By Xin Chun, China

In March 2024, the supervisor came to summarize problems and talk about the work with us. When we discussed a sermon together, I was the first to express my opinion, but the opinion I expressed was wrong, and then I expressed two more opinions in a row that were still wrong. This made me feel very embarrassed. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my first interaction with the supervisor. It’s so shameful! The sister I was working with was able to spot some problems even though she had just started to do this duty, but I had been training for a long time and still saw things incorrectly. Would the supervisor think that I wasn’t as good as the newly-arrived sister? I won’t be so quick to express my opinion next time. I’ll wait until everyone else has spoken and then share, which will be safer.” The next day, when we were reading a sermon together, I pondered it carefully and found some problems. However, I wasn’t sure if I was viewing them accurately or not, and thought to myself, “This time I need to be smart. I’ll listen to how others assess it first. Then, when I share, I will combine everyone’s viewpoints. Doing this is more reliable, and also will make everyone think that I can spot problems and that my caliber isn’t that bad.” But time dragged on, and no one said anything. I saw from the corner of my eye that they were still deep in thought, and I started to ponder, “Although it’s been quite a long time now, I can’t be the first to speak up. It would be so embarrassing if I said something wrong again.” So, I pretended to be thinking about the problem earnestly. Only after a long time did some sisters start to talk. After everyone else finished sharing their opinions, I combined their opinions with my own and discussed them together. I was very nervous when I spoke, afraid that my opinion would be wrong and I would lose face again. Later, the supervisor’s analysis basically aligned with my opinion. I was secretly happy in my heart, and felt that I had managed to salvage some pride. But after two days, the supervisor noticed that we were not active in expressing our opinions when discussing the sermons; we procrastinated and wasted time. She exposed our problems. I thought about how I had been doing this duty for a long time and was the team leader. I should have actively fellowshipped and led everyone in the discussion, but I didn’t fellowship even when I had opinions. Wasn’t I just wasting time? Later, when we discussed sermons again, I took the initiative to express my opinions, discussing all the problems I spotted. However, when I couldn’t penetrate some problems and my comments were one-sided and inaccurate, I felt really embarrassed. After expressing my opinion a few times, I became passive again, always waiting until I was the very last to speak. I also became more and more afraid of discussing sermons, always afraid that my deficiencies would be exposed. Every time I expressed my opinion, I felt under great pressure, and I even had thoughts of not wanting to do this duty.

One day, when we were discussing problems that existed in the sermons, the supervisor called on me by name to speak first. I didn’t say anything. The supervisor said, “You are the team leader. Why do you never take the initiative to fellowship? Don’t you have any opinions or are you being constrained by your corrupt disposition?” Afterward, the supervisor found a passage of God’s words: “Harmonious cooperation is a principle of practice in performing one’s duty. As long as you give it all your heart, all your effort, and your devotion, and offer up everything you can do, you are performing your duty well. If you have a thought or idea, tell it to others; do not hold it back or keep it tucked away. If you have suggestions, offer them; whoever’s idea is in accordance with the truth is to be accepted and obeyed. Do this, and you will have achieved cooperation in harmony. This is what it means to perform one’s duty with devotion. In performing your duty, you are not required to take on everything yourself, nor are you required to work yourself to death, or to be ‘the only flower in blossom’ or maverick; rather, you are required to learn how to cooperate with others in harmony, and to do all you can, to fulfill your responsibilities, to give it all your effort. That is what it means to perform your duty. … You may be of little strength, but if you are capable of cooperating with others, and are able to accept suitable suggestions, and if you have the right motivations, and can protect the work of God’s house, then you are a right person. Sometimes, with a single sentence, you can solve a problem and benefit everyone; sometimes, after you fellowship on a single statement of the truth, everyone has a path forward, and is able to cooperate in harmony, and all strive together, united in heart, and share the same views and opinions, and so work is particularly effective. Although no one might remember that you played this role, and you might not feel as if you made much effort, in God’s eyes, you will be a person who practices the truth, a person who acts according to the principles. God will remember what you did. This is called performing your duty with devotion” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). The supervisor fellowshipped, saying, “God requires us to cooperate harmoniously, have the right intentions, and safeguard the church’s work when we do our duties. For example, when we discuss sermons together, we should take the initiative to speak up about as many problems as we spot, open up simple-heartedly, and learn from each other’s strengths to make up for our weaknesses. Even if we don’t fellowship them as comprehensively as others, at least our intentions are right, and we are practicing the truth in this process. If we constantly cover up and disguise ourselves, protecting our personal interests, God doesn’t like people who do this. Besides, everyone has been working together for a while now, and we all understand each other. If we just keep on covering up and disguising ourselves, thinking that if we stay silent others won’t spot our deficiencies, that is very foolish. Not only will we fail to make any progress on the truth principles, we will also hinder the performance of our duty. If this continues for a long time, we will lose the work of the Holy Spirit.” When I heard the supervisor’s fellowship, my face burned with embarrassment, and I felt pierced to the heart. I had been doing my duty in this team for a long time, and no matter how many problems I could spot, I should simple-heartedly open up and talk about them, leading everyone in an active discussion. This is being considerate of the work and a manifestation of practicing the truth. However, I only considered my own pride, and couldn’t treat my own shortcomings correctly. I thought that expressing my own opinions and ideas first would expose my deficiencies, which would make it look like I had poor caliber. Therefore, I waited until everyone else had finished expressing their opinions before combining them with my own understanding. This way, I could be more comprehensive and specific, so that people would admire me and I would look good. As a team leader, I didn’t consider the work, and felt ashamed when I made mistakes, so I tried every possible way to cover them up and disguise myself so that no one would see through me. As a result, I just waited there passively while the problems were discussed, slowing down the work’s progress. I wasn’t doing my duty at all. Instead, I was using the opportunity of discussing sermons to show myself off and make others admire me. I was always the last one to express my opinion. Although the opinions I expressed were more comprehensive and I saved face, I couldn’t discover my own shortcomings, and even thought I was good at assessing problems. Actually, everyone knew what my caliber is like, but I was still putting on a show and admiring my own performance like a clown. I really was too foolish!

At night, I prayed to God, “Dear God, during this period I have constantly been living for pride and status, and have always been afraid to express my opinions. However, I still have no understanding of my corruption. I beg You to lead me to know my problems.” After praying, I remembered a passage of God’s words that I had read before, and looked it up to ponder. God says: “Some people speak infrequently because of poor caliber or simple-mindedness, a lack of complex thoughts, but when antichrists speak infrequently, it’s not for the same reason; it’s a problem of disposition. They rarely speak when meeting others and don’t readily express their views about what others are talking about. Why don’t they express their views? Firstly, they certainly lack the truth and can’t see through things. If they speak, they might make mistakes and be seen through; they fear being looked down upon, so they pretend to be silent and feign profundity, making it hard for others to gauge them, and even making it so others think they’re wise and distinguished. In this way, people dare not underestimate antichrists, and seeing their seemingly calm and composed exterior, they even hold them in high regard, absolutely not daring to slight them. This is the devious and wicked aspect of antichrists. They don’t readily express their views because most of their views are not in line with the truth, but are human notions and imaginings, wholly unsuited to being brought out into the open. So, they remain silent. Inside they also hope to obtain some light which they can release to make others hold them in high regard, but since they lack this, they stay quiet and hidden during fellowship of the truth, lurking in the shadows like ghosts waiting for an opportunity. When they find others speaking forth the light, they figure out ways to make it their own, expressing it in another manner to show off. This is how cunning antichrists are. No matter what they do, they strive to stand out and be superior, as only then do they feel pleased. If they don’t have the opportunity, they first lie low, and keep their views to themselves. This is the cunningness of antichrists. For example, when a sermon is issued by God’s house, some people say it seems like God’s words, and others think it seems more like a fellowship from the Above. Relatively simple-hearted people speak what’s on their mind, but antichrists, even if they have an opinion about this, keep it hidden. They observe and are prepared to follow the majority view, but in actuality they can’t thoroughly grasp it themselves. Can such slick and crafty people understand the truth or have real discernment? What can someone who doesn’t understand the truth see through? They can’t see through anything. Some people can’t see through things yet pretend to be profound; actually, they lack discernment and fear others will see through them. The correct attitude in such situations is: ‘We can’t see through this matter. Since we don’t know, we shouldn’t speak carelessly. Speaking incorrectly can have a negative impact. I will wait and see what the Above says.’ Isn’t that speaking honestly? It’s such simple language, and yet why don’t antichrists say it? They don’t want to be seen through; they know their own measure, but secretly they still have a despicable intention—to make it so others regard them highly. Isn’t this what’s most disgusting?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Six). God has exposed that antichrists are cunning and devious. When they habitually don’t speak much, it is not because they are simple-minded and don’t have ideas. Instead, it is because they simply don’t have the truth and cannot see through things. However, they pretend to be profound so they don’t reveal their own deficiencies. They wait for an opportunity to steal other people’s ideas and insights to put themselves on display and show off. Their nature is too wicked! My state was exactly what God exposed. When I saw that I was revealing so many deficiencies despite doing text-based duties for a long time, I worried that my brothers and sisters would look down on me and was afraid of making more mistakes and embarrassing myself again. Therefore, when discussing problems, I didn’t fellowship about my own opinions even when I clearly had some, and even pretended to be pondering earnestly, deliberately delaying until I was last and could combine everyone’s opinions. That way, even if the opinion I expressed was wrong, then everyone else would be wrong too and I wouldn’t lose face. If I was correct, then what I said would be better and more complete than what my sisters said. This would show everyone that even though I am young, I have good caliber and can assess problems, which would make myself look good. In fact, I don’t view problems comprehensively, and my caliber is poor, but I couldn’t face this correctly. I constantly wanted to disguise myself as someone with good caliber to trick and mislead people. I truly was so wicked and deceitful. What I had revealed was the disposition of an antichrist, which incurs God’s loathing and revulsion!

During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of the root cause behind my state. Almighty God says: “When family elders often tell you that ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,’ it’s so that you attach importance to making yourself look good, live respectably, and avoid doing things that bring disgrace. So does this saying guide people in a positive or negative way? Can it lead you to the truth? Can it lead you to understand the truth? (No, it cannot.) Most certainly, it cannot! What God requires of people is that they be honest. When you have transgressed, or done something wrong, or done something that rebels against God and goes against the truth, you need to reflect on yourself, know your mistake, and dissect your corrupt dispositions; only in this way can you achieve true repentance, and thereafter act in accordance with God’s words. What kind of mindset do people need to possess to practice being honest? Is there any conflict between the required mindset and the viewpoint exemplified by the saying, ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’? (Yes.) What is the conflict? The saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ tells people to attach importance to putting their best foot forward and to do more things that make them look good—rather than doing things that are bad or dishonorable, exposing their ugly side—and to avoid living a life that is not respectable or dignified. For the sake of one’s pride, for the sake of making oneself look good, one cannot speak of oneself as being utterly worthless, let alone tell others about one’s dark side and shameful aspects, because one must live a respectable and dignified life, and in order to have dignity one needs pride, and to have pride one needs to put up a pretense and dress oneself up. Doesn’t this conflict with being an honest person? (Yes.) When you are being an honest person, you’ve already relinquished the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ If you want to be an honest person, don’t attach importance to your image; a person’s image isn’t worth a cent. In the presence of the truth, one should expose oneself, not put up a pretense or create a facade. One must reveal to God one’s true thoughts, the mistakes they’ve made, the aspects that violate the truth principles, and so on, and also lay these things bare to their brothers and sisters. It’s not living for the sake of one’s pride, but rather, living for the sake of being an honest person, living for the sake of pursuing the truth, living for the sake of being a true created being, and living for the sake of satisfying God and being saved. But when you don’t understand this truth, and don’t understand God’s intentions, the things that are conditioned into you by your family tend to be predominant in your heart. So when you do something wrong, you cover it up and put up a pretense, thinking, ‘I can’t tell anyone about this, and I won’t allow anyone else who knows about it to tell people about it either. If any of you tell someone, I won’t let you off lightly. My pride comes first. Living is for nothing other than one’s pride, which is more important than anything else. If a person has no pride, they lose all their dignity. So you can’t speak truthfully, you have to pretend, you have to cover things up, otherwise you will no longer have pride or dignity, and your life will be worthless. If no one respects you, then you’re just worthless, you’re just cheap trash.’ Is it possible to achieve being an honest person by practicing this way? Is it possible to lay yourself bare and dissect yourself? (No, it isn’t.) Obviously, by doing this you are adhering to the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ that your family has conditioned into you. However, if you let go of this saying in order to pursue the truth and practice the truth, it will cease to affect you, and it will cease to be your motto or your principle for your actions, and instead what you do will be precisely the opposite of this saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ You won’t be living for the sake of your pride, nor for the sake of your dignity, but rather, you will be living for the sake of pursuing the truth and being an honest person, and seeking to satisfy God and live as a true created being. If you adhere to this principle, you will have let go of the things your family conditions into you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). After reading the words of God, I remembered that my mother taught me since I was a child that you have to save face in life, and that you mustn’t show your bad side to any outsiders, or they will look down on you. From that time on, the satanic poison of “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” was deeply rooted in my heart. I believed that people had to save face in life, and absolutely must not expose their own deficiencies and shortcomings casually; if they did, they would degrade themselves and lose integrity or dignity. Controlled by these thoughts and opinions, I paid particular attention to saving face, and would never casually expose my own shortcomings and deficiencies, and would even try to find ways to cover up and conceal them. For example, when I was in school, even though I clearly didn’t understand some questions very well, I was afraid that I would lose face and be degraded if I asked others, so I didn’t ask. Now, it was the same when I was doing my duty. When everyone discusses problems together, it’s to exchange our own comprehension and views. We should talk as much as we understand. The more we fellowship, the clearer we become, and we see problems more comprehensively. This is beneficial to the work and can also make up for each other’s deficiencies. However, I was afraid that if I made too many mistakes, it would make me look like I had poor caliber. So when expressing my opinions, I was very cautious. I had to think a sentence over in my mind several times before saying it, afraid that I would embarrass myself if I was not careful. I clearly couldn’t view problems comprehensively, yet I didn’t dare to speak my opinions truthfully. I even wanted to steal other people’s understanding and opinions for myself to achieve my aim of being admired. When the supervisor asked me to take the lead in fellowshipping, I preferred to waste time and delay the progress rather than fellowship proactively. Expressing my opinion felt very painful, and I even thought about abandoning my duty. I valued saving face more than doing my duty and practicing the truth. I saw that living by these satanic poisons had made me particularly selfish and deceitful, always feeling like opening up simple-heartedly would put me at risk of embarrassing myself, and that if I expressed a wrong opinion, it would be very embarrassing. However, God doesn’t see it that way. God wants us to be honest people, lay our true thoughts bare, and fellowship about as much as we understand, to conduct ourselves with frankness, and only then can we live with dignity and integrity. I have many deficiencies and shortcomings, and through everyone’s fellowship, my deficiencies can be made up for. This is actually a good opportunity for me to understand the truth. However, I always tried to save face and was negative and passive, losing many opportunities to gain the truth. I was harming myself!

Later, I continued to seek regarding my own problems, and a path of practice became clearer. I read the words of God: “To be an honest person, you must first lay your heart bare so that everyone can look into it, see all that you are thinking, and look upon your true face. You must not try to disguise yourself, or cover yourself up. Only then will others trust you and consider you to be an honest person. This is the most fundamental practice, and a prerequisite to being an honest person. If you are always pretending, always feigning holiness, nobility, greatness, and high character, hiding your corruption and flaws from others, presenting a false image to them, and making them believe that you are upstanding, great, self-sacrificing, just, and selfless—is there not deceitfulness and deception in this? Will people not be able to see through you, given time? So, do not be a hypocrite or put up a facade. Instead, be simple and open, and learn to lay yourself bare—lay your heart bare for others to see. If you can lay bare all your thoughts and all the things you want to do—whether they be positive or negative—for others to see, aren’t you then being honest? … Is this easy to do? It requires a period of training, as well as frequent prayer and reliance on God. You must train yourself to speak the words in your heart simply and openly in all matters. With this kind of training, you can make progress. If you encounter a major difficulty, you must pray to God and seek the truth; you need to do battle in your heart and triumph over the flesh, until you can put the truth into practice. By training yourself little by little in this way, your heart will gradually open up. You will become increasingly pure and simple, and your words and actions will have a different effect than before. You will lie and deceive less and less, and you will be able to live before God. You will then, essentially, have become an honest person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Honest people can take responsibility. They do not consider their own gains and losses; they just safeguard the work and interests of God’s house. They have kind and honest hearts that are like bowls of clear water which one can see the bottom of at a glance. There’s also transparency to their actions” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). From God’s words I understood that when you fellowship in gatherings or discuss work in the church, you must be simple-hearted and open, and be an honest person, not considering your own pride or interests, or covering up and disguising yourself. When you spot any problems in your duty, you should open up and speak about them, and not be afraid to express your opinions. This is beneficial to the work of the church, and brothers and sisters can complement each other. Before, I was always constrained by my pride and didn’t dare to express my opinions. Every time we discussed sermons, I felt under great pressure. I was afraid of exposing my deficiencies, so I would delay expressing my opinion, holding up the progress time and time again. Not only did I fail to make any progress, but God also loathed me. This was the bitter fruit of not practicing the truth! I thought of what the Lord Jesus had said: “Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). God loves honest people. If I cannot be as simple-hearted and honest as a little child, I will not be saved. During that time, I often prayed to God, begging Him to scrutinize my heart and give me faith and strength. I was willing to let go of my pride and interests, practice the truth, and be an honest person, saying as much as I understood, simple-heartedly opening up, and no longer protecting my own pride and status.

Soon, I went to another place to do text-based duties. One time, when discussing a sermon, I couldn’t clearly see through a problem in it. After reading it several times, I was still a little confused, so I hesitated to express my opinion. As time ticked by, I became more and more anxious. I thought to myself, “I’m still not very clear about this question. Should I say something about it? There have often been some deviations in the opinions I’ve expressed when discussing sermons recently. What will I do if I say something wrong again? What will the supervisor and the sister I’m working with think of me? Will they think that my caliber is quite poor and I am not up to this duty? Maybe I should wait for the sister I’m working with to speak first. I’ll listen to her opinion and then decide whether I should speak up.” However, I then thought that if I delayed any further, it would waste time. I prayed silently in my heart, begging God to calm my heart so that I could stop being bound by pride and fellowship as much as I understood. I remembered the words of God: “Do not be a hypocrite or put up a facade. Instead, be simple and open, and learn to lay yourself bare—lay your heart bare for others to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Honest people can take responsibility. They do not consider their own gains and losses; they just safeguard the work and interests of God’s house. They have kind and honest hearts that are like bowls of clear water which one can see the bottom of at a glance. There’s also transparency to their actions” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). God’s words gave me strength in my heart. Although I couldn’t penetrate this problem, I did have my own opinion. I had to be brave and speak my mind, and stop covering up and disguising myself. So, I shared my opinions and talked about my confusion. The supervisor discussed some details of my opinions and through this, the issue that was confusing me was resolved, and I also saw my own deficiencies and shortcomings. I was very glad that I had voiced my opinions and thoughts, otherwise I would still be confused about this problem. Although taking this step revealed my deficiencies, it also helped make up for them. Afterward, when communicating about the work or discussing sermons, I consciously let go of my pride and spoke as much as I understood. Although this revealed many of my deficiencies and shortcomings, and I lost some face, I became much clearer about the relevant truth principles, and my efficiency in doing my duty has improved a lot. I have now experienced that practicing the truth and being an honest person has brought me a lot of benefits. I am not tangled up in so many burdens when doing my duty anymore, and my mind has become much simpler. The little practice and entry I have gained is the result of the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words. Thank God!