By Zhou Hui, China

When I was seventeen, my father passed away due to illness, and not long after, my mother lost her eyesight. To take care of my mother, I had to get married and start a family. After marriage, I saw that my husband’s family wasn’t well-off. My husband had hidden from me that he had incurred a lot of debt, and people often came to our house demanding payment. Because of this, I often sighed and cried. I was filled with so much pain and helplessness. Not long after, a relative preached God’s gospel of the last days to me. I saw that God expresses the truth and is carrying out the work of saving people. It was like I’d managed to grab onto a lifeline, and I looked to God and entrusted all the difficulties of my family to Him. Gradually, things at home improved a little, and I secretly thanked God in my heart. Later, my husband fell ill and passed away. We spent all the savings we had and none of our friends or relatives helped us. I came to know that people are unreliable. When I faced difficulties in life, I prayed and relied on God, and I saw some of God’s blessings. My child was weak and sickly when she was young, but after my husband passed away, she stopped getting sick so often. My neurasthenia was also gradually improving. The minimum living allowance, which I couldn’t get before because I had no money to buy gifts for officials, was also provided. I saw God’s mercy and protection, and I was very grateful to Him, and I became even more certain that God is the only One we can rely on. So I became more motivated in my pursuit. I thought that as long as I did my duty properly, God would always protect us, and that everything would go smoothly without disaster or misfortune for our family. At that time, I’d do my best in every duty the church arranged for me, and even if it meant undergoing the risks of transporting the books of God’s words, I didn’t refuse. I often told my daughter about God’s marvelous deeds and grace, and whenever I had time, I would read God’s words to her. Later, my daughter decided to give up her studies and dedicate herself to her duty.

But one day in April 2020, my daughter suddenly came back from another place where she was doing her duty, and she said she was feeling some discomfort in her heart and that she needed to stay home and rest for a few days. I didn’t think anything of this at first. I thought, “She’s always been frail, and sometimes she gets palpitations when she’s a bit tired. She just needs to rest, and then she’ll be fine.” A few days later, my daughter’s health improved a little, and she went out to do her duty. But not long after, she came back again. She said that sometimes, when she went out to do her duties and just arrived at the host home, she couldn’t catch her breath and her whole body would twitch. I took her to the hospital for a checkup, and the doctor said she had a congenital heart disease, and there was no special medicine for this condition, and it can only be managed through care. The doctor also said that if she didn’t experience frequent attacks, her condition would remain relatively stable, but that if she kept having attacks, her body could break down easily, and that if it got really bad, she’d need surgery. Hearing how serious my daughter’s condition was made my heart skip a beat and filled me with a really unpleasant feeling, “How could my child’s condition be so serious? Why hasn’t God protected her? She’s only in her twenties! What if she keeps getting sick? Won’t her body be done for?” I was constantly on edge, fearing my daughter’s condition would keep getting worse. I often prayed to God, entrusting my daughter’s illness to Him. I thought that God is almighty, and that as long as we had faith in Him and learned the lessons in this situation, her illness would get better. One time, when my daughter and I went to a gathering, she had an episode as soon as we arrived at the host home. She was trembling all over, breathing heavily, and her face turned bright red. It seemed like she couldn’t catch her breath and that she might die. Seeing my daughter like this broke my heart, and complaints poured from my heart, “My daughter’s given up her studies to do her duties full time, so how could she have such a serious illness? Is my daughter going to be tormented by this condition for the rest of her life? What if she keeps getting these episodes and can’t survive? If my daughter leaves me, how can I live on my own? God’s supposed to love and have mercy on people, so why hasn’t He protected us?” These thoughts made my heart feel repressed and pained, and sometimes I would cry in secret at night. I wallowed in negativity and complaints, I stopped putting my heart into my duties, and I left most of the work to my partner. I barely even skimmed what I was reading when eating and drinking God’s words, I just went through the motions with my prayers, and my relationship with God grew distant. My daughter saw me like this and said to me, “Mom, this sickness is something I need to experience. I see that you’ve been wallowing in negativity and complaints, and that you’ve built a barrier between your heart and God. You need to find God’s words to resolve this.” I also realized that my state was wrong, so I prayed to God and expressed my feelings, “God, I’m suffering so much right now. I’m worried that my child’s condition won’t improve and will only keep getting worse. What should I do if my child can’t survive this? I know that my child’s illness is permitted by You, but I don’t understand Your intention. Please guide me to learn lessons and help me come out of this pain.”

One morning, I read a passage of God’s words: “Some people often fall ill, but no matter how much they pray to God, they still don’t get better. No matter how much they want to rid themselves of their illness, they cannot. Sometimes, they may even face life-threatening conditions and are forced to confront them head-on. In fact, if one really has faith in God in their heart, they first of all must know that a person’s lifespan is in God’s hands. The timing of one’s birth and death is predestined by God. When God gives people illness, there is a reason behind it—it has significance. It feels like sickness to them, but, in actual fact, what they have been given is grace, not illness. People must first of all recognize and be sure about this fact, and take it seriously. When people are suffering from illness, they can come often before God, and make sure to do what they should, with prudence and caution, and treat their duty with greater care and diligence than others. As far as people are concerned, this is a protection, not shackles. It is the negative way of handling things. In addition, everyone’s lifespan has been predetermined by God. An illness may appear to be terminal from a medical standpoint, but from God’s point of view, if your life must still go on and your time has yet to come, then you couldn’t die even if you wanted to. If God has given you a commission, and your mission is not over, then you will not even die from an illness that is supposed to be fatal—God will not take you yet. Even if you do not pray and seek the truth, or do not attend to treating your illness, or even if you put off your treatment, you will not die. This is particularly true for those who have received a commission from God: When their mission has yet to be completed, no matter what illness befalls them, they must not die straight away; they must live until the final moment of the mission’s completion. Do you have this faith?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I felt greatly at ease, and my heart became much more peaceful. A person’s life and death are all predestined by God. My worrying was of no use. If my daughter hadn’t completed her mission, then even if she got a fatal illness, she wouldn’t die. And if she had completed her mission, I wouldn’t be able to keep her when her time was up. I thought about how my husband and father had been in good health, but suddenly got sick and passed away shortly after, while my mother-in-law was always sick, and still lived to be in her eighties. The time of a person’s death is unrelated to whether they are sick. It depends on God’s sovereignty and ordination. I had to view things according to God’s words, seek the truth, and learn lessons from this situation.

Later on, I sought to understand why I was faced with such a situation. I found “The Principles of Undergoing Trials and Refinement,” and saw this passage of God’s words: “In their belief in God, what people seek is to obtain blessings for the future; this is their goal in their faith. All people have this intent and hope, but the corruption in their nature must be resolved through trials and refinement. In whichever aspects you are not purified and reveal corruption, these are the aspects in which you must be refined—this is God’s arrangement. God creates an environment for you, forcing you to be refined there so that you can know your own corruption. Ultimately, you reach a point at which you would rather die in order to give up your schemes and desires and to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. Therefore, if people do not have several years of refinement, if they do not endure a certain amount of suffering, they will not be able to rid themselves of the constraints of corruption of the flesh in their thoughts and in their hearts. In whichever aspects people are still subject to the constraints of their satanic nature, and in whichever aspects they still have their own desires and their own demands, these are the aspects in which they should suffer. Only through suffering can lessons be learned, which means being able to gain truth, and understand God’s intentions. In fact, many truths are understood by experiencing suffering and trials. Nobody can understand God’s intentions, recognize God’s almightiness and wisdom, or appreciate God’s righteous disposition when in a comfortable and easy environment or when circumstances are favorable. That would be impossible!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I understood God’s intention a little more. Because there is too much impurity in people’s faith, it must be revealed through trials and refinement. Only through refinement can a person show their true stature, and only then can they come to know their corruption. Before, I was able to forsake things, expend myself, and do my duty. I didn’t even shirk the dangerous duty of transporting books of God’s words, and brought my child before God as well, so I thought I was doing really well in my pursuit. I thought God would see my sacrifices and expenditures and be sure to keep showing us mercy, and watching over and protecting us. But when my daughter got a heart disease, and it kept flaring up and she became frail, I couldn’t see God’s care and protection, and my true stature was revealed. I became negative and resentful. I even tried to argue with God, bringing up my previous sacrifices and expenditures, and I stopped putting my heart into my duty. I saw that my belief in God was really just about me wanting to gain grace and benefits from Him, and that I wasn’t actually someone who sincerely believed in God and pursued the truth. Only then did I realize that God’s painstaking efforts were present in my daughter’s illness, and that God had arranged these circumstances to purify and change the corruption and impurity within me. I could no longer be negative and antagonistic. I had to turn to God’s words to resolve the wrong intentions and viewpoints of my belief. After understanding God’s intention, I was able to submit somewhat, and the pain in my heart lessened.

I then read two more passages of God’s words: “What you pursue is to be able to gain peace after believing in God, for your children to be free from illness, for your husband to have a good job, for your son to find a good wife, for your daughter to find a decent husband, for your oxen and horses to plow the land well, for a year of good weather for your crops. This is what you seek. Your pursuit is only to live in comfort, for no accidents to befall your family, for the winds to pass you by, for your face to be untouched by grit, for your family’s crops to not be flooded, for you to be unaffected by any disaster, to live in God’s embrace, to live in a cozy nest. A coward such as you, who always pursues the flesh—do you have a heart, do you have a spirit? Are you not a beast? I give you the true way without asking for anything in return, yet you do not pursue. Are you one of those who believe in God? I bestow real human life upon you, yet you do not pursue. Are you no different from a pig or a dog? Pigs do not pursue the life of man, they do not pursue being cleansed, and they do not understand what life is. Each day, after eating their fill, they simply sleep. I have given you the true way, yet you have not gained it: You are empty-handed. Are you willing to continue in this life, the life of a pig? What is the significance of such people being alive? Your life is contemptible and ignoble, you live amid filth and licentiousness, and you do not pursue any goals; is your life not the most ignoble of all? Do you have the gall to look upon God? If you continue to experience in this way, will you not acquire nothing? The true way has been given to you, but whether or not you can ultimately gain it depends on your own personal pursuit” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). “Some people become full of vigor as soon as they see that faith in God will bring them blessings, but then lose all energy as soon as they see that they have to suffer refinements. Is that believing in God? Ultimately, you must achieve complete and utter submission before God in your faith. You believe in God but still have demands of Him, have many religious notions you cannot put down, personal interests you cannot let go of, and still you seek blessings of the flesh and want God to rescue your flesh, to save your soul—these are all behaviors of people who have the wrong perspective. Even though people with religious beliefs have faith in God, they do not seek to change their dispositions and do not pursue knowledge of God, but rather seek only the interests of their flesh. Many among you have faiths that belong in the category of religious convictions; this is not true faith in God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement). What God described was exactly my state. I came to believe in God when I was helpless and in pain, and I saw God’s grace and blessings, so I treated God as the One I could rely on to help me and alleviate my difficulties. Especially after my husband passed away and I was left alone with my daughter, I treated God as my final hope even more. I believed that as long as we sincerely believed in God and did our duties properly, God would protect us and keep us safe. I believed in God with these notions, so when God watched over and protected us and we suffered no misfortunes, I was willing to forsake and expend myself, and I was motivated to do my duties. When I saw my child’s heart disease worsening and God not healing her, I became discouraged and disappointed, and my attitude changed immediately. My negativity and complaints surfaced, and I even brought up my sacrifices and expenditure to try to argue with God, thinking that God shouldn’t treat us this way. I didn’t want to put my heart into my duties anymore. I became negative and antagonistic toward God. Only then did I see that I’d been believing in God just to use Him to resolve my difficulties and so that He’d watch over, protect us, and grant us peaceful lives. My years of sacrifices and expenditure hadn’t been sincere at all. I’d been full of unreasonable demands and extravagant desires toward God. I’d been trying to bargain with God, to deceive Him. I was truly devoid of reason! When I’d just started believing in God, my stature was small, and God, in His mercy, gave us some grace. This was already God’s special grace, but my greed was never satisfied. I always wanted to have God gracing me, and when I couldn’t see God’s grace, I became hostile toward Him. I truly had no humanity! Although I’d accepted God’s work of the last days, had been reading God’s words every day, and, in terms of doctrine, I understood that God is doing the work of judging and purifying people, my views on faith remained stuck in the Age of Grace. I just wanted to keep demanding grace and blessings from God. I was no different from those in the religious community who just eat their fill of loaves, a disbeliever who merely believed in religion. If I continued with this kind of belief, I would never attain the truth, and my disposition wouldn’t change, and if I didn’t repent, I would never be saved.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained a pure understanding of God’s love. Almighty God says: “People must frequently examine anything in their heart that is incompatible with God, or is a misunderstanding of Him. How do misunderstandings come about? Why do people misunderstand God? (Because their self-interest is affected.) After people see the facts about the Jewish exile from Judea, they feel hurt, and say, ‘At first, God loved the Israelites so much. He led them out of Egypt and through the Red Sea, gave them manna from the heavens and spring water to drink, then personally gave them laws to lead them, and taught them how to live. God’s love for man was overflowing—people who lived back then were so blessed! How could God’s attitude do a one-eighty in the blink of an eye? Where did all His love go?’ People’s feelings cannot get past this, and they begin to doubt, saying, ‘Is God love or isn’t He? Why isn’t His original attitude toward the Israelites visible anymore? His love has disappeared without a trace. Does He have any love at all?’ This is where people’s misunderstanding starts. What is the context in which people form misunderstandings? Could it be because God’s actions are not compatible with people’s notions and imaginings? Is this fact what causes people to misunderstand God? Is the reason people misunderstand God not because they limit their definition of His love? They think, ‘God is love. Therefore, He should look out for and protect people, and shower them with grace and blessings. This is what God’s love is! I like it when God loves people this way. I could especially see how much God loved people when He led them through the Red Sea. People back then were so blessed! I wish I could be one of them.’ When you are enamored with this story, you treat the love God revealed in that instant as the highest truth, and the single marker of His essence. You limit your definition of Him in your heart, and treat everything God did at that moment as the highest truth. You think that this is God’s most lovely side, and the one that most compels people to respect and fear Him, and that this is God’s love. In actuality, God’s actions themselves were positive, but because of your limited definitions, they became notions in your mind, and a basis on which you define God. They make you misunderstand God’s love, as though there is nothing else to it than mercy, caring, protection, guidance, grace, and blessings—as though that is all God’s love is. Why do you cherish these aspects of love so much? Is it because it is tied to your own self-interest? (Yes, it is.) Which self-interests is it tied to? (The pleasures of the flesh and a comfortable life.) When people believe in God they want to obtain these things from Him, but not other things. People do not want to think about judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, suffering for God, giving things up and expending themselves, or even sacrificing their own lives. People just want to enjoy God’s love, care, protection, and guidance, so they define God’s love as the only characteristic of His essence, and His only essence. Did the things God did when leading the Israelites across the Red Sea not become the source of people’s notions? (Yes, they did.) This formed a context in which people formed notions about God. If they formed notions about God, then can they achieve a true understanding of God’s work and disposition? It is obvious that not only will they not understand, but they will misinterpret it and form notions about it. This proves that man’s understanding is too narrow, and is not true understanding. For it is not the truth, but rather a type of love and understanding which people analyze and interpret from God based on their own notions, imaginings, and selfish desires; it is not compatible with God’s true essence. In what other ways does God love people other than through mercy, salvation, care, protection, and by listening to their prayers? (With chastening, discipline, pruning, judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement.) That is correct. God shows His love in an abundance of ways: by striking, disciplining, reproaching, and with judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, and so on. These are all aspects of God’s love. Only this perspective is comprehensive and in line with the truth. If you understand this, when you examine yourself and realize you have misunderstandings about God, are you not then able to recognize your distortions, and to do a good job reflecting on where you went wrong? Can this not help you resolve your misunderstandings about God? (Yes, it can.) In order to accomplish this, you must seek the truth. So long as people seek the truth, they can eliminate their misunderstandings about God, and once they have eliminated their misunderstandings about God, they can submit to all of God’s arrangements” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Understanding the Truth Can One Know God’s Deeds). After reading God’s words, I finally realized that the reason I had such a strong reaction to my child’s illness, and so much negativity and pain, was because I had delimited God’s love. When I was helpless, I prayed to God, and I saw His care and protection, so I began to rely on my notions and imaginings, and I delimited God as a merciful God who gives peace and joy to people. I thought that so long as people pray to God in times of trouble, God will open a way for them and help them in any moment or place. I thought that only this was God’s love. When my child was ill, I believed that since God loved people, He would surely heal my daughter, but when my child’s illness didn’t improve, I began to doubt God’s love and was full of complaints toward Him. I measured God’s love based on whether it benefited me. When I saw God’s care and protection over us, I acknowledged it as His love, but when the situation God arranged didn’t align with my desires and didn’t benefit me, I refused to accept it and didn’t acknowledge it as God’s love. I saw that my understanding of God’s love was completely one-sided and distorted, and that it didn’t align with the truth at all! Right now, God is expressing words and doing the work of judgment and purification, not the work of granting grace to people. When people first come to believe in God and their stature is small, God shows mercy upon them and grants them some grace and blessings. This is one way God expresses His love. When people understand some truth and grow in their stature, God arranges different situations according to their stature to try and refine them. This allows people to know themselves and God in various situations, leads to a change in their disposition, and enables people to understand the truth and attain God’s salvation. This is even more of God’s love. Although we both suffered a little from my daughter’s illness, it revealed the impurity in my faith, and I saw that my understanding of God’s work was filled with notions and imaginings and I was able to correct them in time. My daughter also realized that her efforts and expenditures had been to gain blessings, and that she’d been believing in the god of her own notions, and changed her wrong views on faith and became closer to God. This was God’s love and salvation for us. Realizing these things, my complaints and misunderstandings toward God vanished, and I became able to do my duties normally.

Later on, I found a path of practice in these words of God. Almighty God says: “You believe in God and follow God, and so you must have a God-loving heart. You must cast aside your corrupt disposition, you must seek to satisfy God’s intentions, and you must fulfill the duty of a created being. Since you believe in and follow God, you should offer everything to Him, and should not make personal choices or demands, and you should achieve the satisfaction of God’s intentions. Since you were created, you should submit to the Lord that created you, for you are inherently without dominion over yourself, and have no ability to control your own destiny. Since you are a person who believes in God, you should seek holiness and change” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). After reading God’s words, I understood that in our faith, we shouldn’t seek to enjoy God’s grace or always demand that He loves us. Instead, we should stand in the position of created beings to experience God’s work, and to experience all the people, events, and things arranged by God. Even if suffering and trials come, when we don’t understand God’s intentions, we should submit, pray and seek often, reflect on the corrupt dispositions that we revealed, repent, change, and hold to our duties to satisfy God. This is what a created being should do. I’d only ever lived in comfortable environments before. I was like a flower in a greenhouse, unable to withstand the wind and rain. I was too fragile and small in stature, and with just a little difficulty, I became negative and weak, and when facing trials and refinements, I couldn’t stand firm at all. After going through this situation, my stature grew a little, I gained some understanding of my corruption, and I also came to a better understanding of God’s work. This has been really beneficial to me!

Now, although my daughter’s illness hasn’t fully healed, and it still flares up occasionally, and I feel distressed and heartbroken when I see her getting sick, I’m not as constrained by it, and I’ve become able to do my duties normally. This change and this understanding have come about as a result of God’s words.