By Song Yuan, China

I have been introverted ever since I was young, and I couldn’t even recognize all my classmates in school. I didn’t have many friends, and I didn’t want to socialize much with others, as I felt like there was nothing to talk about. Gradually, I became very afraid of communicating with strangers, and when there were a lot of people, I would get very nervous and even more unwilling to speak, as I was afraid I would embarrass myself in front of others if I said something wrong.

When I was in high school, my family and I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. Later, I practiced doing graphic design in the church, which was a duty that mostly involved sitting in front of a computer. At most, I would talk about my own state during gatherings, but I didn’t need to interact too much with others, and so I wasn’t greatly constrained by my introverted personality. In 2022, I took on the duty of watering. At first, Sister Jiayin and I gathered with the newcomers together. Jiayin wasn’t shy at all. On the contrary, she was great at chatting with newcomers, and while chatting, she was able to understand the newcomers’ states and issues, then she would find the relevant passages of God’s words to fellowship with them. The newcomers really liked her and were willing to communicate with her. Every time I saw this, I felt really envious. I wished I could be as extroverted as her and talk to people so easily. For me, this was such a difficult thing, and I wondered how my sister could do this so easily. I’d watch them chatting away from the sidelines, and I always felt like I didn’t fit in with them, and this made me feel upset. Sometimes, Jiayin would ask me to speak. I could fellowship a little on the questions the newcomers had, but as soon as I spoke, I would stutter and keep repeating myself. I could never express what I wanted to say very well. I felt like I was of such poor caliber that I couldn’t even speak properly, and when my sister entrusted newcomers to me, I was never sure about what I was supposed to say to them. Just the thought of having to gather with the newcomers by myself made me nervous, as I was afraid that if I spoke poorly, the newcomers would dislike me and not want to gather anymore. I was even more afraid that my communication issues would prevent me from doing my duty. Considering that watering newcomers and preaching the gospel require one to communicate with people, and that I was lacking this very skill, I felt that if I couldn’t water newcomers, I couldn’t do other duties well either, and this made me wonder, “If I have no duty to do, how can I be saved? What future or destination will I have?” Since I’d taken on this duty, I had to find a way to overcome this difficulty. Later, I started to carefully listen to how my sister chatted with others, what she said as opening remarks, how she came to understand the newcomers’ difficulties, and so on. I memorized these things and kept them in mind, so that when I met with newcomers, I would know what to say. But when I actually went alone to gather with newcomers, I was very nervous. My mind just wouldn’t cooperate, and I forgot most of what I had memorized. I mustered up some courage and forced myself to speak, following the example of what my sister had said, but what I said felt really lifeless. Even asking something as simple as “How have you been recently?” didn’t come out as naturally as it did when the sister said it, and after saying a few words, there would be an awkward silence. I disdained myself, thinking, “Why am I so awkward with my words? I can’t even say a few basic words well!” I really wanted to change my introverted personality, as I felt that only by changing my personality could I be more up to the duty of watering, and only then would my future and destination be secure. I thought maybe I hadn’t practiced enough, so from then on, every time there was a gathering, I would try my best to talk more with the newcomers, but I just couldn’t break through. Then I thought about praying more to God, and that maybe if God guided me, I would become more extroverted and able to communicate. But after praying several times, I still couldn’t help but feel nervous when I met people, and I gradually became discouraged, thinking, “Why haven’t I seen any change after practicing for so long? I want to fulfill this duty, but this personality of mine is just no good for this. Why didn’t God make me a little more extroverted? If I could communicate like Jiayin, I’d be able to fulfill this duty, right? If I keep having difficulties communicating, will the newcomers think I’m really awkward? Will they still be willing to gather with me in the future? What if I’m dismissed for not fulfilling my duty?”

Once, a newcomer had some notions, and the church leaders asked me to support her. When I got home, I hurried to find relevant truths. I reviewed them several times and even memorized them, but when I got to the newcomer’s house, I was still so nervous that my heart was pounding, and my hands were sweating from gripping so hard. The newcomer also mentioned some other notions, and although I had some thoughts on how to resolve them, I was so nervous that my mind went blank, and I forgot what to say after just a couple of sentences. The newcomer’s responses were very indifferent. When I left, I thought to myself, “I’m absolutely terrible at this! I had clearly prepared well in advance, but when the crucial moment came, I just couldn’t express myself clearly. This duty really isn’t something someone like me, who isn’t good with words, can do.” The more I thought about it, the more negative I became.

After some time, the leaders sent a letter. It said that I had an introverted personality, was unable to communicate with others, and that I lacked a sense of burden in my duty, and so after assessing, they decided to assign me a different duty. I felt a mix of emotions, “Someone like me, who isn’t good with words, can’t even water newcomers, let alone preach the gospel. I have no other talents, so what other duty can I do? God’s work is about to end, and I’m without any duty; doesn’t this mean I’ll be eliminated?” The more I thought about it, the more miserable I became, and I was so negative that I even began to complain about God. I thought, “I’ve tried my best to change, but I still can’t communicate well. Why did God give me such a personality? God should’ve made me more extroverted, able to communicate with others. Then I’d be able to fulfill my duty.” As I thought this way, I suddenly became a little scared, “Am I not complaining about God?” I didn’t dare think this way anymore, but I didn’t feel motivated in my duty. At that time, a newcomer was in a bad state, and I didn’t want to go fellowship and resolve it. I thought that since I was going to be passing the newcomer on to another sister to water, I could let the sister take care of her problems. As I thought this, I felt somewhat guilty, and I realized that this wasn’t right. I thought of God’s words: “God gives us life, so we ought to do our duty well; for each day we live, we ought to do that day’s duty well. We should make what God has entrusted to us our primary mission, make doing our duty the number one thing in our lives in order to complete it well. Although we do not pursue perfection, we can put forth effort toward the truth, and act based on God’s words and the truth principles, so that we can satisfy God, make Satan ashamed, and have no regrets. This is the attitude that believers in God ought to have toward their duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). God’s words made me understand that God looks at a person’s attitude toward their duty, and whether they are dedicated and putting in their best effort, and that this is the most important thing. I thought that because I was introverted and couldn’t communicate well, I wasn’t devoting myself to my duty, and I didn’t want to make an effort to seek the truth to solve the newcomer’s problems. I wasn’t considering the newcomer’s life at all. With this attitude, I had no sense of responsibility, so how could God approve of me? Even though I had been reassigned to a new duty, some tasks still needed to be done during the handover period. I couldn’t go through the motions. I had to resolve the newcomer’s problems quickly and stand firm until my final posting. Later, I sought ways to resolve the newcomer’s issues, and to my surprise, I found a very helpful experiential article that exactly addressed the newcomer’s problems. I then fellowshipped the author’s experiences from the article with the newcomer, and though I wasn’t very fluent in what I said, the newcomer’s problems were eventually solved.

Later on, the leaders saw that I had written some experiential testimony articles and assigned me to do text-based duties. Three months later, the leaders asked me to share with a few brothers and sisters the principles of writing sermons. When I thought about my personality and inability to communicate, let alone communicate principles, I wondered how I’d possibly be able to fellowship these things clearly with others. So I said in a harsh tone, “You’re pushing me to do something I can’t do! I might hamper others’ progress!” No matter how the leaders fellowshipped with me, I felt incapable and resistant. After the leaders left, I calmed down and felt a bit of regret and self-blame. I realized that the duties assigned to me were all part of God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and that rejecting my duty like this wasn’t in accordance with God’s intention. After that, I agreed to take on this duty. However, I was still constrained by my introverted personality, and I felt despondent about everything I did. I thought to myself, “In any case, I can’t succeed in my pursuit, so I’ll just be a laborer. That’s good enough.” Although I was aware this mindset was wrong, I didn’t know how to change it.

Later, I came across a passage of God’s words, which really helped me. Almighty God says: “There are some problems that cannot be resolved by people. For example, you may be prone to becoming nervous when speaking to others; when you are faced with situations, you may have your own ideas and viewpoints but cannot articulate them clearly. You feel particularly nervous when many people are present; you speak incoherently and your mouth trembles. Some people even stutter; for others, if there are members of the opposite sex present, they are even less able to articulate themselves, simply not knowing what to say or what to do. Is such a situation easy to overcome? (No.) At least in the short term, it’s not easy for you to overcome this flaw because it’s part of your innate conditions. … if you can overcome this defect, this flaw, in the short term, then do so. If it is difficult to overcome, then don’t bother with it, don’t struggle against it, and don’t challenge yourself. Of course, if you cannot overcome it, you should not be negative. Even if you can never overcome it in your lifetime, God will not condemn you, for this is not your corrupt disposition. Your stage fright, your nervousness and fear, these manifestations do not reflect your corrupt disposition; whether they are innate or caused by the environment later in life, at most, they are a defect, a flaw of your humanity. If you cannot change it in the long term, or even in a lifetime, do not dwell on it, do not let it constrain you, nor should you become negative because of it, for this is not your corrupt disposition; there is no use in trying to change it or struggle against it. If you cannot change it, then accept it, let it exist, and treat it correctly, because you can coexist with this defect, this flaw; your having it does not affect your following God and doing your duties. As long as you can accept the truth and do your duties to the best of your abilities, you can still be saved; it does not affect your acceptance of the truth and does not affect your salvation. Therefore, you should not often be constrained by a certain defect or flaw in your humanity, nor should you often become negative and discouraged, or even give up your duty and give up pursuing the truth, missing the chance to be saved, for the same reason. It’s totally not worth it; that is what a foolish, ignorant person would do” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words were like timely rain nourishing my dry heart. They brought me hope and gave me the motivation I needed to pursue the truth. I understood that the problem I’d always been unable to overcome was related to my innate human traits. These were things I had been born with, things God had ordained, and even though people have flaws, God doesn’t condemn them for these because these are not corrupt dispositions. I thought about how I’d always been afraid of socializing due to my introverted personality. I would get nervous and speak incoherently in the presence of strangers or in crowded situations, and I’d find myself awkward in what I’d say and unable to communicate with others. I thought that introverted people could never do their duties as effectively as extroverted people, so I kept trying to change my introverted personality. I believed that if I changed my personality, I could fulfill my duties and have hope for salvation. To this end, I tried to learn how to speak like others and even prayed to God to make me a bit more extroverted. When all my attempts to change failed, I concluded that I wasn’t suited for this duty. I wallowed in adverse emotions of despondency, and I grew more and more negative. After doing text-based duties, the leaders asked me to fellowship principles with the brothers and sisters, but I resisted and didn’t want to accept this, as I felt that with my personality, I could never fellowship well. I just settled for being a laborer, doing whatever I could. Because I didn’t understand the truth, I couldn’t properly deal with my flaws and shortcomings. I wallowed in adverse emotions of despondency, and I passed verdicts on myself. I was very grateful for how God’s words helped me just in time. They made me understand that being introverted is not a corrupt disposition but a flaw in one’s humanity. It’s an innate human trait, and God wasn’t demanding that I change it, only that I learn to live with it. Therefore, I shouldn’t struggle with it or be bound by it. Even with this flaw, as long as I pursue the truth and change my corrupt disposition, I can still be saved. I was really foolish for giving up on pursuing the truth just because I had a flaw!

Later, I came across another passage of God’s words that corrected my mistaken viewpoint, making me understand that a person’s personality has nothing to do with their salvation. Almighty God says: “Regardless of your problems, defects, or flaws, none of these are issues in God’s eyes. God looks at how you seek the truth, practice the truth, act according to the truth principles, and follow God’s way under the inherent conditions of normal humanity—these are what God looks at. Therefore, in matters that touch upon the truth principles, do not let the basic conditions, such as the caliber, instincts, personality, habits, and living patterns of normal humanity, restrict you. Of course, do not invest your energy and time in trying to overcome these basic conditions either, nor attempt to change them. … This is something that every created human being is born with. It has nothing to do with corrupt dispositions or the essence of one’s humanity; it is simply a status that people can see from the outside, and a way by which a person approaches people, events, and things. Some people are good at expressing themselves, whereas others are not; some like to describe things, while others do not; some like to keep their thoughts to themselves, while others don’t like to keep their thoughts inside, but want to express them out loud so that everyone can hear them, and only then do they feel happy. These are the different ways in which people deal with life and people, events, and things; these are people’s personalities. Your personality is something you were born with. If you have failed to change it even after many attempts, then let Me tell you, you can take a break now; there’s no need to tire yourself out so much. It can’t be changed, so don’t try to change it. Whatever your original personality has been, that remains your personality. Do not try to change your personality for the sake of attaining salvation; this is a fallacious idea—whatever personality you have, that is an objective fact that you cannot change. In terms of objective reasons for this, the result that God wants to achieve in His work has nothing to do with your personality. Whether you can attain salvation is also unrelated to your personality. In addition, whether you are a person who practices the truth and has the truth reality has nothing to do with your personality. Therefore, do not try to change your personality because you are doing certain duties or serving as a supervisor of a certain item of work—this is an erroneous idea. What should you do then? Regardless of your personality or innate conditions, you should adhere to and practice the truth principles. Ultimately, God does not measure whether you follow His way or can attain salvation based on your personality, or on what inherent caliber, skills, abilities, gifts, or talents you possess, and of course He also does not look at how much you have restrained your bodily instincts and needs. Instead, God looks at whether, while following God and doing your duties, you are practicing and experiencing His words, whether you have the willingness and resolve to pursue the truth, and ultimately, whether you have achieved practicing the truth and following God’s way. This is what God looks at” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God has spoken so clearly. A person’s salvation has nothing to do with their personality. God doesn’t judge whether someone can be saved based on their inherent personality, or based on their caliber, abilities, or talents, but rather whether they can practice the truth and follow God’s way. I had been doing my duty with a wrong viewpoint. I always thought that as a waterer, I couldn’t fulfill my duty well if I couldn’t communicate with others, and that I definitely couldn’t be saved in the future. I thought that only by changing my personality and flaws could I fulfill my duty and be saved in the future. So I kept trying to change my personality, but in the end, I couldn’t change it and I just became negative. I even complained about God for not giving me an extroverted personality. I kept putting effort into changing my personality, but this was wrong, because changes in personality are only superficial changes. Even if I were to change my flaws, and became extroverted and able to communicate with others, if I didn’t resolve my corrupt disposition, always just went through the motions in my duty without giving my best effort in both body and heart, didn’t seek the truth when faced with challenges, and even argued with God or complained about Him, then God wouldn’t approve of me, and in the end, I’d be eliminated.

Later, I came across another passage of God’s words: “The innate attributes that people are born with and the instincts of their flesh are not the targets of God’s work, and His work targets people’s corrupt dispositions, and the things within people that rebel against God and are incompatible with God. If people imagine that God’s work aims to change their caliber, their instincts, and even their personality, habits, living patterns, and so on, then every single aspect of their practice in daily life will be influenced and swayed by their own notions and imaginings, and there will inevitably be many distorted parts or extreme things. These distorted parts and extreme things are not in line with the truth principles and will cause people to deviate from the conscience and reason of normal humanity, and to disengage from the trajectory of normal humanity. Say, for example, that in your notions and imaginings, you believe that God wants to change people’s caliber, abilities, and even their instincts; if you think these are the things that God wants to change, what kind of pursuits will you have? You will have biased and tightly-held pursuits—you will want to pursue superior caliber, and you will focus on learning various kinds of skills and mastering various kinds of knowledge so that you come to have superior caliber and superior abilities, and superior insight and self-cultivation, and even some capabilities that are superior to those of ordinary people—in this way, you will pay attention to outward abilities and talents. What, then, are the consequences of such pursuits on people? Not only will they fail to embark on the path of pursuing the truth, but they will instead take the path of the Pharisees. They will compete with each other to see who has superior caliber, who has superior gifts, who has superior knowledge, who has greater capabilities, who has more strengths, who has higher prestige among people and is looked up to and esteemed by others. In this way, not only will they be unable to practice the truth and act according to the truth principles, but they will instead head down a path that leads away from the truth” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading this passage of God’s words, I reflected and pondered. God’s work in the last days is to work the truth principles into us, and to cleanse and change our corrupt dispositions, along with all the things in us that rebel against and resist God, not to change things such as our inherent calibers, instincts, and personalities. I didn’t understand God’s work and lived with the wrong perspective. I kept asking God to make me extroverted, eloquent, and of good caliber, but this was contrary to God’s requirements. I thought about Paul. On the surface, it was apparent that he had great gifts, was eloquent, and gained many people through preaching the gospel, but he never put effort into the truth or focused on life entry, and his corrupt disposition never changed. He also always elevated himself because of all the work he had done, and in the end, he said such extremely arrogant words as “To me to live is christ.” This offended God’s disposition and led to God punishing him. I also knew someone who was very extroverted and eloquent, but he only focused on equipping himself with words and doctrines, and he never practiced the truth or came to know himself through reflection, and in the end, he was revealed to be a disbeliever and eliminated. I saw that not pursuing the truth and not focusing on changing one’s disposition in one’s faith is really dangerous, and that in the end, this can lead one to walk the wrong path and be eliminated by God.

I read another passage of God’s words, and I found a path of practice. Almighty God says: “Regardless of how perfect or noble your humanity may be, or whether you may have fewer flaws and defects, and possess more strengths, than other people, this does not signify that you understand the truth, nor can it replace your pursuit of the truth. On the contrary, if you pursue the truth, understand a lot of the truth, and have an adequately deep and practical understanding of it, this will compensate for many defects and problems in your humanity. For example, say that you are timid and introverted, you have a stutter, and you’re not very well-educated—that is, you have a lot of defects and inadequacies—but you have practical experience, and though you stutter when you talk, you can still fellowship the truth clearly, and this fellowship edifies everybody when they hear it, resolves problems, enables people to emerge from negativity, and relieves them of their complaints and misunderstandings about God. See, though you stammer out your words, they can still resolve problems—how important these words are! When laymen hear them, they say that you are an uncouth person, and you don’t follow grammar rules when you speak, and sometimes the words you use aren’t really fitting either. It may be that you use regional lingo, or everyday language, and that your words lack the class and style of those of highly educated people who speak very eloquently. However, your fellowship contains the truth reality, it can resolve people’s difficulties, and after people hear it, all the dark clouds around them disappear, and all their problems are solved. What do you think, isn’t understanding the truth important? (It is.)” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words gave me a clear path of practice. What I had to focus on was pursuing the truth. Although I had some flaws in my personality, as long as I understood the truth, I could make up for some of these issues. Thinking back, ever since I took up watering duty, I had always thought that I was failing in my duty because of my introverted personality and inability to communicate with newcomers, so I kept trying to change the flaws in my personality. I never put effort into the truth, and instead, all my efforts went into overcoming my flaws. This was in fact wrong. At that time, while I went to support newcomers, although I was constrained by my personality and didn’t know what to say when faced with the newcomers’ notions, the truth was that the main issue was that I only had a partial understanding of how to address their notions. In reality, my failure to fulfill my duty wasn’t entirely a personality issue, and the main issue lay in my not understanding the truth. From then on, I had to focus on putting effort into the truth principles, and if I understood the truth clearly, I could finally speak clearly. If sometimes I got nervous and forgot my words, I could pray more to God to calm my heart, and I could go over what I wanted to say in my heart several times and speak slowly. If I still couldn’t explain something clearly, then later on, I could look for relevant passages of God’s words or seek from brothers and sisters. This was how I should practice.

Now, I don’t become negative because of my introverted personality anymore, and when fellowshipping at gatherings, I practice calming my heart and am able to communicate with others. I’m no longer troubled by how to communicate with others like I used to be, and I no longer find myself suffocated by pressure. I truly feel that the truth can solve all of a person’s difficulties and that it was God’s words that brought me out of negativity. I am no longer bound or constrained by flaws in my personality.