By Xu Liang, China

In 1999, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. I had never thought that I would be able to welcome the Lord in the last days. I was so happy I could barely describe it. I felt that this time there was finally hope of entering the kingdom of heaven and gaining eternal life. I was in my 50s at the time and still had plenty of energy. Whether I was serving as a church leader, preaching the gospel, or watering newcomers, I worked very actively, and every day was very fulfilling. At the end of 2018, I suddenly felt dizzy, my legs felt heavy, and I couldn’t lift my feet to walk. I always stumbled even when I walked on flat ground, and often grazed my knees and elbows, causing them to bleed. My daughter took me to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor said I had a lacunar infarction and warned me gravely, “You have to be very careful with this condition! If you fall again, it is likely to cause a cerebral hemorrhage.” I was quite scared when I heard the doctor say that. “If I really had a cerebral hemorrhage, how could I still do any duties? How can I be saved if I can’t do my duty? Wouldn’t all these years of belief have been in vain?” Afterward, I took medicine to treat it, and gradually, my condition stabilized and I felt better. I knew that this was God’s protection, and I persisted in doing my duty during this period. After I turned 70, I clearly felt that my body was starting to deteriorate in many ways. I felt tired after doing just a little work and my memory became poor. When I was 73, I was screening sermons in the church. One day, the supervisor held a gathering with us. I noticed several brothers and sisters who were quite young, and when the supervisor fellowshipped about the principles, their fingers nimbly tapped the computer keyboards, producing a rapid clacking sound. I was very envious of them, and thought, “We both believe in God and are doing duties. Why is there such a big difference? Young people are fast at doing everything and quick at comprehending and mastering principles. But what about me? My eyes can’t keep up, and my brain is slow to react. I’m several beats behind the youngsters. Now I’m old, and my body won’t do what I want, no matter what I try to do. Can I do this duty well?” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became. Gradually, I started to feel like a deflated balloon, and had no interest in doing anything. I didn’t know what to say when I prayed, and I didn’t gain any enlightenment or light from reading God’s words. I wondered if I was going to be abandoned and eliminated by God. Later, I pondered, “I am old and of poor caliber. If I don’t actively try to strive upward, won’t I fall even further behind? As the saying goes, ‘Don’t be afraid of going slow, just be afraid of standing still; standing still once puts you two and a half miles behind.’ No, I have to strive upward!” During those days I kept praying, begging God to enlighten and guide me to resolve my negative state.

Later, I remembered God’s words: “I am unwilling to abandon or eliminate any one of you, but if you do not strive to do well, then you are only harming yourself; it is not Me that eliminates you, but you yourself.” I looked up this passage of God’s words to read. God says: “I am unwilling to abandon or eliminate any one of you, but if you do not strive to do well, then you are only harming yourself; it is not Me that eliminates you, but you yourself. … My intention is for all of you to be made perfect, and at the very least be conquered, so that this stage of work may be successfully completed. God’s wish is for every person to be made perfect, to be ultimately gained by Him, to be completely cleansed by Him, and to become people He loves. No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. However, My saying this does not prove that I intend to abandon you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be abandoned. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of doing the duty of hosting, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this; if you say you cannot do the duty of hosting, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be preaching the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—these are what you must accomplish, just these three things, and these are the best practices. Ultimately, people are required to achieve these three things, and those who can achieve them will be made perfect. But, above all, you must truly pursue, you must actively press onward and upward, and not be passive in that regard” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). After reading God’s words, my heart was greatly brightened. God wants everyone to be saved and perfected. As long as we pursue the truth, God will not eliminate us, and we can all be gained by God in the end. God makes requirements of people based on their different calibers, and does not treat people in a one-size-fits-all manner. God does not hold the elderly to the standards that the young can achieve, nor did He say that He will not save people once they are old. As long as you are willing to pursue the truth, you have a chance to be saved. God is so righteous! But I didn’t understand God’s intention. I believed that because young people are quick to comprehend principles and are efficient in doing their duties, they have a greater chance of being saved; and because I am old, slow to react, and my efficiency in doing my duties is far inferior to that of young people, I must be an object of God’s elimination. This was my misunderstanding of God. Doing duty in the church is not like working for a boss in the world where no one hires you when you get old. This is not how God treats people. Before, I was blind to God’s intention, and even misunderstood, thinking that God does not save the old, and so felt dispirited and disappointed. I shouldn’t have thought that! After reading God’s words, I felt as if a wave of calm had washed over my mind. I must pursue earnestly and actively strive upward toward the truth.

In early February 2022, 80-year-old Sister Liu Yi passed away due to illness. This had a deep impact on me. I am getting older day by day, and I have a lacunar infarction. If I fell and hit my head by accident, I could suffer a cerebral hemorrhage. One time in particular, I suddenly felt dizzy and couldn’t stand up, and didn’t dare to open my eyes. I felt extremely scared, afraid that I would suddenly fall ill and die. I thought, “I am almost 80 years old, and what happened to Sister Liu today could happen to me tomorrow. I want to seize the time I have now to do my duty properly, but now I’m old, my body won’t do what I want it to, no matter what work I do, and I am always forgetting things. How can I be saved if I can’t do my duty? If only I were a few years younger!” Seeing the pandemic getting worse and worse, I worried that one day I might get infected, that my lacunar infarction would get worse, and I would be at risk of dying at any moment. During those days, I lived amidst constant distress and anxiety. My heart was miserable and in torment, and I couldn’t summon up any energy to do my duty. However, I knew that no matter what, not doing my duty was not an option. If I abandoned my duty, that would be even more dangerous. I prayed to God, “Dear God, now that I am getting older, I feel like the countdown has started on my life, and I am constantly afraid of death. Dear God, may You lead me to understand the truth and walk out of anxiety and distress.”

One time, during my devotionals, I read the words of God and gained some understanding of His sovereignty. My heart was no longer so distressed and anxious. Almighty God says: “If God allows you to live, you will not die no matter how sick you get. If God does not allow you to live, then even if you are not sick, you will still die if that is what must be. The span of your life is preordained by God. If you can see this matter clearly, it shows that you understand the truth and have genuine faith. So, does God let people fall sick at random? It is not random; it is a way to refine their faith. People must endure this suffering. If He lets you fall sick, do not try to escape it; if He does not, then do not ask for it. All is in the Creator’s hands, and people must learn to let nature take its course. What is nature? Nothing in nature is random; it all comes from God. This is true. Among people who suffer the same disease, some die and others live; all of this was preordained by God. If you can live, it proves that you have not yet completed the mission God gave you. You should work hard at completing it and cherish this time; do not waste it. This is what it is. If you are sick, do not try to escape it, and if you are not sick, do not ask for it. You cannot obtain something simply by asking for it, nor can you avoid something merely by trying to escape it. No one can change that which God has determined He will do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading the words of God, I realized a person’s lifespan is preordained by God. Sister Liu died at the age of 80 because her lifespan had come to an end. Everyone experiences birth, aging, sickness, and death—this is the natural law of life. I thought back to my neighbor Xiaoshi. He was only 34 when he died, and had always been in great health. Unexpectedly, he died when he crashed into a utility pole. I realized that everyone’s lives are in God’s hands, and we cannot control our own fate. When our lifespan comes to an end, we will die even if we are not sick. Take myself as an example. When my lacunar infarction was diagnosed, the doctor said that with this disease at my age, I would be at high risk of having a cerebral hemorrhage if I fell over. However, I have fallen over many times in recent years, and I haven’t had a cerebral hemorrhage. There was also that time when I suddenly felt dizzy and dazed, as if I was going to die at any moment. However, after one day of discomfort, I recovered. If my mission is not complete, I will not die even if I am old and sick. If my illness really gets worse one day, this is suffering that I should endure. When the time comes for me to pass away, I will submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. This is the reason I should have. While I still have breath in my lungs, I should seize the opportunity I have now, and spend my time and energy on doing my duty and pursuing the truth, striving to gain something each day I am alive. I can no longer spend my days in worry and anxiety, wasting my precious time. When I understood this, I felt much more relaxed, and had more energy to do my duties.

Later, I was infected with COVID-19 and my health got weaker and my memory poorer. Once, the supervisor gathered with us and read God’s words. At that time, I read a passage of God’s words that matched my state very well, and I wanted to fellowship about this passage afterward. However, when I read on, I couldn’t remember the key point from before, and when I went back to search for that passage after we finished reading, I couldn’t find it. I was so anxious that sweat started to form on the tip of my nose. In the end, I managed to fellowship a few words, but they were incoherent. I felt extremely embarrassed, and a bit despondent and dejected. I thought, “Now that I’m old, I’m really useless. My brain is slow to react, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep up with the young people!” The more I thought about it, the more negative I became. I felt like my chances of being saved were becoming fainter and fainter, and I had even less hope of being blessed. Another time, a sister copied a video of a recitation of God’s words for me. I saw with my own eyes that the sister copied it for me, but when I got home and turned on my computer, I couldn’t find it. I thought to myself, “It seems that I can’t simply refuse to accept old age. Why is my memory so bad? If something urgent happens, won’t I end up delaying it?” Just when I was getting anxious, my sister came and I complained to her, saying, “I’m so old now that I can’t remember anything. Am I not done for? Can I still pursue the truth and be saved?” Seeing that I was a little negative, my sister comforted me and asked me to read the chapter of God’s words “How to Pursue the Truth (3).” I read God’s words: “Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Is this a fact? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people shouldn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference. What do I mean when I say there is no difference? Whether someone is old or young, their corrupt dispositions are the same, their attitudes and views on all manner of things are the same, and their perspectives and standpoints on all manner of things are the same. … So, it is not that elderly people have nothing to do, nor that they’re unable to do their duties, or much less that they’re unable to pursue the truth—there are many things they should do. In your lifetime you’ve accumulated all kinds of heresies and fallacies, as well as various traditional ideas and notions, foolish and stubborn things, conservative things, irrational things, and distorted things. These have piled up far too much in your heart. You should spend even more time than young people to dig out, dissect, and know these things. It’s not the case that you have nothing to do. When you’re unoccupied, you become distressed, anxious, and worried, which is neither your task nor your responsibility. First of all, elderly people should have the correct mindset. Although you may be getting on in years and physically you’re somewhat aged, you should have a young mindset. Although you’re getting old, your thinking has slowed, and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not poor. If someone is in their 70s or 80s but is not able to understand the truth, then this shows that their stature is too small and falls short. Therefore, age is irrelevant when it comes to the truth…. In God’s house, and in the presence of the truth, are elderly people a special group? No, they’re not. Age is irrelevant in the presence of the truth, as it is when it comes to corrupt dispositions, the depth of one’s corruption, whether one is qualified to pursue the truth, whether one can attain salvation, or what the probability of one being saved is. Isn’t that so? (It is.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth). God’s words spoke right to my heart, especially these words: “Although you’re getting old, your thinking has slowed, and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not poor.” God knows us old people so well. He does not reject the elderly, instead He encourages us to have a positive mindset, not to live in distress and anxiety because of our age, and to do our utmost to fulfill our duties to the best of our ability. God’s words gave me a path of practice, and I saw some hope. I had always believed that young people have good caliber, are quick to comprehend the truth, are efficient in doing their duty, and so have a greater hope of salvation. On the other hand, all my functions are declining as I age. I have a poor memory, am slow to comprehend the truth, and can’t keep up with the pace of anything. In particular, my memory got worse after I was infected with COVID-19, and I felt like I was useless, with no hope of gaining blessings. I lived in the negative emotions of distress and anxiety, which not only impeded my own life entry, but also hindered my duty. I saw that it was so harmful to live in negative emotions, and I had to positively and actively strive upward toward the truth. Although I am old, slow to comprehend, and have a poor memory, it is not the case that I cannot understand the truth at all, and I am not so old that I can’t understand the words of God. I should cherish my limited time and pursue the truth to change my corrupt dispositions. I still have many corrupt dispositions that I have not cast off, and have many perspectives that need to be turned around. As long as I don’t give up pursuing the truth, I have a chance to be saved. The truth does not treat people unfairly. When I understood this, my heart felt at ease.

In the following days, I kept pondering why I was constantly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to be saved because I am too old to do duties. What corrupt disposition was I being dominated by? I read the words of God: “People all believe in God in order to get blessings, rewards, and crowns. Doesn’t every person have this intention at heart? In reality, every person does. This is a fact. … Without this intention to obtain blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you do your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this intention to obtain blessings that is hidden in their hearts was completely eradicated? It is possible that many people would become negative, and that some would become demotivated in their duties, and lose interest in their belief in God. They would seem to have lost their souls, and it would appear as if their hearts had been taken away. This is why I say the intention to obtain blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they do their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they have understood some truths and are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their intention to obtain blessings, and have abandoned this intention, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the intention to obtain blessings, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending themselves for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by their enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while doing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to their destination and outcome, what are their manifestations? Their true situation is revealed in its entirety. So at the end of the day, as far as people are concerned, is this circumstance one of salvation and perfection, or one of being revealed and eliminated? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? To those who pursue the truth, it means salvation and perfection, which is good; to those who do not pursue the truth, it means being revealed and eliminated, which is bad” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). As I pondered God’s words, I connected them to myself: I believed in God because I wanted to be blessed. After accepting this stage of work, I expended myself enthusiastically and gave my all in doing whatever duties the church assigned me, never feeling like I was suffering or tired. Sometimes, I transferred the books of God’s words at great risk, but I was not afraid. Even when I suffered a lacunar infarction in 2018, I did not stop doing my duties. I thought that as long as I did my duties actively in this way, I would be blessed and have a good destination in the future. However, after I turned 70, all my physical functions began to decline and my memory was not as good as before, on top of my lacunar infarction. I was afraid that if I died, I wouldn’t be able to do my duty, and wouldn’t be saved, so I lived in a despondent state. I reluctantly did my duty, but I was not motivated. Especially after I was infected with COVID-19 and saw that my health and memory were even worse than before, I felt that I had no hope of being blessed and could not obtain a good destination, so I lived in negativity and misery, and had no interest in doing anything. I didn’t want to read God’s words or pray to God, and lost all energy in doing my duty; my heart drifted further and further away from God. In the past, when I had hope of receiving blessings, I was able to endure suffering and pay a price in my duty, appearing to be sincere toward God. However, in fact, I regarded doing my duty as capital for gaining blessings, and I had constantly been trying to bargain with God and deceive Him. I was so selfish and despicable, so lacking in humanity! In what way was I a sincere believer in God? God is holy, and His disposition cannot be offended. How can He tolerate people trying to trick Him? Even though I was acting like this, I still asked God for blessings. How utterly shameless I was! I didn’t pay any attention to pursuing the truth over all those years, and my disposition did not change. I believed in God for the sake of receiving blessings. I had been walking on Paul’s path! If God had not revealed me, I would still be pursuing blessings, and in the end I would have been completely eliminated and sent to hell. Today I could understand the wrong path I was on. This was God’s great salvation for me! When I understood this, I really regretted not pursuing the truth all these years. Next, I had to let go of my intention to receive blessings and pursue the truth in earnest. I could not continue to let God down.

I continued to reflect on myself and remembered a passage of God’s words: “I determine the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, or amount of suffering, much less on how pitiable they are, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God has clearly stated the standards for determining a person’s outcome. God determines people’s outcomes based on whether they pursue the truth, practice the truth, and, ultimately, whether they achieve changes in their disposition. This is the righteousness of God. I used to think that God determines people’s outcomes based on their age and how much duty they do. Looking at it from my perspective, all the old people would be eliminated, and all the young ones would be saved. If that were the case, God’s righteous disposition would not be revealed. I thought of the young people who had been cleared out of our church. They were smart and gifted, but they just didn’t pursue the truth, were greedy for worldly pleasures, and didn’t read God’s words or do their duties. In the end, they were characterized as disbelievers and eliminated. I saw that regardless of whether a person is young or old, if they do not pursue the truth and their disposition does not change, they will ultimately be eliminated.

I read some more of God’s words, and my heart became even brighter. Almighty God says: “Some people say, ‘I’m sixty years old. For sixty years, God has been watching over me, protecting me, and guiding me. If, when I’m old, I can’t perform a duty and I can’t do anything—will God still bother with me?’ Is this not a silly thing to say? God doesn’t just watch over and protect a person and have sovereignty over their fate for a single lifespan. If it were just a single lifespan, a single lifetime, that would fail to demonstrate that God is almighty and has sovereignty over everything. In expending effort and paying a price for someone, God is not merely arranging what they’ll do in this life—He’s arranging countless lifetimes for them. God takes full responsibility for every soul that is reincarnated. He works with His heart, paying the price of His life, guiding every person and arranging each of their lives. Considering that God expends such effort and pays such a price for man’s sake, and bestows upon man all of these truths and this life, if in these final days people do not perform the duty of created beings and return before the Creator—if no matter how many lives and generations they have lived through, they ultimately fail to fulfill their duties and meet God’s requirements—would their debt to God not then be too great? Would they not be unworthy of all the prices God has paid? They would be so lacking in conscience, they would not deserve to be called people, as their debt to God would be too great” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Paying the Price to Gain the Truth Is of Great Significance). “What is it you must do now? While God’s heart still toils for mankind, while He’s still making plans for mankind, while He still feels sorrow and concern for every move made by mankind, you must make your choice and determine the goal and direction of your pursuit as soon as possible. Don’t wait until the day of God’s rest has arrived to make your plans, or only truly feel sorry, regretful, and deeply grieved and remorseful at that point—then, it will all be too late, no person will be able to save you, and neither will God” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. Why Man Must Pursue the Truth). After reading God’s words I was very moved. God has always been watching over and protecting people, and has always been leading them. The price God has paid for man’s salvation is too great. Take me for example. I am just an ordinary housewife. I grew up in a poor family and no one looked up to me, so I lived with feelings of inferiority. God has graced me with allowing me to accept His work of the last days and do my duty in the church, gaining a chance to be saved. God has also kept orchestrating environments to reveal my corruption, using His words to enlighten me and help me know myself and understand some truths. When I got old, I believed that because my reactions were too slow and I couldn’t do any duties, I could not be saved, and so I lived in a negative state. But God still enlightened me to understand the truth and helped me walk out of the negative emotions of distress and anxiety, little by little guiding me onto the path of pursuing the truth. God has expended so much of His heart’s blood on me! I cried as I pondered God’s words, feeling like I was absolutely without conscience and reason! I had truly let down God by not earnestly pursuing the truth over all these years, and left too many regrets. Now God’s work has not yet ended, and He is still working to save people. I should spend all my time and energy on pursuing the truth, resolving my corrupt dispositions, and doing my duty. I should fulfill my duty to the extent I am able, and not make God fret and worry over me any longer.

Now I am responsible for the gatherings of two groups. When I see a brother or sister who is in a bad state or has any difficulties, I look for relevant words of God to help them resolve their problems. When I see their problems have been resolved somewhat, I feel really happy. When I have time, I also train myself in writing experiential testimony articles and preaching the gospel, and I do my duty to the best of my ability. Living this way, I feel very fulfilled and at ease every day. Thanks be to Almighty God for His salvation!