By Yi Shan, China

In 2003, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. I was particularly excited to be able to welcome the return of the Lord Jesus, and wanted to quickly tell this wonderful news to my brothers and sisters in the Lord, so that they all could come before God. Therefore, I quickly joined the gospel team.

In March 2004, I went to other areas to preach the gospel because of the needs of the work. At that time, I was full of determination and wanted to go out and preach the gospel as soon as possible, so I could help more people hear God’s voice and accept the grace of God’s salvation of the last days. But then I thought, “Who will take care of my two children if I leave? My daughter is 13 years old and my son is 12 years old. I brought them up ever since they were little. My husband is busy with work all day and has never shown much concern about the children. If I go away to do my duty, who will make sure they have three square meals a day? If there is nobody to take care of the children and something happens, won’t my husband and mother-in-law say that I haven’t fulfilled my responsibilities as a mother? My relatives and neighbors would also say that I am not a good mother.” When I thought this, I had a very unpleasant feeling in my heart, like it was being crushed by an enormous boulder. I came before God to pray, “Dear God, I want to go away to preach the gospel, but I can’t let go of my children. I’m afraid that no one will take care of the children once I’m gone. How should I practice? May You enlighten and guide me.” After praying, I remembered the words of God: “Who can truly and completely expend themselves for Me and offer up their all for My sake? You are all half-hearted; your thoughts go around and around, thinking of home, of the outside world, of food and clothing. Despite the fact that you are here before Me, doing things for Me, deep down you are still thinking of your wife, children, and parents at home. Are all these things your property? Why do you not entrust them into My hands? Do you not have sufficient faith in Me? Or is it that you are afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you? Why do you always worry about the family of your flesh and pine for your loved ones? Do I have a certain place in your heart? You still talk about allowing Me to have dominion within you and occupy your entire being—these are all deceptive lies! How many of you are wholeheartedly committed to the church? And who among you think not of yourselves, but are acting for the sake of the kingdom of today? Think very carefully about this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 59). From God’s words I understood that God is the Creator, and He is sovereign over and rules the destiny of all people, so weren’t my two children also in God’s hands? God had already arranged what will happen to my children in the future. There was no point in me worrying. I had to have faith in God and entrust my children to Him. So, I settled my two children and went out to do my duty with an easy mind.

In the winter of 2004, the weather was very cold. I heard some brothers and sisters say they wanted to buy winter clothes for their children, and I started to worry about my two children. “It’s cold, are they dressed warmly? What if they catch a chill?” So I made arrangements for my work and went home. When I got home, I saw that my two children had learned how to cook and wash their own clothes, and were both in excellent health. I thought of what God said: “Why do you not entrust them into My hands? Do you not have sufficient faith in Me? Or is it that you are afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you? Why do you always worry about the family of your flesh and pine for your loved ones?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 59). I used to have too little faith, but now that I saw that my children were doing well, I could let them go and do my duties with a calm heart. Later, when I next saw my two children, they had grown tall. Not only could they help their father sell things in the store, they had also learned how to buy in stock. Everyone around them praised the two children for being capable and competent. I was very happy and grateful to God. After that, I preached the gospel to my two children. They accepted it and read God’s words at home.

By the end of 2012, I was arrested while preaching the gospel away from home. The police tortured me for a week in order to make me sell out the church leader, and during that time kept threatening and intimidating me, saying that I was a political criminal because I believed in God and people in cases like mine would be sentenced to at least three to seven years. When I thought about being sentenced to so many years, I kept weeping incessantly. I thought to myself, “Will my two kids worry about me if they know I’ve been arrested? If the police find out that they also believe in God, will they arrest them as well? I haven’t taken good care of them these years. If I get them into trouble as well …” The more I thought about it, the sadder I felt. Unexpectedly, a few days later, the police took me to the door of the detention center. I saw my daughter, and learned that my two children had sought people out and used connections, going to a lot of trouble and spending 70,000 to 80,000 yuan to get me released on bail pending trial, so I was able to serve my sentence outside 18 months. When I got home, my husband said, “The two children did a lot of running about to get you out of there. They were asking around every day, and their hearts weren’t in doing business anymore. They were worried and frightened all day long, afraid that you would be beaten to death by the police. Our son said that he would get you out even if he had to sell everything he had.” When I heard my husband say these words, I couldn’t stop crying. Looking back, I left home to do my duty when my children were in their teens. I didn’t take good care of them over the years, and now they had even paid such a high price for me. I really felt like I had let them down, and wanted to stay at home and take good care of them from then on, helping them take care of their children and doing a bit of work in order to make up my debt to them. I didn’t expect that when I had only been at home for ten days, five or six policemen suddenly burst into my home and arrested me, taking me to a detention center again. They tortured and interrogated me for six days, but let me go without me telling them anything. In order to avoid being arrested by the police, I had no choice but to leave home and go elsewhere to do my duties.

Once, I wrote to my daughter to ask about the situation at home. My daughter said that ever since I left home, the police had come to my house many times to force them to reveal my whereabouts. My son’s job had been stopped by the government, and my daughter had also stopped attending gatherings and doing her duties because of my arrest, which posed a safety risk to her. As time went by, my daughter became weak, and my son didn’t want to go to gatherings anymore. After reading the letter, I felt very distressed, and thought to myself, “If my two children don’t believe in God, won’t they be unable to have a good outcome in the future? If I were at home and fellowshipping with them about God’s words, wouldn’t they still be able to believe in God and do their duties properly? I spend my days in other areas preaching the gospel to others, but now my own children are weak, and I haven’t helped or supported them properly. I’m really not a good mother.” During that time, my state was bad, and I had no heart to do my duty. The newcomers were not watered promptly, which led to some of them becoming negative. I knew that if I didn’t turn my state around it would be very dangerous, so I prayed to God that He may lead me to understand myself and understand His intention. I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “People who live in this real society have been deeply corrupted by Satan. Regardless of whether they’re educated or not, a lot of traditional culture is ingrained in people’s thoughts and views. In particular, women are required to attend to their husbands and raise their children, to be a good wife and loving mother, devoting their whole lives to their husbands and children and living for them, making sure the family has three square meals a day, and doing the washing, cleaning, and all other housework well. This is the accepted standard of being a good wife and loving mother. Every woman also thinks this is the way things should be done, and that if she doesn’t then she’s not a good woman, and has violated conscience and the standards of morality. Violating these moral standards will weigh heavily on some people’s conscience; they’ll feel they’ve let their husbands and children down, and that they’re not a good woman. But after you believe in God, have read a lot of His words, understood some truths, and seen through some matters, you’ll think, ‘I am a created being and should perform my duty as such, and expend myself for God.’ At this time, is there a conflict between being a good wife and loving mother, and doing your duty as a created being? If you want to be a good wife and loving mother, then you cannot do your duty full time, but if you want to do your duty full time then you cannot be a good wife and loving mother. What do you do now? If you choose to do your duty well and be responsible for the work of the church, loyal to God, then you must give up being a good wife and loving mother. What would you think now? What sort of discord would arise in your mind? Would you feel like you’ve let down your children, your husband? Where does this feeling of guilt and unease come from? When you don’t fulfill the duty of a created being, do you feel like you’ve let God down? You have no sense of guilt or blame because, in your heart and mind, there isn’t the slightest hint of the truth. So, what do you understand? Traditional culture and being a good wife and loving mother. Thus the notion of ‘If I’m not a good wife and loving mother, then I’m not a good or decent woman’ will arise in your mind. You’ll be bound and fettered by this notion from then on, and will remain so by these kinds of notions even after you believe in God and do your duty. When there is a conflict between doing your duty and being a good wife and loving mother, while you may reluctantly choose to do your duty, possessing perhaps a little loyalty to God, there’ll still be a feeling of unease and blame in your heart. Therefore, when you have some spare time while doing your duty, you’ll look for chances to take care of your children and husband, wanting to make it up to them even more, and think it’s fine even if you have to suffer more, as long as you have peace of mind. Is this not brought about by the influence of traditional culture’s ideas and theories about being a good wife and loving mother? You now have a foot in both camps, wanting to fulfill your duty well but also wanting to be a good wife and loving mother. But before God, we only have one responsibility and obligation, one mission: to properly fulfill the duty of a created being. Have you fulfilled this duty well? Why did you stray off track again? Is there really no sense of blame or reproach in your heart? Because the truth has still not laid foundations in your heart, and does not yet reign over it, you can stray off track when doing your duty. Although now you’re able to do your duty, you’re actually still falling far short of the standards of truth and God’s requirements. … That we can believe in God is an opportunity given by Him; it is ordained by Him and is His grace. There is therefore no need for you to fulfill your obligation or responsibility to anyone else; you should only fulfill your duty to God as a created being. This is what people must do above anything else, the main thing that should be done as the primary affair of one’s life. If you do not fulfill your duty well, you are not a qualified created being” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). From the exposure in God’s words, I saw that I had been shackled too tightly by traditional culture. I had believed that a good mother must live for her children, make sure they have three square meals a day, and take care of everything in their lives alongside the housework. Only by doing this could you be a good wife and loving mother. If you couldn’t do this, you were not a good woman: you would have violated conscience and the standards of morality. Over the years, I had always regarded being a good wife and loving mother as the standard for being a good woman. No matter how much I suffered for my children, I believed it was perfectly natural, and I was completely willing to slave for my children all my life. I thought that only by acting in this way could I fulfill my responsibilities as a mother. In particular, after I was arrested by the Communist Party, my two children spent a lot of money for me, their business was hindered, and they were also worried and frightened. I felt even more indebted to my children. I thought that I hadn’t taken good care of them and made them suffer so much for me, so I wanted to do more work for them and help them take care of their children to do my best to make it up to them. When I heard that my daughter couldn’t attend gatherings or do her duties because of my arrest, that my son had lost his job, and that my daughter-in-law was also obstructing and persecuting him, resulting in him losing the heart to believe in God, I believed that I had failed in my responsibilities because I had not read more of God’s words to them. Because of this, I lived in self-reproach and had no heart to do my duty. The newcomers I was responsible for watering could not attend gatherings regularly because of negativity and weakness, but I didn’t hurry to find relevant words of God to resolve their problems. Instead, my head was filled with how to go back home and look after my children. Because there were risks to my safety, I couldn’t go home, and constantly felt as if I was indebted to my children, while my heart was filled with pain and torment. I had regarded being a good wife and loving mother as more important than obtaining the truth, doing my duty, and being saved. Although I had left my family and job behind to do my duty all these years, my thoughts and views had not changed in the slightest. I wasn’t thinking about how to fulfill the duty of a created being well before God, but pursuing being a good wife and loving mother instead. I almost ruined my duty and my chance to be saved. How blind and ignorant I was! Thinking back, I often talked to my children about believing in God, and brought them before God, so I have fulfilled my responsibilities and I don’t owe them anything. The sufferings endured by my children were actually caused by the Communist Party. If it weren’t for the Communist Party’s persecution and arrests of those who believe in God, I could have gone home and taken care of them. I should have hated the Communist Party because it was the Communist Party that brought suffering to me and my children. However, I blamed it all on myself, and insisted that my children suffered in this way because as a mother I didn’t take good care of them. I was so stupid and so unable to see through things! When I understood this, my state turned around somewhat. I was able to dedicate my heart to my duty, and those negative and weak newcomers were also able to gather normally.

In 2023, I was betrayed by a Judas and the police kept trying to arrest me. In January 2024, the police called my daughter and asked her to go to the police station. My daughter thought I had been arrested again and rushed to the police station in a panic. Unexpectedly, the police forced my daughter to sign the “Three Statements” to deny and betray God, and also threatened and intimidated her. My daughter did not see through Satan’s scheme and signed the “Three Statements.” Upon hearing the news, I felt very sad at heart. I thought to myself, “My daughter is obedient and sensible, and she has never stopped me from believing in God. When I was arrested by the police, she couldn’t go to gatherings or do her duty because of the risk of arrest. Afterward, she was constrained by her husband and father-in-law, so over these years, she hasn’t been properly pursuing the truth and has been living in the pursuit of money. As a result, she has not been eating and drinking the words of God properly or doing her duty. The church had already cleared her out for being a disbeliever. Now, she has signed the ‘Three Statements’ meaning that she has completely lost any chance of being saved.” When I thought this, I couldn’t control my floods of tears. If I had been able to go home regularly to see my children and to fellowship about God’s words with them more often, then maybe my daughter would have understood more truths and wouldn’t have signed the “Three Statements.” The more I thought about it, the more I condemned myself. During those days, I didn’t feel like doing anything, and I didn’t have the heart to do my duties. I realized that my state was bad, so I came before God to pray, that He may lead me to understand His intention.

After praying, I read the words of God: “Whoever it is, if they are a certain kind of person, they will walk a certain path. Is this not certain? (Yes.) The path a person takes determines what they are. The path they take and the kind of person they become are up to them. These are things that are predestined, innate, and have to do with the person’s nature. So what’s the use of parental education? Can it govern a person’s nature? (No.) Parental education cannot govern human nature and cannot solve the problem of which path a person takes.What is the only education that parents can provide? Some simple behaviors in their children’s daily life, some fairly superficial thoughts and rules of comportment—these are things that have something to do with parents. Before their children reach adulthood, parents should fulfill their due responsibility, which is to educate their children to follow the right path, study hard, and strive to be able to rise above the rest after they grow up, not to do bad things or to become bad people. Parents should also regulate their children’s behavior, teach them to be polite and to greet their elders whenever they see them, and teach them other things relating to behavior—this is the responsibility that parents ought to fulfill. Taking care of their child’s life and educating them with some basic rules of comportment—that is what parental influence amounts to. As for their child’s personality, parents cannot teach this. Some parents are laid-back and do everything at a leisurely pace, whereas their children are very impatient and can’t stay still even for a short while. They go off on their own to make a living when they are 14 or 15 years old, they make their own decisions in everything, they don’t need their parents, and they are very independent. Is this taught by their parents? No. Therefore, a person’s personality, disposition, and even their essence, as well as the path they choose in the future, have nothing whatsoever to do with their parents. … The path a person takes in life is not determined by their parents, but is preordained by God. It is said that ‘Man’s fate is determined by Heaven,’ and this saying is summed up by human experience. Before a person reaches adulthood, you cannot tell what path they will take. Once they become an adult, and have thoughts and can reflect on problems, they will choose what to do out in the wider community. Some people say they want to be senior officials, others say they want to be lawyers, and still others say they want to be writers. Everyone has their own choices and their own ideas. No one says, ‘I’ll just wait for my parents to educate me. I’ll become whatever my parents educate me to become.’ No one is as foolish as this. After reaching adulthood, people’s ideas begin to stir and gradually mature, and thus the path and goals ahead of them become increasingly clear. At this time, little by little it becomes obvious and apparent what type of person they are, and which group they are part of. From this point onward, each person’s personality gradually becomes clearly defined, as does their disposition, as well as the path they are pursuing, their direction in life, and the group they belong to. What is all this based upon?Ultimately, this is what God has preordained—it has nothing to do with one’s parents” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). After reading the words of God, I understood that what path children take is not something parents can decide or change. It is determined by their nature essence and has nothing to do with parental education. I thought about how my daughter hadn’t pursued the truth before signing the “Three Statements,” and as soon as her business got busy, she didn’t go to gatherings or read God’s words, and wasn’t willing to do her duty. She focused on the pursuit of money and the pursuit of the evil trends of the world. The leader had fellowshipped with her many times, but she didn’t repent, so the church cleared my daughter out as a disbeliever based on her consistent behavior. Now that she had signed the “Three Statements,” she had thoroughly revealed that her essence was that of a disbeliever. That she didn’t pursue the truth or walk the right path was determined by her own nature essence, and was not related to me as her mother. That my children ended up in this state is because by nature, they didn’t love the truth and didn’t pursue the truth. Nobody else can be blamed, and it isn’t the case that if I had read more of God’s words to them, they would have pursued the truth earnestly and walked the right path. By nature, they were averse to the truth and didn’t pursue the truth, so even if I had fellowshipped with them every day, I wouldn’t have been able to change their essence or the path they walked upon. When I viewed my children according to God’s words, my heart felt much more liberated, I no longer felt indebted to them, and I wasn’t disturbed in doing my duty anymore. Thank God!