By Li Xiaoya, China

In August 2022, I was responsible for watering work in the church. I actively watered and supported the newcomers, and after a period of time, I had gained some results in doing my duty. Later, I was elected as a district leader. At the time, I felt a bit resistant inside, “As a leader, you must have a grasp of all aspects of the work of the church. You come up against many problems and have a lot of stress. You must bear a lot of suffering and pay a high price. I feel like I’m busy enough just with being responsible for one job—watering. If I were a leader, would I not be even busier and even more tired?” I wanted to evade it, and so I said to the upper leadership, “I am unsuited to being a leader. I have no truth reality, I am arrogant and self-righteous, and I constantly do my duty in reliance on my own ideas. What if I happened to do anything that disrupts and disturbs the work of the church, and damages the work? It’s best to get someone else to do it.” But in my heart, I felt some self-reproach. I felt that refusing duty was not in accordance with God’s intentions. So I prayed to God and asked God to protect my heart so I could submit.

After praying, I read the words of God: “Some are unwilling to coordinate with others in service to God, even when they have been called upon; these are lazy people who wish only to revel in comfort. The more you are asked to serve in coordination with others, the more experience you will gain. Due to having more burdens and experiences, you will gain more opportunities to be perfected. Therefore, if you can serve God with sincerity, then you will be mindful of God’s burden; as such, you will have more opportunities to be perfected by God. It is just such a group of people that is currently being perfected. The more the Holy Spirit touches you, the more time you will devote to being mindful of God’s burden, the more you will be perfected by God, and the more you will be gained by Him—until, in the end, you will become a person whom God uses. At present, there are some who carry no burdens for the church. These people are slack and sloppy, and only care about their own flesh. Such people are extremely selfish, and they are also blind. If you cannot see this matter clearly, you will not carry any burden. The more considerate you are of God’s intentions, the greater the burden He will entrust to you. The selfish are unwilling to suffer such things; they are unwilling to pay the price, and, as a result, they will miss opportunities to be perfected by God. Are they not doing themselves harm? If you are someone who is considerate of God’s intentions, then you will develop a true burden for the church. In fact, instead of calling this a burden you bear for the church, it would be better to call it a burden you bear for your own life’s sake, because the purpose of this burden you develop for the church is to have you use such experiences to be perfected by God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Be Considerate of God’s Intentions in Order to Attain Perfection). “When someone is promoted and cultivated to be a leader, they are enabled to learn how to discern the states of different people, train in seeking the truth to solve different people’s difficulties, and supporting and providing for different kinds of people, and leading people into the truth reality. At the same time, they must also train in resolving various problems and difficulties encountered during work, and learn how to distinguish and deal with various types of antichrists, evil people, and disbelievers, and how to do the work of cleansing the church. In this way, compared with others, they can experience more people, events, and things, and more environments arranged by God, eat and drink more and more of the words of God, and enter into ever more truth realities. This is an opportunity to train themselves, is it not? The more the opportunities for training, the more plentiful people’s experiences, the broader their insights, and the more quickly they will grow. If people do not do leadership work, however, they will only encounter and undergo personal existence and personal experiences, and only recognize personal corrupt dispositions and various personal states—all of which only relate to themselves. Once they become leaders, they encounter more people, more events, and more environments, which encourages them to often come before God to seek the truth principles. For them, these people, events, and things form an invisible burden, and naturally also create highly favorable conditions for their entry into the truth reality, which is a good thing” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). After reading the words of God, I understood that doing the duties of a leader was a good opportunity for me to equip myself with the truth and practice doing things according to the principles. But I did not love the truth. I found various reasons and excuses to evade the duty. I just wanted to do an easy duty that didn’t involve me suffering or paying a price. I didn’t bear any burden for my life at all. I was too foolish, too blind! Being a leader, you come into contact with a lot of people, and you encounter many problems and difficulties. However, by constantly seeking the truth, you will find out how to discern all kinds of people, and how to fellowship on and resolve the difficulties and problems your brothers and sisters face in their duties and their life entry. With a lot of this kind of experience, you will understand a lot and gain a lot, and your life progress will be fast. When I understood this, I was willing to submit and do everything I can to fulfill my duty.

To start off with, I didn’t understand much about the various aspects of the work of the church. Through the fellowship and help of the sister I cooperated with, I understood the situation of the church and got a grasp of some of the principles of doing my duty. I saw that there were quite a lot of problems that needed handling in the various items of work, and I was able to treat them correctly and solve the problems seriously. However, when the work got busy, I saw many problems that I needed to fellowship about and resolve. Sometimes I needed to stay up late, and I felt very tired and somewhat irritable. Later, we divided the scope of our respective responsibilities. I was primarily responsible for watering work and text-based work. I was secretly a bit unhappy, “Being responsible for the watering work means that I must find God’s words to fellowship and turn around the problems and deviations that are present in the waterers when they do their duties. I also need to understand the states and difficulties of the newcomers at all times. This is already very tiring—won’t having text-based work on top of that be even more tiring? Will I be able to cope?” The sister I was partnered with saw my misgivings and fellowshipped with me. “We have divided our tasks, but we still work together as a team. If you encounter difficulties, we will face them and resolve them together.” Only then did I reluctantly submit. Afterward, when doing my duty, I would find some easy and familiar work to do. I wouldn’t pay attention to work that was not in my remit. When responding to letters from the upper leadership I would only write about the simple things, and I would push letters that required much thought and brainpower onto the sister I was partnered with to respond to. Sometimes, I felt somewhat self-reproachful. I felt like I was too lazy, and I was showing consideration for the flesh. But this thought just flashed past me, and afterward I didn’t treat it as anything big.

At the time, there were problems in the text-based work that required fellowship and resolution. However, I felt that these problems required me to seek and ponder—it was too troublesome. I thought that I would wait a bit and resolve it together with the sister I was partnered with one day, so that I wouldn’t have to expend any energy. But she was constantly busy with other work. In this way, I delayed the problems in the text-based work again and again for nearly a month without resolving them. Later, some problems also emerged in the watering work, which I was responsible for. Some newcomers were negative and weak, and were not going to gatherings because they did not get watered and supported in time. I thought that I had to quickly write a letter to fellowship with the waterers about problems in this regard, but then I thought that writing a letter was too much trouble, and anyway I couldn’t fellowship in a penetrating way: it was best to wait until the gathering and fellowship face-to-face. So I didn’t write a letter to resolve these problems in a timely manner. I consoled myself by thinking, “I am responsible for a lot of work, so it is forgivable that I can’t get to all of it. If the results are not good, then it is because the waterers are not doing real work.” In this way, I constantly found various excuses to show consideration for the flesh. In my heart, I realized that this was laziness and showing consideration for the flesh, but I didn’t reflect on myself in earnest and just carried on in this confused and muddle-headed fashion. This continued until one day, I rode my bike to see a sister. When I was crossing a crossroads, I rode into another woman riding a bike. She was fine, but I fell to the ground. My right hip was very painful, and my right foot was sprained. I forced myself to keep riding, feeling utterly miserable at heart. I thought, if I had ridden a bit slower then I wouldn’t have had this accident. At this time, I suddenly realized that this accident coming upon me was not a coincidence. There were lessons I had to learn. Only then did I come before God to pray and seek.

Afterward, I read the words of God: “Coveting the comforts of the flesh is also a serious issue. What do you think are some manifestations of coveting the comforts of the flesh? What examples can you provide from what you’ve seen in your own experiences? Does enjoying the benefits of status count? (Yes.) Anything else? (Preferring easy tasks to difficult ones when doing one’s duties, and always wanting to pick light work.) When doing a duty, people always pick light work, work that isn’t tiring, and that does not involve braving the elements outdoors. This is picking easy jobs and shirking hard ones, and it is a manifestation of coveting the comforts of the flesh. What else? (Always complaining when their duty is a little hard, a little tiring, when it involves paying a price.) (Being preoccupied with food and clothing, and the pleasures of the flesh.) These are all manifestations of coveting the comforts of the flesh. When such a person sees that a task is too laborious or risky, they foist it off on someone else; they themselves only do leisurely work, and they make excuses, saying that they are of poor caliber, that they lack work capability, and cannot take on this task—when in fact, it is because they covet the comforts of the flesh. They do not wish to suffer, regardless of what work they do or what duty they perform. If they are told that once they finish the job there will be braised pork to eat, they do it very quickly and efficiently, and you don’t have to hurry them along, push them, or keep watch over them; but if there is no braised pork for them to eat, and they have to do their duty overtime, they procrastinate, and find all sorts of reasons and excuses to put it off, and after doing it for a while, they say, ‘I feel lightheaded, my leg is numb, I’m exhausted! Every part of my body hurts, can I rest for a while?’ What is the problem here? They covet the comforts of the flesh. There’s also when people always complain about difficulties while doing their duty, when they don’t want to put any effort in, when, as soon as they have a little downtime, they take a rest, chatter idly, or partake in leisure and entertainment. And when work picks up and it breaks the rhythm and routine of their lives, they are unhappy and dissatisfied with it. They grumble and complain, and they become perfunctory in doing their duty. … No matter how busy the work of the church is or how busy their duties are, the routine and normal condition of their lives is never disrupted. They are never careless about any small details of the life of the flesh and control them perfectly, being very strict and serious. But, when dealing with the work of God’s house, no matter how great the matter and even if it might involve the safety of the brothers and sisters, they deal with it carelessly. They do not even care about those things that involve God’s commission or the duty they should do. They take no responsibility. This is indulging in the comforts of the flesh, is it not? Are people who indulge in the comforts of the flesh suitable for doing a duty? As soon as someone brings up the subject of doing their duty, or talks about paying a price and suffering hardship, they keep shaking their heads. They have too many problems, they are full of complaints, and they are filled with negativity. Such people are useless, they are not qualified to do their duty, and should be eliminated” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). The exposure in God’s words made me feel so much pain that it was as if my heart was being stabbed. What God talked about was precisely my state. In doing my duty, I picked easy jobs and shirked hard ones. I only chose easy and untiring jobs to do. I would push any job that involved bearing suffering or paying a price onto my partner for her to do. When I was first elected as a leader, I continually found reasons and excuses to shirk the duty. I said I was of poor caliber and had no work capability, and wouldn’t be able to do this duty well. Actually, it was laziness and fear of suffering of the flesh. When replying to letters, I was lazy and didn’t want to bear suffering, and so I only picked out the simple problems to reply to, while pushing all the problems that required thought and consideration onto my sister to respond to. Originally, I was responsible for text-based work, and I should have shouldered responsibility for resolving the problems and difficulties of my brothers and sisters. But I didn’t want to bear suffering or pay a price, and didn’t think about how to resolve these problems. I preferred to wait for other people to resolve them while I sat idle and dined out on their hard work. I constantly relied on my partner. As a result, the text-based work was affected. In addition, I indulged in comfort. When I discovered problems in the watering work, I didn’t fellowship to resolve them in a timely manner, which resulted in the lives of the newcomers being damaged. However, I did not understand myself and consoled myself by pushing the responsibility onto the waterers. I truly was too deceitful! God graced me with doing such an important duty, but at every turn, I showed consideration for the flesh and accommodated myself while delaying the work of the church. I was so loathsome to God! I thought about how when I had just accepted this duty, I prayed before God that I wanted to do my duty well and satisfy God. But as soon as the time came for the flesh to suffer, I tried to escape to satisfy the flesh. What was the reason for this?

Later, I read two passages of God’s words, and found the root cause of the problem. Almighty God says: “Until people have experienced God’s work and understood the truth, it is Satan’s nature that takes charge and dominates them from within. What, specifically, does that nature entail? For example, why are you selfish? Why do you protect your own position? Why do you have such strong feelings? Why do you enjoy those unrighteous things? Why do you like those evils? What is the basis for your fondness for such things? Where do these things come from? Why are you so happy to accept them? By now, you have all come to understand that the main reason behind all these things is that Satan’s poison is within man. So what is Satan’s poison? How can it be expressed? For example, if you ask, ‘How should people live? What should people live for?’ people will answer, ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ This single phrase expresses the very root of the problem. Satan’s philosophy and logic have become people’s lives. No matter what people pursue, they do so for themselves—and so they live only for themselves. ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’—this is the life philosophy of man, and it also represents human nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Walk the Path of Peter). “False leaders do not do real work, but they know how to act like an official. What is the first thing they do once they become a leader? It is to buy people’s favor. They take the approach of ‘New officials are eager to impress’: First they do a few things to curry favor with people and handle a few things that improve everybody’s day-to-day welfare. They first try to make a good impression on people, to show everyone that they are in tune with the masses, so that everyone praises them and says, ‘This leader acts like a parent toward us!’ Then they officially take over. They feel that they have popular support and that their position has been secured; then they begin to enjoy the benefits of status, as though they were their proper due. Their mottos are, ‘Life is all about eating well and dressing nice,’ ‘Life is short, so enjoy it while you can,’ and ‘Drink today’s wine today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.’ They enjoy each day as it comes, they have fun while they can, and they give no thought to the future, much less do they consider what responsibilities a leader should fulfill and what duties they should do. They preach a few words and doctrines and do a few tasks for appearance’s sake as a matter of routine—they do not do any real work. They are not unearthing real problems in the church and completely solving them, so what is the point in them doing such superficial tasks? Is this not deceptive? Can important tasks be entrusted to this kind of false leader? Are they in line with principles and conditions of God’s house for selecting leaders and workers? (No.) These people don’t have any conscience or reason, they are devoid of any sense of responsibility, and yet they still wish to hold some official position, to be a leader, in the church—why are they so shameless? For some people who have a sense of responsibility, if they are of poor caliber, they cannot be leaders—and that’s to say nothing of useless people who have no sense of responsibility at all; they are even less qualified to be leaders” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). God’s words made me understand the root cause of my indulgence in fleshly comforts. The main reason was that Satan’s poisons were deeply implanted in my heart, and had become my nature. I had been eroded by poisons like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Life is all about eating well and dressing nice,” and “Life is short, so enjoy it while you can.” In whatever I did, I first considered whether my own flesh would suffer. All I considered was my own interests. At every turn, I acted for my own sake and to benefit myself. In the past, when I was at school and encountered a difficult question, I wouldn’t want to put in the effort to solve it. I thought that this would take too much mental effort—it would be too exhausting. After I got married, I was thinking about how to eat well, dress well, and enjoy myself. I believed that in life, people had to focus on enjoyment and that this was the way to treat yourself well, and if you didn’t treat yourself well, you were an idiot. When I started believing in God, I still lived to satisfy the flesh. When I did my duties, I was wily, treacherous, and perfunctory. I didn’t have the slightest sense of responsibility toward my duty, and didn’t want to suffer at all or pay the smallest price. As soon as I encountered a difficulty I would retreat, and even when it was something that I should have done, I shirked it if I possibly could. I saw that I was living in reliance on these satanic poisons. I was extremely selfish and despicable. I put profit first, and I had no humanity. The watering work is crucial for the life progress of every newcomer. I was well aware that if newcomers were negative and didn’t go to gatherings I had to quickly fellowship on the truth to resolve this, but because I was lazy and afraid of the flesh suffering, I delayed and didn’t resolve the issues. I was a false leader. I was simply not worthy of doing the duties of a leader!

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Where do false leaders primarily show their falsehood? The most prominent is not doing real work; they just do some tasks that make themselves look good and then consider it done, and then they start to enjoy the benefits of their status. No matter how much of this type of work they do, does it mean they’re carrying out real work? Most false leaders comprehend the truth impurely, only understanding some words and doctrines, which makes it very difficult to do real work well. A portion of false leaders can’t even resolve issues related to general affairs; they clearly have poor caliber and lack spiritual understanding. There is absolutely no value in cultivating them. Some false leaders do have a little caliber, but they do not do real work, and they indulge in fleshly comforts. People who indulge in fleshly comforts are not much different from pigs. Pigs spend their days sleeping and eating. They do nothing. However, after a year of hard work keeping them fed, when the whole family eats their meat at year’s end, they may be said to have been of service. If a false leader is kept like a pig, eating and drinking for free three times each day, growing fat and strong, but they do not do any real work and are a wastrel, has keeping them not been futile? Has it been of any use? They can only serve as a foil and should be eliminated. Really, it is better to keep a pig than a false leader. False leaders may have the title of ‘leader,’ they may occupy this position, eating well three times a day, enjoying many of God’s graces, growing plump and rosy from all the eating by the end of the year—but what about the work? Look at all that has been accomplished in your work this year: Have you had results in any area of work this year? What real work did you do? God’s house does not ask that you do every job perfectly, but you must do the key work well—the work of the gospel, for example, or film production work, text-based work, and so on. These must all be fruitful. Under normal circumstances, most work should produce some results and achievements after three to five months; if there are no achievements after a year, then this is a serious problem. Within the scope of your responsibility, which work has been the most fruitful? Which one have you paid the greatest price and suffered the most for throughout the year? Present this achievement, and reflect on whether you have made any valuable achievements from your year of enjoying God’s grace; you should have a clear sense of this in your heart. Just what were you doing while you ate the food of God’s house and enjoyed God’s grace for all this time? Have you achieved anything? If you have achieved nothing, then you are just muddling by; you are a veritable false leader. Should such leaders be dismissed and eliminated? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (4)). I saw how God said: “People who indulge in fleshly comforts are not much different from pigs.” “Just what were you doing while you ate the food of God’s house and enjoyed God’s grace for all this time?” “Should such leaders be dismissed and eliminated?” These words pierced me to the heart. In God’s eyes, those who indulge in fleshly comforts without doing real work are false leaders. They do their duty to absolutely no effect, and are unworthy of remaining in the house of God. I thought, what exactly did I do when doing my duty? What results did I get? That I was able to do the duties of a leader was God’s grace. God hoped that I would do real work and fulfill the responsibilities and obligations that a created being ought to fulfill. But how did I treat my duty? I constantly showed consideration for the flesh and showed no sense of responsibility toward my duty. When faced with problems in my duty, I didn’t fellowship and resolve them. I waited for the sister I was partnered with to do any work that required taking trouble or paying a price. I occupied the position of a leader, but didn’t do real work. I was wily and treacherous, and didn’t take on any responsibility at all or bear any suffering at all. I constantly thought about living in comfort. Was I not the same as a pig? What is the meaning of living like this? If I continued in this way, I would certainly be abandoned and eliminated by God! When I thought this, I truly hated myself. I came before God and prayed to God, “Dear God, in Your revelation I saw that I am so selfish and despicable. Everything I have done is so loathsome and disgusting to You. Dear God, I am willing to repent and turn around my attitude toward doing my duty. I will fulfill my duty and my responsibilities, and no longer live for the flesh.” Later, I went to group gatherings to understand what was going on with the text-based workers. I fellowshipped about their states and the difficulties in their duties to help them. I also held gatherings for the waterers, and, together with everyone, searched for the reasons why the watering work was not producing results, promptly turning the deviations around. Through actual cooperation, the watering work showed an improvement, and some newcomers even actively preached the gospel. I experienced that all this was the leadership of God.

In December 2023, my partner was being followed and monitored by the police, so she was temporarily unable to do her duties. At that time, all the work was piled onto me alone: the gospel work, the watering work, the cleansing work, and the text-based work. Faced with all this work that needed to be handled, I felt under so much pressure that I could barely breathe. I thought to myself, “All this work, and I have to do it on my own. How can I cope? How much suffering will I have to bear and how high a price will I have to pay? Even if I work day and night, I will not be able to finish it. If this carries on, I will end up buckling from exhaustion!” I felt repressed and miserable in my heart. At this time, I realized that my state was incorrect. I was still afraid that the flesh would suffer and was thinking about indulging in comfort. So I hurriedly prayed to God, and asked God to protect my heart so I could first calm down and submit to this environment. Later, I read the words of God: “What people should do is to do their utmost to accomplish what they should. As long as you become aware, feel in your heart, see in God’s words, are reminded by people around you, or are given any signal or omen by God that provides you with information—that this is something you should do, that this is God’s commission to you—then you should fulfill your responsibility and not sit by idly or watch from the sidelines. You are not a robot; you have a mind and thoughts. When something happens, you absolutely know what you should do, and you definitely have feelings and awareness. So apply these feelings and awareness to actual situations, live them out and transform them into your actions, and this way, you will have fulfilled your responsibility. For the things you can be aware of, you should practice according to the truth principles you understand. This way, you are doing your utmost and making your best effort to do your duty” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (21)). After reading the words of God, I had some faith. God had permitted this environment to come upon me so I could learn how to rebel against the flesh, experience God’s words, and believe that God Himself was doing His work. I just had to do the things I understood and was able to do to the absolute best of my abilities—that was enough. When I thought this way, I didn’t feel so miserable and repressed anymore. Next, I handled and resolved the important and crucial problems first. A preacher sent a letter to say that I should first elect leaders and deacons to the empty posts in each of the churches. Then everyone could share the burden of the work and it would be easier. Through everybody coordinating their strengths to work together in one accord, the leaders and deacons were elected and the work wasn’t affected too much.

After experiencing this revelation, I understood my own selfish and despicable satanic nature, and my attitude to doing my duty experienced some transformations. Thank God!