By Gao Jiaqi, China

In July 2023, I had just become a leader in the church. On August 13, I returned to my host family after finishing my work. As soon as I opened the door, the scene that greeted my eyes made me jump in shock. Everything inside had been turned upside down into a complete mess, and the kitchen and living room lights had been left on. I suddenly realized, “Oh no—something has happened! The sister I’m partnered with, the preacher Sun Fei and the sister hosting us might have been arrested.” I rushed into the bedroom, and saw that this room had also been turned upside down. I couldn’t help but start to get nervous, “If the police installed a camera in the house, when they see me come here, they’ll know that I’m doing an important duty. They will definitely come and arrest me.” In a panic, I hurriedly packed a few clothes and left. I went to another host house. That night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I thought to myself, “The sisters who’ve been arrested know about the details of the personnel of several churches and also about the house where the books are kept. Moreover, their computers contain information on the identities of brothers and sisters. If there wasn’t any time to shut the computers down, this information might have fallen into the hands of the police, and more brothers and sisters might get arrested. Now the aftermath must be handled at the first possible moment. I must first notify brothers and sisters who face risks to their safety that they need to hide away quickly, and then transfer the books of God’s words.” But then I thought about how I had to come out and deal with all this aftermath on my own, without even anyone to discuss it with. I hadn’t been doing this duty very long, and didn’t understand or have a grasp of many tasks. How would I deal with the aftermath? When I thought of these real difficulties, my heart felt like it was being crushed by a boulder; I felt really repressed. I was also a bit scared. I was afraid that the police would check CCTV footage, discover me, and arrest me. If I were arrested and couldn’t stand up to police torture, betrayed God, and turned Judas, then after I died I would even be cast into hell to be punished. I had believed in God for a decade, and didn’t want my outcome to be like this. I wanted to follow God to the end and see the day when God is glorified. In the face of these real difficulties and everything unknown in the future, I lived in anxiety and panic, passing a long night in this way.

The next day, another preacher, Li Xue, told me that the preacher Sun Fei and the sister I was partnered with had indeed been arrested. When I heard this news, I knew that God’s protection had helped me escape this calamity. Otherwise, I would have been one of those arrested. However, as soon as I thought about having to transfer the books, I got a bit scared in my heart, “If the people who were arrested turn Judas and sell out the home where the books are kept, would I not be walking straight into the lion’s den by going there? In the past, some people who were arrested turned Judas. Some signed the ‘Three Statements’ and betrayed God. They were branded with the mark of the beast. All of them had believed in God for longer than me. If they couldn’t stand firm when arrested, how could I hope to? If I’m arrested and betray God by turning Judas, then I won’t have any chance of receiving salvation. Won’t I have believed all these years for nothing?” When I thought this, I felt timid and didn’t dare to go. But then I thought, “Now, I’m the only one who knows the house where the books are kept. If I don’t go and transfer the books of God’s words and they are seized by the police, then my conscience will never be easy for the rest of my life, and I will live in regret, guilt, and self-reproach until the day I die.” I remembered the words of God: “How you regard God’s commissions is extremely important, and this is a very serious matter. If you cannot complete what God has entrusted to people, then you are not fit to live in His presence and you should be punished. It is perfectly natural and justified that humans should complete whatever commissions God entrusts to them. This is man’s supreme responsibility, and is just as important as their very lives. If you do not take God’s commissions seriously, then you are betraying Him in the most grievous way. In this, you are more lamentable than Judas, and should be cursed. People must gain a thorough understanding of how to treat what God entrusts to them and, at the very least, they must comprehend that the commissions He entrusts to humanity are exaltations and special favors from God, and that they are most glorious things. Everything else can be abandoned. Even if a person must sacrifice their own life, they must still fulfill God’s commission” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). God’s words made me understand that God’s commission to man is man’s responsibility and mission. Man is duty-bound not to refuse their responsibility to bravely face dangerous environments, offer up their loyalty, and protect the books of God’s words. However, I had not treated my duty with loyalty. I was the only person who knew about the house where the books were stored. I needed to transfer the books of God’s words out of there as soon as possible, but in order to protect myself, I had been unwilling to handle the aftermath, regardless of the risk that the books would be taken away by the police. My behavior was a betrayal of God. What scrap of conscience and reason did I have? A person who was truly possessed of conscience and reason would, when a dangerous environment came upon them, be able to stand up to protect the interests of God’s house, and rely on God to do their duty well. If I didn’t dare to go and transfer the books because I was afraid of death and clung to life, and this resulted in the books falling into the hands of the great red dragon, I would be a sinner condemned through the ages, deserving of curses and even more deplorable than Judas. At this time, I remembered the words of God: “You know that all things in the environment that surrounds you are there by My permission, all planned by Me. See clearly and satisfy My heart in the environment I have given to you. Do not fear, the Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you; He stands behind you and He is your shield” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 26). “You should not be afraid of this and that; no matter how many difficulties and dangers you might face, you are capable of remaining steady before Me, unobstructed by any hindrance, so that My will may be carried out unimpeded. This is your duty; otherwise, I shall bring My wrath upon you, and with My hand I shall…. You will then endure endless mental suffering. You must endure all; for Me, you must be ready to relinquish everything you possess and do everything you can to follow Me, and be ready to expend your all. Now is the time that I shall test you: Will you offer your loyalty to Me? Can you loyally follow Me to the end of the road? Be not afraid; with My support, who could ever block this road? Remember this! Do not forget! All that occurs is by My goodwill, and everything is under My observation. Can you follow My word in all that you say and do? When the trials of fire come upon you, will you kneel down and call out? Or will you cower, incapable of moving forward?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 10). God’s words made me understand that the church suffers the CCP’s arrests and persecution with God’s permission, that we must have faith that God is with us, and that the occurrence of this kind of environment is to test us. Now that arrests had befallen the church, my duty was to handle the aftermath well and protect the books of God’s words. It was a responsibility and obligation that I should fulfill. I could not live in a state of timidity; I had to have faith that everything is in God’s hands. I then realized that, on that occasion, I had just happened to go out to take care of something, and my sisters were arrested the next day. It was only thanks to God’s sovereignty and arrangements that I had escaped arrest, and had been able to stay on and handle the aftermath. When I realized this, I had faith, and I felt a burst of energy in my heart. I thought, “Whether I get arrested today when I transfer the books is up to God. Everything is in God’s hands. Now it is a race against time. I cannot delay even for a second. The sooner the books are transferred, the sooner they are safe. Otherwise, they may be seized by the police at any moment.” Afterward, I discussed the matter with my sisters and we split up to take action. On my way to transfer the books, I constantly prayed. I didn’t dare let my heart leave God for a second. Thanks to God’s protection, we safely transferred the books out of there. Two weeks or so later, I heard that the police had come to search the house, but found nothing. When I heard this news, I was very glad. If the books had been seized by the police, I would have been left with lifelong regret. It would have been an eternal transgression!

On the morning of September 3, Li Xue came and told me some more news. She said that two days ago, another person had been arrested and turned Judas, selling out the locations of the houses where the church kept the books. The house where I had just moved the books to had also been sold out. The books needed to be transferred again, urgently. When I heard this news, I was stunned, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t help but feel anxious, “It truly is one disaster after another. Now I urgently need to transfer the books away, otherwise when the Judas brings the police to the door it will be too late.” But then I thought, “That Judas has already sold out the houses where the church keeps the books. I just don’t know which houses the police have already been to and which they haven’t. If I run into the police now when I’m transferring the books, I won’t be able to get away even if I want to. If I’m arrested and the police find out I’m a leader, they surely won’t let me off the hook. When that happens and I can’t withstand the torture and turn Judas, then I won’t have a good outcome or destination at all.” When I thought this, I didn’t dare to go and transfer the books anymore. As I thought this, I felt self-reproach in my heart, so I prayed to God, “Dear God, faced with this sudden environment, I feel timid in my heart. I am afraid that if I’m arrested, cannot withstand the torture, and betray God, then I won’t have a good outcome or destination. Now, the books of God’s words are in danger and need to be transferred, but I am selfish and despicable, and considering my own way out. I really have no conscience or reason! Dear God, may You give me faith and strength to satisfy You in this matter.” Afterward, I remembered the words of God: “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free. If man harbors timid and fearful thoughts, it is because Satan has fooled them, afraid that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). I had too little faith in God. Every time a dangerous environment came upon me, all I considered was the interests of the flesh; I was worried that if I were arrested, couldn’t stand up to the torture, and betrayed God, turning Judas, I would lose my chance of salvation. I did not think about how to protect my brothers and sisters and the books of God’s words, and protect the interests of the house of God. I saw that my thoughts were too despicable and sordid, and saw that I had no understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty. I thought about how there was timidity in my heart the last time I transferred the books as well, and how the words of God gave me faith and courage, and finally I transferred the books out of there safely. Not long after, the police went to the house where the books had been kept. I saw that without God’s permission, Satan does not dare to take even half a step out of line, and all people, events, and things are held in God’s hands. When I realized this, I had faith to handle the upcoming aftermath.

That evening, I thought back on what I had revealed during this period, and read the words of God: “In the environment of mainland China, is it possible to avoid taking on any risks and to ensure nothing bad happens while doing one’s duty? Even the most cautious person can’t guarantee that. But caution is necessary. Being well-prepared in advance will improve things a little, and it can help to minimize losses when something does go wrong. If there’s no preparation at all, the losses will be substantial. Can you see the difference between these two situations clearly? Therefore, no matter if it’s regarding gatherings or the performance of any kind of duty, it’s best to be cautious, and it’s necessary to take some preventive measures. When a loyal person performs their duty they can think a bit more comprehensively and thoroughly. They want to arrange these things as well as they can so that if something goes wrong, the losses are minimized. They feel that they must achieve this result. Someone who lacks loyalty doesn’t consider these things. They think that these things don’t matter, and they don’t treat them as their responsibility or duty. When something goes wrong, they don’t feel any sense of blame. This is a manifestation of a lack of loyalty. Antichrists show no loyalty to God. When they are assigned work, they accept it quite happily, and make some nice declarations, but when danger comes, they run away the fastest; they are the first to run, the first to escape. This shows that their selfishness and despicableness are particularly severe. They have no sense of responsibility or loyalty at all. When faced with a problem, they only know how to flee and how to hide, and think only of protecting themselves, never considering their responsibilities or duties. For the sake of their own personal safety, antichrists consistently display their selfish and despicable nature. They do not prioritize the work of God’s house or their own duties. Even less do they prioritize the interests of God’s house. Instead, they prioritize their own safety” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposes that when antichrists have status, their hearts are filled with joy, they treasure their status, and they enjoy their status. But when you ask them to take a risk, they hide away or escape at the first possible moment to protect their own safety, not showing a hint of loyalty to their duty and forgetting all about the interests of the house of God. They are extremely selfish and despicable. Was what I had revealed not precisely this state? God had graced me with doing a leader’s duty, and given me an opportunity to train. God hoped that I would be loyal and submissive in my duty. But, as a leader, when the books of God’s words were facing being seized by the police and I needed to protect the interests of the house of God and demonstrate my loyalty, the first thing I thought of wasn’t how to transfer the books to minimize the losses. Instead, I was afraid that if I were arrested, couldn’t stand up to torture, and turned Judas, betraying God, then I wouldn’t have a good outcome or destination. So I shrank back. Did I show any hint of conscience or reason? I was just the same as the antichrists exposed by God—extremely selfish and despicable and lacking in humanity. I read more of God’s words: “If you never practice the truth, and if your transgressions grow ever more numerous, then your outcome is set. It is clear to see that all your transgressions, the mistaken path you walk, and your refusal to repent all add up to a multitude of evil deeds; and so your outcome is that you will go to hell—you will be punished” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After I read God’s words, I felt fear in my heart. Although I believed in God and did my duty on the surface, at the critical juncture, I did not protect the work of the church and showed no loyalty to God. How could I still be saved? I did not want to live any longer in reliance on my selfish and despicable corrupt disposition. I did not want to be a turtle hiding in its shell, protecting my own safety. I shall protect the interests of the church for as long as there is breath in my body.

I also reflected that the reason I was timid and afraid was that I was scared that, if I was arrested, couldn’t stand up to torture, and turned Judas, then I wouldn’t have a good outcome or destination. In seeking, I read the words of God: “God has a plan for every one of His followers. Each one of them has an environment, furnished for man by God, in which to perform their duty, and they have the grace and favor of God that is man’s to enjoy. They also have special circumstances, which God lays out for man, and there is much suffering they must undergo—it is nothing like the smooth sailing that man imagines. Beyond this, if you acknowledge that you are a created being, you must prepare yourself to suffer and pay a price for the sake of fulfilling your responsibility to spread the gospel and for the sake of doing your duty properly. … how did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They were condemned, beaten, scolded, and put to death because they spread the Lord’s gospel and were rejected by the people of the world—that is how they were martyred. … People now reflect on their deaths with much heartache, but that was how things were. Those who believed in God died that way, how is this to be explained? When we mention this topic, you put yourselves in their position, so are your hearts sad, and do you feel a hidden pain? You think, ‘These people did their duty to spread God’s gospel and should be considered good people, so how could they come to such an end and such an outcome?’ Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redemption He did for all humanity allows humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility. When Satan threatened and terrorized them, and, in the end, even when it made them pay the price of their lives, they did not abandon their responsibility. This is what it is to fulfill one’s duty to the utmost extent. What do I mean by this? Do I mean to have you use the same method to testify of God and to spread His gospel? You do not necessarily need to do so, but you must understand that this is your responsibility, that if God needs you to, you should accept it as something you are honor-bound to do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). From God’s words, I understood that the root cause of me being afraid of being arrested and failing to stand up to torture and turning Judas was that I cherished my life too much. Though my lips acknowledged that a person’s life is in the hands of God, my heart did not genuinely believe this, and so I wanted to escape when dangerous environments came upon me. Actually, whether I am arrested, how much I am tortured, and whether I am beaten to death is all within God’s sovereignty: I must submit and accept it all. I thought of the disciples of the Lord Jesus. Some were dragged to death behind horses, and some were crucified upside down. They suffered all forms of torture, but until death they remained loyal and stood firm in their testimony to God. They didn’t fear death, and treated propagating the Lord’s gospel as their own responsibility and mission. They were able to give up everything for God and not consider their own life or death. I also thought about how some brothers and sisters were arrested, but were able to pray to God to submit, and experienced this environment by relying on God, seeing God’s leadership and guidance. Some prayed to God when they were being tortured to the point at which they could bear it no longer; their soul departed their body temporarily, and the flesh could feel no pain. Some were arrested, and though their flesh was tortured to death, they won God’s approval. In contrast, those who were revealed as Judases when they were arrested sold out the interests of the house of God and betrayed God because they cherished their own life and wanted to preserve themselves. Although they live on in the flesh, in the eyes of God, they are already dead. They are walking corpses, who have obtained eternal punishment for themselves. Just as the Lord Jesus said: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). I thought about how I constantly wanted to preserve myself and did not protect the work of the church, betraying God at the critical moment. Was not the nature of my behavior the same as that of a Judas? As I pondered God’s words, I penetrated the matter of death somewhat, and was no longer worried and afraid of being arrested. I had faith that everything is in God’s hands, and I was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. Next, I put all my efforts into handling the aftermath.

In the evening, I found out that several more brothers and sisters had been arrested. I saw that the environment was getting worse and worse, and that I needed to hurry up and transfer the books of God’s words away. There was now no time to contact other churches, and my heart burned with anxiety. I suddenly remembered that the people who had been arrested and turned Judas didn’t know about my home. If I took the books home, then at least they would be safe for the time being, and then I could make contact with other churches and transfer them to a safe house. The next day, I moved the books into my house. Next, we relied on God to get the books transferred safely away, and my heart, which had been on tenterhooks, calmed somewhat.

Looking back on my experiences during this period, I saw God’s almightiness and sovereignty, and gained some understanding of my own selfish and despicable corrupt dispositions. At the same time, I also understood the meaning and value of death, and my heart gained liberation. That I was able to gain this experience and understanding was because of God’s grace.