By Nancy, India

In July 2023, I had just started training to supervise the work of several churches. Whenever I encountered difficulties in the work, I always tried to solve them on my own and never sought help from the upper leaders. I thought if I always reported problems to the upper leaders instead of solving them myself, I would be complaining and not fulfilling my responsibilities. I wanted to show them that I had work capability and could solve problems on my own, and wanted to leave a good impression in the hearts of my brothers and sisters.

I remember there was a time when the results of the watering work were not good, and many newcomers did not gather very regularly. Some waterers were busy with farm work and things at home, so they couldn’t promptly follow up on and support the newcomers, while some were so busy at work that they just forgot to gather with the newcomers. I did not report these issues to the upper leaders at the time, because I wanted them to see that I could handle them. I fellowshipped with the waterers, and called them to ask about their states. However, my life experience was too shallow, and I didn’t understand enough truths, so I couldn’t see through to the root cause of the problem. I merely fellowshipped with them briefly and pointed out their problems, exhorting them to bear a burden in how they treated their duties. As a result, the issue of the waterers being perfunctory in their duties was not solved, and the newcomers still weren’t attending gatherings regularly. I thought, “Should I tell the upper leaders about these problems so they can help out and fellowship about them?” However, I was afraid that if I reported the truth, the leaders might think I was incapable of doing real work, and so I didn’t say anything. Later, the number of newcomers who weren’t attending gatherings regularly kept increasing, and endless problems cropped up in the work. I felt under a lot of pressure, and my heart was particularly tormented and weak. However, despite this, I didn’t open up to my brothers and sisters about my state. I thought that if I opened up in fellowship about my difficulties and weaknesses, my brothers and sisters might also become negative and weak as a result, and that as a leader I had to have faith and stay strong in my heart. Only in this way would my brothers and sisters have the faith to do their duties. I also thought that if I opened up about my true thoughts and deficiencies, my brothers and sisters would look down on me. During that time, the leaders often asked me, “Are there any difficulties in your duties?” Actually, there were many problems in the church that I couldn’t resolve but I was afraid that if I told the leaders, they would think I couldn’t do the work. I didn’t want the leaders to think I was incapable of doing my duty well, so I kept concealing my state and the problems in the work. In December, there were more newcomers in the church who were not attending the gatherings very regularly. Sometimes they came and sometimes they didn’t. The upper leaders asked me, “Why are there so many people not attending gatherings regularly? Is it because the waterers haven’t been following up on them in time?” I thought, “If the upper leaders find out that the waterers in the churches I’m responsible for have so many problems, they might prune me for not doing real work.” I was afraid that the leaders would blame me or think I couldn’t solve problems, so I lied and said, “It’s because the newcomers have bad internet and some don’t have cell phones. That’s why they can’t attend gatherings regularly.” The upper leaders asked me another question, “How are the results of the gospel work?” I knew the gospel work was making slow progress, and some potential gospel recipients did not conform to the principles and lacked comprehension ability. However, I wanted to show the leaders that I was able to get a handle on the gospel work, so I said, “These people will be able to join the church really soon.” Because I concealed the truth, my brothers and sisters spent a lot of time following up on these potential gospel recipients, doing a lot of useless work. This disrupted and disturbed the work of the church.

In that time, my state was very bad, and the upper leader Sister Suzanne shared God’s words with me. Almighty God says: “Regardless of the context, no matter what duty they do, an antichrist will try and give the impression that they aren’t weak, that they are always strong, full of faith, and never negative, so that people never see their real stature or real attitude toward God. In fact, in the depths of their heart, do they really believe there is nothing they cannot do? Do they genuinely believe that they are without weakness, negativity, or revelations of corruption? Absolutely not. They are good at putting on an act, adept at hiding things. They like showing people their strong and splendid side; they don’t want them to see the side of them that is weak and true. Their purpose is obvious: It is, quite simply, to maintain their vanity and pride, to protect the place they have in people’s hearts. They think that if they open up before others about their own negativity and weakness, if they reveal the side of them that is rebellious and corrupt, this will be grievous damage to their status and reputation—more trouble than it’s worth. So they would rather die than admit to having times when they are weak, rebellious, and negative. And if a day does come when everyone sees the side of them that is weak and rebellious, when they see that they are corrupt, and have not changed at all, they will still keep putting on an act. They think that if they admit to having a corrupt disposition, to being an ordinary person, someone who is insignificant, then they will lose their place in people’s hearts, will lose everyone’s worship and adoration, and thus will have utterly failed. And so, whatever happens, they will not open up to people; whatever happens, they will not give their power and status to anyone else; instead, they try as hard as they can to compete, and will never give up” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Ten)). After reading the words of God, I understood that antichrists are good at disguising themselves. They do not want others to see their negativity and weakness, so they always avoid problems and do not talk about their failures and shortcomings, only showing their positive side to others in order to win people’s hearts. I was just like this. I intentionally hid my difficulties, negativity, and weaknesses because I wanted to disguise myself as someone outstanding, make people feel that I could solve all problems and understand the truth better than anyone else, and occupy a place in other people’s hearts. I realized that the disposition I revealed was no different from that of an antichrist. When I encountered problems that I didn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend, or couldn’t resolve, I did not consult with my leaders or co-workers. I didn’t want them to see my shortcomings and say, “You can’t even do this task?” I wanted everyone to say that I had work capability. I was well aware that my fellowship with the waterers had not yielded any results and their problems still existed, but I never sought help from the leaders. As a result, I couldn’t solve the problems of the waterers in time because I didn’t understand the truth, which affected the work. When communicating with my brothers and sisters, I never opened up about my corruption, and didn’t talk about my deficiencies. I didn’t want others to know my true stature. For example, when the leaders asked me what problems I had in my work, and whether I had encountered difficulties in doing my duty, even though there were clearly so many problems that I couldn’t solve, I said that I had no difficulties so that the leaders would have a good impression of me. The waterers were doing their duties in a perfunctory manner, and the gospel work had ground to a halt. However, when the upper leaders asked about the work, I was afraid that if I told the truth, the leaders would think I couldn’t solve problems and had no work capability. Therefore, I covered up the facts and said that the newcomers couldn’t attend gatherings regularly because they didn’t have the internet, so that the leaders would think it was the newcomers who had actual difficulties, and it wasn’t because we hadn’t done our job well. There were many potential gospel recipients who very clearly didn’t accord with the principles, but in order to prove that I could do real work, I lied and said that these people could join the church, which meant that my brothers and sisters did a lot of useless work, delaying the work of the church. I am just an ordinary person. I am not perfect. I have many shortcomings and deficiencies and I have just started training to do the work of the church, so it was entirely normal that I didn’t know how to do a lot of the tasks. When I encountered difficulties, I should have sought help from the upper leaders in a timely manner. However, I constantly believed that because I was responsible for the work, I couldn’t say that I didn’t know how to do it, and that I had to be able to solve all the problems myself. I even deceived and tricked the upper leaders in order to win esteem from others. My arrogant and deceitful disposition was so loathsome to God! I was extremely sad because my mistaken pursuits had affected the work of the church. I knew I had to repent, and that if I continued to walk on the wrong path, I would definitely be eliminated by God.

Later, my brothers and sisters sent me a passage of God’s words, and I gained some understanding of my own problems. Almighty God says: “What kind of disposition is it when people always put up a front, always whitewash themselves, always put on airs so that others think highly of them, and cannot see their faults or shortcomings, when they always try to present their best side to people? This is arrogance, fakery, hypocrisy, it is the disposition of Satan, it is something wicked. Take members of the satanic regime: No matter how much they fight, feud, or kill in the dark, no one is allowed to report or expose them. They are afraid that people will see their demonic face, and they do everything they can to cover it up. In public, they do their utmost to whitewash themselves, saying how much they love the people, how great, glorious and infallible they are. This is the nature of Satan. The most prominent feature of Satan’s nature is trickery and deception. And what is the aim of this trickery and deception? To hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing its essence and true colors, and thus achieve the aim of prolonging its rule. Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I thought back to how there were many newcomers who were not attending gatherings regularly in the churches I was responsible for, how the problems of my brothers and sisters had been left unresolved, and the gospel work had ground to a halt, yet I still pretended that I could solve the problems. Even though I could see the work of the church was being delayed, I was unwilling to seek help from the leaders. When the leaders asked me if there were any difficulties or problems in my work, I even tricked the leaders and concealed the problems in the work. I constantly wanted to give my brothers and sisters the impression that there was nothing I couldn’t do, and that I could solve all problems. I was utterly lacking in self-awareness! The disposition I had revealed was identical to that of the CCP. The CCP likes to disguise itself in front of the people, so that people worship it and follow it, but actually, the people under its rule live in extreme misery. Plagues, earthquakes, natural disasters, and man-made calamities continuously come upon them, but the government does not take action and the people cannot get timely rescue and medical treatment. The people have even been deprived of their freedom of religion, and many Christians have been persecuted and left homeless. However, the CCP has never publicly admitted its mistakes, and even when the people fill the streets with complaints, it simply doesn’t care. It only cares about whitewashing its image in front of others. I saw how wicked its nature is! If I didn’t repent, and continued to disguise and cover myself up at every turn, and not do real work, in the end, I would definitely be spurned and eliminated by God. I then thought about how God loves honest people, and hopes that we can pursue the truth, open up sincerely, and be honest people. However, I constantly wanted to pretend that there was nothing I couldn’t do, and pursued being great and extraordinary, so that people would esteem and worship me. I even believed that my pursuit of becoming a superior and perfect person was pleasing to God. However, the facts proved me wrong: I didn’t understand what God requires of man at all. I was so stupid and hypocritical!

The leaders sent me another passage of God’s words and asked me to ponder them carefully. Almighty God says: “Should you confide in people and more often open up to them when you find yourself in difficulty or experience failure, fellowshipping your problems and weaknesses, how you rebelled against God, and how you then emerged from this, and were able to satisfy God’s intentions. And what is the effect of confiding in them in this way? It is, without doubt, positive. No one will look down on you—and they may well envy your ability to go through these experiences. Some people always think that when people have status, they should act more like officials and speak in a certain way so as to be taken seriously and respected. Is this way of thinking correct? If you are able to realize that this way of thinking is wrong, then you should pray to God and rebel against fleshly things. Do not put on airs, and do not walk the path of hypocrisy. As soon as you have such a thought, you should address it by seeking the truth. If you do not seek the truth, this thought, this viewpoint, will take form and become rooted in your heart. As a result, it will come to dominate you and you will disguise yourself and craft your image to such an extent that no one will be able to see you through it or understand your thoughts. You will talk to others as through a mask that hides your true heart from them. You must learn to let others see your heart, and learn to open your heart to others and become close to them. You must rebel against the preferences of your flesh and conduct yourself according to God’s requirements. In this way, your heart will know peace and happiness. Whatever events befall you, first reflect on what problems exist in your own ideology. If you still wish to construct an image for yourself and disguise yourself, you should immediately pray to God: ‘Oh God! I again want to put on a disguise. I am once again deceptively scheming. What a true devil I am! I must truly be detestable to You! I am now completely disgusted by myself. I beseech You to rebuke, discipline, and punish me.’ You must pray, bring your attitude out into the open, and rely on God to expose it, dissect it, and restrict it” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Resolve the Temptations and Bondage of Status). I reflected on myself in comparison to God’s words. Ever since I became responsible for the work of the churches, I believed that, as a supervisor, I had to look like a supervisor in how I led the way: I shouldn’t have any deficiencies or weaknesses, I should be able to solve all problems in the work, and if I became negative, my brothers and sisters would lose faith and become negative and weak. With such a mistaken view, I was unwilling to open up about my shortcomings and deficiencies to my brothers and sisters, and even tricked the leaders by saying that there were no difficulties or problems in my duty. I only showed my good side to others. I was so hypocritical! From God’s words I understood that it is very normal for a supervisor to have deficiencies, and if I were able to open up about my deficiencies and weaknesses, my brothers and sisters would not look down on me at all; if there were difficulties in the work of the church, they would also shoulder the burden and work together to resolve them, because they knew I was just in the training phase. In addition, if I learned to open up with my brothers and sisters about my failures, deficiencies and difficulties in doing my duty and even my negative and weak side, my brothers and sisters would fellowship and help me, and I could gain edification and benefits from the experiential knowledge of my brothers and sisters, and find a path of practice. In the past, I had lived in a state of disguise and fakery, unwilling to open up and seek when I encountered difficulties. Instead, I battled forward on my own, and was under a lot of pressure. There was no peace and joy in my heart, and the results of my work were always bad. Later, when I opened up to my brothers and sisters about my actual situation, and fellowshipped about my own corruption and the problems in the work, they shared God’s words with me, and the upper leaders also fellowshipped and helped me so that I found some ways to solve the problems. Later, I talked to the brothers and sisters who were watering the newcomers, and, by incorporating the words of God, I fellowshipped about and exposed the nature and consequences of them being perfunctory in doing their duty. They realized their own problems, and were willing to turn their incorrect states around. Slowly, the waterers started to bear a burden in their duty, and the work yielded results. I realized that if I had practiced in this way earlier, then my duty wouldn’t have been affected. After this experience, I tried opening up to my brothers and sisters and sharing my innermost thoughts, and felt that practicing in this way was very liberating.

Afterward, my brothers and sisters shared another passage of God’s words with me: “Some people are promoted and cultivated by the church, receiving a good chance to train. This is something good. It can be said they have been elevated and graced by God. So how, then, should they do their duty? The first principle they should abide by is to understand the truth—when they do not understand the truth, they must seek the truth, and if they still don’t understand after seeking on their own, they can find someone who does understand the truth to fellowship and seek with, which will make solving the problem faster and more timely. If you focus only on spending more time reading God’s words by yourself, and on spending more time pondering these words, in order to achieve understanding of the truth and solve the problem, this is too slow; as the saying goes, ‘Slow remedies can’t address urgent needs.’ If, when it comes to the truth, you wish to make quick progress, then you must learn how to work in harmony with others, and to ask more questions and seek more. Only then will your life grow quickly, and will you be able to solve problems promptly, without any delay in either. Because you have only just been promoted and are still on probation, and do not truly understand the truth or possess the truth reality—because you still lack this stature—do not think that your promotion means you possess the truth reality; this is not the case. It is merely because you have a sense of burden toward the work and possess the caliber of a leader that you are selected for promotion and cultivation. You should have this reason” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). After reading the words of God, I understood that as a supervisor I should work in harmony with my brothers and sisters, and jointly protect the work of the church. Previously, I had a mistaken outlook. I believed that after my brothers and sisters elected me as a supervisor, I had to know how to solve all problems, and that constantly seeking about problems with the upper leaders would result in them looking down on me and thinking that I lacked work capability. Therefore, when I encountered problems that I couldn’t see through or resolve, I covered them up and didn’t say anything, living as a one-woman army. I constantly felt under a lot of pressure when I was doing my duty, and I also hindered the work of the church. Now I understood that in order to solve problems and protect the work of the church, leaders and workers should seek help from the upper leaders when encountering difficulties. A supervisor who is up to standard should be someone who bears a burden for the work of the church. Even though they may have shortcomings and deficiencies, they will regularly reflect on themselves and seek the truth, be able to let go of their pride and proactively seek paths with their brothers and sisters when they encounter problems they cannot solve, and work harmoniously with and help everyone, doing the work of the church well together. When I understood this, I had a path of practice. Afterward, when I encountered any difficulties in the work that I could not solve, I would pray to God and let go of my pride to proactively seek from my brothers and sisters. In the gospel work, I would report the situation to the upper leaders without concealing anything at all, not caring if I might be pruned or looked down upon by others. What I cared about was whether I could do my duty well with an honest heart, and how to do things in a way that benefited the work of the church. When I practiced in this way, my heart felt particularly peaceful and at ease. I thank God for leading me to understand my own corruption, and to understand how to be an honest person and open my heart to my brothers and sisters.