are or how exhausted you are in a day, or how far you’ve traveled, how many churches you visit, or how much risk you take and suffering you endure—none of these matter. What matters is whether you are performing your work based on the work arrangements, whether you are accurately implementing those arrangements; whether, during your leadership, you are participating in every specific work you are responsible for, and how many real issues you have actually resolved; how many individuals have come to understand the truth principles because of your leadership and guidance, and how much the church’s work has advanced and developed—what matters is whether or not you have achieved these results. Regardless of the specific work you’re involved in, what matters is whether you are consistently following up on and directing the work rather than acting high and mighty and issuing orders. Besides this, what also matters is whether or not you have life entry while doing your duty, whether you can deal with matters according to principles, whether you possess a testimony of putting the truth into practice, and whether you can handle and resolve the real issues faced by God’s chosen people. These and other similar things are all criteria for assessing whether or not a leader or worker has fulfilled their responsibilities. Would you say that these criteria are practical? And fair toward people? (Yes.) They are fair to everyone. No matter your level of education, whether you are young or old, how many years you have believed in God, your seniority, or how much of God’s word you have read, none of this is important. What matters is how well you do the church work after being chosen as a leader, how effective and efficient you are in your work, and whether each item of work progresses in an organized and effective manner, and is not delayed. These are the main things that are evaluated when measuring whether a leader or worker has or has not fulfilled their responsibilities” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (9)). After reading God’s words, I understood that to measure whether a leader has fulfilled their responsibilities, it’s not about how much hardship they appear to endure or how much sacrifice they’ve made, but whether they have done actual work, whether they can fellowship the truth to solve problems, and do their duties according to principles, and whether the various items of the work of the church can progress in a normal and orderly fashion. If no actual work has been done on various items of the church, and there are no results, then no matter how much hardship someone seems to endure, or how much of a price they have paid, they are still a false leader. I then reflected on myself. I saw that I hadn’t met the standards required by God, and that I only appeared to have paid a small price and to have done superficial work, but when problems arose at work, I didn’t want to endure hardship or pay the price it took to solve them. For example, ensuring that brothers and sisters have a normal church life is the most basic work, but some brothers and sisters didn’t have a safe place to gather. I told them to find a house in which to gather on their own, but I didn’t follow up on this. Other brothers and sisters had risks to their safety, but I didn’t put any real thought into how to specifically arrange things, nor did I discuss the matter with my partner or seek guidance from the upper leaders on making proper arrangements. I just thought I’d wait until the environment improved before doing anything. I wasn’t really doing any actual work, and I had no sense of burden for the life entry of my brothers and sisters. Brothers and sisters pointed out that I was slow in following up on work and responding to letters, and I knew that there was a problem in the letter forwarding. On a few occasions, the work was delayed because general affairs workers were slow in forwarding letters, and this was an issue that should have been resolved promptly. But when I thought about how resolving this issue would mean I’d have to go to the general affairs workers and correct and fellowship with them to resolve their actual difficulties, I didn’t want to bother with the hassle, so I used the bad environment as an excuse, and I just kept procrastinating without addressing the issue. Faced with the revelation of facts and the exposure of God’s words, I no longer had any grounds or excuses to justify myself. I truly hadn’t fulfilled my responsibilities as a leader, and the brothers and sisters weren’t wrong about the problems of mine they reported. If I were to be dismissed, I would accept it with absolute willingness.

I then read another passage of God’s words. “” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (9)).

After reading God’s words, I felt very ashamed. Was I not this shameless kind of person exposed by God? When the brothers and sisters reported my problems, I didn’t reflect on myself, but instead, I immediately resorted to trying to defend myself, talking about how much I’d sacrificed, and how much suffering I’d endured. Some brothers and sisters hadn’t been able to attend gatherings for months, and the church work hadn’t been followed up on in time. This was all directly related to my failure to address real issues in time. As a church leader, I couldn’t even properly arrange for brothers and sisters to have a normal church life. I didn’t even accomplish the most basic things, and yet I kept going on about how I’d been wronged, using objective reasons to try and justify myself, thinking that I had already given so much, and that I was much better than those false leaders who do no actual work. I really had no sense of reason at all! Though it seemed like I’d done some work and paid somewhat of a price, I was just doing superficial work and I’d not put any effort into solving the real problems in the church. I’d not done any actual work at all, and yet I kept arguing back and quibbling. I really had no shame!

I thought about when the leaders said I didn’t accept the truth, and I felt that this time, since they’d asked brothers and sisters to write evaluations of me, they might be about to dismiss me. God saves those who can accept the truth, and it seemed very difficult for someone like me to be saved. I spent the next few days wallowing in despair and feeling unmotivated to do anything. Later, I came across a passage of God’s words that deeply moved me. Almighty God says: “No matter what God does, He wants the best for people. No matter what situations He sets out or what He asks you to do, He always wishes to see the best outcome. Say you go through something and encounter setbacks and failure. God does not wish to see you discouraged when you fail, think you are finished and have been snatched by Satan, then give up on yourself, never find your feet again, and plunge into dejection—God does not wish to see this outcome. What does God wish to see? That while you may have failed in this matter, you are able to seek the truth and reflect on yourself, find the reason for your failure, accept the lesson this failure has taught you, remember it in the future, know that it is wrong to act this way and that only practicing according to God’s words is right, and realize, ‘I am a bad person. I have a corrupt satanic disposition. There is rebelliousness in me. I am far from the righteous people of whom God speaks, and I do not have a God-fearing heart.’ You have seen this fact clearly; you have come to recognize the truth of the matter, and through this setback, this failure, you have gained some sense and matured. This is what God wants to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Identify the Nature Essence of Paul). God’s words were like a warm current, comforting my heart. No matter how God works, it is always good. Even when God reveals the corruption in people, it is with the hope that they will know themselves, repent, and change, and ultimately cast off their corrupt dispositions and be saved by God. God didn’t wish to see me so negative, and He had arranged these circumstances in the hope that I would seek the truth to resolve my corrupt dispositions. God wanted to save me, not eliminate me. God hadn’t given up on me, so I couldn’t give up on myself. Although I had corrupt dispositions, as long as I didn’t give up on pursuing the truth, there was still hope for me to be saved by God. Thinking of this, I stopped being negative, and I wanted to seek the truth and resolve my problems.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words. “In antichrists’ hearts there are only reputation and status. They believe that if they were to acknowledge their error, then they would have to accept responsibility, and then their status and reputation would be severely compromised. As a result, they resist with the attitude of ‘deny until you die.’ No matter how people expose or dissect them, they do their utmost to deny it. Whether their denial is deliberate or not, in short, in one regard these behaviors expose the antichrists’ nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth. In another regard, it shows how much the antichrists treasure their own status, reputation, and interests. What, meanwhile, is their attitude toward the work and interests of the church? It is one of contempt and irresponsibility. They lack all conscience and reason. Doesn’t the antichrists’ shirking of responsibility demonstrate these issues? In one regard, shirking responsibility proves their nature essence of being averse to and hating the truth, while in another regard, it shows their lack of conscience, reason, and humanity. No matter how much the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry is harmed by their disturbance and evildoing, they feel no reproach and could never be upset by this. What sort of creature is this? Even admission to part of their mistake would count as them having a bit of conscience and reason, but the antichrists do not even have that slight amount of humanity. So what would you say they are? The antichrists are devils in essence. No matter how much damage they do to the interests of the house of God, they do not see it. They are not remotely saddened by it in their hearts, nor do they reproach themselves, much less feel indebted. This is absolutely not what should be seen in normal people. They are devils, and devils are devoid of any conscience or reason. No matter how many bad things they do, and no matter how great losses they bring to the church’s work, they vehemently refuse to acknowledge this. They believe that acknowledging it would mean that they had done something wrong. They think, ‘Could I do something wrong? I’d never do anything wrong! If I’m made to acknowledge my mistake, wouldn’t that be an insult to my character? Though I was involved in that incident, I didn’t cause it to happen, and I wasn’t the main person in charge. Go look for whoever you want, but you shouldn’t come looking for me. In any case, I can’t acknowledge this mistake. I can’t shoulder this responsibility!’ They think that they will be condemned, sentenced to death, and sent down to hell and the lake of fire and brimstone if they acknowledge their mistake. Tell Me, can people like this accept the truth? Can one expect their true repentance? Regardless of how others fellowship on the truth, antichrists still resist it, set themselves against it, and defy it in the depths of their hearts. Even after they are dismissed, they still don’t admit to their mistakes, and they do not show any manifestations of repentance at all” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes that no matter how much harm antichrists cause to the interests of God’s house, when pruned, they not only refuse to admit their mistakes but also feel resistant and repulsed, and they keep trying to argue back, justify themselves, and even shift responsibility, without any sense of guilt or indebtedness at all. From this, we can see that antichrists are really averse to and hate the truth by nature. Looking at my own behavior again, I saw that it was just like that of an antichrist. I had clearly failed to do actual work, but when the sisters brought this up, I felt resistant and argued back, not even showing the slightest degree of obedience or acceptance. In order to protect my reputation and status, I kept emphasizing the objective reason of the CCP’s arrests and persecution to excuse myself for not doing actual work, and I kept trying to argue back with a bold sense of self-righteousness. In what way did I have any reason? In fact, the brothers and sisters had previously reported these problems to me, but I’d never taken them seriously, so the sisters reported the matter to the upper leaders. But I thought the sisters had high expectations of me. Was I not being completely unreasonable? I placed too much importance on my own interests, and I didn’t care at all about the church’s work or my brothers’ and sisters’ life entry. I was truly unworthy of such an important duty.

Then, after reading God’s words, I gained more understanding of the nature and consequences of my refusal to accept and my aversion to the truth. Almighty God says: “No matter what they think, or what they say, or how they see things, they always think that their own points of view and their own attitudes are correct, and that what others say is not as good or as right as what they say. They always cling to their own opinions, and no matter who speaks, they will not listen to them. Even if what someone else says is correct, or in line with the truth, they will not accept it; they will only appear to be listening but they will not really adopt the idea, and when it comes time to act, they will still do things their own way, always thinking that what they say is right and reasonable. … What will God say when He sees this behavior of yours? God will say: ‘You are intransigent! It’s understandable that you might cling to your own ideas when you do not know that you are mistaken, but when you clearly know that you are mistaken and you still cling to your ideas, and would die before repenting, you are just a stubborn fool, and you are in trouble. If, no matter who makes a suggestion, you always adopt a negative, resistant attitude toward it, and do not accept even a little bit of the truth, and if your heart is completely resistant, closed, and dismissive, then you are so ridiculous, you are an absurd person! You are too difficult to deal with!’ In what way are you difficult to deal with? You are difficult to deal with because what you are displaying is not an erroneous approach, or an erroneous behavior, but a revelation of your disposition. A revelation of what disposition? A disposition in which you are averse to the truth, and hate the truth. Once you have been identified as a person who hates the truth, in God’s eyes you are in trouble, and He will spurn and ignore you. From people’s perspective, the most they will say is: ‘This person’s disposition is bad, they are incredibly obstinate, intransigent, and arrogant! This person is hard to get along with and does not love the truth. They have never accepted the truth and they do not put the truth into practice.’ At the most, everyone will give you this appraisal, but can this appraisal decide your fate? The appraisal that people give you cannot decide your fate, but there is one thing that you must not forget: God scrutinizes people’s hearts, and at the same time God observes their every word and deed. If God defines you in this way, and says that you hate the truth, if He does not merely say that you have a bit of a corrupt disposition, or that you are a little disobedient, is this not a very serious problem? (It is serious.) This means trouble, and this trouble does not lie in the way that people see you, or how they appraise you, it lies in how God views your corrupt disposition of hating the truth. So, how does God view it? Has God merely determined that you hate and do not love the truth, and that is all? Is it that simple? Where does the truth come from? Who does the truth represent? (It represents God.) Ponder on this: If a person hates the truth, then from God’s perspective, how will He view them? (As His enemy.) Is this not a serious problem? When a person hates the truth, they hate God!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). From God’s words, I understood that never accepting others’ advice and guidance does in fact mean that a person cannot accept the truth. The truth comes from God, and so the essence of not accepting the truth is to be averse to and hate the truth! I thought about some of the antichrists who had been expelled from the church. No matter how much damage they caused to the church’s work, or how the brothers and sisters fellowshipped the truth or pruned them, they absolutely refused to admit their mistakes, and even resented the brothers and sisters who gave them advice. Because they didn’t accept the truth, they always created disruptions and disturbances in the performance of their duties, and in the end, they committed many evil deeds and were expelled from the church. Then I thought about myself. The reports the brothers and sisters made about my problems were factual, and the purpose of their reports was to help me solve these problems quickly so that the brothers and sisters could have a normal church life, and so that the church work could progress smoothly. This was all to safeguard the interests of the church, and it is a positive thing to do. But not only did I not accept this, I stubbornly tried to argue back and quibble. Though it seemed that I couldn’t accept the brothers’ and sisters’ advice, in reality, I couldn’t accept positive things or the truth. This nature is one of resisting God! I realized that my attitude toward the truth was deeply irreverent, and that if I didn’t change it, there was no knowing when I might resist God again, that I’d commit more and more transgressions, and in the end, I would be eliminated like an antichrist. When I realized this, I became afraid. I’d believed in God for many years and had eaten and drunk so many of God’s words, but I’d been living according to my satanic disposition and refusing to accept others’ advice. With this attitude in doing my duty, God despises me, and even if I spent my whole life continuing to believe in God like this, I’d never gain the truth, and my corrupt dispositions would never be cleansed. From the bottom of my heart, I came to feel that being revealed wasn’t elimination, but God’s salvation for me. The church hadn’t dismissed me but had given me another chance and I had to quickly repent.

I began searching for a path of practice, and I remembered a passage of God’s words, so I searched it up to read. Almighty God says: “If you want to follow God and perform your duty well, you must first avoid being impulsive when things do not go your way. Calm down first and be quiet before God, and in your heart, pray to Him and seek from Him. Do not be headstrong; submit first. Only with such a mindset can you bring better resolutions to problems. If you can persevere in living before God, and whatever befalls you, you are able to pray to Him and seek from Him, and face it with a mentality of submission, then it does not matter how many revelations there are of your corrupt disposition, or what transgressions you have previously committed—they can be resolved so long as you seek the truth. No matter what trials befall you, you will be able to stand firm. As long as you have the right mentality, are able to accept the truth, and submit to God in accordance with His requirements, then you are entirely capable of putting the truth into practice. Though you may be a little rebellious and resistant at times, and sometimes display defensive reasoning and are unable to submit, if you can pray to God and turn your rebellious state around, then you can accept the truth. Having done so, reflect on why such rebelliousness and resistance arose in you. Find the reason, then seek the truth to resolve it, and that aspect of your corrupt disposition can be purified. After several recoveries from such stumbles and falls, until you can put the truth into practice, your corrupt disposition will gradually be cast off. And then, the truth will reign inside you and become your life, and there will be no further obstacles to your practice of the truth. You will become able to truly submit to God, and you will live out the truth reality” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words make the path of practice very clear. The key is to have a heart that accepts the truth when facing things. No matter how reasonable we may think we are at the time, we shouldn’t display our defensive reasoning. Instead, we should quiet our hearts before God, pray and seek from Him. Only then can we receive the guidance of the Holy Spirit. At the same time, we should reflect on our problems and seek related truths to resolve them, and when we have an understanding of our corrupt dispositions, our hearts can then accept the truth and submit. I should practice according to the path God had given me.

One day in June, Sister Lin Wei, who was responsible for the gospel work, wrote to say that a couple of weeks prior, she had inquired about the church’s gospel work with me, but that I’d never given her any feedback. Seeing the problems Lin Wei pointed out, I felt some resistance, and before even finishing the letter, I couldn’t help but argue back in my heart, thinking, “I have followed up on the gospel work, but the gospel preachers didn’t provide details in their response, so I couldn’t give you any feedback. The way you’ve said it makes it seem like I haven’t followed up on the work!” At the end of the letter, Lin Wei shared her own experiences to guide me to summarize the deviations in my duties and to focus on learning lessons so that I could do my duties well. At that point, I realized that the disposition I had just revealed was still one of arguing back, quibbling, and not accepting the truth. So I prayed to God, “God, today, when the sister pointed out my problems, I still wanted to try and argue back and justify myself. Please guide me to start from a point of acceptance and then reflect on myself through this.” After praying, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “One must first have an attitude of accepting the truth when things happen to them. Not having this kind of attitude is like not having a vessel to receive a treasure, thus leaving you unable to obtain the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I realized that in facing this situation, I could only learn a lesson by first submitting. I then read a passage of God’s words. “So what, exactly, is a submissive attitude? First off, you must have a positive attitude: When you are pruned, you do not analyze right and wrong at first—you just accept it, with a submissive heart. For example, someone might say that you did something wrong. Although you do not understand in your heart, and you do not know what you did wrong, you nevertheless accept it. Acceptance is primarily a positive attitude. Additionally, there is an attitude which is slightly more negative, which is to maintain silence and not offer any resistance. What kind of behaviors does this entail? You do not reason, defend yourself, or make objective excuses for yourself. If you always make excuses and offer reasons for yourself, and push the responsibility onto other people, is that resistance? That is a disposition of rebellion. You should not reject, resist, or reason. Even if you reason correctly, is that the truth? It is an objective excuse of man, not the truth. You are not being asked about objective excuses—why this thing happened, or how it came about—rather, you are being told that the nature of that action was not in line with the truth. If you have knowledge on this level, you will really be able to accept and not resist” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). God’s words clearly lay out a path of practice. I shouldn’t start by analyzing right or wrong when facing a situation. Although I still couldn’t see where I went wrong, I should first accept the problems pointed out by my sister and reflect on myself. I shouldn’t have been trying to cite objective reasons, as even if my justifications were right, they weren’t the truth. Once I had a submissive mentality, my heart became calm. Then I started reviewing my recent correspondence with the gospel preachers to see where the problem actually lay. I found that with some people, I only asked them for details once, and if they didn’t reply, I didn’t follow up on them again; some replied, but without details. In fact, regarding these issues, I should have asked for the details in writing and given feedback to Lin Wei as soon as possible, but because I hadn’t followed up on the work and didn’t know how things were going, I couldn’t, meaning Lin Wei couldn’t help us correct deviations or solve problems in time. The slow progress of the gospel work was indeed my responsibility. It was God’s words that made me realize my problems, and I was truly able to accept Lin Wei’s guidance and help with all my heart. After that, I fellowshipped with the gospel preachers, asking them to provide specific feedback about the gospel work, so that we could promptly correct deviations and ensure good results in our duties. When problems and difficulties arose in the gospel work, I promptly provided feedback to Lin Wei and sought solutions together with her. At the same time, I also began to consciously follow up on work regularly and make sure it’s properly implemented. Thank God! This change in me was brought about by God’s words.